A toy shopping story: sucky or responsible?

[Flying Grype]

"I want a toy for an eight-year-old, but she has a year-old brother so it can't be anything with small parts that are choking hazards."

I've had a few customers say this sort of thing to me. Restricting the older kid to playing with baby toys is at best going to bore her and at worst make her resent her sibling.

If you're a parent, how did/will you handle this? Or if you remember being in that situation as a kid, how did your parents do it? Would you keep hazardous toys out of the house altogether, or would you supervise the older kid to make sure her toys with their tiny parts were only played with in her room/not left alone where the little one could get them?

The more I think about it, the more I realize this is just an illogical attitude, because you're not going to ban small things that are not toys -- erasers, jewelry, clothing with buttons, etc. :P

[bhskittykatt]

I want to say just supervise, but I'm not a parent, so I'm sure that's easier said than done, especially if both parents work.

At eight years old, I think the kid is starting to be old enough to understand not to leave things out that can choke baby, so teaching that to the eight-year-old would help I think. If the parent really doesn't think they can handle that, things like sports equipment or video games I think could work. I don't think a baby can choke on a basketball very easily.

Of course, I suck at shopping for kids. I just had a hell of a time shopping for my six nieces and nephews, ranging from two years old to almost out of high school. I can only pray I got some of it right.

[Slayer]

My mom had play pens for us. I'm only two years older than my sister, but I do have pics where I'm playing or doing something and she's in a play pen with her own toys. When she was old enough, the play pen disappeared.

And I agree with above, at 8 the child should already know what not to give the baby. It's fairly easy to have a place where "dangerous" toys can be used and stored. It's just a matter of the parents watching and giving reminders of what goes where and when.

[PepperElf]

if her daughter is happy with the gift then that's what matters i guess.

[kaherbert]

solution

When my nephew little enough that he would still put pieces of his big sister's toys in his mouth, those toys were restricted to her bedroom or the upstairs play room. Nephew stayed in the downstairs family area.

[Raveni]

I have kids of all ages. There are toys that my oldest uses that have such small parts that they can't be left around my youngest for even a second (like a model helicopter). There are others that, while not safe for my youngest, would require a lot of chewing to break off a small piece or become a danger (like a batmobile with no removable parts).

It's safe as a gift-giver to leave the choice of what's appropriate to mommy and daddy.

[SuperRTL]

My son is 8, my daughter is just over a year. She's getting pony stuff (horse-mad already) and he's getting books, video games and a beginning drum set which consists mostly of a practice pad, drum sticks and a book. The kid has an entire room full of lego stuff and he knows better than to leave stuff where his sister can get to it. If there's any doubt, I say get them a gift card and let them choose what they want. They'll feel all grown up spending their Christmas money on something that doesn't suck, and my son usually spends half his stuff on his sister, anyway, which I think is cute.

[emax4]

They'll feel all grown up spending their Christmas money on something that doesn't suck, and my son usually spends half his stuff on his sister, anyway, which I think is cute.

That warms my heart

[rose_metal_nz]

my son usually spends half his stuff on his sister, anyway, which I think is cute.

dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[raudf]

I'm still not sure how either my sister or I survived our childhoods, but mom just made sure that my "bigger girl toys" weren't as interesting as her baby toys. Plus, for the most part, my sister became my favoritest toy ever (she learned to walk at 9 months in self defense. Mom said she didn't so much learn to walk as learn to run.)

We're looking at having a second child and well, along with the regular baby-proofing, I'm going to ask my son the same thing I always ask of him. If you play with your toys, please put them back in your room. If it's small parts, keep it off the floor. He's the one that volunteered to keep them in the room when/if the time comes. Given his favorite toys are legos, a good vacuuming will remove any unwanted ones from the living room.

Oh, and the please isn't one of those that you hear from the parents who refuse to punish their kids for misbehaving. My son knows that in cases like this, the "please" is manners, but it's still an order. Do it or lose all access to computers/game consoles.

[Sapphire Silk]

With my nieces and nephews, it was largely a matter of keeping an eye on the kids, since they shared a bedroom for quite awhile. But I've generally found that most kids do fine with toys with small parts by the time they are four or so, though safety advocates would probably disagree with me.

My biggest problem with toys with small parts is I'm much more likely to hurt my foot by stepping on them in unexpected parts of the house, then for one of the kids to explore it with their mouth.

[dalesys]

... toys with small parts ... stepping on them...

JACKS! May kid who leaves them around be ... (elided for the squeamish)

[pitmonkey]

I would get a present for him that he would like. He is going to have to learn to keep his stuff out of her reach anyways. That just comes with the territory.

[42_42_42]

My sister's 5 children range in age from just-about-to-be-born (any day now) to 14. Can you imagine telling a 14 year old boy that he can't have any toys with small parts? The parent's request iin the OP s just dumb. Older children have to learn responsibility (and 8 is absolutely old enough) about what is and isn't ok to leave around where the baby can get to it. But the parent also needs to be observant. Play pens are great for when you have to be out of the room for a moment or if you're busy with a task like cleaning or cooking or paying the bills. But you can't pen your crawling baby/toddler up all the time and you can never truly remove everything from the house that the baby might put in its mouth. That's what babies do. Which is one of the reasons you have to keep a close eye on them. You can't assume the environment will do the parenting for you.

[XCashier]

my son usually spends half his stuff on his sister, anyway, which I think is cute.

That is so sweet! Tell him what a nice boy he is for thinking of his sister.