Possible self sighting

[Ophbalance]

I was watching a comedian do a bit and this little gem came back to me.

I have five kids. And much like Cosby, I have five children because I did not want six. At the time of this story, however, I had only three. Two out of the three are diagnosed on the spectrum. Two more are currently slated to be tested. It's hard enough taking a neurologically normal child out of the house... but my children are just hell on wheels at times. My wife, who firmly believes that we will "make them just behave", loves to be out and about. And thus one day we were to be found at the local mall to do... I really no longer remember what.

Most often (always?) trips to the mall with my spouse are not highly optimized activity. We do not go to get what we need (from my male point of view). Instead, we go to find what me may need. And I didn't mind this when we were dating. Or even once married without children. However, I'm a guy. I don't browse. I don't window gaze. I don't "shop". I buy my shit and get the hell out. Now that we have children "shopping" is something that no one but my wife really wants to do.

So, we're at the mall. We have completed our day there and have finally "Had enough". And much like the Cosby skit, our children cannot seem to get anywhere without a good beating .

I must take a small break to explain one of the booths/kiosks that existed at this mall. It was a cellular company that was EXTREMELY pushy. If you so much as dared to make eye contact they would be up your ass about changing to their plans, which could poop out butterflies and make rainbows! Without fail I would have someone at this booth try and sell me a plan and occasionally I'd tease them with "you cannot beat my rate". I have a Sprint SERO plan, and beyond coverage being a bit shit at times, it's a deal that you'll pry from my cold dead hands. Not once have they been able to beat the price.

Alright, back on point. We have had enough. We are treking back out of the mall. At least one child is crying. All are being obnoxious. We're all of us tired and cranky. I decided that I have had enough of the tantrum from my youngest and throw her over my shoulder and walk (storm, perhaps) along with her. We're almost out of the mall and I can finally get home.

Now, I would think that most sane folks would see me with a child over my shoulder who is still actively putting up a fuss, along with my spouse and other children also kicking off, and probably look on and think "you poor bastard. I think I don't want kids anymore". Or even "better you than me". I DON'T think the thought running through your mind would be "Let me sell this fine fellow a phone!".

Well... it would appear the cellular man is just plain insane. For as I made eye contact for the briefest moment, he calls out to me across the sea of shoppers "Sir! Can I interest you in a new phone!".

And then I just lost my shit. I didn't really intend to that day, but that just pushed me over the edge of "I can deal with this" to "oh, fuck you dude". I screamed back "Are you fucking kidding me??!! Go to Hell!".

So I leave it to you folks. I might have been an SC, and given my years working double arches and reading this site I try my best not to be, but who in the hell would do that?

[Ophbalance]

Sprint Employee Referral <dunno>. Back in the day Sprint used to offer plans to their employees. The only real qualification you needed to pass the website test was to use a special sprint only URL and have any valid employee email address. There were only two plans available at the time. The $30/mo plan that had unlimited data, unlimited text, free nights and 500 minutes (which I have). There was also the $50/mo unlimited text/date and 1500 minutes plan. I very rarely use my phone so I went with the cheaper option. The HUGE downside to these plans is you cannot make them family plans. You cannot get it back when it's gone. You CANNOT get a new plan of the same type, but you can transfer the plan.

At the time of the story, I had a Windows mobile phone. In the present, in order to force folks into better plans, if you get anything but a feature phone (flip phone, basically no android/iOS), you have to upgrade to SERO-P. Which I did so as to get an android device. It pushed my bill to $41/mo with taxes and such. But I don't know of any other plans that have unlimited data/text for that rate at this point, so I'm not going anywhere. If I want to get anything that can connect to LTE/4G then I'll have to pay yet another $10/mo. I'm still considering that option as I now have an upgrade credit.

[AnaKhouri]

That's the most useful thing about having kids: when the kiosk people approach, you can say, "Sorry, we're running to the potty!" as you swoop past them at a dead run.

[mathnerd]

I've gotten a bit shirty with salespeople in the mall. My father is retired from one of the major carriers, and with his length of service to the company, gets an extraordinary discount. Because I am broke, my phone is simply a line on his account. Nobody on earth can beat my smart phone with unlimited minutes and texts, and not unlimited data, but more than I can ever use even if I'm websurfing 24/7 for $14/mo.

[Ophbalance]

What's sad is most of my text come from server alerts and weather alerts. I very rarely get a text from an actual human . I've had a look at T-mo and Straight Talk (at&t), but neither can really come close to what I have now in terms of price. The office where I work also seems to get signal for the two CDMA carriers, but not the GSMs. The data on the phone is handy for being able to do remote work and audio streaming. I don't think there's a month where I dip under 300 megs.

The only real problem I forsee for the future is that a Japanese company recently bought out Sprint. And there's been rumblings of forcing users off plans when you attempt to use upgrade credits. So if I want to move to anything newer I need to do so before the years end. And incur that stupid $10/mo "fee" for having a 4G phone but not really in a 4G market.

[georgie]

reading your op Ophbalance made me laugh and remember a time a few years back when i was shopping with my daughter. small but having a tantrum and scream in her wheelchair. we walk past a stand in the middle of the shopping centre selling raffle tickets

I get called at by a man saying i should buy a raffle ticket to win a car. i kept walking past and said "do i look like a lucky person?"

seriously? a woman who looks totally exhausted with a screaming child and they think its ok to try and get me to stop. aint gonna happen

[Ophbalance]

I'm sure there's more tales stored up in the old brain folds, waiting for the right trigger . Most of my stories are too harsh for FB but just right for CS.

[raudf]

Uuuggghh, nothing like having a screaming child and a hawker trying to get your attention. Usually it's a satellite company, which I'm already with, so I just say a simple, "Already with ya'll," and shove on. I tend to avoid malls because of have all the patience of a two year old at nap time when dealing with giggly, gaggly, any agers.

Since the hubs works for a major cell carrier and loves tweaking noses, he'd probably drag one aside and ask thousands of questions, just to see how knowledgeable the person is. If I wasn't likely to beat him about the head and shoulders with the diaper bag, that is.

So be grateful to the redhead, with family in tow, who just shakes her head and keeps trucking, cell carrier hawkers. I could turn my hubby loose on you.

[dalesys]

... If I wasn't likely to beat him about the head and shoulders with the diaper bag, that is.

Ah, yes... the significant question is which diaper bag would be used for the beating? The Fresh or the Not?

[Peppergirl]

The visual this little scene conjured up.

I was particularly fond of: "At least one child was crying." That made me laugh. A lot. Thanks - it's been a rough week.

And no, you weren't sucky IMO.

[Sunshine]

Not sucky imo. I have one kiddo...and sometimes even she is too much!

[Skarredmind]

As a occasionally beleaguered dad myself I wouldn't say you were sucky. Part of being a good salesman is being able to size up your customer. Harassing every poor schlub who makes eye contact isn't being a good sales person.

When I did sales (thankfully not at a mall kiosk) I wouldn't bother parents with clearly upset children, people who were clearly in a hurry, or other employees of the shopping center.

When I worked another job, wearing a clear uniform, with an easily identifiable company in the mall, there was a kiosk that sold handcream of all things. Now, I understand that hand cream isn't a male or female thing inherently, but let's be honest, more women use the stuff than men. So there I am, a single guy, walking through the mall, obviously in a rush (lunch break!), obviously wearing a uniform for a store in the mall... when mr. handcream calls out to me... the first few times, no biggie, he's doing his job, I say, I work in the mall and only have a short lunch break, I am really not interested. Finally one day he decided this is HIS day, he calls out, then stands in front of me, trying to get me to try a free sample of handcream.

Well... I took the lowroad, and yelled, "Holy shit, I do NOT want a handjob! Get away creeper!"

On the plus side though the guy never pestered me again

[Ahbugger]

Well you don't sound like a morbidly unbalanced asshat. It's always better not to shout at people but (a) you were clearly not in your happy place and (b) it's not like you walked into his store and shouted at him - although it's private property you were basically flagged down in a thoroughfare. It makes it harder for them to engage people sure but they chose that business model and need to live with its constraints.

All that aside most people with two brain cells to bash together would have given you a bit of space - even if just for reasons of self-preservation. I can't imagine anything worse than trying to start a totally irrelevant conversation with a complete stranger on the street who is, at that moment, engaged in a pressing 'domestic situation'.