Why I hate shopping

[Daisy]

Went to the dreaded mall this weekend. I thought it would be nice to get out for a while, so my mom, my friend C and I took the baby for an outing. So, to the people from the mall this weekend:

Yes, there are some good sales going on. Do not trample me to get to that denim jacket your kid must have OMG right now!!11!! when it's 95 degrees outside.

Yes, I have a baby in a stroller. Do not bend down and get in his face. First, I don't know you. I have no idea what germage you've got going on, but I'm positive he doesn't need it in his face. Likewise, when my mom is sitting on a bench feeding him a bottle, do not sit down so close that your leg is touching her leg. There are empty benches. That's f---ing creepy.

Attention teenage bimbos: I have a stroller. The lady to the right of me is in a wheelchair. We both need to use the ramp rather than the stairs. (Steps on each side of the walkway, ramp in the middle) When you have chosen to block the entire ramp to have your social hour, and I say "excuse me" very politely, do not ROLL YOUR EYES and SIGH LOUDLY - and stand right where you are.

On a similar note, if you have a large group, for the love of turtles do not spread out shoulder to shoulder like you're playing Red Rover. I walk faster than you, and I'm gonna go around one way or another.

And finally, do not let your 2-3 year old run madly around crowded stores! Someone crazy might steal him. Someone would have to be crazy to steal him, but still. When the little tyke runs full tilt into my knees while I have my baby in my arms, do not look at me like "Awww, wasn't that cute?" NO. It wasn't.

I doubt I'll go anywhere near a mall for a while now.

[iradney]

hen the little tyke runs full tilt into my knees while I have my baby in my arms, do not look at me like "Awww, wasn't that cute?" NO. It wasn't.

When I was little, I did that. Once. First, I wailed coz I hit the floor. Then, I wailed coz my Mom let me know in no uncertain terms that it is NOT cool to run around crowded places. And then I apologized to the lady I ran into.

I'm of the opinion that, unless I grow eyeballs in my kneecaps, it's not really my responsibility to keep a kiddie radar. Sure, if they're in my line of sight, I'll make a point of avoiding them, but if they ram me from behind or the side, then it's not my fault or problem.
It may sound heartless, but I'll help em up from the ground if needs be, I won't drop kick them or anything. I'm just not uber vigilant about what might hit me in the knees.

[marasbaras]

ROLL YOUR EYES and SIGH LOUDLY - and stand right where you are

This has actually earned a "get out of my way you little whores" from me. I really hate people who block everything. Go sit down at a cafe or something.

On a similar note, if you have a large group, for the love of turtles do not spread out shoulder to shoulder like you're playing Red Rover. I walk faster than you, and I'm gonna go around one way or another.

When walking in Downtown Seattle, groups of arrogant businessmen would do this. They'd take up 95% of the sidewalk. Now, I'd try to be polite and would move pretty much over to the side as far as I safely could. NO further.

Since I wouldn't move and they were far too important to move ... well, let's just say a body check is so much easier with you're on solid ground and not in skates.

[greensinestro]

On a similar note, if you have a large group, for the love of turtles do not spread out shoulder to shoulder like you're playing Red Rover. I walk faster than you, and I'm gonna go around one way or another.

I had this happen at a Winn Dixie a few years back. I went in to grab something simple for dinner. After leaving the frozen foods aisle, I was ready to check out when all of a sudden, these two girls, looked about 15 each, came sauntering out from the snack foods aisle and into the aisle where you head to the cashiers. Both were dressed like they were going to work the streets that night, walking side by side, laughing and talking about boys, while eating a bag of unpaid for Doritos. I for the love of me could not get around these two girls, even after politely saying "excuse me" to them. Well, lo and behold, as I was trying to get to the open register I saw, these two girls also were checking out, right up until one decided she forgot her bottle of nail polish remover and left the line to get it. This took forever, and not one time did the store see that they needed more cashiers on the front, nor tell these girls to come back when they were finished shopping.

Yeah, teenagers are certainly rude when unchaperoned.

[JustADude]

Since I wouldn't move and they were far too important to move ... well, let's just say a body check is so much easier with you're on solid ground and not in skates.

Oddly enough... or not, since I'm a rather intimidatingly large individual... I've never had to do more than say a pointed "Excuse me!" if a first, polite vocalization doesn't work.

[Geek King]

Oddly enough... or not, since I'm a rather intimidatingly large individual... I've never had to do more than say a pointed "Excuse me!" if a first, polite vocalization doesn't work.

I find a nice sub-vocalization of, "Move before I throttle you with your hair extensions" works wonders. Bass pipes for the win!

[Arm]

I find a nice sub-vocalization of, "Move before I throttle you with your hair extensions" works wonders. Bass pipes for the win!

"I'm going to make your mother sorry she ever bore you"? (I've never found an occasion to use that one though)

I was actually trying to think of the worst threat you could ever make to someone. Well, one-line threat, anyway. The one from the movie that ends with, "Anyone who ever owed you money!" is pretty much awesome.

Hair extensions is good, though. I like that.

For lack of a better idea, when I'm trying to get past people who won't move, or when people are trying to shove past me, I've found that if you just set your shoulder and keep on moving, they'll generally bounce off unless they outweigh you by a LOT.

[edible_hat]

I've been known to ram other shoppers' trolleys with mine.

[AKWalMartCartGuy]

On a similar note, if you have a large group, for the love of turtles do not spread out shoulder to shoulder like you're playing Red Rover. I walk faster than you, and I'm gonna go around one way or another.

are there actually places where they don't do that? my favorite is when people grab a cart, from the back of the line, not the front, put their kid in it, then stand there and bullshit for awhile while the cart guy is behind them trying to put his carts where they're standing. bonus points if the door doesn't have enough carts to make it 5 minutes without replenishments.


a close second is when they block the door

[AKWalMartCartGuy]

I'm of the opinion that, unless I grow eyeballs in my kneecaps, it's not really my responsibility to keep a kiddie radar. Sure, if they're in my line of sight, I'll make a point of avoiding them, but if they ram me from behind or the side, then it's not my fault or problem.
It may sound heartless, but I'll help em up from the ground if needs be, I won't drop kick them or anything. I'm just not uber vigilant about what might hit me in the knees.

same here. I have a job that doesn't require a lot of brain power, but I do need to concentrate when I'm trying to make a sharp turn without my front cart running away or running into people, I have to watch my carts to make sure I don't hit anyone with them, I can't be watching my sides for small children that run up next to me right when I need to turn. maybe we should get signs on our vests that say "makes wide turns"?

I find a nice sub-vocalization of, "Move before I throttle you with your hair extensions" works wonders. Bass pipes for the win!

am I the only one that instantly thought of "move bitch" by ludacris? then the remix by him and 3 6 mafia because that one just kicks ass?(sidenote:I have a friend who set his ringtone to the remix, so when you called him it at least got out "move bitch, get out the way, fuck that shit, get out the way ho")

[Daisy]

when you called him it at least got out "move bitch, get out the way, fuck that shit, get out the way ho")

Too funny! I'll have to find that mp3 and make a ringtone for such occasions.