Too "Nice"

[Anakah]

I just got off of work and went to the store. Now, I grabbed a few junk food items I know I shouldn't cuz its fattening but I so didn't care at that point.

I get to the checkout and there's this guy up there, he was loud and really "nice" but he made me really uncomfortable...

NG: *notices I have a basket in my hand and refusing to put it on the two inches of counter while he pays for his purchase* Oh, now! You can put that up here!

And he proceeds to snatch the basket out of my hand along with my purse onto the counter. My heart was beating pretty fast I don't like being touched and doing that freaked me out.

Against my better judgement I started to unload my basket. NG begins looking at all my items.

NG: I sure hope all that sugar is for the kids!

Me: sure.

NG: Good. Otherwise....

NG eyes me a bit more and makes me feel uncomfortable. He finally leaves.

Dude, number one I just had to lie about having kids because I felt so damn fat after you said that and number two I got really sad because we are trying and have no luck. That irked me. I think it was rude of him to do that. I know I am being a big baby but I am quite shy and don't like the focus on me. I even thought of fake names and ages had he asked.

And him grabbing at me and my stuff while my purse was on my arm (which ended up in the counter as well) made me want to run away.

[PepperElf]

yikes. touching someone else's stuff is just creepy.

personally i believe in making room for them to put their stuff up on the belt and putting up a divider to be polite, but after that it's their choice if they want to unload or not

[dbuzman]

I know I hate when people say this to me, but that guy must have been new. A remark like that from a cashier is totally stupid and inappropriate. Pretty soon he'll try that crap on someone who isn't as nice as you and he's going to get a verbal smackdown. That would probably be fun to see

It wasn't an employee it was a customer.

[bainsidhe]

Creepy much?!? He probably didn't mean anything maliscous (sp?) by the comments, just a lack of thought for his "helpfulness". But it was still crossing the line. And touching your stuff was beyond obnoxious.

[Ironclad Alibi]

And he proceeds to snatch the basket out of my hand along with my purse onto the counter.

I think a lot women would be screaming that he's a purse snatcher if that happened to them.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

See, I'm a bitch, so when people pull that "otherwise'' shit on me, I tend to try to make them spell out the exact insult.

Which they don't generally want to do because if they weren't complete pies they would have already.

But then, if you are going to go "otherwise WHAT?" I don't understand what you mean? What? Otherwise WHAT??", you can't be real shy.

[underemployeed]

People are not familiar with the personal bubble. Or that sure that new intern is cute and you want to buy her a shot and send her a sex on the beach, but realize she has a bf her age and if you try and take advantage of her and do things against her wishes. Well I'm likely to end up being arrested.

Many weirdos in this world are harmless. I'm sure we have all heard of the ones that aren't. In my opinion it is never alright to grab without asking, unless someone is falling down and your catching them. Especially true if you never met the person before.

I found out from few girls I know that I get to friendly when I'm drinking, except lol they said it didn't bother them which wasn't the same for most guys they knew, just please don't ever tell that one slutty girl wouldn't mind riding the village bicycle you can do so much better. (sadly, that pickup line worked because she called me 3 times that night.) Even drunk off my ass, I could pickup signs if a girl wasn't interested in me or my presence, Ill mention I had no idea who I was at this point and when told me i was underemployed I began speaking 3rd person. I know of bunch of people that stone cold sober can't pick up on basic social cues, and go from being that "nice" guy anakah met to a creeper then stalker.

What really sucks is some guys believe that because a girl responds, she must be into him. I have had to run interference and protection for few women I know. It really comes down to them having no idea, and people not willing to be blunt or inform someone they make a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, I make plenty, when I'm told I try and reflect and if possible fix the situation or if it a part of my personality I refuse to change, just inform the person we can go separate ways.

[Mystic]

Exactly, that kind of thing makes me a bit rabid. Amazingly, I could play out what I would have said exactly in my head. It would have gone along the lines of:

"Mate, you see this? *hand about 2 feet away* This is the beginning of the "do not fucking enter" bubble, and you have just burst it."

You know, I hate it when people, especially guys, act all macho and are all like "yah, I'd punch him in the face", but there are some lines you just don't cross. Especially reaching for a womans purse.

[fma_fanatic]

*slapslap* "get your f*cking hands off my stuff!" *slap slap*

[XCashier]

NG: I sure hope all that sugar is for the kids!

Me: sure.

NG: Good. Otherwise....

"Otherwise what? Creepy strangers won't leer at me and get into my space anymore?"

(Yes, I do realize that it's easy to think of what to say after the fact.)

What really sucks is some guys believe that because a girl responds, she must be into him.

Some guys do believe that, others don't care a whit about the woman's opinion. They want what they want, and to hell with what she wants.

[Seshat]

You're the one who was too nice in that situation, Anakah.

You were only doing what you've been trained to do. Being nice. But in this situation, DON'T.

Learn when it's okay to not be nice. You'll probably have to start slow - but do learn it. Your life will get easier.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I agree. Women in particular get victimized because they are conditioned to be a "good girl", to "be nice", to "not make waves." They are conditioned from birth to be like this.

You have to fight that conditioning. Being "nice" is overrated.

[TelephoneAngel]

I do hate that commenting on the stuff you are buying, what usually happens to me is that when I have a day off, i buy five or six magazines at a time and go nd relax and read them.

Invariably the cashier says something like "someone has no work to do!"

it always makes me uncomfortable, what does it matter to them what i buy or why i buy it, and yes i do work, thank you very much!!!!!!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

It might be fun to go to a place that makes their employees do that every time and buy only a box of tampons. Or Preparation H or something.

[greek_jester]

You have to fight that conditioning. Being "nice" is overrated.

Too right. When I entered the school system I was about a foot shorter than everyone else (family short genes fell on me this generation - 4' 10.5") & the only way I could survive was to fight dirty. My mum got called up the school a few times because the school bullies had tried it on with me, then ended up limping away bleeding. For some reason the school wouldn't punish the bullies, only the children who fought back instead of 'turning the other cheek' (& no, it wasn't a religious school). My mum was rather vocal in her opinion of this policy, IIRC...