SHUT. UP.

[An Haddock]

This was about a month ago but still steams me a little.


Went to the local cinema to see Young Adult. (not a fan of Diablo Cody, but I like Reitman's directing and I love Patton Oswalt - great movie)

I usually go on Monday mornings as it's my day off and there's less chance of assholes being in the theater.


I think you can see where this is going.


Sitting about four feet to my left were two middle-aged women who were old enough to goddammed know better. They proceeded to talk throughout the entire movie, comment on every scene, comment on how horrible Charlize Theron's character was and basically chatter the entire time.

At least three times I shushed them. Every time I was ignored.

I should have gotten management but I didn't want to miss anything.

And I really wanted to follow them out of the theater and loudly proclaim "thank you for commentating during the entire movie - you two must be professional movie critics to enlighten me with your witty diatribe!" - alas, I decided to stay through the credits in case there was a scene after them. (there wasn't) I felt I was denied my vitriol just in case there was a post-credits scene.


Swear to god this isn't happening again. I'll shush someone once. If that doesn't work, I'm getting a damn manager and having them removed. I'm fucking done.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I find this is the one case where manners are so far overrated it's not even funny.

They're relying on everyone else's courtesy to shield them from what they so richly deserve.

Shush them once. If they demonstrate that they don't care, blow them out of their seats with a nice, loud "shut the fuck up! I didn't pay twelve bucks to listen to your lack of wit for two fucking hours!" will work wonders. Sometimes it will get you the adoration of other, meeker movie patrons who don't have the balls to say what you just did. Sometimes it will embolden them to follow suit and pile abuse onto the offenders. Nobody ever says that to anyone, so the shock is a nice added bonus.

My MO is pretty much this: If someone has to be annoyed/pissed off/inconvenienced/embarrassed, it might as well be the other guy instead of me.

Really, we're either gonna watch a movie, or we're going to be embroiled in an awkward and unpleasant conversation laced with insults and profanity. I personally could go either way. Either way, it will be worth the ticket price.

[An Haddock]

Good point... it's just that I go to the theater alone usually. And while at 6'1/325 lbs. I'm more than intimidating-looking to the average person, I prefer having someone to back me up in case someone starts shit.

But yeah... I think your response is probably going to be the best course of action next time. (which I hope there will not be, but odds are...)

[Merriweather]

I usually go with " If you want to do a commentary aloud, please wait for the DVD to come out and do so in your own home to people who want to hear it", raising my voice on the last bit.

[BlaqueKatt]

Really, we're either gonna watch a movie, or we're going to be embroiled in an awkward and unpleasant conversation laced with insults and profanity. I personally could go either way. Either way, it will be worth the ticket price.

so pretty much weekend at the in-laws?

[ReadyToRetire]

Awhile back I went to a movie with a friend. Some PG13 action flick. A group of teens were there a couple rows in front of us. Every few minutes one of them would get up, walk across the viewing area and then come back a bit later. Some of them did it multiple times until my friend shouted "Will you sit the fuck down and watch the fucking movie already!!" Got a few WooHoos! from the audience and some laughter, but the stupid kids quit doing it after that.

[Racket_Man]

I think some people watched WAAAYYYY too much MST3K and forgot that in real life theaters are quiet places to watch movies, not an experiement with Dr. Forester and Joel and the Bots.

[Draco]

If it -was- MST3K, there'd be fewer complaints as chances are, it'd be much more entertaining than the movies!

[Pagan]

I think some people watched WAAAYYYY too much MST3K and forgot that in real life theaters are quiet places to watch movies, not an experiement with Dr. Forester and Joel and the Bots.

I think it's more that people are used to watching movies at home and have forgotten how to act in a movie theater.

[Kristev]

And besides - MST3K would actually have rare moments of wit to it. You'd never find that much brain power in the commentators in a movie theatre.

[Racket_Man]

but I never said the "commentary" would be anything near MST3K quality, although I do agree about people watching movies at home and commenting there then not being able to seperate the two.

[Moosenogger]

If you had been in a more vindictive mood you could have tried: "This isn't the Satellite of Love, shut the fuck up!" Or simply interrupted their conversation the moment they opened their mouths. "Oh I'm sorry, I missed that last comment. Wait, what did you think of that scene? Shut up, I'm asking you a question!"

People who talk continuously during a movie need to be punched. It's the only way they'll learn.

[Jay 2K Winger]

My voice carries pretty well, so if I'm gonna do commentary at the movies, I keep it to myself or my friends, and even then, as quiet and as short as possible. And even then, it's a rare thing. I'll save my commentary for after the movie.

Example: "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" (a Netflix movie if there ever was one)

Danny (possible Antichrist) and Johnny Blaze are sitting in a family restaurant. Around them are families, particularly fathers and sons. Danny watches enviously as the fathers tousle their sons' hair. Blaze notices this, so he tries to tousle Danny's hair. When Danny flinches away, Blaze lamely covers by saying "There was a bee."

Naturally, given that this is Nicolas Cage we're talking about, I leaned over to my buddy Tom and whispered, "Not the bees." Tom had to stifle a laugh.

[gremcint]

I remember going to see the ring 2 there was a group of people talking through the movie in the back until I yelled "Shut up back there".

Then during Pirates 3 when Depp finally appeared on screen I go the pleasure having about 40 teenage girls scream right behind me.

[CatsLairArchives]

Really, we're either gonna watch a movie, or we're going to be embroiled in an awkward and unpleasant conversation laced with insults and profanity. I personally could go either way. Either way, it will be worth the ticket price.

Colonel.... is that you.
If so, nice alias