Never seen a jehovas witness walk on air before( strange and some gore)

[SteeleDragon78]

This story was related to me by a coworker of the "country" persuasion. Not sure if this should go here or in off topic, since it does involve a coworker. mods forgive me if im wrong.

BS: This happened around 4 years ago shortly after the end of deer season. My friend and his cousin took a couple of nice does and were getting ready to process them as the local butcher wanted waaay too much to do it.

They were working in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. my friend being covered in deer blood and other icky stuff ignored it cause he didn't want to track it all over the house. the bell continued to ring untill he could take it no more. he hid behind the door and poked his head out.

an older gentleman and his family were on his porch waving a bible in his face asking (in a Billy Graham voice) "have you found jesus son"? my friend mumbled something about yes he was saved and that he didnt have time to sit and talk and tried to close the door.

tried is the operative word here. the guy had shoved his foot in the door and was pushing to get in saying that he wouldnt take much of my freinds time etc. they fought for a couple of seconds and finaly my freind sliped and fell back. now you have to picture him in a butchers apron covered from neck to shin in deer blood and other bits. this suprised the family just a bit. right about then his cousin came out of the kitchen with a deer heart in his hand. he took one look at the family, took a bite out of the heart and asked "are they next"?

they left so fast they didnt leave foot prints in the dirt.

now this may sound a little farfetched but i asked his cousin for confirmation and he tells it the same way. so take it as you may

[IT Grunt]

he took one look at the family, took a bite out of the heart and asked "are they next"?

Gross, but the looks on their faces had to be totally worth it.

[Evil Queen]

I've seen that happen to my neighbor in TN, when we lived out in the boonies.

I keep getting Jehovas Witnesses at work. Don't get me wrong, I think they're nice people and all (and I told them this) but I don't need a religious lecture from a random stranger off the streets in my place of business.

I get enough of that in downtown, thanks.

[Javarod]

Laughs, "A friend of mine cleans her house in the nude, and since she lives rather off the beaten path, the only strangers knocking on her door are Jehovah's Witnesses. Oh, and did I mention that she's pagan? She doesn't bother to get dressed to answer the door, so they're not usually interested in sticking around.

[katie kaboom]

I have a slight confession to make.....

My fiance once slept with a Jehovah's Witness.

In fact, he still has the Bible she was reading to him during the act.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

You know, if anyone ever had the sand to force my door like that, they'd be leaving my property sans whatever they'd used to jam the door open.

There are no exceptions to this.

I mean, think about it. Technically, you could KILL someone for forcing themselves into your house, couldn't you? "Yes, officer, I was in fear for my life, the dead man tried to force himself into my house." Kind of risky behavior, I'd think.

The heart was a nice touch.

[smileyeagle1021]

Laughs, "A friend of mine cleans her house in the nude, and since she lives rather off the beaten path, the only strangers knocking on her door are Jehovah's Witnesses. Oh, and did I mention that she's pagan? She doesn't bother to get dressed to answer the door, so they're not usually interested in sticking around.

can I knock on her door to tell her about the Book of Mormon

sorry, that was out of line

I have a slight confession to make.....

My fiance once slept with a Jehovah's Witness.

In fact, he still has the Bible she was reading to him during the act.

now that is one screwed up fetish that I have never heard of... you'd think most people wouldn't want to be thinking of their sin while they are committing it (I'm assuming they were having sex outside of marriage... which I'm pretty sure the JW believe is sinful).

[Record Store Tough Guy]

^^ Maybe she was reading from Song of Solomon?

[AKWalMartCartGuy]

c

sorry, that was out of line

no it wasn't


I used to work with a jehova's witness, and he was cool. he didn't even try to jam his religion down my throat

[edible_hat]

...and I thought my mum's cousin's Jehova's Witness story was bad...

They rang the bell just as he was finishing a shower. He answered wearing only a towel around his waist. When they mentioned "the Lord", he let the towel drop. His house is now blacklisted.

[marasbaras]

Seems to me it was the JH who was sucky ... like any salesman, I give them one chance at my saying no. After that, GAME ON!

[Evil Queen]

How do you make them go away and stay away? (I keep being bothered by them at work and have kindly asked them to please stop dropping off literature, but still... bupkis.)

[ArcticChicken]

How do you make them go away and stay away?

The only surefire tactic is to scare them. Yeah, some of them will leave you alone without, but it's really hard.

For example:
(Waring: This story is third hand, so it's probably exaggerated)
This pagan couple a friend of mine knows had recently bought a house, and were having some trouble with Jehovah's Witnesses. They had asked politely, several times, for the Jehovah's Witnesses to go away and leave them alone, but nothing was happening there.

So, one morning, at about six thirty, the JW's were at the door, again, and the couple had had enough. So, the man (who's name escapes me) crawled out of bed, shucked off his boxers, grabbed his pet Boa constrictor out of the terrarium, draped it around his neck, and answered the door.

The Jehovah's Witnesses look a little taken aback, but launch into their speech. At which point he roars, "How dare you interrupt our ceremony to the Dark Master," and flings his arms up in a dramatic gesture at the white ceiling, where the dawn light picks out the pentagram painted there in eggshell.

They never had a problem with Jehovah's Witnesses again.

[RedRoseSpiral]

There used to be two really nice JW that would come around to the chinese place I worked at. They were both in their mid-20's. They'd order vegetable egg rolls with sweet and sour sauce and sometimes white rice. Eat, give me a two dollar tip and some pamphlets. I'd take them home and me and my best friend who just happens to be an atheist would laugh at some of the stuff in there. Especially the things about how women and girl ladies should act.

[Becks]

how women and girl ladies should act.

That has to be a fascinating read.