Public Address systems and the fun they cause.

[Phoenix79]

When I was a cashier at Payless Cashways (hardware store), a really rude manager had us all working late after the store closed cleaning up her department (she was the plubming manager). Not our job, and we wanted to go home. We told her we wanted to go home . . . she then proceeded to pick up the phone and say over the PA system "NO ONE is going home until the plumbing department is spotless!!!"

I'd had enough of her that day . . . so I picked up the phone and yelled "I f##$ing quit you stupid cow!" Then I walked out into the parking lot (My ride had been waiting on me for 1/2 hour), took off my uniform shirt (had a white tee underneath), threw it on the ground and stomped on it a few times . . . and never looked back.

I was only 16 years old . . . and it felt really good to throw a hissy like that!!

Phoenix

[MadMike]

One time, I picked up the phone to make a page, and then dropped it right after I dialed the code for the intercom. Made this loud clattering noise throughout the store. Then when I tried to speak, I burst out laughing, which again was heard all over the store. I had to hang it up, compose myself, and then try again.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Ages ago, this came on the intercom: "Will the owner of the yellow Robin Reliant, registration number *** please come to Customer Services, now!" Before anyone could say anything, one of my supervisors yelled out, "Del Boy is at our store!"

[rerant]

When I worked at Wal-Mart some of the employees there learned an interesting trick. That being, the page code for all Ontario (or probably just Toronto) stores is essentially the same.
#numbernumber then the last two digits of the store number.
Many people had fun with this.

Also, when people would either quit or get fired, the classic retaliation/last hurrah was to page the PA and either play obnoxious, offensive music, or shout obscenities.

On one employees last day he paged the PA then announced, "Attention customers, due to circumstances beyond our control we are required to shut the store down immediately. Our registers will not be able to complete purchases, and we ask that you vacate the store as soon as possible. Also, effective immediately, all employees have the week off. With pay."

Oh how I wished that had been true!

[Bella_Vixen]

I wish I could get the link, but a friend of mine had a link to a website where they told stories about people calling stores and having friends hook the calls up to the PA systems.

This involved mostly customers who would go in and watch employees as they took calls on the floor, but every once in a while, it would be a former employee.

These weren't malicous. They were hysterically funny to read.

[Andara Bledin]

My workplace is pretty informal at times, so we get some odd stuff flying over the PA system.

We've had rounds of barnyard noises from all over the building. We've also had rounds of free association.

I know I've dropped the handset just after hitting the page button before. However, since I use my finger to hang up when paging, it didn't clatter for long.

I've also had to page while coping with a severe case of hiccups. About every third page would be a hiccup, then the page.

My ex used to have a story about a friend. Said friend was named Jesse, which was short for Jesus (pr. hay-suce), and he used to work in the parts department at a Sears automotive station. When anyone would call and ask to speak with Jesse, the guy who usually took the calls in the evening would take great pleasure in adopting a really heavy hick accent and page Jesus (gee-zuss) to pick up the line.

And, of course, at my work, everyone who has taken a stint answering the phones has managed to hit the page button and give the regular phone greeting over the PA. However, it's far more embarrassing when you try to do a page after picking up an incoming call.

^-.-^

[skeptic53]

The old Farrell's chain, in addition to the big ice cream dishes, had a 4-foot long sub called the Gastronomicalepicurean's delight.

At our store we came up with this announcement:

"A toasty loaf to feed all night, a cloud of mustard and a hearty 'Hi Yo Sandwich!"

[Kiwi]

At the craftstore, our phone was also our PA and you hit 1 to answer calls and 4 to access the PA

The SM was in the back office one day and pressed 4 instead of answering a call so the entire store hears "This is *craftstore* how can I help you?"
Then she heard herself over the PA.... and started laughing... so hard she dropped the phone, with the PA still active!

It took her 30 seconds or so to recover, but by that stage most of the staff were on the floor (I know I was) the whole time we can hear her cracking up and gasping for air. It was very very good and we razzed her about it for weeks!

[CancelMyService]

At the Circuit City I worked for, it was part of the initiation of the newbies for someone to tell them they had a call on line "xxxx" where "xxxx' was the number to access the PA system. Every so often you'd hear the PA crack on and a voice go "Hello? Hel-...YOU SON OF A *click*"..............

[Retail Associate]

This was posted at another board. An angry Wal Mart customer who was tired of waiting for help said this over the PA:

"If I don't get some help at the paint counter soon, I'm gonna have to whoop some ass!"

At our store the deli closes at 8PM. Every night one of the women gets on the PA and makes an announcement about the great deals people can get on the fresh food before they close. This food is usually tossed the next day if not sold.

During the Christmas rush they make a lot of fresh roasted chickens because people are too busy shopping and doing the holiday rush type stuff to cook. This past Christmas it seems they had overdone it a bit. On Christmas Eve one of the deli divas started making her announcements early AND often. It seemed like she was on that stupid intercom every 5 minutes. Everytime she'd start with..."Hello - Hello - Hello!" and everyone in the store would sigh!

After about an hour of this, she got on one more time: "Hello - Hello - Hello! I'm going to keep doing these announcements until the chicken is gone. So get over here and get your chicken!"

[AFpheonix]

Wasn't there someone on a previous incarnation of this board who hooked up an easy button into the intercom for giggles?

[Noelegy]

Where I work we have a lady who comes in every afternoon at 4 pm (she works night shift) and sells handmade cakes, cookies, fruit and other goodies. She makes all this stuff (except for the fruit, duh) and donates 100% of the proceeds to our local charity. The company has recognized her for this work.

But the best part is her announcements. Every day at 4 pm we hear over the intercom, "Helloooo, Sugars!" and then she tells us what she's got to sell today. She used to make her announcements longer and funnier, but I think maybe someone complained, because she went to a more short and sweet format. But she still cracks wise sometimes, and she always concludes with "Come see me!"

She frequently says "Need some junk in your trunk?" and "Don't mess with Texas."

[Delphae]

Sometimes at work, the Pharmacy uses the intercom to ask me questions, and I'll answer back. I got these yesterday.
RX: pharmacy
Me: guess who

RX: Delphae, do you have so-and-so's phone number?
I went and looked.
Me: No I don't.

Later
RX: Do we carry such-and-such?
Me: Nope.

[Dips]

The best annoucement I remember happened at town meeting. It is held in the high school auditorium, parking is very scarce and apparently a few people thought parking in the fire lane was OK. The police passed the descriptions of those cars to the moderator...

The first annoucement mentioned that several people were parked in the fire lane and we couldn't start the meeting until their cars were moved. A couple people got up and left.

The second annoucement came a few minutes later. This time the make, model and plate number of four vehicles were mentioned.

Ten minutes later and the meeting still hadn't started because two cars were still in the fire lanes. Luckily the police had a bit of time to look stuff up and pass the information along to the moderate.

"Attention John Johnson of 123 Elm Street and George Walsh of 456 Main Street. Your cars are still parked in the fire lanes. We can start the meeting as soon as you move them."

[hecubus]

The posts about announcements on airplanes reminded me of one I heard a long time ago. It may very well be an Urban Legend, but, it's funny anyway.

It seems that the flight crew had just gotten hot coffee, and the pilot had to make the standard announcement over the P.A. The problem was, he spilled his coffee in his lap part way through the announcement, so all the passengers heard was:

"<click> Ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight num.....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! <click>"

I would imagine there were a lot of passenger seats that needed a serious cleaning after that flight