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Herein there is major suck on the part of a town employee - and I lose my cool, as usual - but the suck flow is reversed by her coworker, much to the sucky employee's benefit.
Background: Last month, I paid the water bills, real estate taxes, property taxes, and backflow test fees to <town> for one of our businesses. We have 8 buildings on that property, so I had 32 bills total, 4 for each building.
This week, I paid the water bills that arrived the day after I sent the last check out. Yes, it was a bit late and that was my fault
.
Today, I received the latest check back in the mail.
Not in our envelope, though, but in an official <town> envelope. 
Included with the check were the stubs from all the water bills - 2 of them marked 'Paid' and the remainder attached to 8 1/2 x 11 pieces of paper marked with <amount on stub> due. The <amount on stub> is exactly what was included in the check they returned to me...
So, I call them up. And get a busy signal since they don't have an automated phone system or even voicemail.
An hour later, I finally get a call to go through. I speak to L, who says she sends the bills out but has nothing to do with the payments. Already, I know this is going to be sooooooo much fun. L transfers me to S. S apologizes, but she doesn't remember this check, but maybe J would know and hold while she transfers me.
J picks up. She remembers the check. I can get this resolved! Yay!
The following conversation ensues, somewhat paraphrased as the pounding blood pressure in my head blotted some of her words.
J: Oh, yes, I sent the check because you overpaid.
Me: Overpaid? I don't think so. I paid exactly the amount that was due on all the bills.
J: Yes, but you paid some of them in full the month before.
Me: I paid what was due from the September bills, yes, but nothing for the October bills. I think maybe part of the October check was misapplied on your end. Can you walk me through where you applied the check from October to see if there was a mistake?
J: The mistake was on your end. We don't make mistakes! (This, and all other emphasis, was hers, not mine.)
Me: *thinking she's afraid I'll be angry* Ma'am, I'm not upset about it, but I do feel that the check was misapplied at your end. Can you just double check for me to make sure that all of our bills were paid off properly?
J: I just told you, we don't make mistakes. You overpaid us, the mistake was yours. I sent the check back because you overpaid us again this month and I refuse to deal with it.
Me: *this is not going well. Blood pressure begins to rise. Yes, I'm intolerant of people who act so holier than thou - especially when I am the thou* Ma'am, I assure you, I did not overpay last month. I had 32 separate bills, 4 for each of our buildings, and I paid them all to the penny. If you show an overpayment applied to some of our bills, that means that some other payment was misapplied. Can you please help me figure out where the problem is?
J: The problem is obviously with you, because we didn't make any mistakes.
Me:
*This b**** is really starting to get on my nerves, now.* Ma'am, let me pull out my records. *slap hold, dig frantically, return with paid September bills and check stub* I show I paid $XX,XXX.XX in bills on check number <Sept. check>. I had an invoice from <town> for every last penny of that. If you showed any sort of overpayment, then there is a problem on your end. *Note, I had 'tone' at this point. And my officemates are looking at me like I might hurt someone...*
J: We did not misapply the check. We applied exactly what you wrote on each stub. The overpayments were on bill #XXXX for $XX.XX, bill #YYYY for $YY.YY, and bill #ZZZZ for $6ZZ.ZZ.
Me: Wait - did you just say $6ZZ.ZZ on bill #ZZZZ?
J: Yes, that's correct.
Me: That bill was for $7X.XX. You're claiming that I paid over $600 on a $70 dollar invoice? And that I wrote that in on the stub?
J: That's what you did, there are no claims. You did it. We don't make mistakes.
Me: Ma'am, not to insult you, but don't you think it would be the height of stupidity for me to pay almost 9 times the amount of the invoice? I certainly do, and I'm sure my boss would never have approved it. Please double check your records. You cashed that check, so you do have the stubs that I filled out available, correct?
J: We have the stubs, but I'm not looking at it while we're on the phone. You can come in person if you want to see it.
Me:
*Oh, I'll come see you in person. Me and my Clue by Four (credit to EQ, I believe)* Ma'am, my office is in <other town> not in <town> where the business is located. I really don't want to drive an hour in each direction if I can avoid it. Could you please double check the stub for bill #ZZZZ to see what amount I intended to pay.
J: Give me your fax number, I'll send a copy down and prove that it was your mistake.
Me: My mistake, my ass. You're about to 'pwn' yourself.
* Sure, my fax number is XXX-XXX-XXXX and my direct dial phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX in case you need to call me.
J: Please hold while I get the file.
Me: Sure. *Why do I need to hold when you're faxing it? Well, better than me having to call back.*
J: I just checked the file. If you want to see it you'll have to come in person. You overpaid and I refuse to allow it this month.
Me: So you're refusing to fax the records that prove I am correct? Fine. *cue raised voice and major 'tone' - not shouting, but not nice either* I will drive up in person and I'm bringing my records, too. We will go over it together in person and we will find out where you misapplied the payment and resolve how we're going to fix this.
J: No, you're not coming in.
Me: You just said I had to come in person, so I'm collecting all of my records and I'll see you in an hour!
J: Hold on, I'm transferring you back to S.
S: Sir? Can I help you with this?
Me: Sure *cue reiteration of entire story*
S: I'm so sorry, I actually dealt with the check you sent last month. There was a certain amount that was misapplied because I couldn't find any open bills. Do you have a list of what was paid?
Me: I absolutely do, would you like me to fax it up?
S: Please, I'll keep an eye out for it.
I fax it, 5 minutes later she calls me back:
S: I'm so sorry, the cross connection bills were in another system and J didn't give me the copy of the stub you sent with the check. I didn't realize they were out there. I can reverse everything and get the correct payments set up, but it will take about an hour because reversing everything is difficult.
Me: How about I just send this month's check back, and you 'misapply' the overpayment to the cross connection and we call it even?
S: Oh, thank you, I love you. That would be perfect. Just mail it back to my attention.
Me: Consider it done, and thank you for being so very helpful. I have no problem with people making mistakes, so long as they are willing to fix it. Can I have your boss's number so I can tell him how helpful you were?
S: That's not necessary but his name is Boss and his number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Me: Thank you, S, and have a great day.
So, it's all fixed. Had J just been willing to look at the damned thing in the first place, we could have had it straightened out without pissing me off. Oh well. And S's boss is also J's boss. I've made comments about each of them. Bet you can guess who got called an 'insult to incompetent desk monkeys everywhere' and which one got called 'an amazingly helpful angel'. 
Background: Last month, I paid the water bills, real estate taxes, property taxes, and backflow test fees to <town> for one of our businesses. We have 8 buildings on that property, so I had 32 bills total, 4 for each building.
This week, I paid the water bills that arrived the day after I sent the last check out. Yes, it was a bit late and that was my fault
.Today, I received the latest check back in the mail.
Not in our envelope, though, but in an official <town> envelope. Included with the check were the stubs from all the water bills - 2 of them marked 'Paid' and the remainder attached to 8 1/2 x 11 pieces of paper marked with <amount on stub> due. The <amount on stub> is exactly what was included in the check they returned to me... So, I call them up. And get a busy signal since they don't have an automated phone system or even voicemail.
An hour later, I finally get a call to go through. I speak to L, who says she sends the bills out but has nothing to do with the payments. Already, I know this is going to be sooooooo much fun. L transfers me to S. S apologizes, but she doesn't remember this check, but maybe J would know and hold while she transfers me.
J picks up. She remembers the check. I can get this resolved! Yay!
The following conversation ensues, somewhat paraphrased as the pounding blood pressure in my head blotted some of her words.
J: Oh, yes, I sent the check because you overpaid.
Me: Overpaid? I don't think so. I paid exactly the amount that was due on all the bills.
J: Yes, but you paid some of them in full the month before.
Me: I paid what was due from the September bills, yes, but nothing for the October bills. I think maybe part of the October check was misapplied on your end. Can you walk me through where you applied the check from October to see if there was a mistake?
J: The mistake was on your end. We don't make mistakes! (This, and all other emphasis, was hers, not mine.)
Me: *thinking she's afraid I'll be angry* Ma'am, I'm not upset about it, but I do feel that the check was misapplied at your end. Can you just double check for me to make sure that all of our bills were paid off properly?
J: I just told you, we don't make mistakes. You overpaid us, the mistake was yours. I sent the check back because you overpaid us again this month and I refuse to deal with it.
Me: *this is not going well. Blood pressure begins to rise. Yes, I'm intolerant of people who act so holier than thou - especially when I am the thou* Ma'am, I assure you, I did not overpay last month. I had 32 separate bills, 4 for each of our buildings, and I paid them all to the penny. If you show an overpayment applied to some of our bills, that means that some other payment was misapplied. Can you please help me figure out where the problem is?
J: The problem is obviously with you, because we didn't make any mistakes.
Me:
*This b**** is really starting to get on my nerves, now.* Ma'am, let me pull out my records. *slap hold, dig frantically, return with paid September bills and check stub* I show I paid $XX,XXX.XX in bills on check number <Sept. check>. I had an invoice from <town> for every last penny of that. If you showed any sort of overpayment, then there is a problem on your end. *Note, I had 'tone' at this point. And my officemates are looking at me like I might hurt someone...*J: We did not misapply the check. We applied exactly what you wrote on each stub. The overpayments were on bill #XXXX for $XX.XX, bill #YYYY for $YY.YY, and bill #ZZZZ for $6ZZ.ZZ.
Me: Wait - did you just say $6ZZ.ZZ on bill #ZZZZ?
J: Yes, that's correct.
Me: That bill was for $7X.XX. You're claiming that I paid over $600 on a $70 dollar invoice? And that I wrote that in on the stub?
J: That's what you did, there are no claims. You did it. We don't make mistakes.
Me: Ma'am, not to insult you, but don't you think it would be the height of stupidity for me to pay almost 9 times the amount of the invoice? I certainly do, and I'm sure my boss would never have approved it. Please double check your records. You cashed that check, so you do have the stubs that I filled out available, correct?
J: We have the stubs, but I'm not looking at it while we're on the phone. You can come in person if you want to see it.
Me:
*Oh, I'll come see you in person. Me and my Clue by Four (credit to EQ, I believe)* Ma'am, my office is in <other town> not in <town> where the business is located. I really don't want to drive an hour in each direction if I can avoid it. Could you please double check the stub for bill #ZZZZ to see what amount I intended to pay.J: Give me your fax number, I'll send a copy down and prove that it was your mistake.
Me: My mistake, my ass. You're about to 'pwn' yourself.
* Sure, my fax number is XXX-XXX-XXXX and my direct dial phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX in case you need to call me.J: Please hold while I get the file.
Me: Sure. *Why do I need to hold when you're faxing it? Well, better than me having to call back.*
J: I just checked the file. If you want to see it you'll have to come in person. You overpaid and I refuse to allow it this month.
Me:
So you're refusing to fax the records that prove I am correct? Fine. *cue raised voice and major 'tone' - not shouting, but not nice either* I will drive up in person and I'm bringing my records, too. We will go over it together in person and we will find out where you misapplied the payment and resolve how we're going to fix this.J: No, you're not coming in.
Me: You just said I had to come in person, so I'm collecting all of my records and I'll see you in an hour!
J: Hold on, I'm transferring you back to S.
S: Sir? Can I help you with this?
Me: Sure *cue reiteration of entire story*
S: I'm so sorry, I actually dealt with the check you sent last month. There was a certain amount that was misapplied because I couldn't find any open bills. Do you have a list of what was paid?
Me: I absolutely do, would you like me to fax it up?
S: Please, I'll keep an eye out for it.
I fax it, 5 minutes later she calls me back:
S: I'm so sorry, the cross connection bills were in another system and J didn't give me the copy of the stub you sent with the check. I didn't realize they were out there. I can reverse everything and get the correct payments set up, but it will take about an hour because reversing everything is difficult.
Me: How about I just send this month's check back, and you 'misapply' the overpayment to the cross connection and we call it even?
S: Oh, thank you, I love you. That would be perfect. Just mail it back to my attention.
Me: Consider it done, and thank you for being so very helpful. I have no problem with people making mistakes, so long as they are willing to fix it. Can I have your boss's number so I can tell him how helpful you were?
S: That's not necessary but his name is Boss and his number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Me: Thank you, S, and have a great day.
So, it's all fixed. Had J just been willing to look at the damned thing in the first place, we could have had it straightened out without pissing me off. Oh well. And S's boss is also J's boss. I've made comments about each of them. Bet you can guess who got called an 'insult to incompetent desk monkeys everywhere' and which one got called 'an amazingly helpful angel'.
) and pick my payment up off the floor. But then, I have always been a bitch and proud of it.
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