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Dear Vehicle Owner in a Great Hurry:
As you may, or may not have noticed, we've gotten some rain here in our fair city, and as such there are puddles in the road. I'm so sorry they seem to have impeded your journey somewhat, and as such you felt the need to speed right on up to that red light. After all, it was so important you only wait 12 seconds instead of 15 to make a left turn to zip into the parking lot.
Just to bring it to your attention, that random shape you proceeded to drench as you sped through that puddle? That was ME. Yes, I now have a wet bum, damp socks and shoes, and sticky feeling legs. Thank you EVER so much, and please, please let me apologize for daring to walk down the sidewalk during your morning commute. Further, I'm so sorry for believing myself worthy of basic consideration of you slowing down when you reach a puddle, so as not to play a rousing Monday morning game of Splash the Pedestrian. My bad. Everyone needs their fun. Hope you had a blast.
Further, I fervently hope you get several speeding tickets, which in turn cause you to get belligerent with the officer issuing them. I hope said belligerence leads to them searching your car and finding some form of contraband, and you are forced to attempt to flee the scene. When the resulting tackle of 3 policemen onto your flailing form drives all the air out of your lungs, I'm kind of hoping the last words you wheeze out are "Don't taze me, bro!"
Imagining that scenario kind of takes the sting out of the fact I now have squishy socks and my toes itch because of you. Plus, it also makes me giggle inside, and giggling is so much better than finding the nearest grocer and pelting your car with open tins of cat food, wouldn't you say? Yes, I knew you'd agree with me. ^.^
No love, (XOXO)
Me
As you may, or may not have noticed, we've gotten some rain here in our fair city, and as such there are puddles in the road. I'm so sorry they seem to have impeded your journey somewhat, and as such you felt the need to speed right on up to that red light. After all, it was so important you only wait 12 seconds instead of 15 to make a left turn to zip into the parking lot.
Just to bring it to your attention, that random shape you proceeded to drench as you sped through that puddle? That was ME. Yes, I now have a wet bum, damp socks and shoes, and sticky feeling legs. Thank you EVER so much, and please, please let me apologize for daring to walk down the sidewalk during your morning commute. Further, I'm so sorry for believing myself worthy of basic consideration of you slowing down when you reach a puddle, so as not to play a rousing Monday morning game of Splash the Pedestrian. My bad. Everyone needs their fun. Hope you had a blast.
Further, I fervently hope you get several speeding tickets, which in turn cause you to get belligerent with the officer issuing them. I hope said belligerence leads to them searching your car and finding some form of contraband, and you are forced to attempt to flee the scene. When the resulting tackle of 3 policemen onto your flailing form drives all the air out of your lungs, I'm kind of hoping the last words you wheeze out are "Don't taze me, bro!"
Imagining that scenario kind of takes the sting out of the fact I now have squishy socks and my toes itch because of you. Plus, it also makes me giggle inside, and giggling is so much better than finding the nearest grocer and pelting your car with open tins of cat food, wouldn't you say? Yes, I knew you'd agree with me. ^.^
No love, (XOXO)
Me
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