11 rules for traveling overseas once you get old...

[Jack7957]

(All observed by my wife and I on a trip to China just about a week ago. Most of our group was 60 and older)

1) The only time you need to pay attention to the tour guide is when you have a question. Nothing else they say is important.

2) If they give you an itinerary, throw it away. The tour guide loves to repeat every day where you are going.

3) Meals are important, make sure you ask the tour guide at least 24 hours before a meal when and where it will be.

4) If you get seperated from your group in a large outdoor park, just start wandering aimlessly until you either find someone from your group or the bus, rather than stay in one spot and let them find you.

5) Purchase lots of large items and then assume the airlines will let you have 5 checked bags and 3 carryons.

6) To check out the local healthcare, don't bother watching where you're walking. It's always fun to have an ambulance ride to the local hospital to get stiches when you cut your face open tripping down some stairs.

7) Ask the tour guide if we've reached the city, after driving for 15 minutes with high-rises all around the highway you're on.

8) When your local guide is explaining something, feel free to carry on a conversation with the person next to you about a person you both know back at home and their health problems. (See rule 1)

9) Complain that so many people don't speak english.

10) Remember you're an American, so your needs come first, including before the other Americans on your tour.

11) Show up whenever you want, then ask if there's time to use the bathroom and shop in the gift shop. After all, the time they tell you to meet the group is just a suggestion.

[Gawdzillers]

Also, when you buy something from the gift shop, be sure to carry it for the rest of the day, and always ask your friends if they'll hold it for you, because you're tired.











And don't forget rule number 8!

[Bella_Vixen]

And don't forget rule number 8!

Unfortunately, there are several rule #8s now. To which are you referring?

[Broomjockey]

I do believe it's rule #8 of the recently revived thread about rules for SC's in the checkout, or some such.

[Gawdzillers]

Unfortunately, there are several rule #8s now. To which are you referring?

Only the cool kids can know which one.

[Bagga]

You forgot this rule:

When on a coach trip or a cruise, and the tour guide says the words "On your right you will see the world famous..." you must ALWAYS shout "OOOH! Look at the lovely bluebells on the left!" Bonus marks if you can refer to more than 20 patches of bluebells in a single sightseeing trip. Choice of flower is optional, but it must be the SAME F^CKING FLOWER for the duration of the trip.

(Me and my wife went on a coach tour of Scotland one year when we were in our 20s, and by the time it was over we wanted to perform mass euthanasia)

[AnaKhouri]

When I went to Germany I was chaperoning a bunch of choirboys (no, really) and a lot of them were accompanied by their parents. Ispeak German reasonably and has a phrase book for the rest. I will never forget how many freaking times someone would say, "Why doesn't anyone here speak English?"

Uh, because they are German?

(many people in Germany actually did speak English, I guess it just wasn't enough people for them)

In Japan our tour guides congratulated me and my husband for always being on time and keeping up with the group when we were walking. We had a lovely Japanese lady for a tour guide for a couple days and we were the only ones who thanked her for her hard work.

[Gurndigarn]

(10) Remember you're an American, so your needs come first, including before the other Americans on your tour.

And now that I think about it,

, too.

I can't wait for the day when the US dollar drops like a rock and all the yuppies in this country get to deal with other nations' dumb tourists.

[Antisocial_Worker]

I can't wait for the day when the US dollar drops like a rock and all the yuppies in this country get to deal with other nations' dumb tourists.

Welcome to my world, muffin. Hell, my city is no slouch in the tourism department, with an average annual visitor count of about 6 million tourists, but the vast majority of them are Americans. We're well off the internationally beaten path. However, I remember...

...the French woman who cornered me and would not move, who wanted to discuss, at length, the evils of slavery in the American South and the lingering effects of institutional racism on Southern society.

...the two French men and their Californian compatriot who asked me, in not so many words, where they could go to find some Indians to stare at. when I suggested Cherokee, NC, 60 miles away, and suggested they take in the museum, the outdoor village, the library of the Cherokee language, and the casino their tune changed but quick. They were not interested in going to any place where the natives were being so cruelly exploited by white colonialists. This is amusing because Harrah's Cherokee Casino is the reason that most Cherokee Indian reservation residents have a terrible time every morning deciding which Hummer they're going to drive today -- the red one? The yellow one? Maybe the sparkly purple one, since it's Monday and all.

...the British camp counselor who loudly and indignantly insisted that she should not be arrested for being drunk in public, peeing in our parking lot, and puking on another guest's car, because she was from London. This was her only reason she could give for why she shouldn't be arrested: She was from London.

...the five Canadian men who were furious that they could not use a coupon for their stay, on a weekend, while the international shuffleboard tournament or competition or some such was being held in town, which had packed every hotel in the area to the gills with little old ladies. A highlight: "What the fuck are you holding next week? The World Parcheesi Playoffs?"

...the Turkish ladies who could not get it through their head that the price was what it was, and kept trying to bargain it down when it wasn't going any lower. Finally they gave up and went somewhere else, but they kept looking at me as though they thought I was up to something, or as though I was doing it all wrong.

[Broomjockey]

...the five Canadian men who were furious that they could not use a coupon for their stay, on a weekend, while the international shuffleboard tournament or competition or some such was being held in town, which had packed every hotel in the area to the gills with little old ladies. A highlight: "What the fuck are you holding next week? The World Parcheesi Playoffs?"

While I'm appalled at the terminity of my fellow countrymen and their poor representation, their comment did at least make me *snerk*

[JustADude]

...the Turkish ladies who could not get it through their head that the price was what it was, and kept trying to bargain it down when it wasn't going any lower. Finally they gave up and went somewhere else, but they kept looking at me as though they thought I was up to something, or as though I was doing it all wrong.

To be fair, it's still the custom in Turkey to haggle at most shops, even the more upscale ones, and it's taken every Turk I've known quite a while to get over the instinct to try and get a better deal when dealing with merchants here in the US.

It's annoying to be haggled at when you can't do anything, but also fun when you're trying to haggle a deal on a hookah for a friend's birthday from the guy who owned an import shop.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

"What the fuck are you holding next week? The World Parcheesi Playoffs?"

"No. the world Nude N' Greased Twister tournament. Can I get you gentlemen some entry blanks?"

[crazylegs]

This was her only reason she could give for why she shouldn't be arrested: She was from London.

Why is it the English become so badly behaved abroad?

ANswers on a postcard please.

[draggar]

This is reminding me of the jackass couple who had to be on every excursion with us during a western Caribbean cruise (Belize, Costa Rica, and Panama):

• Complained that there were no handrails or lights in the ruins of Puerto Bella (in Panama). I guess the starving naked children we passed while in the bus were no hint at how poor this nation is
• Brought their carry on luggage EVERYWHERE.
• Complained that the stairs were too steep and had no handrails in the Mayan ruins, damn those Mayans for not making the temples handicap accessible.
• Referred to Belize TWICE to the tour guide as an island
• "On the Island of Belize, do you have schools?"
• "On the Island of Belize, do you have hospitals?"
• Complained that some of the merchants in Panama and Costa Rica didn't speak English, they said "The immigrants here need to learn the language". Um, they speak Spanish there.
• Complained that the Gatun Locks (Panama Canal) didn't go up and down fast enough.
• Complained that there were children working in the shops at the Panama bazaar. Yes, the entire world has child labor laws (Note: These little shops would be like small family owned businesses here, it's common to see children working).
• Complained about the "cheap quality" of the gifts in the bazaar.
• Told off the tour guide because she wouldn't tell them what the national language of Belize was (she replied "English").

...and you wonder why the rest of the world looks at Americans as stupid, egocentric, and arrogant?

[Parrothead]

<snip>[*]Complained that the Gatun Locks (Panama Canal) didn't go up and down fast enough.
<snip>

Random funny story: I had the chance to observe how animals adapt to human interference in 2004. I took a trip to Scotland, and part of it included a ferry ride over Lock Ness (we started at Stirling Castle and ended in Inverness, and no, I did not see Nessie). There were some locks at the end, and I had great fun watching the momma duck leading the baby ducks through the whole thing.