Sucky sales staff, sucky customers, and no less than three different penises

[thatcrazyredhead]

It's got to the point where I have to explain to strangers that I've gone almost completely deaf in my right ear (thanks to a well-spent youth of rock shows and festivals and giant speakers within a foot of said ear) because no one seems to be willing to give anyone else the benefit of the doubt.

Fixed that for ya.

[Marlowe]

Really makes me wonder about so many things.

Unbelievably serendipitous for the child that you were there when you were.

I'm not sure I care for what you seem to be implying.

I dunno I'm not good with kid ages. He could have been a little older, or younger, depending on how large he was for his age/how fast he was growing. Alternatively, he could be one of those kids who came up with his own imaginary language, which I did when I was tiny and spoke exclusively for a worrying amount of time. If that was the case, maybe he had some kind of developmental thing which made him not care so much where Mum or Dad were, or very very trusting of strangers? I also have a reputation as The Baby Whisperer - I can make any baby love me in seconds. I don't know though, I'm not an occupational therapist, I just tell it as I see it. I also had a friend at Oxford who was from a bilingual family and she could apparently speak a mix of both languages at a young age - although sometimes she mixed her colloquialisms and would come out with something in Hindi in the middle of an English sentence )

Next time, I'll be sure to get a photo of myself with the child, the security guards, and the cops. And ask the kid for ID so I know exactly how old he is.

(One more thing - I don't lie. Ever. Not even about small things. I know that seems unnatural and weird, but I just don't. I'm a devout Catholic. Lying is wrong. If one person lies, we all lie, and if we all lie, society is built on nothing.)

And now, back to interviewing refugees in the West Bank... what japes! Sorry if I seem a little snappy, I'm hot and sunburnt and homesick and depressed from talking to a hundred and one displaced Palestinians about their lives, doubting if what I do is even worth anything at all, and for the first time in a week, I get internet access, and find a reply like this. You can understand my reaction, I'm sure - everyone has bad days.

[Marlowe]

Perhaps they originated from Bulgaria, AFAIK they also have a Romany/gypsy minority.

My knowledge of Eastern Europe is sadly lacking... But yeah, maybe. I think a lot of Romany families have their own kind of language too, so maybe that's what it was? A friend of mine at college did an anthropological study of one and she said it was amazing, like a self-contained mobile country with all its own customs and language.

[Rapscallion]

I'm not sure I care for what you seem to be implying.

I think what Ree was saying was that luck seems to follow you around.

After all, when your cats were catnapped, you pointed out that you have a cluster of high end legal experts willing to work for you pro bono. Also, you know paramilitaries in case things get violent and revealed that you're a computer hacker as well.

Yes, fortune does follow you around. You end up wounded in one arm, yet you are lucky enough to be in the 1% of people who are ambidextrous.

The Fates seem to have provided you with a spirit guardian and you had some sort of major psychic time when younger that affected electronics and had someone claiming you were some sort of shaman. Even a psychiatrist said you were gifted.

You've got a super-high IQ, which is great and nifty! I'm impressed - 170 is above the level that Einstein was reckoned (160+ is what a quick Google said he had, though I'm not spending ages on this). Not that this is an isolated event, apparently.

Apparently you're twenty-seven-years-old, but in the interview on your personal webpage you've apparently been writing novels over the last (almost 20) years. Cool feat!

You're also gifted for languages. I'm impressed. Seriously. Arabic and a little Hebrew. Serbian (reasonable) and reading Cyrillic. Russian is useful in the post-communist world.

In view of the above and more, I think Ree is rather justified in noting that you are fortuitously inclined

(One more thing - I don't lie. Ever. Not even about small things. I know that seems unnatural and weird, but I just don't. I'm a devout Catholic. Lying is wrong. If one person lies, we all lie, and if we all lie, society is built on nothing.)

Could you then remind us what you told the nice Mr Policeman to get rid of the creep in this particular instance? Was it what the creep said, or something else?

It's got me confused.

Rapscallion

[Marlowe]

I think what Ree was saying was that luck seems to follow you around. After all, when your cats were catnapped, you pointed out that you have a cluster of high end legal experts willing to work for you pro bono. Also, you know paramilitaries in case things get violent and revealed that you're a computer hacker as well.

Oxford grad, from an area where paramilitaries rule all, and former member of Republican political group. Plus, hacking's not that hard. It's like electronics, computers just intuitively make sense to me.

You end up wounded in one arm, yet you are lucky enough to be in the 1% of people who are ambidextrous.

I was a lefty when I was a little kid, but my schoolteacher tied my left hand behind my back to force me to use my right. It's not so much luck as a product of teaching practices in a less enlightened time.

The Fates seem to have provided you with a spirit guardian and you had some sort of major psychic time when younger that affected electronics and had someone claiming you were some sort of shaman. Even a psychiatrist said you were gifted.

I think it's genetic. It runs down the family on my mother's side.

You've got a super-high IQ, which is great and nifty! I'm impressed - 170 is above the level that Einstein was reckoned (160+ is what a quick Google said he had, though I'm not spending ages on this). Not that this is an isolated event, apparently.

You're kidding me, right? It's MISERABLE. My childhood was spent with chess camps and endless trips to Oxford/Cambridge to "inspire" me while my sister got to stay home and play. Other kids hated me because they could tell I was a freak. It SUCKED. Also most of the stuff that seems to be the "Fates" ties back to this.

Apparently you're twenty-seven-years-old, but in the interview on your personal webpage you've apparently been writing novels over the last (almost 20) years. Cool feat!

Thanks! It helps that I was reading Austen etc by the time I was seven, gave me some decent inspiration. Plus, I had to find something to do when my mum found and took away the Stephen King books I found "unsuitable for a child", pfffft, there was only a little gore

You're also gifted for languages. I'm impressed. Seriously. Arabic and a little Hebrew. Serbian (reasonable) and reading Cyrillic. Russian is useful in the post-communist world.

It's genetic I think. My mum speaks seven languages. My grandmother, who lived all over the world, spoke five. Plus, I think having to study Latin at school helps. And I've travelled a lot... often to areas where English isn't widely spoken. So... self preservation. If you're lost in northern Serbia, gesticulating with your hands and going "BEL-GRADE! WHERE?" won't help much.

Could you then remind us what you told the nice Mr Policeman to get rid of the creep in this particular instance?

Self preservation. Fratching aside, I also think killing is justified if my life is threatened, and given what's happened to me before, I consider any kind of sexual threat just as bad. So, if I can justify murder in self defense, which is a mortal sin, then I should be able to justify lying too, which is only a venial sin (unless it is done with true evil intent.)


If it helps, I can get my mum to try and dig out my Mensa paperwork, or my degree cetificate from Oxford, or one of my first novels, etc etc. I'm a freak, I know I'm a freak, I hate being a freak, but that doesn't make me a liar.

[Marlowe]

OK, I'm going to put this one to bed once and for all. I don't have any IQ certificates or anything, but I do have references and so on, and let's be honest if anyone doesn't want to believe me, my dancing naked in front of them with all the proof in the world stapled to me will not get their attention.


Firstly, yes, I am 27 years old. Behold my driving licence which, while under my old name, is clearly still mine from the photo on it.

[MOD EDIT] Photo of DL removed, however the data does show what the OP stated. [/MOD EDIT]


I am ambidextrous, as evidenced by my best friend Lissa, who is incidentally contactable via Facebook if anyone wants to look her up. Her full name is Lissa McArthur and her profile photo is of a black cat with a drawing.

I, Lissa G. G. McArthur, Queen of Noordhoek and Duchess of All Sexual Perversion, do solemnly swear that I have seen my best friend Miss Rebecca Logan/Miss Olivia Devlin writing with both hands in order to win bar bets.

Here is a photo of me at the age where I wrote my first novel. I don't know if any copies of it exist, but it was about fairies that could take you away if you wished hard enough, it was handwritten on plain white paper, I illustrated it myself, and it had a blue card cover that I sewed on to bind the whole thing together before I gave it to my friend for her birthday.



(Yes, this picture proves nothing, but I couldn't in good conscience deny the world the sight of these awful glasses.)


IQ-wise, I think I'm something like 1 of 11,000 in the world who are as smart or smarter than me. Assuming a world population of 7 billion, that's 1 person in roughly every 636,364 people (forgive me if my math is wrong, I am very tired.) Ireland has a population of around 4.5 million. Therefore, I am one of roughly 7 people in Ireland. I'm not the only one there, guys, nor is it anywhere near impossible that I could exist in Ireland. Yes, I'm a freak, but we already knew that.

Anyway, moving on.


This is a photo of me the day I graduated valedictorian. Note the white rose on my lapel. (And also the sheer ridiculousness of that suit.)




This is a photo of me the day I matriculated at Magdalen College, Oxford, for my science degree. Yes, we had to wear those awful outfits.




This is a photo of me the day I graduated from Magdalen College, Oxford, with my Fine Art degree (yes, my second degree, as I've previously stated. If you look up the hood colours somewhere, you'll see that gold does stand for BFA.)




This is a photo of me in Serbia, the trip for which I learned Serbian (I hunted around for a photo of me with some Cyrillic in the background but couldn't find one. I'll look on my external hard drive when I get home. In the meantime, I'm sure if you check you'll find that train is the colour of Serbian Railways, or maybe was.) I travel a lot, which is why I like to learn languages. Lots of languages.




And finally, here is a photo of me with my Dad, who was the one who taught me that lying is wrong, and is the reason why I wouldn't lie about something as stupid as this for a reason as stupid as this.




I understand you guys have had some problems with Walter Mittys before, but please, just because a few people have been dicks, don't pick on those that aren't and who just wanted somewhere to be themselves and not get judged.

I don't regret helping this kid, but I do regret coming back to post an update. Next time, I'll keep it to myself.

I'm probably going to take a break from posting for a while.

In the meantime, you can probably get a reference from Lissa, or if you'd rather talk to "one of your own", my personal favourite Jester could probably vouch for my integrity.

(Jester, you really need to come to Newfoundland. And leave the onions in Key West, 'k?)

[Cia]

Marlowe I don't read Ree's post as saying that you're a liar. I read it as she thinks there's more going on in that poor kid's life than meets the eye and he's lucky to have found you.

[Ree]

Marlowe I don't read Ree's post as saying that you're a liar. I read it as she thinks there's more going on in that poor kid's life than meets the eye and he's lucky to have found you.

Thank you!!!!!

I'm glad someone caught my intent.

WOW...such drama over a misunderstanding because written word doesn't show voice inflection.

I'm not sure I care for what you seem to be implying.

And I really do not care for what you have implied about me with this statement.

*Mod hat off - I am taking heat for commenting, and claims are being made that a regular member wouldn't be allowed to make that type of comment and get away with it.
Well, guess what? She did.
In any other case, a member would have received an infraction for calling someone out and not using the report button.
Did that happen? NO.
So maybe all these people who feel I have overstepped and attacked another member should stop trying to find fault with what the mods have done and look at what we didn't do.
All those people claiming exceptions were made to single out a member for attack should also realize that exceptions were made to allow another member to attack in the first place.
Cia was able to read my comments and get my meaning.

The OP, herself, was the one who jumped to the conclusion that I was implying she was lying when I never said anything of the sort.
"Unbelievably surrendipitous" - Look the terms up in a dictionary. I believe I used them correctly.

[Ellf]

We really need some way of posting mood text. Marlowe, your stories have always been interesting, and you might have some of the wee folk on your side.

I must admit, I love meeting people smarter than me, and you're easily 30-ish above me in the IQ scale.

... Lost my train of thought. Anyway, would love to read more stories from you.

[Marlowe]

One-off update o' clock:

Constable D dropped round last night (incidentally he was hot as HELL, dayumn... I do like Constable D, I've met him before and, as well as being absolutely SMOKIN' the guy's an utter peach ) with the following info:

- the kid came from the Romany community, not from the camp itself as I thought but from a group that has established itself in one of the estates (housing projects for you Yanks)
- the guy with the kid was vaguely known to his parents, as in they lived in the same general area but didn't know each other's names.... just who I'd want to look after my child, a random stranger from down the road in the shittiest estate in Belfast
- the parents had no idea he had the kid and in fact had not noticed the kid was gone, maybe because they were higher than the outer atmosphere on God knows what and, of course, lager
- it's possible they traded the kid for drugs, because the guy's a known dealer, or else asked him to look after the kid while they got wasted - we may never know which because the parents were way too out of it to remember
- the kid is now in foster care which the parents are fighting tooth and nail over, and may win because, as Constable D says "anyone who screams discrimination loud enough gets whatever they want and these bastards are pros"
- but don't think that it's because they actually like the kid, it's because he's the only bona fide Irish citizen (born here) and they're all from the former Yugoslavia and only have temporary status while their endless asylum claims and appeals go though, and having a child who is a citizen can be enough to make you be able to stay indefinitely even if your asylum is denied, which it probably will be because they're all no-good drunken junkies from a now-perfectly-safe area
- they also have numerous older kids who all threw rocks, junk, and DOG SHIT at the police when they got there

(And I was going to take a pic of Constable D's business card to post but my cat Bundy peed all over it - and the coat pocket it was in - and now it's... uh... unsanitary. I can still take a picture if you like, but... ew.)

(Girls of CS and Sheldon, I'm sorry, but... it seemed inappropriate for me to ask if I could take a photo of Constable D's fine, FINE butt in those badly-cut-but-somehow-just-right PSNI uniform trousers. I know. I share your pain.)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

We really need some way of posting mood text.

I will use this oportunity to re-submit my idea of different colors of text. Like, for example, blue for sarcasm.

[SongsOfDragons]

I will use this oportunity to re-submit my idea of different colors of text. Like, for example, blue for sarcasm.

When I studied English at uni we briefly touched on Hervé Bazin's invented punctuation... I don't know why but I love the concepts, and always wonder if it would make things easier if they were actually introduced probably not.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Maybe we should get "Sartalics" on this forum. Left-leaning italics, specifically meant to denote sarcasm.