Tipping Trouble

[Gruesome]

I could use a spot of advice - or maybe I just need to vent. I dunno.

My family (me, the wife, our 5-year old) sometimes go to dinner with some friends (same family make up) and we typically split the check by family. The other family are TERRIBLE tippers. I mean a buck or two, max, on a $30+ check. I start at 20% and let the server adjust it themselves according to service, and I friggin' hate that somebody gets stiffed by these otherwise very normal and nice people. I have taken to "forgetting" my cell phone at the door so I can run back in and fill in their tip. Its embarassing. Plus, I don't really want to be paying that much - I got bills to pay too.

So should I say something to them? I can't see a graceful way out of "Why are you such a cheapskate?"

[Mottom24]

you're definatly in a tight spot. i found there is just no easy way to tell people they don't tip enough. all my friends either tip 15-20% which seems resonable. but I can't think of any instance where you could hint they are being cheap... not even bringing up an article about tip averages and asking what they thought would probably turn towards the awkward...

[bainsidhe]

If they don't tip now, bringing up articles certainly won't help. I have a good friend that'll be my audience for various customer service snafus. This sight comes up quite a bit in conversation, including tipping issues. She'll always laugh along and agree wholeheartedly about how customer xyz was a horrible patron. And then she'll barely leave a tip.

Thing is, I'm really starting to think she doesn't realize what she's doing. If we receive one check, she has a tendency to "round" the check in her favor. Excuse me, but even with tax my $9.00 meal does not equal $12.00. So part of the problem is she bases her tip on the skewed price she thinks she owes. That's a double-whammy I'm afraid. Even worse, I try to avoid letting her know how much I'm tipping, because she has a tendency to recalculate her tip if she sees I'm tipping extra. There's been a couple times that my tip is going towards her own meal, because she lowered her payment so much that it doesn't even cover the tax. Grr.

For that matter, she has a 3 year-old who makes a mess, as a 3 year-old does. She isn't the one cleaning it up. She has no problem docking the server if we don't get constant refills, but she pays no mind to the fact that pancakes and syrup are on the table, booster, seat and floor. Le sigh.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I'm actually pretty pushy about tipping. I'll discuss it at that table.

I mean, I eat out a lot and this town ain't that big.

Since my inability to do math is well known here, I'll actually ask for help figuring the tip (even though, if left alone long enough, I CAN actually figure it out on my own). I do my math out loud, too. "Let's see, eleven-fifty, oh, I always round that up...cuz don't you just know she got stiffed by cheapwads at least twice tonight...okay, let's say twelve bucks, then. Help me out, what's twenty percent of twelve? Two-forty? Oh, I round that up, too. Okay. I got no change, but that works. Three it is."

[Custard Chick]

Maybe sometime you can bring up how much a waiter makes? Like, "Wow, can you believe that serving staff only makes $2.13 an hour? I don't think I could do all this work for such a low wage. And in this economy! I think I'll leave a couple bucks extra tonight, this waiter's been so attentive!"

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I have been known to do that, too, if I am with people who are acting like they might be cheapwads.

Cheapwads don't much like eating out with me. But that's okay, I don't much like eating out with them.

[EvilEmpryss]

It all pretty much depends on how much you want to stay friends with this other family, how comfortable you are talking to them about the issue straight up, and how many times you're willing to put up with the embarrassment in the future. That said:

There's the direct approach: "Did the waitstaff do something wrong that you're not giving them a 15% tip like me?"

There's the passive-guilty approach: "Oops, I left my cellphone at the table." {dash back inside to supplement the poor tip}

There's the aggressive-guilty approach: "Aw, c'mon! You don't expect the waitress to live off $2.25 and hour and *that*, do you?!?"

Which is similar to the shaming approach: "You're not having financial troubles, are you? Do you need help paying the tip?"

And the passive-aggressive approach: {to the waitstaff} "Here's my check, my payment, and your tip for my portion. You did a great job, and I hope the tip reflects my happiness with the service. They," pointing at the other family, "will be paying their part separately."

[Mnemjian]

I like EvilEmpryss' direct confrontation. I think it's the most respectful for everyone involved, even though it might be a little awkward ^^; But if it really bothers you (which it should!) then I agree that it's best to talk about it with them directly.

I have a similar story, kind of, where in retrospect I probably should have directly said something too We go out with friends often and always split the bill up at the end. Everybody is usually eager to pay their portion and more, to be polite. We're friends; we don't want to argue about change or risk letting somebody else have to pick up part of our tab. Well, once we invited a girl who only offered her portion of the bill but without any tip. Nobody wanted to say anything like, "hey give two more dollars!" so my BF ended up paying the rest silently. Not a big thing. But next time we go out, she does the same thing! She definitely knew how much she should add to the pool. BF had to cover for her again. Strangely enough, we forgot to invite her next time (Not JUST because of the tip thing, though...)

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yeah, I'm right there with you. A person who embarasses me in a restaurant will only do so once.

[Kurisu313]

To the OP,

First of all, allow me to start by saying that I am merely going by your post, and if I've misconstrued or misunderstood something, please tell me.

I think YOU are in the wrong here.

I don't know if the standard is different in America, but tipping is not a universal practice, and no one should have to feel compelled to give a tip if they don't want to. It's a nice gesture, and I tip where I can, but it should not be compulsary.

Restaurants have different methods of tipping, and some factor it into food prices. It's not always easy to know how much to give. In one of my favourite restaurants, the waiters make it hard for us to tip them. Also, not every waiter deserves a tip.

On top of that, your friend DO tip. They may not give as much as you do, but they give something. I try to tip about 10%, and I don't think that that is unfair. The 20% you say that you give sounds remarkably high to me.

You say that they are nice people and I don't know how much they earn, but they have a right to tip how much they want to. If you want to discuss it with them, do so, but be aware that they might think that they are being perfectly generous.

[AriRashkae]

Well (and I'm going off memory here), the minimum wage for workers in "tipped" positions is ~ 1/4 the minimum wage for other positions, because it is expected that the workers will be getting tipped.

If the person does not make enough in tips to average out to at least minimum wage, the employer is supposed to kick in the difference. (Whether or not they do is a different topic which would probably end up in Fratching very quickly).

[Geek King]

I don't know if the standard is different in America, .

The standard is different here in the States. If the waitstaff do the basic job of waiting on you, it is customary to tip at 15%. That number changes based on good or bad service, and personnal preference. Waitstaff in the U.S. do not get full minimum wage, as it is expected to be made up in tips. If a party here does not tip, you are literally saying they are not worth minimum wage.

Even in the odd possibility the other family is from somewhere where tipping is not the norm, they should have researched the more common traditions of the local culture. I'm still putting the onus on them.

[EricKei]

For clarification -- The federal government assumes that tips will always be at least a certain percentage of gross wages, and charges the waiters taxes accordingly, whether they make that much in tips or not.

[Fufu487]

Im in a similar situation actually. Ive been going out on dates with this really nice guy I've recently met, and we go to dinner alot. I've noticed that when he buys dinner, he tips the servers horribly (like 10% to the penny or less). I don't know how to approach it, but it really bothers me that he doesnt tip well. I dont want to offend him so early on, but its a huge turn off and I think he should know that.
Some of the suggestions may help me decide how to approach this. Thanks guys and OP

[MaggieTheCat]

Also, not every waiter deserves a tip.

This is true occasionally in the States, but not very often. If the server does the basics: Refills your drinks often, checks in on you a couple times during the meal, brings you extra stuff as you request it, clears dishes away as needed, etc. Then it is expected that they receive around 15% tip. If they somehow go above and beyond, some people will tip more, up to 20% or more (some people tip this much anyway, my husband and I usually tip around 20% on average.) Only if the server was HORRIBLE would we (and most people on CS) not leave a tip or leave a very minimal tip, like 5 or 10%. Such as, if the server didn't refill drinks, was slow taking our orders, mixed up our orders, never checked back with us, etc etc. And of course, we always take into consideration how busy a place is -- we expect refills and everything else to be slower if the place is packed.