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I really should just start ordering EVERYTHING online, I just can't stop witnessing and attracting the crazies when I'm out running errands...
Of Gimme Grabs
I went to my local Whole Foods this morning, bright and early. I like to beat the crowds. I also go there because they carry items I can't get elsewhere for a better bargain. As I'm wandering the aisles after picking up my yogurt and buying a coupla pounds of beans in bulk, I pass the Guest Services desk, and witness the following, and...well...inner bitchiness surfaced again.
That happens to me a lot, in case y'all haven't noticed...
SC: Rather obvious
WFE: Whole Foods Employee
SC: Where are all the samples!?!
WFE: I'm...sorry? Can I help you sir?
SC: Where are your free samples!! You ALWAYS have more samples and stations out on Saturdays, so where are they?
WFE: Um...sir, it's 8:30. We just opened 30 minutes ago, we haven't had a chance to set all of them up, plus some of the employees who run the various stations won't be in until later.
SC: that's unacceptable! I come here EVERY SATURDAY because that's the best day for samples and everyone knows it. YOU are REQUIRED to have them out when you open!!
WFE:
No, sir, we're not required...
SC: You are too! I'm reporting you!
WFE: ...to who...?
Me: <From where I'm poking around at the books set up nearby> To the BS. Board of Samples. BS...rather fitting, isn't it...?
SC: You stay out of this!!!!
Me: Do you even realizing you're throwing a hissy fit over free samples that are a an enticement for you to BUY the product?
WFE: <Is on the phone at this point, paging a manager I assume>
SC: <Splutters> Th-that's not the point!! It's bad customer service!
Me: What have you bought?
SC: Huh...?
Me: Have you BOUGHT anything on EVERY SATURDAY that you're in here...? Or do you just come in to mooch the free samples?
SC: Stay out of this you stupid bitch!
Me: Yeah, that would probably be a no. Ergo, you aren't technically a customer. Thus, customer SERVICE doesn't apply to you, does it?
SC: I'm going to report you to the manager!!
Me: For what? Pointing out facts? Looking at books? <Points to my half full little buggy> BUYING stuff...?
SC: Bitch! <Storms off, after swearing the usual never coming back/reporting people/getting people fired, arrested or shipped to Antartica. I don't know, I stopped paying attention when he turned his back and started flipping through the cookbooks again...>
At this point, another employee walks up and asks WFE what was going on.
WFE: I...don't think I really know what just happened...
Me:
I'd give him a coupla hours, he'll be back for his precious, precious samples...good luck! <And off I go to peruse the produce.>
Patronizing Patrons
Still at Whole Foods. This is about 20 minutes later, and I'm once again passing the Guest Service desk (popular place for suck today...that poor WFE...)
Now there's a woman with a little girl standing there. She's not yelling, but she's talking to the WFE like the poor guy's 2, in that "I'm more important/rich/educated/worthy than you" tone of voice. See, Saturdays, aside from being the best days for free samples, are also the days when special events are held at Whole Foods. Since tomorrow is Easter, the even today is an easter egg hunt for children, scheduled to begin at 12 noon. The signs all around the store said to go to Guest Services with your children to sign up and get details and instructions. Well, Wondermom(WM) was now verbally ripping the poor WFE a new one...
WM: This is ridiculous. why aren't you honoring your advertisements?
WFE: What advertisements, ma'am?
WM: Your Easter egg hunt. Now, if you READ the sign right BEHIND you, your store is SUPPOSED to be having an egg hunt for children. I brought my daughter to hunt eggs. So where do we go.
WFE: Ma'am, that's not going on right now.
WM: Have you even TRIED to read YOUR sign?
WFE: Well, yes ma'am, but--
WM: And WHAT does the sign say?
WFE: Children's Easter egg hunt on Saturday April 3rd, but it also--
WM: And what is the date TODAY?
WFE: April 3rd.
WM: So. WE seem to have a problem, don't we. What are YOU going to do about it?
WFE: Ma'am, the sign also says the egg hunt doesn't start until 12...so...I don't really see how WE have a problem...
WM: <Starts spluttering>
At this point, I ducked down the tea aisle so I could laugh hysterically at the beautiful, beautiful pwnage. Kudos to you, Wondermom...further proof that SCs only read what they want to see...
Jeering Juveniles
I finally left Whole Foods and wandered over to the Starbucks next to my bus stop. The bus wasn't going to be there for another 35 minutes, so I went inside, ordered some tea and sat down to read a book until my bus arrived. I'm not there 5 minutes when a gaggle of High school boys wandered in. How did I know they were high school boys? Well, the bus route runs by a local high school about 4 blocks away, for one, and for another, two were wearing t-shirts that proclaimed they were the class of 2009. Lookit my brililant deductive skills go!!
ANYWAYS, I'm sitting there, and they start reading off the names of the pastries available, one of which was a Rainbow Cookie. For the sake of the story, I shall label them HS1, 2 and 3, respectively for High School boy, 1,2, etc, etc. Well, HS 1 offered to buy something for 2 and 3, and 3 ordered one of the rainbow cookies.
HS1: Hyuk hyuk, you want a RAINBOW cookie. You queer man!!
HS2: <snortchortlesnerk> Rainbow...
HS3: c'mon man, it's a freakin' cookie, that has M&Ms in it...
HS1: What else you want that's RAINBOW, man?
HS2: Ooooh, he LIKES rainbows...
HS1: <to the barista> Ok, I'll have that drink and my friend'll have the RAINBOW cookie.
HS3: <Mutters something and takes the cookie, wandering off to eat it.>
HS1: Yo, man, you gotta start ordering food like a REAL man!
Well, they get their stuff. The tables are fairly full, though there are 1 or 2 free. I'm reading my book, and next thing I hear is
"Hey, can I sit here?"
I look up and it's HS1. Oh lordy, lordy...<sigh>
Me: Actually, there's a table open over there, no offense.
HS1: <Sits anyways. HS2 and HS3 have plopped down on the comfy chairs across the way and are snickering and laughing.> Come on...just being friendly. Can I get your number.
Me: <Sighs> Forget it, kid, I'm too old for you.
HS1: Hey, you don't know anything! Looks can fool ya, I could be older than you think.
Me:You're what? 18? 19?
HS1: <Looks shocked> How'd you know!?!?!
Me: Unless you stole from your little brother's closet, your shirt announces it...
HS2 & 3 start laughing.
Hs1: Aw, c'mon, you can't be THAT much older. Plus, young guys gots stamina.
Me: I'm 26. And anyone who giggles like a pre-pubescent at the word "rainbow" is too young for me. Hell, you probably still snicker over Playboy and whenever someone says the word "boobs"
HS1: <His eyes drop to my cleavage>
Me: Case and point...
HS1: You don't gotta be so rude.
Me: ...you sit at my table uninvited, immediately ask for my number, and now you're ogling my chest and I'M rude...?
At this point, I hear the baristas start coughing, like they're trying not to laugh, and HS3 is practically on the floor. Even HS2 is starting to catch on at this point.
HS2: Dude, I don't think she's interested...
HS1: <Grumbles and stands up, but tries to get in the last word regardless, and in a moment of brilliance states> aw, you're just an ugly bitch anyways...
Me: <Grins hugely> Aw, flattery will get you nowhere, but consider this. Let's say I really am ugly and a bitch. And yet you were still trying to get my number, so...what does that say about you...?
HS1: <Stares blankly>
I hear some random giggling from around the room, I think HS3 is choking on his cookie at this point and the baristas seem REALLY intent on cleaning the small little counter by my table. All 3 of them. Cleaning a 2 ft by 4 foot rectangle.
Luckily the remainder of my time there was uneventful until I left, at which point I head for the door and HS1 feels the need to flip me off.
I blew him a kiss and waved as I left.
Ah, children... XD
Of Gimme Grabs
I went to my local Whole Foods this morning, bright and early. I like to beat the crowds. I also go there because they carry items I can't get elsewhere for a better bargain. As I'm wandering the aisles after picking up my yogurt and buying a coupla pounds of beans in bulk, I pass the Guest Services desk, and witness the following, and...well...inner bitchiness surfaced again.
That happens to me a lot, in case y'all haven't noticed...
SC: Rather obvious
WFE: Whole Foods Employee
SC: Where are all the samples!?!
WFE: I'm...sorry? Can I help you sir?
SC: Where are your free samples!! You ALWAYS have more samples and stations out on Saturdays, so where are they?
WFE: Um...sir, it's 8:30. We just opened 30 minutes ago, we haven't had a chance to set all of them up, plus some of the employees who run the various stations won't be in until later.
SC: that's unacceptable! I come here EVERY SATURDAY because that's the best day for samples and everyone knows it. YOU are REQUIRED to have them out when you open!!
WFE:
No, sir, we're not required...SC: You are too! I'm reporting you!
WFE: ...to who...?
Me: <From where I'm poking around at the books set up nearby> To the BS. Board of Samples. BS...rather fitting, isn't it...?
SC: You stay out of this!!!!
Me: Do you even realizing you're throwing a hissy fit over free samples that are a an enticement for you to BUY the product?
WFE: <Is on the phone at this point, paging a manager I assume>
SC: <Splutters> Th-that's not the point!! It's bad customer service!
Me: What have you bought?
SC: Huh...?
Me: Have you BOUGHT anything on EVERY SATURDAY that you're in here...? Or do you just come in to mooch the free samples?
SC: Stay out of this you stupid bitch!
Me: Yeah, that would probably be a no. Ergo, you aren't technically a customer. Thus, customer SERVICE doesn't apply to you, does it?
SC: I'm going to report you to the manager!!
Me: For what? Pointing out facts? Looking at books? <Points to my half full little buggy> BUYING stuff...?
SC: Bitch! <Storms off, after swearing the usual never coming back/reporting people/getting people fired, arrested or shipped to Antartica. I don't know, I stopped paying attention when he turned his back and started flipping through the cookbooks again...>
At this point, another employee walks up and asks WFE what was going on.
WFE: I...don't think I really know what just happened...
Me:
I'd give him a coupla hours, he'll be back for his precious, precious samples...good luck! <And off I go to peruse the produce.>Patronizing Patrons
Still at Whole Foods. This is about 20 minutes later, and I'm once again passing the Guest Service desk (popular place for suck today...that poor WFE...)
Now there's a woman with a little girl standing there. She's not yelling, but she's talking to the WFE like the poor guy's 2, in that "I'm more important/rich/educated/worthy than you" tone of voice. See, Saturdays, aside from being the best days for free samples, are also the days when special events are held at Whole Foods. Since tomorrow is Easter, the even today is an easter egg hunt for children, scheduled to begin at 12 noon. The signs all around the store said to go to Guest Services with your children to sign up and get details and instructions. Well, Wondermom(WM) was now verbally ripping the poor WFE a new one...
WM: This is ridiculous. why aren't you honoring your advertisements?
WFE: What advertisements, ma'am?
WM: Your Easter egg hunt. Now, if you READ the sign right BEHIND you, your store is SUPPOSED to be having an egg hunt for children. I brought my daughter to hunt eggs. So where do we go.
WFE: Ma'am, that's not going on right now.
WM: Have you even TRIED to read YOUR sign?
WFE: Well, yes ma'am, but--
WM: And WHAT does the sign say?
WFE: Children's Easter egg hunt on Saturday April 3rd, but it also--
WM: And what is the date TODAY?
WFE: April 3rd.
WM: So. WE seem to have a problem, don't we. What are YOU going to do about it?
WFE: Ma'am, the sign also says the egg hunt doesn't start until 12...so...I don't really see how WE have a problem...
WM: <Starts spluttering>
At this point, I ducked down the tea aisle so I could laugh hysterically at the beautiful, beautiful pwnage. Kudos to you, Wondermom...further proof that SCs only read what they want to see...
Jeering Juveniles
I finally left Whole Foods and wandered over to the Starbucks next to my bus stop. The bus wasn't going to be there for another 35 minutes, so I went inside, ordered some tea and sat down to read a book until my bus arrived. I'm not there 5 minutes when a gaggle of High school boys wandered in. How did I know they were high school boys? Well, the bus route runs by a local high school about 4 blocks away, for one, and for another, two were wearing t-shirts that proclaimed they were the class of 2009. Lookit my brililant deductive skills go!!
ANYWAYS, I'm sitting there, and they start reading off the names of the pastries available, one of which was a Rainbow Cookie. For the sake of the story, I shall label them HS1, 2 and 3, respectively for High School boy, 1,2, etc, etc. Well, HS 1 offered to buy something for 2 and 3, and 3 ordered one of the rainbow cookies.
HS1: Hyuk hyuk, you want a RAINBOW cookie. You queer man!!
HS2: <snortchortlesnerk> Rainbow...
HS3: c'mon man, it's a freakin' cookie, that has M&Ms in it...
HS1: What else you want that's RAINBOW, man?
HS2: Ooooh, he LIKES rainbows...
HS1: <to the barista> Ok, I'll have that drink and my friend'll have the RAINBOW cookie.
HS3: <Mutters something and takes the cookie, wandering off to eat it.>
HS1: Yo, man, you gotta start ordering food like a REAL man!
Well, they get their stuff. The tables are fairly full, though there are 1 or 2 free. I'm reading my book, and next thing I hear is
"Hey, can I sit here?"
I look up and it's HS1. Oh lordy, lordy...<sigh>
Me: Actually, there's a table open over there, no offense.
HS1: <Sits anyways. HS2 and HS3 have plopped down on the comfy chairs across the way and are snickering and laughing.> Come on...just being friendly. Can I get your number.
Me: <Sighs> Forget it, kid, I'm too old for you.
HS1: Hey, you don't know anything! Looks can fool ya, I could be older than you think.
Me:You're what? 18? 19?
HS1: <Looks shocked> How'd you know!?!?!
Me: Unless you stole from your little brother's closet, your shirt announces it...
HS2 & 3 start laughing.
Hs1: Aw, c'mon, you can't be THAT much older. Plus, young guys gots stamina.
Me: I'm 26. And anyone who giggles like a pre-pubescent at the word "rainbow" is too young for me. Hell, you probably still snicker over Playboy and whenever someone says the word "boobs"
HS1: <His eyes drop to my cleavage>
Me: Case and point...
HS1: You don't gotta be so rude.
Me: ...you sit at my table uninvited, immediately ask for my number, and now you're ogling my chest and I'M rude...?
At this point, I hear the baristas start coughing, like they're trying not to laugh, and HS3 is practically on the floor. Even HS2 is starting to catch on at this point.
HS2: Dude, I don't think she's interested...
HS1: <Grumbles and stands up, but tries to get in the last word regardless, and in a moment of brilliance states> aw, you're just an ugly bitch anyways...
Me: <Grins hugely> Aw, flattery will get you nowhere, but consider this. Let's say I really am ugly and a bitch. And yet you were still trying to get my number, so...what does that say about you...?
HS1: <Stares blankly>
I hear some random giggling from around the room, I think HS3 is choking on his cookie at this point and the baristas seem REALLY intent on cleaning the small little counter by my table. All 3 of them. Cleaning a 2 ft by 4 foot rectangle.
Luckily the remainder of my time there was uneventful until I left, at which point I head for the door and HS1 feels the need to flip me off.
I blew him a kiss and waved as I left.
Ah, children... XD
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