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So I'm in Walmart to get the stuff I need for dinner. Around this time of year I REALLY hate going there since far too many people are assholes. But as it is the cheapest place to get my groceries...as the saying goes "Needs must when the Devil drives."
So in I venture. Several people cutting me off trying to get to the choice parking space (you know, the one that's still in the same county as the Walmart), people trying to run over everyone to get a parking space...the usual.
I managed to somehow find a parking space in the middle of sector "Q" and survive the walk through the automotive death trap that is the parking lot and manage to get inside.
I get my food and head to the checkout. I was totally surprised by the fact that there was an express lane with only one person ahead of me and they only had a few items (and certainly below the "10 items or less" posted on the sign. "Wow!" I'm thinking, "I might actually get out of here in a reasonable period of time."
Transactions go through with no hitch and I pay and am bagging my crap to leave. At this point an elderly lady comes up to me and asks if I'm done with the cart as I was already carrying in my hands the two bags and looked to not be needing the cart. Not being an asshole and in a surprisingly good mood I said "Of course. I was done with it anyway."
Enter the Sucky Customers
It seems that there was a couple with their little girl waiting for a cart. WHY they did not grab one of the many that were at each entrance (I looked after this was all over) is beyond me. But for whatever reason they walked past them all, came over to the check-out area and target locked on my cart as if mine was made of pure awesome.
They came up to me and demanded to know why I gave the cart to the old lady. My reply was that without anyone else telling me otherwise I can not divine that others are looking for my exact cart unless they come up to me and actually ask for it.
You know...kinda like what the old lady did. Funny how that works.
To which I was then told by the father "Fuck you."
Now I am not gay, but as my best friend (a man who is family to me in all but blood) has put it "You creep me out man. You can act more over the top than I can...and *I'm* the gay one."
So between that and my penchant for whimsy, I responded in my over the top voice "Sorry dude. First of all you're married and secondly I'm going to need a more romantic proposal than that. Either that or at least buy me dinner first. I'm a cheap date, the "Two for $20" deal at Applebee's works for me."
Well now he's getting flustered and is turning bright red. His little daughter looks at me and tugs on Mommy's sleeve and asks "He's not one of those homosexuals is he?" in a cute and endearing (were it not for the implied homophobia) voice.
At which point I crouched down to her level (we were about 8 feet apart) and said in my best Carson Kressley impersonation "Sweetie, your daddy offered first.", stood up and walked out the door listening to the raging laughter of the other shoppers that were in the area.
As I was walking to my car I could not help but to be amused watching the family coming out the other entrance empty handed and bickering over something. I guess the laughter really hurt his pwecious widdle ego.
So in I venture. Several people cutting me off trying to get to the choice parking space (you know, the one that's still in the same county as the Walmart), people trying to run over everyone to get a parking space...the usual.
I managed to somehow find a parking space in the middle of sector "Q" and survive the walk through the automotive death trap that is the parking lot and manage to get inside.
I get my food and head to the checkout. I was totally surprised by the fact that there was an express lane with only one person ahead of me and they only had a few items (and certainly below the "10 items or less" posted on the sign. "Wow!" I'm thinking, "I might actually get out of here in a reasonable period of time."
Transactions go through with no hitch and I pay and am bagging my crap to leave. At this point an elderly lady comes up to me and asks if I'm done with the cart as I was already carrying in my hands the two bags and looked to not be needing the cart. Not being an asshole and in a surprisingly good mood I said "Of course. I was done with it anyway."
Enter the Sucky Customers
It seems that there was a couple with their little girl waiting for a cart. WHY they did not grab one of the many that were at each entrance (I looked after this was all over) is beyond me. But for whatever reason they walked past them all, came over to the check-out area and target locked on my cart as if mine was made of pure awesome.
They came up to me and demanded to know why I gave the cart to the old lady. My reply was that without anyone else telling me otherwise I can not divine that others are looking for my exact cart unless they come up to me and actually ask for it.
You know...kinda like what the old lady did. Funny how that works.
To which I was then told by the father "Fuck you."
Now I am not gay, but as my best friend (a man who is family to me in all but blood) has put it "You creep me out man. You can act more over the top than I can...and *I'm* the gay one."
So between that and my penchant for whimsy, I responded in my over the top voice "Sorry dude. First of all you're married and secondly I'm going to need a more romantic proposal than that. Either that or at least buy me dinner first. I'm a cheap date, the "Two for $20" deal at Applebee's works for me."
Well now he's getting flustered and is turning bright red. His little daughter looks at me and tugs on Mommy's sleeve and asks "He's not one of those homosexuals is he?" in a cute and endearing (were it not for the implied homophobia) voice.
At which point I crouched down to her level (we were about 8 feet apart) and said in my best Carson Kressley impersonation "Sweetie, your daddy offered first.", stood up and walked out the door listening to the raging laughter of the other shoppers that were in the area.
As I was walking to my car I could not help but to be amused watching the family coming out the other entrance empty handed and bickering over something. I guess the laughter really hurt his pwecious widdle ego.
He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.
I bet there are at least a few other smilies I could use on this post! Win win win...wish I could have been there!!! 
That is just too win for words! 
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