Funeral drama - when grief meets idiots (long so will be multi-parter)

[Cookie]

I'm putting this in sightings because of the idiots we came across taking advantage of a death in my family. I'm pretty pissed. I don't have time right now to write it up all at once and if I did, it would quickly fall into tl;dr territory anyway.

I've been out of pocket for several days due to the death of my great grandmother. If you've read any of the off topic threads about my great grandmas, this is the one who had congestive heart failure, not the one with dementia. The one that passed was my maternal grandmother's mother. I've known my great grandma more than a lot of people know their grandmas. She watched me and my brother a lot when we were little. I remember how she'd always bring me a McDonald's hashbrown because I used to love those greasy potato ovals when I was little. She had a great sense of humor to go with a fantastic belly laugh always followed by a snort. While I'm grieving, my grandmother took it VERY hard. This was her mother, so it's understandable. For the last three weeks, she had spent about 12 hours a day at the nursing home with her. My trip to the funeral was as much to support her as it was to say goodbye myself.

I just have two words to say about my flight up since that's not what this thread is about: screaming babies

Moving on, I got there and my grandma was about like I expected. It was so hard to see her like that. She and my grandfather are living in an apartment complex for the elderly in the same apartment my great grandma used to be in. They're in way better shape and younger than anyone there, but they moved there to be closer and take care of my great grandma. They're the ones who do everything for everybody, too, and most of the folks there love them because they're so nice.

I said most of the folks. There are a few that pretend to be nice, but then say nasty things behind their backs. Some people are just miserable. One of them in particular would say nasty things to my great grandma every day, but when my grandma would come along, be so nice. She's just a miserable woman. She also has a reputation for showing up anywhere there's free food. The bank is doing hotdogs to try to get people to come in and open accounts? She's there. A luncheon after my great grandma's memorial? Yep. Word got back to us that she was planning on going even after being such a bitch. After hearing how she had treated my sweet great grandma, I just hoped I wouldn't personally run into her or that I would at least not know who she was if I did.

I also learned it was going to be at the same church where I got married. I had traveled up there to get married so both of my great grandmas could attend since they were in no shape to travel. Once I knew this, I hoped like anything the same pastor and his wife weren't there. They were awful. Everything is about them. Actually, the wedding story is another long list of sightings I should share some time. My great grandma was a member of that church, but loved to go when the previous pastor was there. He had since retired. I hoped the church had gotten rid of these idiots that took his place, but it was not to be.

[Jay 2K Winger]

I just got back from my grandfather's funeral, so I can somewhat relate to what you must be going through. I'm grateful the whole experience I had was positive-- it's not often my Mom's family is all in one place, so we were glad to touch bases with everyone and meet my cousin Emily's fiance and my cousin Matt's partner. Really, the only negatives we had had to do with the hotel where we were staying, which was... not somewhere we wanted to stay for longer than we had to.

Freeloaders like the Two-Faced Bitch you dealt with? Hate them.

[Kristev]

Family is simply the worst.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Family is simply the worst.

Worst part is that the worst of it isn't even from her family! People who should be either keeping their noses out of it or being sympathetic are trying to cash in on (or get free food) out of a family's pain. It's... jut... AGH

[Cookie]

Posting fromm phone right now, so this is short, but none of the problem was my family. They were wonderful. we were surrounded by good friends and total jerks.

[csquared]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

Just focus on taking care of your grandma and ignore the idiots.

[Cookie]

Part 2:

Oh yes, this "pastor". He was not invited. Nobody wanted him to speak. He had taken over the church a little over three years ago, just before our wedding. The pastor that my great grandma loved was the one who retired just before this joker took over. The old pastor is the one who visited her in the nursing home every month even after retiring and brought her communion each time. He's the one that was asked to speak and lead the memorial service.

However, the current pastor waited until after the announcement was put in the paper so the venue couldn't be changed and then informed the old pastor and the undertaker that if this was going to be held at his church, then he had to be a part of the service. Oh, and he charged $X for being a part of the service. Also, his wife charged $X for playing the piano at the service and nobody else touches "her" piano. That alone was enough to infuriate me. If only they had stopped there with their idiocy.

[Cookie]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

Just focus on taking care of your grandma and ignore the idiots.

Thank you. That's what I tried to do all weekend. I'm back home now, but still in touch with grandma via phone to check up on her.

[rose_metal_nz]

However, the current pastor waited until after the announcement was put in the paper so the venue couldn't be changed and then informed the old pastor and the undertaker that if this was going to be held at his church, then he had to be a part of the service. Oh, and he charged $X for being a part of the service. Also, his wife charged $X for playing the piano at the service and nobody else touches "her" piano. That alone was enough to infuriate me. If only they had stopped there with their idiocy.

Arggghhh this made me so mad just to read it I'm so sorry for your loss, and for you having to put up with this... unnecessary bullshit.

[Victory Sabre]

So sorry about your loss, cookie.

The others, well

[AmbrosiaWriter]

I believe that's illegal, in both things that they did. I know it's painful so you probably don't want to deal with it. It might just be best to let it alone at this point and move on, help your grandmother.

It's infuriating though. I would've kicked them both out, saying "No, we're paying for the venue, not you, so gtfo."

[bainsidhe]

I'm sorry for your loss and for annoying people.

My father passed suddenly in January and us kids didn't really know who to contact or what relations to mention in the obit. Because we didn't really know a lot of dad's cousins, aunts & uncles, there were some that were unfortunately left out of the obit. Oh goodness did we hear the rumor mill start complaining. How dare awesome cousin (who helped us out a LOT) be mentioned, but not the other umpteen cousins? Perhaps because it was super short notice? And more importantly, because perhaps we don't know any of you and we didn't have anyone else's names at the time? I'm still perturbed at how "offended" people got, but less pissed now. It really upset me at the time.

[Captain Trips]

It's true that death seems to bring out the best and the worst in some people. Two years ago, we went to Florida to bury our son. (Well, cremate, actually...) When people found out why we were there, they seemed like they couldn't do enough to help us - from the hotel, airline, rental car company, to the clerk at Starbucks who tried to give us our order for free. (He got a tip that was larger than the bill he ignored.) But then again, there was my coworker who responded to my grief with "some people should learn to leave their problems at home."

Yeah, you had to deal with the idiots - but as this board shows, that seems to happen everywhere these days. You have my deepest condolences and sympathies.

[AccountingDrone]

Part 2:


However, the current pastor waited until after the announcement was put in the paper so the venue couldn't be changed and then informed the old pastor and the undertaker that if this was going to be held at his church, then he had to be a part of the service. Oh, and he charged $X for being a part of the service. Also, his wife charged $X for playing the piano at the service and nobody else touches "her" piano. That alone was enough to infuriate me. If only they had stopped there with their idiocy.

OK, Dude, you get to sit *over there* next to the pulpit. Sit, you do not get to talk. Yo, broad, we don't need you, I have a perfectly good boom box, and a disc of my <insert relative> favorite music [or a bagpiper ... or a couple friends with a recorder and a violin, or a pair of kazoos]

Then they can deal with it. They don't like your choices, take them to the Church Board for ruining your relative's service. Or hell, hold it outside in the parking lot. Who says it has to be in a church or you don't get into heaven?

My uncle was waked in his living room and planted in a cemetary by family, he had parted ways with all forms of formal religion by the time he died. My dad was waked in a funeral parlor and the actual planting was family only, had a bagpiper, a bugler for the taps and an honor guard firing blanks.

[XCashier]

However, the current pastor waited until after the announcement was put in the paper so the venue couldn't be changed and then informed the old pastor and the undertaker that if this was going to be held at his church, then he had to be a part of the service. Oh, and he charged $X for being a part of the service. Also, his wife charged $X for playing the piano at the service and nobody else touches "her" piano. That alone was enough to infuriate me. If only they had stopped there with their idiocy.

There's always got to be some jackass who has to make everything all about THEM! Never mind who's actually involved, they have to have center stage and spotlight.

I'm sorry for your loss, Cookie. Your great-grandma sounds like a real sweetie. to you and your family.