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  • Adventures in Valeting

    I did some valet work right after college to supplement my income and have tons of funny and sucky moments.

    In valet we get to drive just about any imaginable car under the sun, Lamborghinis', Aston Martins', Ferraris', etc. w/the exception of some we just don't see. Anyways here's a story about a guest at a party who I heard about. Our first encounter w/him I heard second hand and the other I saw personally.

    He wasn't sucky, just a victim of a sucky valet.

    Customer: Asian Porsche owner
    Supervisor: A
    Valet: T

    First is the second hand story. This story is legendary within the company as the valet who got the APO's MANUAL Porsche was a happy stoner akin to Kenny from "Half Baked". Said valet, goes to get the car and brings it back. On the way he got stuck on a hill, but he had it in 3rd gear when it should have been in 1st. He tried over and over to get up the hill, but couldn't and ended up being engulfed by a cloud a smoke. The supervisor, A, had been trying to field the guests questions about where his car was as it had been at least 10 minutes since he gave her his claim ticket for his car.

    Supervisors usually have radios to communicate with shuttles and others sups, but she wasn't able to contact the valet since we don't carry radios as runners. Anyways A hands her radio over to one of the other valets who was posted up where she was and went down to see what the hold up was. She gets down the bottom of the hill and can smell something burning. T had totally burnt out the guest's clutch leaving the Porsche inoperable. She tells A to just make himself ghost and not make himself known or seen by the guest. He starts apologizing perfusively and starts pacing.

    A tries to get the car going, but the clutch is totally shot. She's on her way to go back up and tell the guest what happened and apparently he was super PISSED but took it like a champ. No SC outburst at all. Bravo the guy was a saint about it. Beforehand though, T decided to take it upon himself to go up and apologize to APO and tell him what happened before A got to see him. APO FLIPPED HIS LID A gets back up top and through her teeth tells T to "get the f*ck away" and basically hide. A informs the guest that the company will tow his Porsche and fix his clutch free of charge on the company's insurance. The company gets him a rental car and everything is good....


    Until...


    Fast forward to about 2 years later. We're working a private party for a real estate developer at his home and celebrities are abound and the SAME guest is there. He's not a celeb from what I know, but is someone who attends various parties. Maybe a socialite, I don't know. Anyways, people are leaving in large numbers and I'm in a shuttle w/other valets going to get guests cars.

    This new guy gets a Porsche and is ecstatic about it. Big deal we get better. He seems a bit iffy and I offer to take it. I ask him does he knows how to drive stick and he says yea. Me being all about letting others have fun and feel confident about themselves ask him was he sure. He changes his mind and we swap back keys. Now note, I had no idea that this was the same guys' car. Nor was I present during the first story so I didn't know it was the same legendary victim.

    As we get out of the shuttle, a sudden random feeling of dread comes across me as I look at the Porsche parked on the side of the road. The new guy was fumbling w/the keys but gets in. Something was telling me that he was gonna mess something up, but it was just a feeling at the time. I get my guests' car, Paula Abdul's Ranger Rover, and head back up to the house.

    Once there I'm waiting in line behind other valets that have brought cars up and I can smell something burning. A burnt clutch has a VERY distinctive smell and once you smell it, an "oh shit" thought will come across your mind if it's your car or anyone elses. I see the same brand new looking Porsche sitting up top smelling like pure burnt out trash.

    I get my guest their car and they go on their way. I couldn't catch the conversation between A and the guest, but A had to deal with the same customer AGAIN. I felt so bad for her because she had to deal w/the situation both times. All I know is APO was past super PISSED he was whatever the second highest form of anger there is just below wrath. This guy was so angry he didn't know what to do with himself. He was so angry he was pacing and speaking two different languages. I would say a cross between English and Chinese, Chinglish, I would assume. The smell of this man's clutch was ATROCIOUS.

    I don't know what happened afterwards much, but I remember when I walked past APO before I knew it was him he was fuming and asking me WTF was wrong w/the other idiot valets I worked with. He had a wad of cash in his hand apparently for us, but stuffed it back in his pocket and said if I had of taken his car it would have been mine

    He was yelling for the owner of the company who is at many of our party gigs making his presence known since he knows his customers (the party throwers). He asked me to get the owner and I said he had already left about an hour ago and I wouldn't be of any more help than what A gave him and that she'd be more. He basically went into a Tasmanian Devil type rage and would've started pulling out his hair if he could and jumped into his Porsche and speed off saying f*ck *valet company name*.

    His clutch was intact thankfully this time around and he swore he would never let another valet take his car EVER.
    Last edited by Willis; 07-20-2008, 04:13 AM.

  • #2
    Another memorable story was for a political campaign party I was working for I believe Hilary Clinton.

    We were in Beverly Hills on a narrow street and were getting some NICE cars. I got my first Aston Martin from some British political figure and had my fun tooling around the neighborhood and parking the car.

    The night went on and me and other valets started watching a movie w/the supervisor on his portable DVD player. Later on it starts getting busy I go get a car and everything is cool. On the next car another valet drives up and I get the passengers' door. He had on a leg cast so I help him inside the car.

    He gets himself in and I always make sure peoples' legs are in/dress/etc. before I close the door. No different with this guy. He's an SC unfortunately.

    I ask him is he set and he says "Yes." OK cool. I start to close his door and midway, he decides he wants to adjust his leg and puts it out the car in the path of the closing door. I ended up closing the door on his leg and he goes into a rage.

    Me
    SC: Some political figure
    SCW: SC's wife I would assume

    SC: OWWWWWWWW. OMG WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?
    Me: Um...I'm sorry sir you said you were good.
    SC: No I'm not you just SLAMMED the damn door against my leg.
    Me: But a second ago you said you were set/in/and OK.
    SC: I know what I said, but I needed to adjust my foot.
    Me: Sir I'm terribly sorry, *I really did feel like crap* I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.
    SC: But you did, OWWWWWW, SHIT!
    SCW: I don't think he meant it honey. You did say you were good.
    SC: I KNOW WHAT I SAID!!!
    SCW: *Reaches over SC* Here's $5, I know you meant well.
    SC: *F*CK THAT!!!* He doesn't deserve shit for slamming the door on my leg. OWWWWWW!!! *Snatches money back* You HURT me.
    Me: I'm VERY sorry sir, *confused as to how to rectify the situation* Let me help you back in.
    SC: NO!!!
    Me: OK
    SC: You can close the door now.
    Me: OK, have a nice evening sir.
    *SC sneers through the window while SCW just kinda shrugs*
    Last edited by Willis; 07-20-2008, 04:35 AM.

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    • #3
      Another quick story.

      This SC is a famous one named Smokey from the movie "Friday" you all know him.

      Through other valets, I heard this guy was a gem of a guest, but I didn't totally believe all the hype. Boy way I wrong, 1st story second hand and last one personally witnessed.

      Me
      Valet: "Innocent" supervisor
      Smokey: Celebrity extraordinaire

      Smokey drives a Aston Martin and a Rolls Royce Phantom.

      Basically he's super rich, doesn't tip and talks random shit to valets about his cars.

      In a nutshell the first time I heard about him around the work environment he refused to let us valets, valet his car, an tiptronic Aston Martin. Tiptronics is basically a manual geared car w/o the stick, it's paddle shift driven the same way as a manual w/o a clutch.

      After Smokey talks his shit, he asks us where he can park up close. Hellooooo fool!!! There are other famous people here too who wanted first class treatment that arrived here HOURS before you and got front door parking. You're "fashionably" late and we're out of front row seating.

      Anyways, Smokey thinks he's A-list material and deserves A+++++ treatment regardless of the fact that no more front door parking is available and his lovely Aston Martin needs it's own entourage while he parties.

      He decides screw valet and he'll park it his "damn self", imagine your best Smokey voice. He does so, gets shuttled up and parties his heart out with his random arm candy of the night. When he decides to call it a night and leave, he gets into his $100,000+++++ whatever car and decides to pull a Smokey moment just to show us valets how to ball in a Aston Martin.

      He starts to drive off and burns out his OWN clutch. Dude you just burnt out your own clutch.

      SC: Smokey
      Supervisor

      SC: WTF is this man?
      Sup: You driving your own car Mr. Tucker. We had NOTHING to do w/it.
      SC: F*CK all that BULLSHIT!!! You MOTHERF*CKERS should be helping ME.
      Sup: Sir, you didn't want us touching your car so we claim no responsibility.
      SC: MANNNNN!!! Ya'll some shady ass bitches. Who gonna get me back to my house?
      Sup: You sir, it's beyond our control.
      SC: *Sneers like he wants to kill us as a random sacrifice* F*ck ya'll.
      Sup: *SC speeding away*


      Same SC different party, he stiffs us even though we open his limo door and treat him like royalty.

      Same SC and again another different party, he rolls up in his Rolls Royce Phantom. He won't let us touch it like we never drove a Phantom before He ends up scratching it on something and at his own misfortune. Hey buddy we still love you

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      • #4
        I don't even understand the concept of purchasing a vehicle you don't know how to drive.

        It's one thing if you're a broke-ass college student or a kid in high school and you buy a stick because it's all you can afford, and you grind it up a bit while you learn... But come ON, I bet that car cost as much as most houses.

        And the guys that manage to ding them on things... It boggles the mind. I've scratched up my car, sure. I also wasn't on the ROAD at the time (on purpose). If you can't avoid running into things in a parking lot, you shouldn't be driving. Or at least you should just acknowledge that you're a dumbass.

        Keep the stories coming!
        "Joi's CEO is about as sneaky and subtle as a two year old on crack driving an air craft carrier down Broadway." - Broomjockey

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        • #5
          Another little pain in the ass that we have to deal w/is the fact that people NEVER want to understand that depending on where their car is parked, someone else who gave their ticket after them, their car might come back first. This is something that we have to constantly explain and people understand, but will just have to pout like we are trying to "torture" them and make them wait. It's like dude are you really, really serious with this pouting crap? They just don't want to accept it and have to make smart remarks to save face and try to make us look like we don't know what we're doing. "All you do is park cars, I'm a lawyer...blah, blah, blah". (Do win cases sucker? If not shut up. Even if you do shut up.) Then when a sup or general manager or owner puts them in their place, they just look off like they've been screwed over or taken advantage off. Some still argue the fact and protest that they've been waiting 5 minutes or whatever only to be told that the valet is running WAY up the street to get their car so they don't have to walk, talk to their friends or something and be patient. Then most are like "Oh OK, um they're actually running blocks to get my car?" Yea. "That's nice of them" and they put their heads down, pull out a little extra money to tip or just back off. Some people understand, still tip and chat us up because they know we're RUNNING like cheetahs to get their cars blocks up the street if we miss the shuttle. Others don't give a rats ass, they want their cars that instant forgetting the fact that they didn't have to walk the who knows how far to get it. Since they valeted, we should be able to manipulate time, bob our heads like Jeanie and make their cars appear that instant.

          They never take into account that even though they gave their ticket to a sup 5 minutes ago and the valet is going to get their car a few blocks up the street; the next person who just gave their ticket to us might be parked a few feet away or just around the corner. They also never think that maybe this other person arrived at the party before them and ended up getting a closer spot and they showed up later and are parked further away, but decided to leave around the same time as this other person. Telling this to judges, lawyers, doctors, celebrities, fashion designers, damn PROFESSIONALS is taxing. It's like they look at you like you're just the help, but when you explain simple logic they get kinda embarrassed at the fact that you just broke down a simple concept that they couldn't grasp or weren't thinking about. Doesn't matter if you yourself have a degree and are doing what you have to do to supplement your income, they get this haughtiness about them because they've made it already in their profession and can't understand that not everybody has made it because mommy and daddy vouched for them down at the country club. Amazing.
          Last edited by Willis; 07-20-2008, 09:25 PM.

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