Horse play (or how I nearly broke my foot because my neighbors were idiots)

[spark]

I was just reminded of this story, and since I find it amusing, I thought I'd share. It's about my next door neighbors. I have no idea where on the site it fits best, but I figured here works well enough.

when I was a teenager we lived in a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere. Three miles to the nearest gas station and nine miles to the nearest grocery store. Not as middle of nowhere as some places, but "rural" definitely describes it. My family is from there, so I'm related to half the town. And I really liked it there, it was a good place to grow up, though I'd probably be a little bored living there now.

Anyway. Some years after we moved there, we got some neighbors. This family from California built a huge, shiny, California house (red tile roof and all) and moved in. They were... well, "city slickers" comes to mind. They were nice people but they just didn't have a clue. They didn't fit in at all, and sometimes it really showed. Their house had a tennis court in the back. I think it was the only tennis court for a hundred miles around except maybe for one at the high school, I can't remember if they had one or not. I certainly never played any tennis there if they did.

They also had a horse paddock behind the tennis court. Because they thought it would be "fun" for their girls (ages about eight and ten or so) to have a horse. Not even a pony, they got a full sized horse. As one might expect this did not turn out as their happy-fantasy view of horses had lead them to expect.

See they'd decided to be cheap, or clever, or something, and bought an untrained horse. I believe he was a gelding, maybe three years old. Young, and very even-tempered, but not broke to saddle at all. This was before The Horse Whisperer was a thing, but I imagine they'd read some book, or talked to some guy, and thought they could train the horse. Maybe they even could have if they'd ever gotten around to it, but they didn't. So he sat in his paddock all day, with nothing at all to do but eat and occasionally be fussed at by the kids.

He was one very bored horse. Which is where I enter the story. I had passed my "completely horse crazy" phase, but I did (and still do) love horses. I don't pretend to be any kind of expert, I've never owned one and certainly have never trained one, but I'm comfortable around them. My family knows this. So when the inevitable happened, I was the one who ended up being called to deal with it.

Which is to say we went out the front door one afternoon and the horse was in our front yard, grazing on our lawn. The neighbors were gone, so I ended up having to go out and put him back in his paddock. He was an amazingly good-natured horse, even though he didn't have so much as a hackamore on, I was able to get him to come along just by putting a hand on his withers and urging him forward. He went back in willingly enough... but not before stepping on my foot! If you've never had a horse step on your foot, let me tell you, it HURTS! I think if I hadn't been standing on a soft lawn I would have broken it. As it is I had a spectacular bruise. But I got him back in, and closed the gate, and thought that was that.

Ha.

I ended up putting that damn horse back in its paddock I don't even know how many times. Because he was bored out of his mind. He was never ridden, he couldn't be ridden even, and they never worked him on a line or did anything else to keep him occupied, so his only entertainment was escaping. So he did. Over and over and over and over, until the blessed day when the folks next door finally realized that they were paying a ridiculous amount of money to feed and care for what was basically an ornament, not even a pet since they never played with him, even, once the novelty wore off. So they sold the poor thing to somebody else, who I hope had a clue what to do with him!

(Edit: we also woke up one morning to find a small HERD of cows grazing on our lawn! But that one only happened the once.)

[XCashier]

I really, really wish people would do the research properly and truly think things through before buying an animal! I've read so many stories of animal neglect and cruelty due to the owner's ignorance and stupidity. It's sickening.

Want something cute, cuddly and no-maintenance? Get a teddy bear.

[bhskittykatt]

Horses are damn smart animals. Tricky, too.

My mom grew up with horses (and told me all about how much it hurts to have your foot/other body parts stomped on by one). She must have well over a dozen funny stories about horses. Of course, those are stories about the horses themselves being sucky/tricky/bratty, not sucky horse owner stories.

Poor horsie.

[protege]

Poor horsie.

Yep Animals tend to escape when they get bored.

When I was younger, my grandparents had a farm. Sadly, by the time I came along, Grandpa was no longer interested in working 24-hour days...and had sold the equipment and animals. Still, there were cattle. Not his, but he'd rent out the pastures. Those goddamn cattle were *always* getting out.

Cows really don't do much, but eat grass and shit, while they're in the process of gaining weight to become hamburgers. Plus, they're stupid animals. So they have ample time to find the weak spots in fences...and will attempt to loosen barbed wire and/or posts.

If you've never had to "round up the cattle," you haven't lived. There's nothing like having to deal with a 500 or 1,000-pound (or more!) animal being stubborn...and running away from you when you try to corral them. Plus, they can take out a Buick if they find their way onto the highway...

At least there's a trick to it. Our tenant usually gave 'treats' to his cows from a bucket. Rather than chase them, I'd simply grab the blue bucket from the barn. Cow would see it, and would follow me back into the field...thinking he was getting a treat. I'd lure him into the field, lock the gate behind me...and then jump over the fence

[Kanalah]

Poor horsie.

There's a horse farm less then a mile from my house. Usually if I walk by I'll tell the horses how pretty they are.

I don't get near the fence or anything because there are some crazy horse owners out here. If you so much as look cross-eyed at them you get cursed a blue streak.

[spark]

Poor horsie.

There's a horse farm less then a mile from my house. Usually if I walk by I'll tell the horses how pretty they are.

I don't get near the fence or anything because there are some crazy horse owners out here. If you so much as look cross-eyed at them you get cursed a blue streak.

He he he. I used to climb over the fences and ride the horses bareback! I'm actually shocked, in retrospect, that I never got chewed out for it. I do know I was seen doing it because my grandpa told me he'd seen me doing it once, and that was why he decided to start taking me riding with his friends, so I'd get my horse fix without being quite so dangerous. But he also thought it showed how much gumption I had, or something like that. It was honestly kind of an insane thing to do, but it was during my horse-crazy phase, and here were these horses, right there handy, and, well...

I did fall off once, and got bit by a glorious palomino who was a right bastard, but I never got seriously hurt. I would NOT recommend climbing in with strange horses and riding them bareback to anybody else though!

[bhskittykatt]

Yep Animals tend to escape when they get bored.

Mom had a sow growing up that must have been really bored. It kept escaping. They eventually put an electric fence around the pen to keep it in. It didn't work. The sow would start charging at the fence, and Mom said it would be squealing well before it hit the fence. It knew it was going to get zapped, and that it was going to hurt, but it was determined to get the hell outta there!

At least there's a trick to it. Our tenant usually gave 'treats' to his cows from a bucket. Rather than chase them, I'd simply grab the blue bucket from the barn. Cow would see it, and would follow me back into the field...thinking he was getting a treat. I'd lure him into the field, lock the gate behind me...and then jump over the fence

Mom would scoop out two double-handfuls of feed into the feeding trough (or whatever they call it...she's the farm gal, not me!). If she had to go out and fetch the cow, she'd take one handful back. If the cow came in on its own when it was called, it got an extra handful of feed. The cow soon learned to come in on its own.

I've tried doing the same trick with my dog, using dog biscuits. The dog...he doesn't seem to get it. I think that means that my dog is dumber than a cow.

[AnaKhouri]

I worked on a thoroughbred farm in college for 4 years.

I lost 3 toenails, had two truly spectacular bruises on my arm, got all the skin scraped off one forearm, and lost three quarter-sized patches of skin on my left hand.

Could have been worse, one guy was holding up a thing for an x-ray on a leg bone and got kicked in the face. Broke his jaw.

[Phantasmagoria]

Sadly horses are amongst the animals which tend to attract people with more money than sense.

When I was a kid I had a succession of ponies (they were kept on the family farm, and we got the hairy can-live-outside-all-winter types, so they weren't too expensive to keep. Plus we gave up family holidays to afford them) But because we couldn't afford the better ponies we ended up with a few bad apples.

One was a beautiful pony called Holly. She was stunning, dark dappled grey with a white face and a silver mane and tail. I've never seen anything like it, her mane and tail actually sparkled silver like a my little pony toy. She was an angel to handle in the stable and loved to be petted and fussed. Unfortunately she was stubborn as a mule when ridden and built like a brick sh*thouse.

Circles turned into grossly exaggerated ellipses as she carted me off across the field, rides out terminated abruptly when she would decide she was turning around and going home NOW. Even my mum struggled with her, and she could probably have used her feet as breaks on the floor!

We picked up Holly's replacement at a horse sale (risky!) and she turned out to be the best pony I ever had, and we couldn't afford two at once, so Holly had to go.

The first girl who came to see her fell in love, naturally, because the pony was a dream to handle. She didn't seem bothered that she couldn't actually steer it, even when it was on its best behaviour because my mum had worked it til it was knackered first to make sure it didn't cart a stranger's child off into the sunset. She had been riding at riding school for two years and was obviously inexperienced. We advised her to go away and think about it. She did, but then her parents rang up to arrange a second viewing, with an "expert".

Her expert turned out to be a girl who had been riding at riding school for THREE years. Now, I have nothing against riding schools, but three years there does NOT qualify you to advise someone else on buying a pony. I've been riding for over 20 years now and I still wouldn't count myself expert enough to advise someone else who was buying one! My mum told the girl's parents that their kid couldn't ride Holly safely. Their response? "But she really wants her!" ... We wanted rid of Holly badly, but my mum wasn't willing to risk a kid's life because the parents were too dumb to realise that they were trying to buy a large, strong, heavy animal with a mind of its own for a kid who hadn't enough control to walk it in a straight line. They argued and argued and offered more money, and in the end my mum had to say "I'm sorry but the pony is no longer for sale". We got rid of her at the horse sale the week after.

I'm so proud of my mum for sticking to her guns about the child's safety even when she was offered more money than we could possibly have got from anyone who knew what they were talking about. It's shocking that people with so little knowledge and experience think they can get a pony because its pretty and they've been to riding school once a week for two years. Most privately owned ponies are a lot sharper and less predictable than riding school ponies, and a pretty face doesn't mean its not going to cart you into traffic because its decided its going home. I'm not saying riding lessons are worth nothing, but for gods sake be aware of your limitations! And don't risk your kid getting KILLED because the pony is the prettiest one you've seen.

The pony who replaced Holly was grey, covered in lumps and bumps and scars, with absurdly slim shoulders and an upside-down neck, who hated being fussed in the stable and would pull the most horrendous faces. But she was absolutely safe, and always looked after her rider. She was worth her weight in gold and I adored her.

Sorry about the length! People treating animals like factory-made products for their entertainment is one of my major irritations.

[smfrazier]

This reminds me of when we had a litter of pigs when I was a teenager. They weren't full grown yet but they were still kinda big. They learned to burrow under the fence and escape. The only way to get them back in was to lure them back with a bucket of food. They eventually had me "trained" pretty good. When ever they escaped the they came to the back door of the house and waited for me to come out and feed them.

[MoonCat]

This reminds me of when we had a litter of pigs when I was a teenager. They weren't full grown yet but they were still kinda big. They learned to burrow under the fence and escape. The only way to get them back in was to lure them back with a bucket of food. They eventually had me "trained" pretty good. When ever they escaped the they came to the back door of the house and waited for me to come out and feed them.

And people say animals are dumb.

[Racket_Man]

If you've never had to "round up the cattle," you haven't lived. There's nothing like having to deal with a 500 or 1,000-pound (or more!) animal being stubborn...and running away from you when you try to corral them. Plus, they can take out a Buick if they find their way onto the highway...

:

I used to live rural. as in surrounded by cow pastures. the building was an old Indian Res school chunked up in the apts.

One day a cow somehow got through the fence and into our apt building's yard. MY Ex, not knowing any better went up to the cow and smacked it with her cane to get it back through the fence.

The farmer said that was NOT such a good idea on her part.

[Cat]

Ah, horses.....

I used to ride. Fell off a total of six time, was bitten once, and kicked once.

Only rode for 3 years, and I still miss it.

[PepperElf]

I really, really wish people would do the research properly and truly think things through before buying an animal! I've read so many stories of animal neglect and cruelty due to the owner's ignorance and stupidity. It's sickening.

Want something cute, cuddly and no-maintenance? Get a teddy bear.

This. even simple pets like dogs and cats need research prior to ownership.

[SongsOfDragons]

This. even simple pets like dogs and cats need research prior to ownership.

I have at least...three? Four? books on keeping pet cats, even though I'm several years away from being in a position to own one. Specifically two...housemate's uncle works for the Blue Cross, so that's where we'll be going.