Assault at the Subway

[protege]

One of my college friends dated (and later married) a girl who would beat on him. I don't recall seeing any bruises, but still. She'd flip out over stupid things, and he became her punching bag. It was odd...she'd be calm, suddenly flip out, beat the crap out of him and yell for awhile, and then return to normal What was so odd about the entire situation, that they were a bit, um, "touchy feely" about 99.9% of the time, so her first outburst made us all go

I don't know about you all, but if *my* girlfriend ever beat on me like that...she'd soon find her ass by the curb

I admit, when I was with the last g/f, there were times I wanted to strangle her, mainly towards the end (I'm not going to bore you all with the breakup bullshit--it's in my LJ, just look around July of 2001). Anyway, I could never do that, even if she *did* deserve it That's not my style, folks. Besides, karma had a *huge* smackdown on her about 6 months after she left!

[MystyGlyttyr]

My brother's wench of a first wife stabbed him with a butter knife, and he collected the cat and came home, they were divorced within a couple of months.

Fortunately, he's a much faster talker than we knew, because me, my mom, and my sister were about two seconds away from getting in our car and making a little trip...he was right, laying her out wouldn't have solved anything since he'd already decided to go through with the divorce, no second chances, but damn, it would have felt good. But he was right, karma raked her over the coals way better than any of us could have Let's just say he's happily remarried with a great job and two children (well, one and a half, but still, heh), while she's deported and the guy she was cheating on him with (we found out about later) lost his job and his house and had to move back in with his mother. HA.

I've always said that if I'm ever in a relationship, they get one free hit. I understand getting so angry at someone that you lose it and blast someone, and I know that for the vast majority of people, realizing how bad you can lose it one time is enough of a shock to jolt you out of that behavior forever.

If there's a second time, though, that person will wake up on the organ transplant list.

[protege]

Hehe I forgot to mention the karma, and why I enjoyed hearing about it. For months, she'd been bragging to everyone about the job she landed, boring everyone to tears. Then she didn't even have the stones to tell me that things were over--I kinda knew, but still...not hearing it directly sucked. She let her *mother* tell me, and then disappeared for 6 months. I was pissed! But, I simply let karma take its course. During that time, she not only *lost* her "good job," but her car's engine had blown up, and she'd lost her apartment....forcing her to move in with some friends. Oh, and she had to take a second, and now a *third* job. Sucks to be her

[JustADude]

You know, something I've noticed in my years of life is that many women seem to take blatant advantage of the semi-universal "Guys don't get rough with Girls" rule to smack, pinch, hit and otherwise get physical with men in ways ranging from stuff that's cute/flirty to the kind of stuff that would get them laid out cold if they were another male... usually more of the latter, unfortunately.

[Crazeyal]

It's usually about control. Some people MUST have dominance, and when they do, they abuse it. Justification and self delusion get to the point where they HAVE to keep the cycle of violence up, or their perfect little circle of lies collaspe. Man or woman, it's usually hard to spot unless they WANT you to see it.

[Gabrielle Proctor]

HEY, there's a broader line thank you think between fetishism and abuse, might I remind you all...

THANK YOU! I'm glad you posted it before I did!

Take it from this sub() there is a huge difference. In a dom/sub realtionship, the sub has more power than you think because the sub makes the initial rules. Anything the dom does can be stopped by the safe word.

I dated a guy who thought it would be fun to play around a bit(having never gotten into it as much as I had) and asked me if he could "punch" me. I of couse said, "NO! What the fuck?" And he didn't. It's not like he abused me. We laid down the rules first.

[iradney]

You know, something I've noticed in my years of life is that many women seem to take blatant advantage of the semi-universal "Guys don't get rough with Girls" rule to smack, pinch, hit and otherwise get physical with men in ways ranging from stuff that's cute/flirty to the kind of stuff that would get them laid out cold if they were another male... usually more of the latter, unfortunately.

I'm in the minority, it would appear. If I punch/smack a guy, I fully expect retaliation. Hell, I want to be treated equally, don't I?
Shoot, even TTO tells me if I start a fight with a guy, I have to finish it. He won't do it for me if I'm the one that got the whole thing started.
Just like the O_N_L_Y time it's really acceptable to punch/kick a guy in the nads is if he's trying to assault you and normal punching/kicking won't do the trick.
The ONLY time. Doing it for fun = abuse.

[Eireann]

One free hit? Oooooh, I don't like that. Not at all.

Yes, I do admit that there are times when you're highly tempted to lift a hand to someone. Usually, this is someone like an SC who has been bitching at you for the last ten minutes and may even be threatening you with physical harm.

A significant other, though - if you and that person are arguing to such an extent that you're tempted to get violent, something is VERY wrong with the relationship, and you (I'm speaking here in general terms, not addressing any individual) need to get away and do some heavy thinking.

A guy I know had been verbally abusive towards me for about a year and a half now. I fought back, though without lowering myself to the level of name-calling, which he was using almost constantly. His behavior grew increasingly bizarre, so much that I hardly ever saw or talked to him, since I knew that if I said anything funny or told him something good that had happened to me, he'd dump all over it. And this guy was someone I'd once considered to be a close friend. I knew he was under severe stress with work - working too much, never turning down extra jobs that were dumped on him, etc. I refused to take the blame for his actions.

Well. He had a breakdown. I mean, BREAKDOWN. I mean severe, life-altering, very scary breakdown. This all happened sort of behind the scenes in my life; I didn't see the breakdown, didn't hear about it for some time, didn't view the events surrounding it. So now, after the breakdown, he's on medication, newly single (I think his partner just couldn't take any more of the drama), and starting to get a real sense of what he's been doing to the people around him for the past year and a half or two years. I told him quite a few things the other night; I wasn't going to do it, but he mentioned the subject, so I went ahead and told him.

Now, I'm not saying he's going to do it again. I AM saying that he is CAPABLE of doing it. What we can do once, we can do again. So, a slap, a punch, a kick - if these happen once, they can happen again. This is the most important thing to know. You don't need to know WHY; you need to know what the other person is capable of doing. "Why" is for the other person and his/her therapist, not for anyone else.

[Tria]

Doing it for fun = abuse.

You've been watching the wrong porn.