Some days I wish they'd invent teleportation technology...

[Kogarashi]

...so I wouldn't have to deal with these yahoos on the road. Of course, they'd probably still find a way to muck up the teleportation. Ugh.

The other driving threads inspired me.

Coming home from the grocery store today, I ran into some people who need to go through driving school again.

Dear sir in the SUV behind me, get off the phone or get yourself a hands-free set. It's illegal otherwise in this state. Thank you.

Dear Fifty People Gridlocking the Intersection, if you see that you cna't make it all the way across the intersection without stopping at least once, don't try it! You're the reason the side street (i.e. me) can't go when the lights change, because you're still sitting oblivious in the middle of the intersection. Seriously, some days I wish the cops would get the idea to stake out this intersection and mail tickets to every yahoo who blocks it this time of day. Yes, this means you!

Dear "lady" at the intersection by my house, I know you weren't party to the Wal-Mart Gridlock, but you certainly looked like you were taking lessons from them. Please don't hang back behind the stop line while Monsieur Idiot in front of you blocks me from turning left, only to gun it when you realize the light is changing yellow and I'm about to complete my left-hand turn. Or do you really want to see what red Jeep paint looks like on the side of your silver Escalade?

Dear person in the car near the gas station, yes, I see you turning from the side street. Obviously you saw me, because you hesitated in your turn. But only long enough to cut it close when you still turned right in front of me. You're lucky my brakes work.

Dear Slowpoke on I-91, I know you just merged onto the highway and are intending to get off two exits later. That doesn't mean you should drive 15 miles slower than everyone else just so you don't miss your painfully obvious and well-marked exit.

And as for you yahoos behind me, I can't help much that my lane ends and I have to merge in front of you when getting on the highway. Maybe next time you could slow down a little or, I don't know, merge over a lane so I don't nearly clip your front bumper.

Kthxbai.

[powerboy]

Hey idiot in the other lane on the freeway. You were way back there, so yeah I am going to change lanes. You do not have to gun it, so that you are in front. I do not feel like having a crash and dying, ok.

To all the idiots with the Blue lights or the LED Bright lights, get them off. They blind me and I do need to drive at night.

[IT Grunt]

Dear Slowpoke on I-91, I know you just merged onto the highway and are intending to get off two exits later. That doesn't mean you should drive 15 miles slower than everyone else just so you don't miss your painfully obvious and well-marked exit.

I know exactly what you mean. The one on ramp I use every morning to go to work is only 1 mile from the next off ramp, and people will get on, drive 45 (Speed limit is 70), then get off. Never fails that traffic is heavy in the left lane so I can't pass these idiots.

[marty]

I think I may have the dumbest stop-in-the-middle-of-the-intersection story. Idiot Minivan pulls into the middle of the intersection, stops, and is too busy yapping on his cellphone to realize the cars ahead of him as moved. Then the light changes. And he sits there. In the middle of the intersection when he could have gone. The other cars, probably poor people trying to get to work, start just pulling around him (as in coming at the side of his car and having to swerve around) and beeping mercilessly. It took him a second after the light turned green again.

[trunks2k]

Dear Fifty People Gridlocking the Intersection, if you see that you cna't make it all the way across the intersection without stopping at least once, don't try it! You're the reason the side street (i.e. me) can't go when the lights change, because you're still sitting oblivious in the middle of the intersection. Seriously, some days I wish the cops would get the idea to stake out this intersection and mail tickets to every yahoo who blocks it this time of day. Yes, this means you!

I think they did that in NYC once before. They got traffic cops out in full force and started ticketing everyone blocking the intersections. I'm told this one day of heavy ticketing drastically improved the amount of gridlock in the city.

[Finduilas]

Dear Slowpoke on I-91, I know you just merged onto the highway and are intending to get off two exits later. That doesn't mean you should drive 15 miles slower than everyone else just so you don't miss your painfully obvious and well-marked exit.

There aren't very many exits on 91 that aren't obviously well-marked... they only warn you about four times for the ones in Hartford County... which exits do you frequent? I'm in the 30s and 40s in CT and before 10 in MA.

[Pagan]

Dear person in the car near the gas station, yes, I see you turning from the side street. Obviously you saw me, because you hesitated in your turn. But only long enough to cut it close when you still turned right in front of me. You're lucky my brakes work.

Damn, I'm glad I'm not the only one with an invisible car! I had three, count 'em, three people turn in front of me today. Only they were turning into the lane I was currently occupying.

And you, yeah you, put down your damn phone and your coffee! Just how are you steering your car?

[Andara Bledin]

And you, yeah you, put down your damn phone and your coffee! Just how are you steering your car?

....

You'd better hope it's with their knees....

^-.-^

[Bella_Vixen]

....

You'd better hope it's with their knees....

^-.-^

Unless Tommy Lee was the driver.



(not that I know...I just hear things...)

[Pagan]

Yeah, I've been trying not to contemplate it, thankyourverymuch!

[Arm]

oooh, I've got a few of those.

I'm constantly getting tailgated on the freeway. And I don't drive slow. It drives me crazy because at night these people will cuddle so close to my rear bumper that I can't see their headlights any more. I know they're back there because the pavement to the left or right of me is brighter than it should be, but that's about it.

Still, best pulled-in-front-of-me that I can think of...

...back when I was in the Army, I accidentally drove my Explorer over the front end of a Toyota Tacoma. I don't recommend it for entertainment, but it's impressive. That's not the story, though.

See, that accident bent up my front bumper but good. Also misaligned my grill and headlights on that side. So, I've got some OBVIOUS front-end damage. Anyone within three hundred meters can take a look and say, hey, THAT GUY has hit someone HARD, and RECENTLY.

So... let's see if my ascii drawings can render the scene:
. . . . . . . . . . . . __________
. . |v |v|^|^|. .|
. . |[]|[]|. |. \_/
. . |[]|[]|. |. . _< parking lot, and a clearly mentally challanged individual
. . |[]|[]|. |. . _>
. . |[]|[]|. |. / \__________
. _|[]|[]|. |. |_______________________
<_ RED . . . _______________________
>_. . . .GREEN, with ARROW____________
. . |. |. ||[]|
. . |. |. |[]|[]|


This is a 35 zone with traffic that usually traveled at 45. The [] are cars- as you can see, traffic in the oncoming two lanes was backed up well past the parking lot.
That intersection has a left-arrow for the side I'm in, and not for the oncoming. I was going straight across the intersection, so I didn't have my signal on or anything of the sort.

So, the light changes, everyone is off like a shot, we've got places to go, traffic to get caught in, you know?

When all the sudden the brain biscuit in the parking lot decides she wants to make a left out of the parking lot.

Across oncoming traffic.

Into a lane of unmoving cars that has NO ROOM for her.

In front of an SUV with CLEARLY VISIBLE front-end damage.

She wound up parked crossways to the lane of travel, while I tested my brakes and hoped the guys BEHIND me had good brakes as well. I wound up stopping about 4 feet from her door, and yes, the way she was parked, the groove down the center of my hood lined up neatly across her face as she stared back at me with these dull, uncomprehending eyes.

I dunno. Either she had an IQ of denture paste, or she was trying to commit suicide. I'm not really sure which.

[Kogarashi]

Pagan, I LOL'd.

Arm, maybe it was actually a cow with a really convincing "Human" costume? Was she chewing her cud? I hear that gives those sneaky cows away.

There aren't very many exits on 91 that aren't obviously well-marked... they only warn you about four times for the ones in Hartford County... which exits do you frequent? I'm in the 30s and 40s in CT and before 10 in MA.

Actually, I frequent exits 1-9, with an occasional jaunt to 14 or further. Ugh to the 91-95 connection.

[Finduilas]

91 gets better the further north you go.... Vermont, here I come!

[Pagan]

Kogarashi - Happy to oblige. Try this!

It hasn't gotten any better. Let's see, I posted that just after midnight on Friday and had three turn in front of me. Saturday, I has two more do it!

In addition, I had some hag almost back over me while walking back to my car. I had heard her car start and saw which car it was and was watching her. Saw her back-up lights come on an I stopped about 5 feet away since I had seen her look back to her right but never to the left....which is where I was. Well, she backed up about 4-5 feet, finally turned to the left and saw me. She happened to have her window down and said, "Sorry, I didn't see you." I couldn't help myself, I had to say, "Yeah, 'cause you didn't look!" Here is her expression: I just kept walking to my car with my gallon of milky goodness!

[Trayol]

While it is true that she didn't look Pagan, your comeback was a tad harsh as she did say sorry and stopped.
If she were a true SC she would have continued in the attempt to run you over and would have yelled at you for getting in her cars way. Then you could string several words together to show your displeasure.