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....or more like amateur night at the Comedy Club.
I was at Subway this late morning, paying dearly for all of last night's drunken endeavors, and was completely starving to death.
Mind you, I had just finished going tanning, was stinky, smelly, and sweaty, wearing my pajama tank top and last night's jeans. My hair was a puffy mess, my skin was an even bigger puffy mess, and I looked worse than some of those pics of celebrities without makeup.
I walked into the lunch rush at Subway, and got in line behind two Jeff Foxworthy type of guys, both had unbuttoned over half of the buttons of their shirt, both had more chest hair than I have hair on my head, both stunk, and both were missing a few too many teeth and apparently brain cells as well.
First mistake...as I join in the line, both of them look me up and down with that
"Hungry Like the Wolf" burning intense desire. I glared at them both and they turned back to the first sandwhich artist.
Apparently, neither of them had ever been to a Subway in their life. The artist had to name off every single type of bread.....then the first guy hemmed and hawed over what type of meat he wanted. Then his only few brain cells rubbed together and came to the conclusion...why just one meat when I can have more than one!!? He also required the sandwich artist to name off every type of cheese that they have. He hemmed and hawed over THAT as well!
Rinse, wash, and repeat for the second guy.
Here's where the comedy part comes into play.
As the second sandwich artist was about to put the toppings on the first guy's sandwich, the first guy guffaws "Hahaha, ya'lls must have a newbie here! She must not know us very well, haw haw haw......we made her name off every bread they is there!"
The second guy was about pissing his filthy jeans laughing so hard at him and his friend's "clever" joke.
I successfully resisted the urge to take my nailfile out of my purse and slash the both of them.
Oh, then it got better. The second sandwich artist didn't remember what the first guy usually gets on his sandwich for condiments. He snerks "One SINGLE line of mayo! I can't believe ya'll don't remember us, we's here every day! Ya'll need to learn ta remember this stuff!"
Again, his friend was nearly pissing himself. Then he spoke up with "And ah want HALF of the sandwich with vineger, da other half in oil....can you remember that there?"
I was waiting for them both to high five each other and roll over laughing.
First guy was paying for both of them. As the third sandwich artist rang up their total, the second guy felt the need to comment "Ain't many places ya can still go and get lunch for two for less than 20 bucks naw......it's a shame ya'll can't remember us!"
The first guy then commented "Aw hell, it's a wonder they keep letting us come back here!"
I resisted the urge to snort back "I concur with that."
After the two tools finally got their shit together and sat down and it was my turn, I commented "I'm not sure what's a bigger wonder.....that the looney bin's staff is so lazy, or that people still try to act like Ron White and Bill Engval."
I got a small laugh out of the poor girl.
I felt so bad for everyone eating inside Subway who had to deal with those two jackasses.
I was at Subway this late morning, paying dearly for all of last night's drunken endeavors, and was completely starving to death.
Mind you, I had just finished going tanning, was stinky, smelly, and sweaty, wearing my pajama tank top and last night's jeans. My hair was a puffy mess, my skin was an even bigger puffy mess, and I looked worse than some of those pics of celebrities without makeup.
I walked into the lunch rush at Subway, and got in line behind two Jeff Foxworthy type of guys, both had unbuttoned over half of the buttons of their shirt, both had more chest hair than I have hair on my head, both stunk, and both were missing a few too many teeth and apparently brain cells as well.
First mistake...as I join in the line, both of them look me up and down with that
"Hungry Like the Wolf" burning intense desire. I glared at them both and they turned back to the first sandwhich artist.
Apparently, neither of them had ever been to a Subway in their life. The artist had to name off every single type of bread.....then the first guy hemmed and hawed over what type of meat he wanted. Then his only few brain cells rubbed together and came to the conclusion...why just one meat when I can have more than one!!? He also required the sandwich artist to name off every type of cheese that they have. He hemmed and hawed over THAT as well!
Rinse, wash, and repeat for the second guy.
Here's where the comedy part comes into play.
As the second sandwich artist was about to put the toppings on the first guy's sandwich, the first guy guffaws "Hahaha, ya'lls must have a newbie here! She must not know us very well, haw haw haw......we made her name off every bread they is there!"
The second guy was about pissing his filthy jeans laughing so hard at him and his friend's "clever" joke.
I successfully resisted the urge to take my nailfile out of my purse and slash the both of them.
Oh, then it got better. The second sandwich artist didn't remember what the first guy usually gets on his sandwich for condiments. He snerks "One SINGLE line of mayo! I can't believe ya'll don't remember us, we's here every day! Ya'll need to learn ta remember this stuff!"
Again, his friend was nearly pissing himself. Then he spoke up with "And ah want HALF of the sandwich with vineger, da other half in oil....can you remember that there?"
I was waiting for them both to high five each other and roll over laughing.
First guy was paying for both of them. As the third sandwich artist rang up their total, the second guy felt the need to comment "Ain't many places ya can still go and get lunch for two for less than 20 bucks naw......it's a shame ya'll can't remember us!"
The first guy then commented "Aw hell, it's a wonder they keep letting us come back here!"
I resisted the urge to snort back "I concur with that."
After the two tools finally got their shit together and sat down and it was my turn, I commented "I'm not sure what's a bigger wonder.....that the looney bin's staff is so lazy, or that people still try to act like Ron White and Bill Engval."
I got a small laugh out of the poor girl.
I felt so bad for everyone eating inside Subway who had to deal with those two jackasses.
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