Stare Down

[RedRoseSpiral]

This happened a few weeks ago.

A friend and I decided to go do some shopping and have lunch. Since we're very poor college student we went to Hardee's to eat. We're both in our usual goth wear as my mom calls it me more so since I had fallen asleep in my jewelry the night before. We put in our orders, pay, and find a booth to sit in. When I was walking towards the both I noticed an older couple sitting behind and catercorner to the booth we usually sit at. As I'm walking, the man looks up from his food and gives me one of those looks. You know the "wtf are you going to pull you little punk" type. I ignore this. I've gotten these looks for years now they don't phase me.

My friend and I sit down and wait for our food. We chit chat a bit and then dig in when the food comes. After a bit I realize that the old man every once in awhile looks my way and glares at me. He'd do this almost every time I took a bite of my burger. I found it rather rude and said so to my friend. I wanted to do something immature and bitchy like blow him a kiss, but it would have been kind of hard to do that with a full mouth. Plus my friend wouldn't have been too happy if I got ABC food on her.

I'm just curious if I'll be able to be that rude in public when I get to that age.

[Bright_Star]

I would have asked him what his problem was. I mean, glancing over to look at you once is fine BUT to keep doing that is considered rude.

[Calud]

He was just curious. I do "stare" at "full goth gear" wearing ladies because I dig the style. There are so many details that one has to take in in order to see the whole outfit.

[RetailWorkhorse]

I'd have asked, in my slightly accented Atlantan Accent, and obscenely politely (is that possible? Yes, yes it is) if something was wrong as he seemed to be paying such an amount of attention to you, and as you found that highly flattering, it may not have been the best place to do so.

*Snickers*

[RedRoseSpiral]

He was just curious. I do "stare" at "full goth gear" wearing ladies because I dig the style. There are so many details that one has to take in in order to see the whole outfit.

I'm used to those kinds of stares. I don't mind them. They're flattering. It's when I'm getting blatantly glared at do I get annoyed.

[DeltaSierra]

Sounds like he was glaring in an angry way not just staring. Stupid old geezer.

I love the Goth look but could never pull it off without looking like an idiot. I too, admire those who look good in it

[One-Fang]

Since they were a couple I'd have been tempted to simply say something to get him in trouble with the missus. I dunno, something like "Much as I'm flattered sir, I'm not interested, and I don't think your staring is appropriate if that's your missus you're with".

[laundryhater]

So let me get this straight. You're mad because the attentiion-getting way you dress got you attention???

Reminds me of the time my sister's boyfriend who has a mohawk got all pissy and threatened to fight someone who was staring at him at a nice restaurant. It was my birthday celebration dinner so I told him to shut up or leave because I was not having him embarrass me on my birthday just because he couldn't control his temper in public. I told him, "Wear your hair like that and expect to get stared at. If you don't like getting stared at don't wear your hair like that. But you can't have it both ways!."

[Kyree]

So let me get this straight. You're mad because the attentiion-getting way you dress got you attention???

Reminds me of the time my sister's boyfriend who has a mohawk got all pissy and threatened to fight someone who was staring at him at a nice restaurant. It was my birthday celebration dinner so I told him to shut up or leave because I was not having him embarrass me on my birthday just because he couldn't control his temper in public. I told him, "Wear your hair like that and expect to get stared at. If you don't like getting stared at don't wear your hair like that. But you can't have it both ways!."

No, it's not the staring and attention that's making her angry, she said so. It's the old man turning in his seat repeatedly while she was eating, for the sole purpose of just GLARING at her. For no reason.

[RedRoseSpiral]

So let me get this straight. You're mad because the attentiion-getting way you dress got you attention???

Reminds me of the time my sister's boyfriend who has a mohawk got all pissy and threatened to fight someone who was staring at him at a nice restaurant. It was my birthday celebration dinner so I told him to shut up or leave because I was not having him embarrass me on my birthday just because he couldn't control his temper in public. I told him, "Wear your hair like that and expect to get stared at. If you don't like getting stared at don't wear your hair like that. But you can't have it both ways!."

No, I'm annoyed at the fact that through out my entire meal I have some guy turning completely around every few minutes to glare at me for no other reason then my clothing. I did not threaten this man. I didn't even say a word to him. I just find it rude to stare. I get the first reaction thing, I've dressed this way for 8 years, it happens but to be so blatantly rude bothers me.

All I did was go into a fast food place, order, and eat. I was not causing a scene or being rude. Just because I wear a type of clothes does not mean I don't deserve the same common decency as others during my meal.

[blas]

I totally hear you there, RedRose.

I don't think I dress very out of the ordinary....but for some reason I get the stare down a lot as well. And I concur that it is beyond rude to stare. Period. Sure, some people may find others' style interesting, but is staring necessary? No.

I believe a lot of people avoid going out in public more often than completely necessary because they feel uncomfortable, a lot of times probably because they get stared at or followed or just made to feel unwelcome in public because of their outward appearance, and it's wrong. Very wrong.

[Imogene]

I had a night at Rocky Horror where I was told "You'll probably be asked to get down off that table..."
I was sitting there, in my skirt, not moving, not being loud, and they'd never said anything before that about people sitting on the tables. I was flabbergasted, and started theorizing with a friend as to why they would even suggest such a thing. All we could come up with was my manner of dress. It wasn't particularly skimpy, it was just... feminine instead of masculine (which, at Rocky Horror? Quite more the majority of those who bother dressing up at all). Of course, the rest of the wait went by with no more comment from anyone who worked at the theater... so, it was just the friend and I throwing ideas at each other.
And only just now do I get the idea that the guy might've been new and didn't know what I was there for... I'd worn that particular skirt to the show before...

[GingerBiscuit]

As a goth girly myself, I understand people will stare when I'm dressed up. I expect this, I deal. I don't see why the fact someone looks a little different to you should garner so many stares, but hey. Glaring at me or shooting me nasty looks is a different matter. I am just mooching around, trying to get my stuff done, enjoying my life. Just cause you have an issue with it doesn't mean you get to override common courtesy. By the time you are older you should know that just because you don't approve, doesn't mean you get to glare.

Oh, and making excuses for staring when someone looks different- think about WHY you feel the need to stare. Someone is wearing different clothes to you. This is their business, not yours. If you start staring like some slack jawed yokel who can't deal with the fact that some people may choose to wear different makeup and clothes to you, don't be surprised if they think you're an idiot.

[Kiwi]

I would have faked him out

*raises burger to mouth*
*old man turns to glare*
"haha got ya, now didnt your mother tell you its rude to stare"
*takes a real bite*
*much much much*

[Dips]

I find that flashing my cheesiest, most obnoxiously cheerful grin followed by a loud, hearty "HI THERE!" and a friendly wave is a very effective way to deal with this. It makes hostile people uncomfortable, but the nicer folks will just say "hi" back.