I HATE Shopping... and kids...

[panda]

I've always hated shopping in this little arcade just across the bridge from me... like seriously hate it. Unfortunately, today I needed a walk and some shopping, so I decided to put on my bravest face and go. I usually see at least 1 SC every time I go, they all decided to follow me today though.
Sorry for the length, but for all these thing to happen in one journey is pretty exceptional.

My Journey of Suckiness

On the Bridge:

Stupid Kid: *walking along the wall, so he's highly likely to fall into the Thames (London's main river, highly poisonous and this bridge is a fond place for suicidal people because the currents make it hard, if not impossible, to not drown) if the wind picks up even a bit, he misplaces a footstep, something causes him to jump etc...*
Stupider Mother: *chatting on mobile, pushing his buggy, not even looking at him*
Me:

Who would let their child do this?!!? I wouldn't let my baby sister do this if I had her in a harness! I pass them, shaking my head at the kid as I go and he just gives me the finger. Charming, he can't be more than 5. Just while I'm thinking about what I want to buy for dinner I hear the mother shrieking, presumably at her son. I feel a little better, at least the little annoyance isn't going to get my way home blocked by emergency services.

Crossing the Road:

Standing, waiting for the green man, I'm next to this group of bratty kids. Whatever. They're not really bothering me, until...
Bratty Kid 1: Hey, lady!
Me: What?
BK1: Will you go out with me?
Me: No.
BK1: Ah, go on! We're already out together now!
Me: Well, as charming a 13 year old as you are, I'm still going to have to say no.
BK1: I'm 18!
Me: Firstly, that's still too young for me, secondly, you're 13. Your name's N, you're in Year 8 at my friend's brother's school, I've seen you leaving their house.
BK1: Oh...
BK 2 & 3: *in stitches*
Me: Anything else?
BK2: Can you buy us some cigarettes?
Me: No. Goodbye.

That was the longest wait for a green man ever.

In the Pharmacy:

When I walk in I notice the layout has changed. Good, the old one really enabled shoplifters. Nonetheless I see women of all ages trying to steal make-up in plain sight of cashiers and security personnel. There's no need for me to even tell anyone because nearly everyone in the make-up aisle gets led away by security. This level of thievery happened before, but a fair few people got away with it when the aisles were smaller. Police enter the shop while I'm looking at vitamins.

As I'm browsing vitamins, a girl (who worked there) comes up to me, who turns out to be exceptionally loud, so everyone nearby can hear.
Loud Girl: Excuse me, are you under 25?
Me: [Inside voice?] Yes.
LG: Are you sexually active?
Me: Um, why do you ask?
LG: Free chlamydia test if you're under 25 and sexually active.
Me: Um, I don't need one.
LG: Are you sure?
Me: Sure enough.

When she goes away I wonder why she approached me specifically. Vitamins are now next to the Family Planning Section. Ah.

A kid pokes me repeatedly in the leg at the till. Annoying but harmless, and quite honestly, this is one of the better-behaved kids I saw. Mother starts yelling so I look over. She's claiming the cashier ripped her off with the wrong change. May be true, but she's yelling in Swedish (which I speak) and the cashier is bemused. I tell the poor girl why this woman's screaming and take a look at the change and receipt myself. I explain to the woman that she miscounted the £2 coin (which takes about 10 mins as she's not very mathematically literate and keeps getting distracted by her son, who's complaining that he's hungry) and when she's gone I finally get to purchase my items and get a shop voucher for my troubles. This would have been an overall ok experience, had the man on my other side not also demanded a voucher for being a helpful customer 'by not stealing this time!'.
To explain to him what was wrong with that would take more energy than I had.
Chose to leave then.

In the DVD Shop:

"MUMMY I WANT IT!"
"SHUDDUP YA LITTLE BRAT!"
"BUT MUUUUUUMMY!"
"FUCKING SHUDDUP! STOP CRYING, YA WIMP!"

All I heard were those 4 lines, then I left. Couldn't bear it.

In the Supermarket:

Too many crying children to count. One threw an orange at her father, missed him and hit me in the head.

Me: Ow!
Daughter:
Father: Wow, good aim!
Me: Um, don't worry, I'm fine.
Father: Oh don't be so soft. It was just an orange!
Me: Gotta admit, it's not the orange that's the point.
Father: Oranges are round.
Me: [Lord, help me...]

Head to the wine section. I don't usually drink with dinner at home, but I feel that by the time I'm walking back over the bridge I'll be swigging it if the previous events are anything to go by.

In the Coffee Shop

Guy behind me in line: Are you that girl?
Me: *don't even look* No.
Guy: That girl, Coat Hanger?
Me: [Oh God, it's this guy...] No, not me.

In fact, that is me. When I was at school, I was showing some prospective parents and their daughter around and the father kept calling me Coat Hanger. For no reason. I hadn't even hung their coats, and I don't think I much resembled a coat hanger.

Guy: I swear...
Me: I have no idea who you are.
Guy: So, how's life, Coat Hanger?
Me: *to barista* Small black coffee, please.
Guy: Coat Hanger!
Barista: Um, are you okay?
Me: Yeah, as long as my coffee is fast and his is slow.
Barista: Gotcha.
Guy: So you must have left school now. Whatcha doing now, Coat Hanger?
Barista: Here's your coffee and change. Have a nice day.
Me: Thanks. *goes to add milk*
Guy: Coat Hanger, wait!
Barista: Good... afternoon... sir... How... can... I... help... you? Can... I... interest... you... in...
Me: *smiles at Barista and leaves quickly* [What's WITH today?]

Walking Home:

Decided not to take the bus. Didn't dare considering the nutcases in the shops.

Walking past the church I see the same homeless guy I passed on my there, thought nothing of that, but there was a woman sitting near him now, screaming on her mobile. I don't know what she was screaming (iPod in, seemed like gibberish anyway) but the homeless guy joined in. Wonderful.

As I pass the pub I see quite a few older men smoking outside, I think nothing of it until...
Drunk Guy: Hey Blondie! Sweet a***!
Me: [It's a little early to be smashed, isn't it?... Actually that sounds good right about now...]

As I predicted I ended up swigging some wine as I walked back over the bridge, once out of sight of the pub. Just as I'm considering drinking every time I go to the shopping arcade, a police officer stops me.

PO: Ma'am, you shouldn't drink in the street.
Me: I've just been shopping in the arcade.
PO: I see, I shop there a lot myself and it's overrun today, isn't it? ... Carry on, Ma'am.
Me: Thanks.

Awesomely cool lady!

I hate shopping and children. Especially when combined. Wine's in the fridge now. It's going to be well-deserved when I've finished my essay, and after that shopping. Hoping I've got enough spaghetti in... I don't know if I can face the supermarket again for a while!

[blas]

They finally got rid of the arcade at the local mall a while back. Now there are only a few hundred annoying kids and teens at the mall now, but it makes me shudder to think of where and what those kids are terrorizing now.

[Sheldonrs]

"Coat Hanger" guy, while a complete idiot, may have been trying to compliment you. "Coat Hanger" is another phrase for fashion model. As in, clothes always look better on the coat hanger than on the buyer.

[panda]

"Coat Hanger" guy, while a complete idiot, may have been trying to compliment you. "Coat Hanger" is another phrase for fashion model. As in, clothes always look better on the coat hanger than on the buyer.

I am/was definitely not a coat hanger! Been an hourglass since 11! And I remember the guy pretty well. He kept saying things like, "Oh, it's you, Coat Hanger!" as if he knew me already, even though I don't recall ever having seen him before then and never in my life having been called Coat Hanger by anyone!

His wife kept telling him to shut up, quietly but ineffectually, and the poor daughter was red the whole time. She decided to come to the school (I am clearly the best ever at selling a horrible school) and I asked her what her dad meant. She had no clue.

To be fair to him he had a fantastic memory! I hadn't seen him for at least 7 years!

[Ashaela]

Wow, what a day..... My sympathies!

Here... Have a cookie (or dessert of your choice) to enjoy with your wine. :-)

[elsporko]

You should have whipped that orange at the daughter. That would have been amusing.

[Merriweather]

They finally got rid of the arcade at the local mall a while back. Now there are only a few hundred annoying kids and teens at the mall now, but it makes me shudder to think of where and what those kids are terrorizing now.

English to English (American version) Translations.

American -
Arcade - (gaming arcade) - often found at malls - room similar to a shop, filled with pay per play electronic devices devised to bring on seizures, kids & teens making even more noise than the electronic devices.

English -
Arcade - (shopping arcade) - think mini-mall, but rather than purpose built along the highway as in the US, think shops in old buildings on old streets, with the narrow street between facing shops pedestrianized, and a glass shelter over the street - most I've seen date back to Victorian times. Found in most larger cities in the UK. (can still be loud and teen filled, but no video games, lol).

[Mystic]

Arcade - (shopping arcade) - think mini-mall, but rather than purpose built along the highway as in the US, think shops in old buildings on old streets, with the narrow street between facing shops pedestrianized, and a glass shelter over the street - most I've seen date back to Victorian times. Found in most larger cities in the UK. (can still be loud and teen filled, but no video games, lol).

Funny you should mention Victorian Times because that is what was going through my mind through reading this. It seems like a good amount of London is stuck there in that time with the mass thievery and overall attitude.

And before I get flamed for that comment, I know not all of London is like that and we only read the worst of everywhere on this forum. Just having a bit of sport.

[Mikkel]

You should have whipped that orange at the daughter. That would have been amusing.

Or at the father, after all he wouldn't be soft, would he?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

In the Supermarket:

Too many crying children to count. One threw an orange at her father, missed him and hit me in the head.

Me: Ow!
Daughter:
Father: Wow, good aim!
Me: Um, don't worry, I'm fine.
Father: Oh don't be so soft. It was just an orange!
Me: Gotta admit, it's not the orange that's the point.
Father: Oranges are round.
Me: [Lord, help me...]

This is where you should've found the most underripe banana you could, and hum that at father's head.

Underripe bananas are hard. Also pointy.

[XCashier]

Damn, you truly had the Shopping Trip From Hell. Why weren't all those little hellions in school?

Still, that Barista and Police Officer were pretty cool. Definitely the bright points of the trip.

But that negligent mother... Letting her kid walk too close to a known hazard?! And that dad, thinking nothing of his kid throwing things at other people...seriously, words fail me. I think I'll open a bottle and join you in that

[panda]

Update:

Why will the suckage not STOP!?!

As I was preparing to make dinner I realised I was out of eggs, which I really needed. I figured the Metro Mart across the street would have some so I put on my coat, grabbed my purse and headed out. As I was browsing the eggs, looking for non-cracked ones that would stay in date a while, I saw this woman come down the aisle. Thought nothing of it, until she spoke.

Woman: What are you DOING?!
Me: Um, looking for eggs...
Woman: You're CONTAMINATING them!
Me: What? How? ...What? (V confused)
Woman: You can't just OPEN the boxes!
Me: ...That's the only way to check they're not cracked.
Woman: Did you just call me a CRACKER!?
Me: No!
Woman: Just because I'm white and caught you ruining the eggs! My kids are gonna have to eat food you spoilt and get sick.
Me: I'M white! And I'm not doing anything to the eggs! Unless you feed your children the shells I don't think there'll be a problem! Jesus Christ!
Woman: He was black!
Me: ...What does that have to do with eggs!?
At this point I stomp off with the box in my hand, I just don't want to deal with this. I go around picking up some other stuff and the woman follows me, loudly saying I'm a racist against whites and blacks. By the time I get to the checkout she's full on shouting about how I'm a neo Nazi. The cashier is looking too scared to say anything (I don't blame her, she had only started a week ago, and there was nobody more senior in the vicinity). I was getting really pissed off so once I'd paid for my stuff I turned around to her.

Me: Didn't your mother teach you that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?
Woman: I just think people need to know you're a racist as a warning. That's nice. I can't believe you have the balls to come out in public and say things like that!
Me: And I you, goodbye.

I left, came home, made dinner and ate it along with half the wine. What a miserable day. I wouldn't have updated this had this same woman not just rung by doorbell for a doorstep argument at HALF PAST MIDNIGHT.

Woman: You called me rude!
Me: *standing at the door in my PJs, bemused* Do you have ANY idea what time it is? How do you know where I live? Did you watch me as I came home?!
Woman: APOLOGISE!
Me: F*** you, no. Go the hell away or I'm gonna call the police.
Woman: APOLOGISE!
Me: You're going to wake my neighbours, idiot! How am I the rude one when you accuse me of food tampering, racism, follow me to my house and yell at me at half midnight!? ...How come you came over so late anyway? Did it take you that long to figure out?
Woman: Had to wait til the kids were in bed.
Me: You have left your children unattended in the middle of the night, who have only just gone to bed? If you don't get back to them right now I am going to call the police and- *notices a can of spray paint in her hand* What are you planning to do with that?
Woman: Nothing.
Me: You were going to spray my house, weren't you?
Woman: No...
Me: Okay, I'm calling the police. *takes mobile from pocket and dials*
Woman: *legs it, dropping her wallet*
Me: *picks it up, leafs through it, finding a drivers license (haha, got your name, cow!), and keys in the purse compartment, with address on the keyring tag (double haha!)*

Oooh, what to do? This is a moral dilemma! I know I should give it back, leaving the £50 cash in tact, but she's such a b**** I really don't want to. I'm obviously not going to keep the wallet, but I feel like taking everything out of it except the keys and maybe license and putting it through her letter box (she lives 2 streets away). I'm not going to use her credit cards or anything, I'm not that stupid, I just want to cause her a ton of inconvenience with the bank and such like. Still, maybe that's my spite talking.

What should I do?

[lupo pazzesco]

Tempting as that is, she could probably get you for theft.

HOWEVER, file a police report, say she came to your home with spray paint, intent to vandal or whathaveyou. Not sure what she could be charged with, as I'm an ocean away and know little about laws over there. (Oooooohhh, crazylegs, where art thou??? )

I'm reasonably certain that by keeping her stuff and turning it all over to the police quickly, she won't have a leg to stand on. Someone as stupid and as entitled as her, who would follow you home, leave her kids home alone, and then show up on your doorstep with a can of spraypaint probably won't balk at calling the police herself claiming she went over to apologize, you yelled at her, threatened her and robbed her. Becuase you're racist, after all, right?

Good luck, and keep us updated!

[Merriweather]

I say call the police on her arse. The shop girl was a witness to her yelling at you, and the spray paint can she dropped shows exactly what she was going to do. She deserves to at least have them give her a talking to - and it'll sure help the police to believe you when you hand over an intact wallet to them to give to her. (Just make sure you leave no fingerprints on the inside of the wallet, even with everything there, she could scream there was more).

[Magpie]

I'm with Lupo. File a report and turn everything over to the police when you do so. Although I'd like to add that you probably oughtn't have stayed at the door. She followed you home after having been harassing you earlier? That is a reason to be worried. It's not "a valid excuse to call the police" it's not "crazy behaviour" it's a major red flag, and a good reason to shut the door and call the police EVEN IF SHE LEAVES (call your non-emergency number in that case, as long as you didn't feel threatened).