the scs on the bus proving my grandma's saying

[Amethyst Hunter]

I went to the ATM pulled out the money . . .handed it to him . . .he "paid" for the evening and we both enjoyed it.

This is what my mom does for my dad occasionally when he happens to be low on cash and they want to go out to dinner or something. Mom gives Dad the money, Dad "pays", and everybody's happy all around.

[Dark-Star]

Women who get offended when a man tries to help them happened.

I've heard women get offended & utter the following:

"I can take care of myself. I don't need a man to do things for me!"

-Laundryhater
(a woman who misses chivalry which died at the hands of the feminists)

Here, here. Happened once to me and I was SO pissed off. Gee whiz lady...forgive me for trying to be polite.

Karama bit her back - walking out the store I saw she'd locked keys in car. Couldn't help saying "What's the matter? Can't you do that yourself?"

[Sylvia727]

zzap - I had a similar situation.
I decided I wanted to go out . . .part of his problem was feeling emasculated when I pulled out my wallet.
Well I was going to use my Check Card anyway . . .so I went to the ATM pulled out the money . . .handed it to him . . .he "paid" for the evening and we both enjoyed it.

I think that's just silly. I'm not trying to mock anyone, but I don't understand why it's so emasculating for a guy not to pay, but it's not considered de-feminating for a gal not to pay. I automatically ask for a split check everywhere I go. If my SO wants to pay for the whole evening, I let him, but I make sure to cover him another evening.

Of course, another part of the problem is the myth that if a guy pays for dinner, the gal is supposed to pay him back by putting out. I don't like being in anyone's debt, but that misconception is one reason I won't let a guy pay for everything on the first few dates.

[Broomjockey]

I think that's just silly. I'm not trying to mock anyone, but I don't understand why it's so emasculating for a guy not to pay, but it's not considered de-feminating for a gal not to pay.

Because a gentleman is supposed to be able to provide for his SO. He's supposed to be the breadwinner, the big Kahuna.

Of course, another part of the problem is the myth that if a guy pays for dinner, the gal is supposed to pay him back by putting out.

See, you made a mistake there. It's not "if a guy" it's "If a sleezy bastage," since guys as a general rule don't think they're "owed" sex.

[Toujin]

If someone's behind when I'm walking through a door, I often hold it open for them. I also try to be nice to everyone, unfortunately I tend to be too nice at times. But I'm only doing what I've been taught.

[Sylvia727]

See, you made a mistake there. It's not "if a guy" it's "If a sleezy bastage," since guys as a general rule don't think they're "owed" sex.

Of course I don't think all guys are like this. I just encounter the sleazy bastage mindset on occasion, or its younger cousin, "We've been dating for X amount of time, so now you have to do X sexual favor." And yes, I have heard gals talk like this too. I think the myth of dinner=sex was more prevalent when women were still confined to secretaries and nurses, so they were more dependent on men for their entertainment budget.

[Emrld]

Sylvia - It doesn't matter why it made him feel emasculated . . .what matters is that he was man enough to fess up to what was bothering him . . .and then we were able to come up with a solution together. One that allowed us to go out (my want) and him still be able to hold up his head (his want) . . and if I wanted it latter his other head.

Point being it isn't always important to understand the whys of another persons emotions . . . but it is important to try and come to a solution that works for both parties.

[zzapp the witch]

My mom's first dating/courting lesson after the talks about the birds and the bees: If they give you something, you have to give something back so they don't try to say that you "owe" them sex. Solution? COOKIES!

And I still make the best damn chocolate chip you'll ever taste. (I've had lots of boyfriends to practice on! Hell, I'm 29 and I still do it!) Me and my little sis added something more if you got past the 3rd date without annoying us: pajama pants. I do not know how this got started, but somewhere along the way when we were secure in our seamstress skills (another one mom stressed) we started making the guys we likes pajamas. There are guys that I haven't dated in 10 years that still have theirs!

[Sylvia727]

Sylvia - It doesn't matter why it made him feel emasculated . . .what matters is that he was man enough to fess up to what was bothering him . . .and then we were able to come up with a solution together. One that allowed us to go out (my want) and him still be able to hold up his head (his want) . . and if I wanted it latter his other head.

Point being it isn't always important to understand the whys of another persons emotions . . . but it is important to try and come to a solution that works for both parties.

I'm glad you have such a healthy relationship that you can work out problems together. On a personal level, it may not matter why the problem is, but I was asking in a general, social sense. I guess I already knew the answer...it's just exasperating to me overall. I don't take it out on guys I know who really do feel this way.