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So, after my wondrous incident in which I bounced off a car and then bounced off of pavement, I’ve been grocery shopping twice. Apparently, the gods felt the need to take it easy on me in my ventures, and both were without incident. Largely because the first time, trailerparkmedic took me to the store and I was too busy talking to her to notice any stupidity (though people kept coming around corners and almost hitting me on the hip that has all the bruising…) and the second time I was on painkillers, so I really didn’t care.
Third time, however? So not the charm.
Boo. But, here we go.
the wheels on the bus…are stopped
This particular bus route I take passes two sets of train tracks. As such, the bus is sometimes forced to, you know, STOP FOR TRAINS. One such time occurred this morning on the way to the store. We hit the tracks right as the arm was going down and the train started crossing. There is a stop right after the train tracks, and there was a guy standing at said stop. Takes the train a few minutes to pass, and it’s a long one. And, when the arm raises, the bus driver goes right up to where the arm is, stops like she’s supposed to, to check, and then continues to the stop. Holy crap, you’d think she just committed a capital felony. Dude gets on the bus and starts ripping into her.
Idiot: Man, why you taking so long to get to the stop, why you driving so slow?!
Driver: Sir, there was a TRAIN.
Idiot: You could’ve made it through before it came! The bar hadn’t gotten down all the way!
Driver: Sir, it was a train crossing, and the warning lights were flashing.
Idiot: but you coulda made it!! <snarlranrantrantravewhathaveyou> You put me behind schedule!
Driver: And by standing here arguing, I’m further behind, sir. The train was crossing. I have to follow the laws.
Idiot: <takes his seat and snarls some more, and the guy sitting behind him randomly comments out loud>
OtherGuy: You know, man, if you’re that upset about waiting to board, next time, why don’t YOU try and make it across in time…?
Idiot had no answer. Lupo turned up the volume on her mp3 player.
wherein Lupo confuses a barista
So, I get to the store and make it across the street unscathed (have I mentioned I’m now super paranoid about walking anywhere and check each way in traffic about 12 times before taking a step? Yeah, well, I am…) first stop is the in-store starbucks. Haven’t been to this store in a while, and they’re renovating, so I have to re-orient myself. I find the starbucks, greet the barista and ask her to make a pumpkin chai for me. She looks confused, but it is awesome (OMG, thank you Treasure for introducing me to this joyous delight!!!)
I explain how to make it. And end up getting it free! (store has a program where if you swipe your loyalty card, every 10 drinks you by, you get 1 free) Well, as the barista is making it, other barista comes over and he does a double take at the cup and asks what she’s making. She tells him it’s a chai. Male barista looks confused. Female barista laughs. Customer behind me is apparently impatient, and buts into the convo we’re having.
MB: But that looks a little…orange, to be a chai
Me: It’s a pumpkin spice chai and it’s AWESOME!!
FB: She started ordering them when the pumpkin spice became available again.
Me: All thanks to a friend in Austin ^__^
SC: It looks DISGUSTING!!
MB: <blinks and looks at the guy behind me. I turn around and stare at him too>
SC: It looks gross. Like orange puke in a glass.
Me: Well, no accounting for taste… <eyebrow twitching>
MB: <having seen me react to stupids before, he asks the SC what he can make for him>
SC: some real coffee. I’ll have a pumpkin spice latte
Me: So…you’re getting pumpkin spice, too?
SC: Yeah, but I’m getting it in what it’s supposed to go in. Coffee. So it doesn’t look like orange puke!
FB: <stares at me and winces>
Me: <Cheerfully> Nope, it looks like orange shit instead!
SC:
Me: Well, technically maybe diarrhea?
FB: <snickers>
SC: You’re disgusting!!
Me: You ever try pumpkin chai?
SC: NO!
Me: Then shut up, drink your poo, and stop making comments. <I grab my drink and start to walk away>
SC: but it’s gross looking!
Me: Oh, bite me…
Illiteracy is sad…
I’m in the produce section, grabbing some roma tomatoes. Now the new way the store is set up, everything has an individual sign, clearly marked and it’s wonderful. Or so I think. There’s this cranky old bad next to me looking at the tomatoes on the vine, and she’s bitching to her husband about price gouging. See, the sign reads 4/$5.00 and underneath that, it says “per lb”. So, translation on THAT would be, 4 lbs of tomatoes on the vine for $5, right?
Apparently not. She flags down an employee.
COB: Excuse me, can I ask why these are so expensive?!
E: Uh…I’m not sure what you mean?
COB: what does that sign say? What does it MEAN?!
E: Er…it means that—
COB: 4 tomatoes for $5 is RIDICULOUS!
(Right around this point, I give a mental facepalm…)
E: No, ma’am, it means that 4 lbs of tomatoes is $5. So it’s more like $1.25 a lb.
COB: are you SURE?
E: Well, that’s what the sign says.
COB: It says 4/$5!
E: ma’am, the per lb part is underneath.
COB: but it says EACH!
E: Erm. Ma’am, that’s the sign for the packages of grape tomatoes, and they’re $3.49. Each.
COB: <Grumbles something, and then> Oh, I guess that’s better then…
I made a not so graceful escape and generally avoided eye contact the rest of my trip, until I got to the self checkouts.
Illiteracy is sad...redux
I’m at the SCO. I’m ringing out my purchases, bagging them, life is good. I push total, then the coupon button because I have coupons and coupons are wonderful. At the SCO directly behind me, the attendant is listening to someone whine. Hey, that voice sounds familiar. Oh, it’s COB. AGAIN. Apparently she had coupons too. Buy 3 boxes of Kleenex, save $1 or something like that, but it was specific sizes, and it was not to be combined with anything else. Apparently the store also had Kleenex on sale for something or other. I don’t know the exact situation, she was just once again harping about signs and what the coupon says. SCO attendant had to call a supe over. While I’m waiting to be acknowledged, I overhear key points of the argument.
COB: But my coupon says I save $1. I want my $1 off!
Supe: ma’am, the terms and conditions of the coupon clearly state this. (insert explanation) I can’t override a machine because you haven’t bought what they indicated.
COB: But it SAYS I save $1. I bought 3!
SCO: yes, ma’am, but you also applied another promotion. They can’t be combined. <her little scanner dings indicating I’ve got coupons and she turns to face me. Quick note: I go to this store a lot, and am friendly with the employees, to the point she greeted me with a hug and asked me where I had been for so long>
Me: Recovering. Got hit by a car, so I’ve been avoiding parking lots for a while.
SCO: Oh no! Were you on your bike for exercise again?
Me: Nope, walking to a bus stop
Mind you, our conversation is going on while she’s scanning my coupons and doing her job.
COB: <clearing her throat> ExCUSE me, but I’m still waiting for MY coupon to be scanned.
Supe: <Still trying to explain to her that she’s not reading the coupon right>
Me: <smiles at the SCO, and thanks her and tells her that I’m fine now.>
SCO: < tells me I’m blessed, she’s going to keep me in her prayers, etc, etc and turns back to COB.
COB: Just scan my coupon and give me $1 off!
SCO: But ma’am, it’s $1 off for Kleenex--
COB: <Waves a box of Kleenex in SCO’s face> and I BOUGHT Kleenex
SCO: and if you buy 3 more, you can use the coupon.
COB: Oh, you’re fuuuunnnny.
Me: <snickers>
COB: and what do YOU find so funny!!
Me: <as I’m putting my bags in my cart> Your lack of reading comprehension…in a pitifully funny kind of way…
COB: But the coupon says—
Me: I’m sorry, is this my “I give a damn” face? Shit, let me change real quick.
COB: Why you—
Me: reading. It’s fundamental.
And I walk away.
Bonus creeper at the bus stop!
Most of my bruising on the arms have faded, to the point I feel comfortable wearing tank tops again. I’m wearing a black one that has a skull and roses on it, with the word wicked in scroll script. I’m standing at the bus stop, waiting, and this guy is standing there, too. He grins at me. I smile, nod politely, and that was my first mistake.
Him: So. You’s wicked, huh?
Me: Um, what?
Him: That how you got them hickies?
Me: What??
Him: <points to the fading BRUISES still on my shoulder> You wicked?
Me: …. <Take out my mp3 player and put my headphones in.>
Him: <Grabs the shoulder. With the bruises> Hey, I was talking to—
Me: <I yelp, turn around and glare> Do NOT put your hands on me. EVER.
Him: But I was—
Me: Being a pervert. A skeeze. A creeper. Take your pick. Leave me the fuck alone! Take a clue, I do not want to talk to you!!
Him: Bitch.
Me: Yes, and?
Him: <stares at me blankly>
Thankfully the bus pulls up at that point and I climb aboard. He gets on too, but goes all the way to the back to sit and I just grab a seat near the driver.
The end.
Third time, however? So not the charm.
Boo. But, here we go.the wheels on the bus…are stopped
This particular bus route I take passes two sets of train tracks. As such, the bus is sometimes forced to, you know, STOP FOR TRAINS. One such time occurred this morning on the way to the store. We hit the tracks right as the arm was going down and the train started crossing. There is a stop right after the train tracks, and there was a guy standing at said stop. Takes the train a few minutes to pass, and it’s a long one. And, when the arm raises, the bus driver goes right up to where the arm is, stops like she’s supposed to, to check, and then continues to the stop. Holy crap, you’d think she just committed a capital felony. Dude gets on the bus and starts ripping into her.
Idiot: Man, why you taking so long to get to the stop, why you driving so slow?!
Driver: Sir, there was a TRAIN.
Idiot: You could’ve made it through before it came! The bar hadn’t gotten down all the way!
Driver: Sir, it was a train crossing, and the warning lights were flashing.
Idiot: but you coulda made it!! <snarlranrantrantravewhathaveyou> You put me behind schedule!
Driver: And by standing here arguing, I’m further behind, sir. The train was crossing. I have to follow the laws.
Idiot: <takes his seat and snarls some more, and the guy sitting behind him randomly comments out loud>
OtherGuy: You know, man, if you’re that upset about waiting to board, next time, why don’t YOU try and make it across in time…?
Idiot had no answer. Lupo turned up the volume on her mp3 player.
wherein Lupo confuses a barista
So, I get to the store and make it across the street unscathed (have I mentioned I’m now super paranoid about walking anywhere and check each way in traffic about 12 times before taking a step? Yeah, well, I am…) first stop is the in-store starbucks. Haven’t been to this store in a while, and they’re renovating, so I have to re-orient myself. I find the starbucks, greet the barista and ask her to make a pumpkin chai for me. She looks confused, but it is awesome (OMG, thank you Treasure for introducing me to this joyous delight!!!)
I explain how to make it. And end up getting it free! (store has a program where if you swipe your loyalty card, every 10 drinks you by, you get 1 free) Well, as the barista is making it, other barista comes over and he does a double take at the cup and asks what she’s making. She tells him it’s a chai. Male barista looks confused. Female barista laughs. Customer behind me is apparently impatient, and buts into the convo we’re having.
MB: But that looks a little…orange, to be a chai
Me: It’s a pumpkin spice chai and it’s AWESOME!!
FB: She started ordering them when the pumpkin spice became available again.
Me: All thanks to a friend in Austin ^__^
SC: It looks DISGUSTING!!
MB: <blinks and looks at the guy behind me. I turn around and stare at him too>
SC: It looks gross. Like orange puke in a glass.
Me: Well, no accounting for taste… <eyebrow twitching>
MB: <having seen me react to stupids before, he asks the SC what he can make for him>
SC: some real coffee. I’ll have a pumpkin spice latte
Me: So…you’re getting pumpkin spice, too?
SC: Yeah, but I’m getting it in what it’s supposed to go in. Coffee. So it doesn’t look like orange puke!
FB: <stares at me and winces>
Me: <Cheerfully> Nope, it looks like orange shit instead!
SC:
Me: Well, technically maybe diarrhea?
FB: <snickers>
SC: You’re disgusting!!
Me: You ever try pumpkin chai?
SC: NO!
Me: Then shut up, drink your poo, and stop making comments. <I grab my drink and start to walk away>
SC: but it’s gross looking!
Me: Oh, bite me…
Illiteracy is sad…
I’m in the produce section, grabbing some roma tomatoes. Now the new way the store is set up, everything has an individual sign, clearly marked and it’s wonderful. Or so I think. There’s this cranky old bad next to me looking at the tomatoes on the vine, and she’s bitching to her husband about price gouging. See, the sign reads 4/$5.00 and underneath that, it says “per lb”. So, translation on THAT would be, 4 lbs of tomatoes on the vine for $5, right?
Apparently not. She flags down an employee.
COB: Excuse me, can I ask why these are so expensive?!
E: Uh…I’m not sure what you mean?
COB: what does that sign say? What does it MEAN?!
E: Er…it means that—
COB: 4 tomatoes for $5 is RIDICULOUS!
(Right around this point, I give a mental facepalm…)
E: No, ma’am, it means that 4 lbs of tomatoes is $5. So it’s more like $1.25 a lb.
COB: are you SURE?
E: Well, that’s what the sign says.
COB: It says 4/$5!
E: ma’am, the per lb part is underneath.
COB: but it says EACH!
E: Erm. Ma’am, that’s the sign for the packages of grape tomatoes, and they’re $3.49. Each.
COB: <Grumbles something, and then> Oh, I guess that’s better then…
I made a not so graceful escape and generally avoided eye contact the rest of my trip, until I got to the self checkouts.
Illiteracy is sad...redux
I’m at the SCO. I’m ringing out my purchases, bagging them, life is good. I push total, then the coupon button because I have coupons and coupons are wonderful. At the SCO directly behind me, the attendant is listening to someone whine. Hey, that voice sounds familiar. Oh, it’s COB. AGAIN. Apparently she had coupons too. Buy 3 boxes of Kleenex, save $1 or something like that, but it was specific sizes, and it was not to be combined with anything else. Apparently the store also had Kleenex on sale for something or other. I don’t know the exact situation, she was just once again harping about signs and what the coupon says. SCO attendant had to call a supe over. While I’m waiting to be acknowledged, I overhear key points of the argument.
COB: But my coupon says I save $1. I want my $1 off!
Supe: ma’am, the terms and conditions of the coupon clearly state this. (insert explanation) I can’t override a machine because you haven’t bought what they indicated.
COB: But it SAYS I save $1. I bought 3!
SCO: yes, ma’am, but you also applied another promotion. They can’t be combined. <her little scanner dings indicating I’ve got coupons and she turns to face me. Quick note: I go to this store a lot, and am friendly with the employees, to the point she greeted me with a hug and asked me where I had been for so long>
Me: Recovering. Got hit by a car, so I’ve been avoiding parking lots for a while.
SCO: Oh no! Were you on your bike for exercise again?
Me: Nope, walking to a bus stop
Mind you, our conversation is going on while she’s scanning my coupons and doing her job.
COB: <clearing her throat> ExCUSE me, but I’m still waiting for MY coupon to be scanned.
Supe: <Still trying to explain to her that she’s not reading the coupon right>
Me: <smiles at the SCO, and thanks her and tells her that I’m fine now.>
SCO: < tells me I’m blessed, she’s going to keep me in her prayers, etc, etc and turns back to COB.
COB: Just scan my coupon and give me $1 off!
SCO: But ma’am, it’s $1 off for Kleenex--
COB: <Waves a box of Kleenex in SCO’s face> and I BOUGHT Kleenex
SCO: and if you buy 3 more, you can use the coupon.
COB: Oh, you’re fuuuunnnny.
Me: <snickers>
COB: and what do YOU find so funny!!
Me: <as I’m putting my bags in my cart> Your lack of reading comprehension…in a pitifully funny kind of way…
COB: But the coupon says—
Me: I’m sorry, is this my “I give a damn” face? Shit, let me change real quick.
COB: Why you—
Me: reading. It’s fundamental.
And I walk away.
Bonus creeper at the bus stop!
Most of my bruising on the arms have faded, to the point I feel comfortable wearing tank tops again. I’m wearing a black one that has a skull and roses on it, with the word wicked in scroll script. I’m standing at the bus stop, waiting, and this guy is standing there, too. He grins at me. I smile, nod politely, and that was my first mistake.
Him: So. You’s wicked, huh?
Me: Um, what?
Him: That how you got them hickies?
Me: What??
Him: <points to the fading BRUISES still on my shoulder> You wicked?
Me: …. <Take out my mp3 player and put my headphones in.>
Him: <Grabs the shoulder. With the bruises> Hey, I was talking to—
Me: <I yelp, turn around and glare> Do NOT put your hands on me. EVER.
Him: But I was—
Me: Being a pervert. A skeeze. A creeper. Take your pick. Leave me the fuck alone! Take a clue, I do not want to talk to you!!
Him: Bitch.
Me: Yes, and?
Him: <stares at me blankly>
Thankfully the bus pulls up at that point and I climb aboard. He gets on too, but goes all the way to the back to sit and I just grab a seat near the driver.
The end.
you...
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