Control your dog

[MoonCat]

No, you were NOT bad, no no no no no you weren't.

She stood there and told you someone would come and take your dog and put him to sleep? She's a brass-plated, scum-sucking, pointy-headed, bottom-feeding bitch. And that goes double in the circumstances. Maybe she didn't know that your dog is very ill and won't be with you much longer, but that was a rotten thing to say.

I'm sorry you've had so many losses. It's been rough, I know.

[Falor]

She had metaphorically inserted a dagger into your gut and was happily twisting the blade. She deserved to have you go off on her. Hey, you didn't clobber her, so all's good. Don't sweat it.

That's kind of my thoughts on the matter.

See, my wife and I have the four legged and fur covered sort of children (as opposed to the two-legged and mouthy ones which are an entirely different kettle of fish), so that sort of comment about our dog (or other family member), especially with her being a former animal control officer, well, let's just say we would not have a very pleasant reaction. At all.

[Rena_Muffin]

Thank you and an update

Thanks to all you guys. I just came back today and reading all the responses made me smile. I have a few updates on this story and I figured I'd post them.

First update, ANL knows my mom. I don't know how, ANL lives about three blocks from us and I only knew her from encountering her at the mail box. ANL claims (will explain how I know this later) it was from my mom inviting her to our house for like...lunch and stuff that she knew what our dog really looked like.

So, Monday night I was really mad and sad and just feeling crappy when mom came home, sat me down, and asked what happened because ANL called her and confessed to my mom that she thought something was wrong with me. According to mom, ANL said I was so distraught I was just screaming and making noises, not even making words (except for like two or three that she could pick out). Mom and I talked about the incident, mom agreed I was just stressed and said that she thinks ANL was just angry about some of the damage that's been done to her lawn through neighbor's dog (apparently he's torn up the lawn and done a lot of damage to some of her property. I felt really bad after hearing this). Mom and I decided I'd apologize to ANL the next day when I could have a chance to calm down some and not have to worry about flying off the handle again.

So, I came home from school and went to ANL's house to apologize (ANL works from her house). I explained everything, apologized for my behavior, and then got lectured by ANL over the incident. It kinda felt like I was eating dirt. However, ANL was surprisingly nice and even made me some lunch and talked with me about when her husband died (something I did not know) and how she was in pretty bad shape over it so she understood how I felt. We had a really long talk and I felt much better because of it.

Also, the neighbors with the dog say that they think he's dug a hole under the fence and that's how he's getting out. He ran by today with his owners following and yelling as I was in the car ready to drive to school. It kinda looked like something out of a comedy.

[Thuringwethyl]

Wow. I'm actually angrier after the update.

So you had to give a groveling apology while she never admitted any culpability with her own behavior? She also owes you a HUGE apology for:

1. not getting her facts straight
2. refusing to listen to you
3. threatening to have your dog put to sleep
4. GLOATING ABOUT YOUR DOG'S IMPENDING DEATH

She's lucky all you did was yell. So the neighbor's dog has been destroying her yard? Sucks, but not your fault and you should not feel bad for someone else' actions.

[Hanzoku]

I'm going to go with 'You're a better person then I am'. I'd categorically refuse to apologize or even talk to the person ever again if I was treated that way.

[Yarnil]

I'm going to go with 'You're a better person then I am'. I'd categorically refuse to apologize or even talk to the person ever again if I was treated that way.

I second that.

You are ok now?

[Rena_Muffin]

I second that.

You are ok now?

Yeah, kinda. I'm not as pissed as I was when I wrote the first post. However, I'm a bit stressed over the dog and everything, and I'm selling artwork at a convention this weekend so I'm slightly afraid, considering everything going on, that I'm going to blow up at a customer for like no reason. I don't expect to have too many SCs cause it's an anime convention and everyone I meet at them is usually awesome. I'd not go to the convention but it's already all paid for and I have friends who I'm sharing the table with who need my help and I'm not going to abandon them.

[blas]

I feel for you. I hate people who just up and confront and accuse you of stuff you didn't do and that they can't prove. And the nerve of her to still hold something against you and not admit that she is part of the problem.

[Merriweather]

She did kind of deserve it; she wasn't backing off and was harassing you. She was looking to push your buttons...she just didn't realize what would happen when she hit them, and got what was coming.

I agree with this. Under the circumstances of what you've been thru and are going thru (the loss of three family members in a short time is devasting, even if two of them are of the four footed variety), it isn't surprising that something hit that exposed nerve, and you lost it. Understandable, might need to be explained and apologized for if it had happened accidently. But it wasn't an accident. She went after you, trying to hit whatever nerve she could, trying on purpose to make you feel as bad as she possibly could. She just didn't know how well it would work, in one sense of the word.

Even accepting that she truly thought it was your dog, not the neighbor's (and if both looked similar, it could be called an honest mistake), she didn't go to you with the object of informing you what your dog had supposedly done, of trying to get the problem solved, or of really sorting out the problem, otherwise she'd have listened to your explanation, given you a chance to point out the other dog gets out, and yours is sick, etc. No, she went with the express purpose of bitching, yelling, and making you feel as bad as she could over the whole thing. Which she did, more than she could ever have imagined. And got back what she deserved.

I agree with someone who suggested talking to her (or perhaps slip a note in her door). Not a blanket apology. But an explanation (as all she probably heard was someone yelling at poor little her, not anything you actually said).
And I'm not suggesting you do it as atonement or because you were wrong. I suggest it as a way to make yourself feel better, by explaining (you obviously feel badly, because you dont' normally lose control like that) and because you can make sure she didn't just tune you out at the time, and truly understands the extent of what she did.

Something like "I'm sorry I lost my composure when you came to accuse my dying dog of getting out and entering your yard, I would love it if he were actually capable of that, but as you were threatening me with having him taken and put to sleep, I had just been speaking with the vet over the necessity of doing just that, as he is in so much pain. I'm sure you can understand how being about to lose a family member can affect a person's normal tolerance of somone verbally attacking the dying family member".
Lay on the guilt as heavily as you want.

There's just a world of difference between accidently saying something that hits a nerve on someone going thru a rough time, and someone who sets out to hit any nerves they possibly can on purpose, even if they do hit that specific nerve by accident. The second group deserves all they get, and she was of that second group.

And I'm so sorry to hear of your losses, been there, done that, and know how very, very hard it is. Don't beat yourself up over being human.

[Mikkel]

I'm slightly afraid, considering everything going on, that I'm going to blow up at a customer for like no reason.

I doubt you will, you handled the neighbour well until she threatened your dog.
None of your customers, however sucky, are likely to do that.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Wow. I'm actually angrier after the update.

So am I.

Fuck her. "Surprisingly nice," my ass. Surprisingly nice people admit when they fucked up and don't condescend to lecture you on what you supposedly did "wrong."

Fuck her. When the pets are threatened, that's it, we're done here and the gloves are coming off, and you won't like what's underneath 'em.

[Sapphire Silk]

Wow. I'm actually angrier after the update.

So you had to give a groveling apology while she never admitted any culpability with her own behavior? She also owes you a HUGE apology for:

1. not getting her facts straight
2. refusing to listen to you
3. threatening to have your dog put to sleep
4. GLOATING ABOUT YOUR DOG'S IMPENDING DEATH

She's lucky all you did was yell. So the neighbor's dog has been destroying her yard? Sucks, but not your fault and you should not feel bad for someone else' actions.

QFT. I second this emotion.

[dalesys]

Thank you! I haven't been able to fill the prescription my vet gave me that would save my dog's life until now.



It requires a harpy's heart...

[sms001]

Hope the convention goes well and gets you back on your feet 'composure' wise.

It isn't surprising to me that ANL was "nice" later. You actually probably gave her what she wanted. She was frustrated over something trivial and wanted some drama (so it wouldn't seem trivial, and therefore ok to be upset over) AND a bad guy (so she would have someone to displace the blame to).

You gave her both, so you filled out the antagonist role in the "There's something bad going on and I'm going to fix it" play she had running through her head.

And then you apologized, relieving her of any burden of guilt she may have had about her role as provocateur.

Couldn't have gone any better from her end of things.

tl;dr: you're nice, she isn't.

[Rena_Muffin]

Thank you! I haven't been able to fill the prescription my vet gave me that would save my dog's life until now.



It requires a harpy's heart...

I just lol'd. Thank you.

The convention is going really well. I made a lot so far, and I have a few stories I'll be posting soon about customers and some of the other artists I had to encounter.