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Since Hubs won't get around to post, I will!
Hubby is a security guard. His latest post is at an office building.
Since they don't have a gate, he parks his car across the driveway to prevent people from parking there. (Most notably, people from the infamous party house across the street.) This is important to many of these stories.
No, you can't park here
Many times a night, Hubs will have someone pull into the driveway and stop when they reach his car. Hubs will get out and go talk to them.
Driver: "Uh...can I not park here?'
Hubs: "No, you can't."
Driver: "This sucks, man! There's no parking anywhere! Come on, just let me park here!"
Cue much bitching as they back out and find parking elsewhere.
(There is usually parking to be found a couple blocks down the hill, but methinks they're just to lazy to walk that far to get to the party house.)
Hit and almost-run
Often on weekends, some cars will be parked there. So Hubs parks behind them, giving them a chance to get out if they come back while he's on patrol. As cars leave, he moves his car further and further up, until all the cars are gone and he can park all the way across the driveway.
To set the scene, you have the parking lot, a small rocky embankment, bushes, and a sidewalk behind said bushes. Hubs was returning to his car after a patrol. He had parked his car back a ways, since there was one car left to leave, and this car was leaving as he was returning.
The car was backing up, and hit Hubby's car!
The car started to drive off, at which point Hubs jumped out from the walkway behind the bushes.
The car stopped. The driver was a young woman, who probably shat herself when a full-uniformed man jumped out at her while she was trying to sneak away from the scene.
Her excuse? "I didn't even see it there!"
This is an '89 Mercury Marquis. It's a boat. It's not a little car that just suddenly jumps out at you. Plus, it was parked and hadn't moved the whole time she was getting into her car and backing out.
Fortunately, all she left was a teeny, tiny paint scratch on his fender, which has already suffered worse damage, so he sent her on her way.
His car must be invisible
His car, as I mentioned, isn't exactly small. A cyclist was cruising through the property while Hubs was sitting in his car. He came up to within ten feet of the car, when he suddenly slammed on his breaks and swerved around Hubby's car.
Hubby heard the cyclist mumble "What the hell? People just park here like that?"
Hubby's car is parked in a well-lit area, so it's not like it just appeared out of nowhere. The cyclist just wasn't paying attention.
You can't park here...again
A car pulled up right to Hubby's car. He could hear the fight going on inside.
Woman: "Just shut up and park here already!"
Man: "No, we can't park here! It's blocked off!"
Woman: "We're only going to be there for like ten minutes! Park it!"
Man: "I can't! The guy is right there!"
Hubby couldn't make out what was said as they pulled away, but he could tell the woman was still screeching at him.
Yeah, sure you were
You know how when a cat makes a mistake, they try to play it off like they meant to do it? Border Patrol are like cats.
The green-and-white pulled into the driveway. Hubs got out to see what they needed.
BP: "You working here?"
Hubs: "Yep."
BP: "Yeah, we were just, ah...turning around here."
Yeah, sure you were.
Police are more like dogs, on the other hand
Some blue-and-white pulled in. Hubs got out to see what they wanted.
PD: "Ah, we didn't know they had security here!"
Hubs: "Just on weekends."
PD: "Cool. How's it going?"
They didn't even give Hubs crap for being a Paul Blart. Of course we have some pretty decent cops in this town.
Surprise! It's security!
Hubby finished a patrol, and was just about to write down that nothing had happened, when he heard a clatter. He returned to the building to find some kids playing with a ladder. He shined his flashlight at them and they dispersed.
He can see you
The other morning it was quiet. Hubs saw a group of three guys doing an exaggerated sneaky-step as they went down the sidewalk across the end of the driveway. When a car came by, they turned and fled.
Hubs heard them behind the bushes.
Guy1: "Should we cut across?"
Guy2: "But there's a car there! With a real person in it!"
Hubby at this point thought Well, I hope I'm a real person...
Hubs just got out and watched them. They started to sneak by, but chickened out and ran down the trail to the apartments next door.
Hubby is a security guard. His latest post is at an office building.
Since they don't have a gate, he parks his car across the driveway to prevent people from parking there. (Most notably, people from the infamous party house across the street.) This is important to many of these stories.
No, you can't park here
Many times a night, Hubs will have someone pull into the driveway and stop when they reach his car. Hubs will get out and go talk to them.
Driver: "Uh...can I not park here?'
Hubs: "No, you can't."
Driver: "This sucks, man! There's no parking anywhere! Come on, just let me park here!"
Cue much bitching as they back out and find parking elsewhere.
(There is usually parking to be found a couple blocks down the hill, but methinks they're just to lazy to walk that far to get to the party house.)
Hit and almost-run
Often on weekends, some cars will be parked there. So Hubs parks behind them, giving them a chance to get out if they come back while he's on patrol. As cars leave, he moves his car further and further up, until all the cars are gone and he can park all the way across the driveway.
To set the scene, you have the parking lot, a small rocky embankment, bushes, and a sidewalk behind said bushes. Hubs was returning to his car after a patrol. He had parked his car back a ways, since there was one car left to leave, and this car was leaving as he was returning.
The car was backing up, and hit Hubby's car!
The car started to drive off, at which point Hubs jumped out from the walkway behind the bushes.The car stopped. The driver was a young woman, who probably shat herself when a full-uniformed man jumped out at her while she was trying to sneak away from the scene.
Her excuse? "I didn't even see it there!"
This is an '89 Mercury Marquis. It's a boat. It's not a little car that just suddenly jumps out at you. Plus, it was parked and hadn't moved the whole time she was getting into her car and backing out.
Fortunately, all she left was a teeny, tiny paint scratch on his fender, which has already suffered worse damage, so he sent her on her way.
His car must be invisible
His car, as I mentioned, isn't exactly small. A cyclist was cruising through the property while Hubs was sitting in his car. He came up to within ten feet of the car, when he suddenly slammed on his breaks and swerved around Hubby's car.
Hubby heard the cyclist mumble "What the hell? People just park here like that?"
Hubby's car is parked in a well-lit area, so it's not like it just appeared out of nowhere. The cyclist just wasn't paying attention.
You can't park here...again
A car pulled up right to Hubby's car. He could hear the fight going on inside.
Woman: "Just shut up and park here already!"
Man: "No, we can't park here! It's blocked off!"
Woman: "We're only going to be there for like ten minutes! Park it!"
Man: "I can't! The guy is right there!"
Hubby couldn't make out what was said as they pulled away, but he could tell the woman was still screeching at him.
Yeah, sure you were
You know how when a cat makes a mistake, they try to play it off like they meant to do it? Border Patrol are like cats.
The green-and-white pulled into the driveway. Hubs got out to see what they needed.
BP: "You working here?"
Hubs: "Yep."
BP: "Yeah, we were just, ah...turning around here."
Yeah, sure you were.
Police are more like dogs, on the other hand
Some blue-and-white pulled in. Hubs got out to see what they wanted.
PD: "Ah, we didn't know they had security here!"
Hubs: "Just on weekends."
PD: "Cool. How's it going?"
They didn't even give Hubs crap for being a Paul Blart. Of course we have some pretty decent cops in this town.
Surprise! It's security!
Hubby finished a patrol, and was just about to write down that nothing had happened, when he heard a clatter. He returned to the building to find some kids playing with a ladder. He shined his flashlight at them and they dispersed.
He can see you
The other morning it was quiet. Hubs saw a group of three guys doing an exaggerated sneaky-step as they went down the sidewalk across the end of the driveway. When a car came by, they turned and fled.
Hubs heard them behind the bushes.
Guy1: "Should we cut across?"
Guy2: "But there's a car there! With a real person in it!"
Hubby at this point thought Well, I hope I'm a real person...
Hubs just got out and watched them. They started to sneak by, but chickened out and ran down the trail to the apartments next door.
It must be the fact that I am marathoning all of the first 7 movies right now.
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