You Talk to Your Mother Like That?!?

[Bright_Star]

Jeez, IF I even THINK about talking to my mother like that I'd get slapped in the face real quick. And it doesn't matter that I'm in my 40's & she's 63.

[Sapphire Silk]

My own mother is now a vegetable, but when her mental decline was less severe there were times when I got frustrated at her condition. I can understand impatience and frustration. I *never* EVER talked to her in the tone that I heard today. This woman wasn't being impatient, she was being mean, plain and simple. In the space of about five minutes she turned an apparently competent older woman into a silently weeping, embarrassed wreck.

When I walked past their car on my way out the daughter was sitting in the car with the door open, berating her mother for "making a scene" in the store. The old woman was just crying quietly in the passenger seat. I just wish that there had been something I could have done to help her.

Hmm. Ask the cashier if she can get the OW's name from the credit card she used to pay, and file a report with Adult Protective Services?

[EvilEmpryss]

My own mother is now a vegetable, but when her mental decline was less severe there were times when I got frustrated at her condition. I can understand impatience and frustration. I *never* EVER talked to her in the tone that I heard today. This woman wasn't being impatient, she was being mean, plain and simple. In the space of about five minutes she turned an apparently competent older woman into a silently weeping, embarrassed wreck.

When I walked past their car on my way out the daughter was sitting in the car with the door open, berating her mother for "making a scene" in the store. The old woman was just crying quietly in the passenger seat. I just wish that there had been something I could have done to help her.

[Primer]

I am currently the primary caretaker for both my mother (age 78) and my SIL (age 64).

Mom is still extremely sharp mentally, but is extremely slow physically. I try to let her do as much of her own business as I possibly can, but I try to do as much footwork for her as possible. Last week she needed to purchase a new washing machine. I went inside the stores and scouted out what they had as opposed to the "must-have" features she wanted, and the "ambiance" of the business. If I believed that she would be interested, THEN I'd take her in to see for herself. Ultimately, it was her own final decision, but I saved a LOT of time and frustration for both of us by doing the preliminaries myself.

As for SIL, she is a lot less capable, and I have to do a lot more for her. I am afraid that I have been guilty of finding the proper cards in her wallet that she needs. I try to let her do things for herself, but when she flips past the proper item 3 times while looking for it, and the clerk is waiting, I tend to step in. I try NOT to be condescending about it, though.

[Aethian]

....

*growls* I HATE when I hear that happen and I'm with my Mom. That is elder abuse complete elder abuse.

Of course you should have heard me yell when someone tried that with my Mom....

[Willis]

Oh lord let me get as old as that old woman. I will be feisty as ever. I swear if my middle aged kid talks like that to me, in public too, it'll be a back hand across the mouth. If they have a problem with it there'll be a fight if they want it.

[Magpie]

Even if the woman was senile, that is abusive. Like you said - you wouldn't talk to a toddler like that. Even if your mother has the same mental capacity as one, you don't treat her like that.

[EvilEmpryss]

Why do I keep finding myself in line behind these people?

At the local Habitat an older woman (OW) is helping her middle-aged bitch of a daughter (BD) buy some cabinet handles. The OW is frail-looking, with that skin like parchment paper, but she seemed pretty "with it" as she brought the box of handles to the counter. She puts the box down and tells the cashier she has 37 handles and 12 knobs (or something like that). This is when the BD starts in on her mother in the most condescending, disrespectful tone I've ever heard.

"No, Mom, that's not right. You weren't paying attention again when I put them in the box. Here, let me count them for you again." They count the pieces and it came out to -- you guessed it -- exactly 37 handles and 12 knobs.

The whole time they're counting the BD is keeping up a stream of chiding that one might use on a dog who just had an accident on the rug. It was less what she was saying than the tone she was using. I swear, I wouldn't speak to a toddler in this tone, and she was being loud enough for everyone around to hear her. The cashier is looking uncomfortable and everyone else is sort of looking anywhere but at the OW and BD. The cashier tells them the amount and the OW pulls a checkbook out of her purse.

The cashier apologizes that they don't take checks and then starts telling them what they can take (cash, debit, and Visa/Mastercard credit cards). Unfortunately, the BD has already started in on her mother for trying to use a check. "You know they don't take checks here." The OW is trying to hear what's accepted but the BD won't shut up. She pulls a Discover card out of her wallet while asking if she can use a debit card. This sends the bitch of a daughter over the edge.

"Mom, you can't use a discovery card! She said you could use a debit card. See, that's why I'm worried about you: People say one thing and you hear another. Put that discovery card back and get your debit card. You can't even do this right. Your debit card. You need to get your debit card out now, mom. C'mon, just give me your purse so I can get it for you."

Oh my god the poor old woman was in tears from the embarrassing berating she was getting from her daughter. The cashier just shook her head as the two left, too stunned to do anything but watch them leave. We all talked about how bad we felt for the poor old woman and how embarrassing the daughter's attitude towards her mother was. Granted, we don't know what her actually daily level of functioning is, but from what I saw, she was far from senile.