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I see all sorts of interesting people stroll past our front window and, as such, spot some interesting stuff happen sometimes.
God must be spitting on you
Our upstairs neighbors have window air conditioners. One of them hangs right over our front window and stretches a few inches out over the sidewalk. It also spits water out every now and then. I must admit a certain evil enjoyment from seeing people get droplet of water on their heads. Some people, usually teenage girls, freak out and go apeshit. But I'm guessing it's only a matter of time before someone comes in to complain (not that I can do anything about it). In the meantime, it's a little light-hearted fun to help get me through the day.
Sound off like you got a pair!
One of the town crazies is a rather tall black guy who's as broad across the shoulders as I am. I stand just a hair under 6'1 so this guy has to be 6'4 if he's an inch. Pretty solidly built and, like me, he's almost a yard wide at the shoulders. He definitely has a look like he could be former military. I see him around town once every couple of months, although sometimes more frequently. (recently saw him three times in two weeks, after not seeing him for three months)
He first came into the shop maybe four years ago and was asking how to download music for free. Well, we don't want to get in trouble and not knowing anything about him at the time, we just said we didn't know how to do it. He inquired about a couple of random computer things and finally left.
However.
In subsequent sightings I have seen him talking to himself. A LOT. Not muttering, but having a full-on conversation with himself. Oh, to be a fly on the wall and hear that conversation. Anyway, up to that point I didn't have a nickname for him, as I do with most of the other "interesting" people in town. Until one day about two years ago.
Working on some random nice spring day, I see the guy walk by. Talking to himself. I locked the door because, while I'm a pretty big guy (6'1, 275lbs. broad-shouldered, etc.) and can take care of myself, I really don't want a crazy dude who's taller than me starting anything. Fortunately he didn't come in, but rather he walked past the store, stopped in front of the store next to us (a vintage clothing/antique shop), got down on the sidewalk, did about 5 - 6 miltary-style push-ups, got up and just kept walking like nothing had happened.
So he became Crazy Military Push-up Black Guy. Not particularly creative, but fun to say.
Dude's got these EYES. Like Casanova Frankenstein in Mystery Men eyes. Scares the hell out of me.
Why people shouldn't stomp across basement doors in the sidewalk
It's exactly what you think it is. Many businesses along the main street have those metal doors that lead from the sidewalk down to the basement. Kids love to run across them because they make a big, loud noise. Well, one fine day a couple of years ago a couple of older folks (50's/60's, maybe) were walking down the sidewalk. The woman is walking rather close to the windows, mainly because at the time, our other neighbor was also an antique store. She was a bit on the stout side. Not grossly overweight, but I'll bet she was 200 pounds if she was an ounce. Went right through the metal doors. Whatever was meant to hold them up couldn't handle her and down she goes. Scraped her up a bit, I think she had a sprained ankle, but mostly just scared the bejeezus out of her. I don't know if she ever sued the building owner, but the next day he had a local welder out to seal the doors permanently.
Oh, fates, strike them down
Many of the stores in town have hanging signs above the sidewalk. I believe the minimum height from sidewalk to the bottom of the signs has to be eight feet. But whereas the town sees this as a safety measure, the local moron teenagers see it as a challenge to see how high they can jump and slap the signs. At least once a week I see a group of random boys/teens walking along and jump up, trying to slap the bottom of the hanging signs. Well, what they don't know is that the sign for the business opposite ours has fallen down at least twice in the last year. I'm just waiting... WAITING... for one of those dolts to come up and slap the sign, only to have it slap them right back.
God must be spitting on you
Our upstairs neighbors have window air conditioners. One of them hangs right over our front window and stretches a few inches out over the sidewalk. It also spits water out every now and then. I must admit a certain evil enjoyment from seeing people get droplet of water on their heads. Some people, usually teenage girls, freak out and go apeshit. But I'm guessing it's only a matter of time before someone comes in to complain (not that I can do anything about it). In the meantime, it's a little light-hearted fun to help get me through the day.
Sound off like you got a pair!
One of the town crazies is a rather tall black guy who's as broad across the shoulders as I am. I stand just a hair under 6'1 so this guy has to be 6'4 if he's an inch. Pretty solidly built and, like me, he's almost a yard wide at the shoulders. He definitely has a look like he could be former military. I see him around town once every couple of months, although sometimes more frequently. (recently saw him three times in two weeks, after not seeing him for three months)
He first came into the shop maybe four years ago and was asking how to download music for free. Well, we don't want to get in trouble and not knowing anything about him at the time, we just said we didn't know how to do it. He inquired about a couple of random computer things and finally left.
However.
In subsequent sightings I have seen him talking to himself. A LOT. Not muttering, but having a full-on conversation with himself. Oh, to be a fly on the wall and hear that conversation. Anyway, up to that point I didn't have a nickname for him, as I do with most of the other "interesting" people in town. Until one day about two years ago.
Working on some random nice spring day, I see the guy walk by. Talking to himself. I locked the door because, while I'm a pretty big guy (6'1, 275lbs. broad-shouldered, etc.) and can take care of myself, I really don't want a crazy dude who's taller than me starting anything. Fortunately he didn't come in, but rather he walked past the store, stopped in front of the store next to us (a vintage clothing/antique shop), got down on the sidewalk, did about 5 - 6 miltary-style push-ups, got up and just kept walking like nothing had happened.
So he became Crazy Military Push-up Black Guy. Not particularly creative, but fun to say.
Dude's got these EYES. Like Casanova Frankenstein in Mystery Men eyes. Scares the hell out of me.
Why people shouldn't stomp across basement doors in the sidewalk
It's exactly what you think it is. Many businesses along the main street have those metal doors that lead from the sidewalk down to the basement. Kids love to run across them because they make a big, loud noise. Well, one fine day a couple of years ago a couple of older folks (50's/60's, maybe) were walking down the sidewalk. The woman is walking rather close to the windows, mainly because at the time, our other neighbor was also an antique store. She was a bit on the stout side. Not grossly overweight, but I'll bet she was 200 pounds if she was an ounce. Went right through the metal doors. Whatever was meant to hold them up couldn't handle her and down she goes. Scraped her up a bit, I think she had a sprained ankle, but mostly just scared the bejeezus out of her. I don't know if she ever sued the building owner, but the next day he had a local welder out to seal the doors permanently.
Oh, fates, strike them down
Many of the stores in town have hanging signs above the sidewalk. I believe the minimum height from sidewalk to the bottom of the signs has to be eight feet. But whereas the town sees this as a safety measure, the local moron teenagers see it as a challenge to see how high they can jump and slap the signs. At least once a week I see a group of random boys/teens walking along and jump up, trying to slap the bottom of the hanging signs. Well, what they don't know is that the sign for the business opposite ours has fallen down at least twice in the last year. I'm just waiting... WAITING... for one of those dolts to come up and slap the sign, only to have it slap them right back.
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