The question never to ask of someone you don't know....

[MystyGlyttyr]

*touches stomach" "When is the baby due?"
"I'm not pregnant. Are you?"
"...no?"
"Good." *PUNCH*

...fortunately, no one's ever asked me that...

[F**kYouForCalling]

I have had several instances when people have asked about my "baby" and I'm not preggo.

first time at 15 yrs old:
me: *walk into the bathroom at the chinese buffet*
lady cleaning the bathroom: "aww... u have baby?"
me: "I'm sorry?"
lady: "you having baby? *makes cradle with hands*
me: "uhm... no?"
lady: "OOOOOOH, You just look like it...."
me: *walks out crying*
~~~

after my highschool graduation:
me: *washing hands in bathroom sink*
lady: *walks out of stall* "omg! That's the cutest maternity dress I've ever seen!! Where'd you get it?"
me:*looks at my friend who is now making the face and sighs* "Old Navy...." (why bother?)
~~~

when working as a cashier at the navy exchange:
me: *smiles at lady coming thru line* "Hi, how're you?"
lady: "Good good! Getting ready for Christmas, you know... how's that baby coming?" *looks at my stomach*
me: *mean look* "sorry?"
lady: "I said.... how..are.. you?"
me: "fine thanks."



There have been several more, but you get the picture...

[zzapp the witch]

When I was pregnant with my second son, I figured out how to get my licks in and be polite at the same time when people would come up and touch my belly. I was VERY obviously pregnant, no way this was just fat. Waddling, the whole bit. People would come up to me (when I was between 5 and 8 months along) and rub the belly and ask when I was due.

"What are you talking about?"
"When is the baby due?"
"Um, I'm not pregnant." (When I so so so was!)

That hand would snatch back like I had burned them and they would race away ever so quickly. My OB was the same store as I once, and while we were talking a lady came up and we had the above conversation. After, OB started laughing so hard he was crying and holding his chest. Said it was the best remedy for "Goddess Magnetism" (his phrasing for why people just HAD to touch pregnant women) he'd ever seen.

[MCSledgehammer]

"When's the baby due?"
"*sigh* Hopefully after we figure out who the father is. Hey, do you know if dogs can get humans pregnant?"
"*Looong silence, laden with meaning- some might even say a pregnant silence (sorry, couldn't resist)*"

Never been pregnant, never been mistaken for pregnant, but I've been around a lot of pregnant women, and you are NEVER ANYTHING BUT NICE. That is, if you'd like to keep all your appendages attached...

[DGoddessChardonnay]

"When's the baby due?"
"*sigh* Hopefully after we figure out who the father is. Hey, do you know if dogs can get humans pregnant?"
"*Looong silence, laden with meaning- some might even say a pregnant silence (sorry, couldn't resist)*"

I need to remember that response just in the event I'm ever acosted in such a manner.

[NotSoInnocent]

"When's the baby due?"
"*sigh* Hopefully after we figure out who the father is. Hey, do you know if dogs can get humans pregnant?"
"*Looong silence, laden with meaning- some might even say a pregnant silence (sorry, couldn't resist)*"

OMG!!!! Thank you! Thank you soooooo much.

Never been pregnant, never been mistaken for pregnant, but I've been around a lot of pregnant women, and you are NEVER ANYTHING BUT NICE. That is, if you'd like to keep all your appendages attached...

At nearly 5 months along (and looking like I'm 7 or 8... *sigh*) I just [sarcasm] loooooove [/sarcasm] when people some up and 1) touch me, 2) ask me about my baby like they have any right to know, 3) offer me (insert weird food craving that I've never had) just because I'm pregnant....

Honestly... people get really strange around pregnant women. Admittedly... my main squeeze admits (to everyone but me) that I can be very short-tempered. I just blame everything on hormones and retreat to the bed upon which I am supposed to be resting. Bedrest sucks.... and with 3 kids it just doesn't happen.

[Becks]

When I was at K-Mart the other day I saw a shirt with an angry Winnie the Pooh that said, "If you value your hand, you won't touch my baby."

[Estil]

And you all know what my wife says about those who "assume" things like this?

It makes an ASS out of U and ME.

[Seshat]

I like the 'No, I just lost the baby' (burst into tears) response.

[XCashier]

When I was at K-Mart the other day I saw a shirt with an angry Winnie the Pooh that said, "If you value your hand, you won't touch my baby."

Ooh, I like that! I would've worn that when I was pregnant, though I rarely got touched; I think I gave off a "touch me and die" vibe.

I once saw a button that would've made a great maternity shirt:

ANSWERS TO THE TOP THREE MOST-ASKED QUESTIONS:
1. Yes, I'm pregnant.
2. Gender doesn't matter as long as the baby's healthy.
3. My husband.

[BitterReceptionist]

I had this happen to me at the cafe I used to work at, it didn't hurt my feelings since I tend to carry my most of my weight around my midsection.. I'm usually the one asking myself when I'm due.

M-Me!
SC- Stupid lady

M- Hi, What can I get you to drink?
SC- When you due?
M- Huh?
SC- *touches my stomach* Your baby, when you due?
M- I'm not pregnant
SC- Oh.. so you just fat then?

*******
I could NOT believe she said that.. Her friends at that table looked like they were going to die.

[Princess-Snake]

I was born with a very rare digestive disorder that made my abdomen so big, it looked like a beach ball. Thanks one of the many surgeries I've been through, my abdomen has decreased a lot. It's still a bit round, but it's not as big as it was when I was younger. I remember I was 11 years old in daycare, just eating a popscicle when a 4-year-old comes up to me and asks me when the baby was due. I cried and locked my self in the bathroom, girl got a stern lecture from one of the teachers and a time-out. I found it horrific back then, now 6 years later, I find it funny. Unfortunately, so do my best friends who constantly tease me about it and will probably continue to do so when we reach our afterlives in the Ghost Zone.

[Emrld]

At nearly 5 months along (and looking like I'm 7 or 8... *sigh*) I just [sarcasm] loooooove [/sarcasm] when people some up and 1) touch me, 2) ask me about my baby like they have any right to know, 3) offer me (insert weird food craving that I've never had) just because I'm pregnant....

But your "baby bump" just screams out as people go walking by for love . . . . ok I admit most likely it was crossing a line - when I wanted to share more love with the baby - but I asked first.
For me when I know the person is expecting - and I know that this baby is going to be in a loving home - I can't resist . . .I wan't to give some love too.

I was about 16 years of age - and on the cusp of having an eating disorder when a little 4 year old came up and asked me when my Baby would be here. I broke down in the middle of the store (oh - I should add that I was underweight at the time - and didn't have a glimmer of the belly I have now) The Mom came waddling over and had to explain that her little boy thinks all females are having babies because she was. She felt bad - the boy felt bad - I felt bad - but come on I was a teenager . . .and had issues.

[Cia]

No one ever tried touching me when I was pregnant with my DD. Maybe I had that 'touch me and die' look on my face. Good thing because I probably would have hurt them if they did touch me.

[Bella_Vixen]

My friend, K, had her baby last Friday (little girl; absolute cutie). I didn't even ASK to touch her stomach, much less touch it without permission, until she was eight months pregnant.