The next person to glare...

[Becks]

I spent most of my formative years in Milwaukee (which, for many years, had-and might still have-the largest teen prenancy rate in the US). There's also a sizable Asian population where they get married quite young and have babies soon after.

Of course, the studies never pointed out how many teenage mothers were MARRIED.

[smileyeagle1021]

my mother has had the exact opposite problem with me... she hates coming to salt lake because i look exactly how old I am (give or take a year or 2) especially when I wear steretypical college clothes and my mother looks older than she is (and she was fairly old when I was born, 33 years old, not that old but I was her first and only...) so when we go to restaurants we get comments from the waitress all the time about how sweet it is that I'm taking my grandma out for (insert meal).
it may be important to point out that in utah couples typically start out having kids

[lightmylamb]

Where I live, there's a bit of a problem with women getting pregnant very young, and very often. I live in a small town, and very few girls have gotten pregnant in high school, that I know of, but I believe some have dropped out once they became pregnant. I have never seen anyone around town giving these girls the stink eye due to excessive amounts of children or pregnancy, though there has been a bit of whispering after they've left. I mention this, because it would seem the perfect time for old prudes to come out and point fingers, but the old people around here have hobbies.

Generally, I think if you're a teen mother, and actually trying to raise your baby, not just keeping it alive so you can get financial assistance, then that's your business, and good for you. Although, usually when I see teens with kids I just assume they're siblings.

[Nox]

I musn't have explained it well, putting the key in it's back just records how long you took to get to the baby. THEN you had to find out if it was hungry, needed it diaper changed, just wanted attention, etc. It also recorded if you dropped it's head back at all.

It's interesting to hear everyone's stories on this sort of thing. It just made me so goddamn angry. They didn't know anything about her, yet they were so happy to hate her for it.

[RedRoseSpiral]

Warning, some language.

I had a friend who because of her birthday she started school late and had also gotten held back a year because of illness who got her drivers license in 8th grade. She's was about 15 and would do small errands for her mother like driving her back and forth from places and picking up her younger siblings from day care. Simple things since she was still pretty young to be driving. One day she was at the mall waiting for her mom to get off work and come to the food court. She had brought her youngest sister (almost two) with her to pick up their mother. Some old lady comes up to her starts calling her a little whore.

MF: My Friend
LS: Little Sister (just learning to talk)
OC: Old Cow

MF: Excuse me? Mind shutting your mouth and leaving me alone you old bitch.
OC: What were you a 12 year old hooker? What a dirty slut.
LS: Mean lady go! GO! Sissy make go!
OC: What did she just call you? ::making the connections with what brain cells are left::
MF: She called me sissy because I'm her sister. Now how about you leave me alone and go bother someone else before I call security on you.

The old cow left in a hurry after that. It wasn't the first time something like that happened. She'd get glares all the time from people usually 50 or old if she was strolling around the mall waiting on her mom with her siblings. It still boggles my mind how closed mind these people are. I'm boggled further by the fact that I've seen some of these older people who after just acting like totally asses go on about how they should be respected if someone stands up to them.

[blas]

If my grandpa (dad's dad) was still alive, he'd be 96 with a 46 year old son.

[BookstoreEscapee]

My great grandparents were 15 and 21 when they got married. But that was in Sicily in 1900 (my dad recently came across their marriage certificate, along with my great-grandfather's naturalization application and certificate from 1917). It does make a difference when and where things happen. There are different standards in different times and cultures. That's just a fact.

I took a class like that in high school. It was called Living with Children, and for the first part of the year we did child development and all that stuff, then from the end of January to May we ran a pre-school (there were 2 LWC classes, and the preschoolers' "day" ran over both periods, so they were there about an hour and a half, with 2 sets of about 15 "student teachers" and the actual teacher. (Ironically, I was actually in that class when I was 4.)

During the child development phase of the class, we did the baby thing for a week. We got to use whatever doll we wanted, though. One girl did have a baby that actually cried, but it was just a toy, not one that was meant to teach you what it's like to have a baby. Mine was my Cabbage Patch Preemie. My friend Jay babysat for me when I was in gym class.

I also have a cousin who has a half brother approximately 30 years younger than him. I imagine people think they are father and son when they are together. Their father was around 60 (I think) when the younger one was born.

[MiloMorai]

Heheheh, to the young looking women and the guy that looks a few yrs older, this isn't bad just kind of funny:

I'm about to hit 40 but with my health lately and the fact I haven't trimmed my beard in a couple months I look about 50 or maybe more when I went to the ER. My mom took me and when the nurse was getting everything ready to release me she said something to my mom and the reply was "I'm his mother."

The double take on the nurse was really funny because I had told mom that I looked older than her when we were headed for the entrance.

[donruss]

I absolutely HATE people like this. Screw these self-righteous, I'm better than you, ignorant, assclowns! Its none of their damn business and no one has to explain a damn thing to them. My Mom got those looks all the time because she had me right after she turned 20.

People really need to learn to mind their own Goddamn business unless abuse is suspected. Of course, then no one WANTS to get involved!

[Victoria J]

Even if it was a real baby, it didn't necessarily mean your friend gave birth to it. She could have simply been the babysitter, older sister, cousin, etc.

Absolutely.

I have the opposite "problem" - I'm 30 and have a (half) sister who is 7, and everyone always assumes I'm her mother. (I stopped minding when I discovered they also assumed that our father was her grandfather). People get a bit embarrassed sometimes when she puts them right.

All kinds of people can spend time looking after children - and as long as they are taking good care of the child there's no need to stare.

I've also met some young mothers who have been very inspiring. Being a very young mother isn't ideal - but that doesn't mean no good can come of it either.

Though I do wonder if the people in the OP were self-conscious about the fake baby, and that made people notice them more than they otherwise would.

Victoria J

[blas]

Very true Raps. I will openly admit that I used to stare and scoff at women who appeared to be young single mums. Until I met Kelly. Kelly changed my views and set me straight. I have never been so proud of someone or seen such a strong woman in my life. And that little girl of hers has me wrapped right around her little finger.

She's having another baby, I'm very excited.

I guess it just bothers me how sometimes people can be so judgemental, when things weren't always honky dorey in the old days. There have been affairs and illegitimate love children for eons.

[Rapscallion]

Of course, that was fine and normal back then, right? *facepalm*.

Well, there are a few factors at play here. People tend to remember their youths as a golden age. There was a famous quote about how the youth of today is taking society to the wall with their rambunctious behaviour - the sort of thing you'd hear on a right-wing politician's lips when they're campaigning for office.

"I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint"

Hesiod - 8th Century BC or so. (Can I Help You A$$ used it on this forum before me)

Give it a few years, Blas - you'll sound just like me!

The other factor is that - as you said - your grandpa and his first wife married at 16 (legal over here in the UK, actually, with parental permission), but they did get married. Society has changed (not declined or improved, note - I'll save that for Fratching) in that the rate of marriage is down, the rate of divorce is up, and the common perception is of young, single mothers. There are too many cases of young mothers with no legal ties to the fathers being left to fend for themselves when the once-loving chap in question realises that a furtive fumble in the dark back then now means fumbling for a fresh nappy at three in the morning and he can make himself scarce instead.

It's not as if the world has changed completely, but what they think they see is a symptom of reckless youth who don't understand the results of their actions.

I'd also like to repeat something I once told someone who thought I was wise. "I'm not - I'm just old enough to be able to recognise mistakes I once made."

Rapscallion

[MadMike]

Even if it was a real baby, it didn't necessarily mean your friend gave birth to it. She could have simply been the babysitter, older sister, cousin, etc.

People are too quick to assume sometimes.

[blas]

I've honestly felt very sorry for my friends because of the looks they've gotten. Especially Kelly. She is the same age as me, and we both can't pass for any older than 16 on a good day. She was 16 when she had Lisa. People, especially elderly people, have given us dirty looks. I want to take their canes and smack that judgemental stick right back in their direction. My grandpa's first wife and he got married when she was 16 and they had my eldest uncle that next year.

Of course, that was fine and normal back then, right? *facepalm*.

Edit to add: Just another reason people need to rethink their judgement...things weren't always perfect back THEN, either. My mother's parents had her and then divorced right away, and my grandpa has 2 sons with another woman, and my grandma has 2 other sons with 2 other men.

[Peppergirl]

We get some crazy looks nowadays because even though my son is 20, he looks about 5 to 7 years older due to his beard and overall stature and demeanor. I'm 38 and am told I look younger. I don't think I do, but I'm told that.

Anyway, some of the looks when we go out are interesting. The theory is that people think we're one of those older-woman, younger-man couples.

The weird part is, my son looks EXACTLY like me - which makes me wonder just what in the hell people are staring so intently at.