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You know, when I go to Kmart, it's not a question of "will someone think I work here?" or "will I encounter fuckery and foolishness at the register?". It's more of a question of "how many people will think I work here?" and "How much fuckery and foolishness will I encounter at the register?"
Today, the answer to the first question is "two." I had on a pair of jeans, a pair of black crocs, and a navy tshirt with a Time Warner Cable logo on the breast. Hair down and unkempt, no makeup, no name tag, no reason to think I was anything other than another shopper.
The first guy wasn't sucky. I was on my knees collecting boxes of Borox off the bottom shelf. Maybe he thought I was stocking, but I had a cart filled with...well...shopping.
Dude: Hey, can you give me a price check on garble garble?
Me: No, sorry.
Dude: You can't? Oh, wow, I really wanted....
Me: I can't cuz I don't work here.
Dude: Oh. Sorry!
Me: No problem, man, good luck.
He didn't suck, but he does count because they don't have to suck. They just have to be confused.
Second woman was a dumb bitch and I really thought I was gonna get to go off on her, but she wisely kept her gob shut.
I'm looking at ribbons in a narrow aisle this broad comes down the the other end with her cart. So I scoot my cart over to let her pass. She parks up along side of my cart, blocking the aisle, completely obcuring the ribbons I was clearly looking at, and stops.
Me: Are you trying to get past?
DB: No, I'm fine. I'me just looking for garble garble garble but you all don't seem to have garble garble garble....
Me: (hardly even half listening and thinking "not really fascinating to me but whateve....wait, what? 'you all'??"
Me: Can you move your cart?
DB: (huffs and moves the cart back a few inches.)
Me: (I just shoved her cart out of my way and continued shopping.)
Later, the husband asked how come I didn't go off on her. I was going to, but she didn't say anything after that. I'm not going to tell someone like that that I dont' work there for this reason: Why should I think that they think that? She didnt' bother to ask, so since I don't and there is no reason for her to think it, why volunteer that info? I was hoping she's say something rude. Mentally, I was going "Please mouth off. PLEASE mouth off." Because I was gonna let her hold it if she did. But she didn't. So I didn't. I hope she kept her twinkie chute shut because she realized then that I was a customer and that I was already irritated with her, and that she was embarassed.
On to the registers....
Let me set the scene for you. There's an old farmer in front of me. Ninety years old if he's a day, mind and body clearly still sharp. Snow white hair, ball cap, denim overalls. He's buying a couple cans of spray paint.
You all probably already know where this is going.
He's saying "Why do I need to give you my birthday?" I'm looking at the paint and thinking "Oh, for fuck's sake." Cashier is going "Well, I can't ring you up without it."
So the old man puts his cash money back in his wallet and says "Fine. Don't. There are other stores in town." Two more cashiers start trying to tell him he needs to give his birthday. He looks at me in disbelief. So I say to him, loudly, "I don't blame you one bit, sir. I wouldn't give it, either, that's outrageous." And then I look at the cashiers and say, "With respect, does he look like a minor to you all?"
So the old man left without his paint, and the chick starts ringing me up. She says "How are you today?" and I said "I dunno, let's see if we can manage the transaction before I answer that." I was reasonably polite to her, but...well, damn, you know? I paid with a card, and the chick says, "Is it asking for anything else?" ( I just had to hit the okay button) and I just said "I sure as hell hope not."
So why the hell is Kmart now in the business of policing it's customers? They are not cops or social workers. Un fucking believable. Well, hey, whatever, it seems to working out fine for them. Oh, wait, no it isn't.
Today, the answer to the first question is "two." I had on a pair of jeans, a pair of black crocs, and a navy tshirt with a Time Warner Cable logo on the breast. Hair down and unkempt, no makeup, no name tag, no reason to think I was anything other than another shopper.
The first guy wasn't sucky. I was on my knees collecting boxes of Borox off the bottom shelf. Maybe he thought I was stocking, but I had a cart filled with...well...shopping.
Dude: Hey, can you give me a price check on garble garble?
Me: No, sorry.
Dude: You can't? Oh, wow, I really wanted....
Me: I can't cuz I don't work here.
Dude: Oh. Sorry!
Me: No problem, man, good luck.
He didn't suck, but he does count because they don't have to suck. They just have to be confused.
Second woman was a dumb bitch and I really thought I was gonna get to go off on her, but she wisely kept her gob shut.
I'm looking at ribbons in a narrow aisle this broad comes down the the other end with her cart. So I scoot my cart over to let her pass. She parks up along side of my cart, blocking the aisle, completely obcuring the ribbons I was clearly looking at, and stops.
Me: Are you trying to get past?
DB: No, I'm fine. I'me just looking for garble garble garble but you all don't seem to have garble garble garble....
Me: (hardly even half listening and thinking "not really fascinating to me but whateve....wait, what? 'you all'??"
Me: Can you move your cart?
DB: (huffs and moves the cart back a few inches.)
Me: (I just shoved her cart out of my way and continued shopping.)
Later, the husband asked how come I didn't go off on her. I was going to, but she didn't say anything after that. I'm not going to tell someone like that that I dont' work there for this reason: Why should I think that they think that? She didnt' bother to ask, so since I don't and there is no reason for her to think it, why volunteer that info? I was hoping she's say something rude. Mentally, I was going "Please mouth off. PLEASE mouth off." Because I was gonna let her hold it if she did. But she didn't. So I didn't. I hope she kept her twinkie chute shut because she realized then that I was a customer and that I was already irritated with her, and that she was embarassed.
On to the registers....
Let me set the scene for you. There's an old farmer in front of me. Ninety years old if he's a day, mind and body clearly still sharp. Snow white hair, ball cap, denim overalls. He's buying a couple cans of spray paint.
You all probably already know where this is going.
He's saying "Why do I need to give you my birthday?" I'm looking at the paint and thinking "Oh, for fuck's sake." Cashier is going "Well, I can't ring you up without it."
So the old man puts his cash money back in his wallet and says "Fine. Don't. There are other stores in town." Two more cashiers start trying to tell him he needs to give his birthday. He looks at me in disbelief. So I say to him, loudly, "I don't blame you one bit, sir. I wouldn't give it, either, that's outrageous." And then I look at the cashiers and say, "With respect, does he look like a minor to you all?"
So the old man left without his paint, and the chick starts ringing me up. She says "How are you today?" and I said "I dunno, let's see if we can manage the transaction before I answer that." I was reasonably polite to her, but...well, damn, you know? I paid with a card, and the chick says, "Is it asking for anything else?" ( I just had to hit the okay button) and I just said "I sure as hell hope not."
So why the hell is Kmart now in the business of policing it's customers? They are not cops or social workers. Un fucking believable. Well, hey, whatever, it seems to working out fine for them. Oh, wait, no it isn't.
You may clearly be overage, but really, there are policies to enforce. They aren't going to risk their job for something as trivial as that. I'm not trying to be mean, but I just don't see what the problem was. I'm sorry...
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