Letter to Bi Lo

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I want to commend you on your innovative and far-reaching ideas on advertising. I work in marketing myself, and I have to say, it never occurred to me to utilize some of the advertising opportunities your company has thought to use.
As someone who works in the advertising field myself, I have often noticed that there are a few untapped venues for getting my company’s message out there. I know that personally, until the visit I made to one of your fine stores tonight, there were a few quite moments of my own life that were devoid of any sort of advertising, which was a shame. Your company really took this concept and ran with it, much to my delighted surprise.

I entered your store at (xxxxx ) area needing some garbage bags. I took a detour on my way in, and went into the restroom. I entered a stall, dropped my pants, and took a seat. Lo and behold, a motion sensor was tripped and as I sat there, an ad for Angus beef steaks began playing at about 85 decibels.

Pure genius. There I am, trapped with my pants down around my ankles, listening to a cheerful, tinny, painfully loud voice going on and on and on about the merits of your delicious beef products. Certainly added an unforgettable spin to upset stomach I happened to be suffering tonight. I guess most people would consider an ad for Imodium or Pepto Bismol more appropriate (that would have been useful information to someone, I am certain. I know it would have been for me), but not your company. Most would have tried to associate their beef products in a context of enjoyment and gastronomical pleasure. Heck, I daresay most people would have just simply let their customers take a quiet dump in peace, but that’s clearly far too vanilla for your forward and out-of-the-box advertising guys. No, you guys are going for abstract, edgy advertising, and I have to say peddling beef to someone trying to take a shit is about as edgy as one can get. Props to you, gentlemen. Well played.

I know that I will think of your fine, quality beef products whenever I find myself reflecting quietly in that most private of sanctuaries from now on, whether suffering a raging bout of the green-apple splatters or simply trying to pinch off a good dry log.

(RecoveringKinkoid)

PS I’m thinking about suggesting an idea I’ve been kicking around for putting motion-activated adware into condoms in our next marketing meeting. What do you think?

[Saydrah]

My advertising pet peeve right now is the razor blades in the grocery store. When I go to get a refill for my razor, opening the case makes it TALK at me, in a pleasant female voice, going on and on about what a variety of razor blades they have available. Yes, I can see that, thanks!

The first time it did that, I shrieked, "SHUT UP!" at the case, startled.

An employee walking by laughed so hard I thought he might pee his pants and said, "Amen, sister! Try stocking that case!"

[marasbaras]

PS I’m thinking about suggesting an idea I’ve been kicking around for putting motion-activated adware into condoms in our next marketing meeting. What do you think?

"GlaxoSmithKline would like to remind you that our Supercillin kills gonorrhea faster than any other antibiotic on the market today."

"Ladies, feeling not so fresh after lovemaking? Summer's Eve is proud to introduce AfterGlo, the feminine cleaning solution designed specifically for after you've spent time with that special someone."

[Boozy]

Hilarious, RK.

[Daisy]

Most would have tried to associate their beef products in a context of enjoyment and gastronomical pleasure.

My boyfriend now thinks I am totally nuts as I sit here giggling uncontrollably over this sentence.

Seriously though, things in stores that start talking to me freak me out. That razor display probably would have given me a heart attack. It's also bad when I go to the mall, and as the doors open, you hear, "You are passing through entry number three into neighborhood number three..." then something about Discover card. Yes folks, the universe is turning into one great big never ending commercial.

As an aside, one mall in the area had a gigantic talking bear one Christmas - it would randomly say things, I don't really remember what exactly. I had to have been at least 14, and we stopped at a bench to get out stuff in order, and that bear started talking, and I must have jumped six feet in the air. I wouldn't go near that damn bear again. She still gives me hell about that.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I swear if the speaker was of a design I could have found and pried off the wall, it would have ended up crammed into the bowl.

I mean, for frig's sake, I now know that nothing is too intrusive or tasteless for some of these marketing people. Geez!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, there it is. I tried to send this via their web site, but they only have one of those shitty form letters I despise, so I just sent a note saying "I don't do these form letters. Can I contact you another way please?" and the store manager contacted me with his store's direct email address. So I fired this little gem off about 1 minute ago, directly to the store. Ought to brighten up his day a bit.

I would have loved to have sent it to corporate, but they're far too chicken to put their email out there.

I'll keep you all posted.

[Argabarga]

This must be something they don't tell people when they go into college for their marketing degrees, I think a lot of this could be solved if they handed these folks a little piece of paper along with their diplomas that said something like.


"At best, people will hate you for what you are doing"

[cinema guy]

Nice one RK.

But you realise that you have to go back in six weeks or so and see if they've followed your suggestions.

[Seshat]

I think a lot of this could be solved if they handed these folks a little piece of paper along with their diplomas that said something like.

"At best, people will hate you for what you are doing"

Actually, done properly, marketing is a good thing.

Done properly - where 'properly' is according to the marketing shows I watched when I was insomniac and watching the local adult-education channel - marketing is about figuring out what people need and helping it get to them.

Marketers - in this ideal world - go out into the community and figure out where there's a need.

Like figuring out that some people want organic reusable diapers which are actually shaped to a baby's bum, and don't want them closed with safety pins that might prick their baby. So snappis and shaped and fitted cloth diapers (nappies in Aus-speak) are developed.(*)

Then they figure out how to let the people who might use these products know about them. This is where they so often go horribly wrong. Something like the Snappi or the fitted cloth diaper could be easily marketed by putting a couple in the care packages given out at maternity wards until word of mouth spread the info; or putting ads in parenting magazines and 'green' environmental tree-hugger magazines.

But that doesn't give a fast enough response or saturate the market enough for some CEOs and shareholder organisations, and that pressure is what turns 'marketing' into bullying annoying shouting 'advertising'.

(* you may wonder how someone like me knows so much about baby stuff. I have nieces and nephews, and I'm an environmentalist tree-hugger myself. )

[Boozy]

This must be something they don't tell people when they go into college for their marketing degrees, I think a lot of this could be solved if they handed these folks a little piece of paper along with their diplomas that said something like.


"At best, people will hate you for what you are doing"

Now that's just funny.

[crazylegs]

PS I’m thinking about suggesting an idea I’ve been kicking around for putting motion-activated adware into condoms in our next marketing meeting. What do you think?

At the Chemist I used to work at we had the pleasure of have Klip Strips, annoying, messy hanging bits of plastic that we hung from the shelves in a desperate last ditched pathetic attempt to claw more money from people. In a fit of impotent rage one day I decided that the best place for the 487th Strip I'd put out in that day would be in the same place at pregnancy testing kits, the punchline? That particular strip was full of three packs of extra safe condoms.

For some reason people didn't get the hint and I never had to refill that particular strip in four months!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, the guy just sent me an apology saying that he was sorry for the unfortunate timing of that particular ad and that there was no motion sensor in the john. All I know is that it was silent when I went in there, and about the time I got settled in the stall, I heard something come on and then the ad started playing.

Probably the musak station cycling through. He said it was musak that played throughout the entire store, and if I alerted him prior to the next shopping trip, he'd turn it down in the crapper. I'm not freaking doing that. If he wants to blast the sound in the bathroom loud enough to shake wallpaper loose, hey, it's his store.

Well, I hope he got a laugh out of it, at least.

[chops]

At the Chemist I used to work at we had the pleasure of have Klip Strips, annoying, messy hanging bits of plastic that we hung from the shelves in a desperate last ditched pathetic attempt to claw more money from people.

You're not the only one who thinks they're annoying. We used to pre-package our air horns on them, and they were such a pain to work with in the box. We've been phasing them out, thankfully.

Well, the guy just sent me an apology saying that he was sorry for the unfortunate timing of that particular ad and that there was no motion sensor in the john. All I know is that it was silent when I went in there, and about the time I got settled in the stall, I heard something come on and then the ad started playing.

Well, it's a good thing it was just a matter of bad timing.

But you wait. Someone out there is going to read this thread and make audio ads on the crapper a reality. That whole captive-audience thing and all.

[Crawley]

Well, with the right ad (liike the OP said) it would kinda make sense. At least a toliet paper ad or something.

"Store brand tissue rubbing you the wrong way? Try new Charmin's Ultra Soft. 4, 12 and 24 packs available on Aisle 14"