Just friendly and rude

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I got a different car a few months ago, and since my last car was so reliable I don't really have a car parts store in the area. Since my new car was not loved in it's previous life I have been fixing things up as I have the money and time, and today was front brakes day. So I head to a car parts counter at a multi-function store.

Me: Can I get rotors and pads for a year, make, model please
Clerk: (Super casual and friendly) Sure, just let me.... (type, type - still casual and friendly) Hey sweetheart, did your husband tell you the sub-model type?

I just stood there gaping like a fish for a minute or two, then turned around and left. I still wear my rings, and it doesn't offend me when people assume I'm still married, but it's like he completely didn't even consider the possibility that a grown-ass woman might need brakes for her own damn car!

So I went to another shop, had a lovely discussion with the clerk there about old vs new cars, swapped some 'difficult repair' stories, and got my parts with no patronizing involved, and I officially have a car shop in the area. I also have a car with top notch brakes now, so all in all a good day. I'm just still infuriated with the first store, I don't know if I'm over-reacting, but that just pissed me off so much.

[notalwaysright]

Uh, I think that was hugely patronizing, and not acceptable. Are you living in an area where endearments like that (hon, sweetie, etc) are common? They aren't around here, it would have been very strange.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

No, random endearments like that don't seem to happen with strangers. With people that know each better, or sarcastically (Can you pass me that? Yes dear, anything else your majesty), and occasionally from old ladies if you hold open a door or pick up something off the ground for them. He was more like 25, so yes, a little weird and also felt very patronizing.

[LillFilly]

Wow; I've never experienced something like that THAT blatantly while getting car parts! That pretty much takes the cake! Most I've experienced is being ignored.

[Seanette]

I've been condescended to a time or two, but nothing on that scale, and I do admit I know little about cars. OTOH, one of the two auto parts stores in walking range has staff that have never been less than totally helpful, courteous, and friendly. They know that's why I'll walk about a block farther to do business with them, and they're aware their rival has staff who do seem to assume female customers lack brain.

[MoonCat]

Patronizing, condescending, rude and way too familiar! Sorry, but "sweetheart" is something you call your kid, your spouse, or someone else that you know and love - not a complete stranger and certainly not a customer! And assuming that a man must have told you the make, year, model, etc., was beyond patronizing.

Glad you found a better place to do business. I bet that first guy had no idea what he did wrong, the twit.

[BeeMused]

Oh I hate this patronizing and condescending tone of male clerks! I remember my mom going "My dear young man..." on a clerk in 1969. I was 6 years at that time and going . She ripped him a new one!

[XCashier]

Glad you found a better place to do business. I bet that first guy had no idea what he did wrong, the twit.

I think a letter to corporate might be in order here. Dude needs retraining, at least.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Uh, I think that was hugely patronizing, and not acceptable. Are you living in an area where endearments like that (hon, sweetie, etc) are common? They aren't around here, it would have been very strange.

I don't think it was the "sweetheart" that was offensive. It was the "your husband" comment that drove her out the door.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

Definitely, the husband comment was the one that made me leave. It is still with me too. I have dealt with lots of rude, insulting, aggressive and nasty people before. You just tell yourself that they are too rude, stupid, belligerent and evil to be out in public and carry on with your day. He wasn't any of those things, he was friendly, cheerful and nice about insulting me so completely. That's probably why it bothers me so much.

[paxillated]

I gave one parts counter guy a wake-up call, without even having to stick up for myself.

My old VW beetle's alternator had died. I went to get a new one, and carefully wrote down the part number, as that year VW had used 3 different alternators, and I needed to get the right one. I needed some other stuff, too, so I made a list.

Started the old dear by putting a screwdriver across the connections, drove to the nearest parts store, and backed into the parking space in front, so I didn't have to hang my butt out into the parking lot when I put the new alternator in. It only took two screws.

The guy behind the counter was nice enough. I told him the alternator I needed, and started going down the list. Then I figured out that it would be faster if I just handed him the list. For some reason, I was wearing a nice outfit with an actual skirt - rare for me, and I could see him assuming my non-existent husband had sent me down to get it. There was a core charge for the alternator; I told him I'd be back soon with the old one.

I get my stuff, and head for the car. Did I mention that the store had a glass front? I was worth looking at back then, and he watched me go to the car - and saw me open the hood, grab the screwdriver I kept there, whip off the old alternator, and put the new one in. When I went back to the store to turn it in, his jaw was still on the ground.

I miss working on cars. And busting stereotypes!

[dalesys]

I named my first daughter after a girl who impressed me by taking a summer school electronics class... in 1967.

[Captain Trips]

We no longer go to the local "energetic young men" for repairs. They took the misogynistic attitude once to my wife and daughter. My wife grew up in a service station - at a time when the mechanic bays were for mechanics and not for groceries. DON'T try to BS her about cars.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Speaking of "sweetheart," "Retail" just had a strip where a sucktomer used the term to Marla.

[Evannah]

He's lucky he didn't get a fist in his gob!