Silly old lady changes her mind (a kitty tale)

[HotelMinion]

So about 6 months ago, I decided to foster a cat. 1. It was for a good cause and 2. I wanted to see if I could handle a pet by myself.
Well it turns out that I can't. The cat that I got is ordinarily very calm, but she won't go into her carrier without a fight. I know all pets hate cages (I would too) but she freaks out. Yowls, hisses, spits, bites. And she has some sort of medical condition so she has to go to the vet often.
So, when some old lady (OL) was interested in her and came to meet her, I was more than happy. But OL seems to think all cats are the same, which is not true. They have very different personalities, likes and dislikes. For example, my foster cat (MFC) doesn't like being scratched under the chin. Or scratched anywhere for that matter. She likes to be petted on the back and a little bit on the head, and if you hold her hand up to her she'll rub her cheeks on it. It's so cute.
Guess what OL did? She went right up to her and started scratching her. Hard. And MFC pulled away. But OLD chased her and kept doing it. So I told her that she didn't like that, and that she preferred to be patted. OL said, "Oh" and kept scratching her! WTF!
So of course MFC ran away and I had to bring her out. This time MFC hissed at OL and batted at her. I was sure OL would say no to adopting to her, but to my surprise, she said yes after that!
So I was all happy and OL paid the adoption fee and took her. I mean that I tricked MFC with treats, wrestled her into a carrier, and gave all her supplies with her. I knew that I was definitely not ready for a pet.
BUt just now, a week later, OL says that she wants to return her! Which I think is a really shitty thing to do. Whenever people make up their minds about adopting anything, they should stick with their decision. A pet is a living being, not a doll. Plus if the pet has a sad past it will have behavioral issues. MFC was put outside to fend for herself by her owner, and eating out of a dumpster in the cold when she was found. Of course she's going to have trouble trusting humans after that. OL knows all about this and she still wants to return? I think that's awful but whatever. I know how awful people are
Now the foster agency is begging me to take her back, but I know I can't handle a cat by myself. But I feel bad. What if OL decides to give her to a shelter? Or even worse put her out again? It's a sad situation. IDk what to do.

[Lady_Pigeon]

Sad situation all around. First, get it away from OL. Second, post pictures on any site you frequent (FB, CS, etc.) and ask for help. Third, see if there are any other foster parents available. What kind of carrier does the kitty have? Maybe get one that opens from the top (if you have the usual purse type)--something completely opposite to what kitty's currently using.

Hope this helps, and good luck to you and kitty, Pictures, please! :-)

[Draco]

Honestly, how did you NOT see this happening? :P

Obviously the old lady is NOT meant to take care of that cat. She's clearly crazy!

I'd suggest following Lady Pigeon's advice... But in the end, what happens is up to you.

[EvilEmpryss]

Advice for the cat carrier issue: leave the carrier out in the open in a place the cat visits regularly. Leave it open and put a few kitty treats or a favorite toy inside. Cats freak out about the carriers because going in them is associated with stressful events, beginning with being locked inside. If they are acclimated to the carrier's presence and then are gently encouraged to enter it on their own, you'll have a lot less fuss when it comes time to get them in it for real.

As for the crazy old bat returning the cat, good! Yes, it's important for people to realize that they're adopting a living creature, but better that they admit that they've taken on a responsibility that they can't handle and responsibly remedy the situation than either neglect the animal to death or dump it out on the street to fend for itself. It's the pet-owning equivalent of the safe drop idea where a woman who has just given birth can drop the baby off at a fire or police station to be adopted by someone else rather than dumping the baby in a garbage can.

Frankly, in the cat's mind being returned by the crazy lady is no different than you bringing her in to be fostered and then giving her to someone else in the first place. Cats can't differentiate between "abandonment" by one owner and "adoption" by another. If they go to a good home, then they'll acclimate well and settle in to a good life. If they go to a bad home, better to upset them once more by getting them out than to allow them to continue to suffer. You're doing a great thing fostering the cat to help it learn the social skills that will make sure it gets a good forever home, but as you've already learned for yourself some people just aren't cut out for long-term pet ownership.

What can you do? It depends on how much effort you want to put into saving the cat. If you really care about it on a personal level, offer to take it back and keep working with it to prepare it for a new home. You could find someone else willing to foster and work with the cat and then see that it gets transferred to the new foster home. Otherwise, encourage the crazy lady to give it to a shelter. Seriously, even a shelter is better than being kept in a miserable home. At least the cat will have the chance to attract a new owner who will care for it better.

Good luck, and I hope you figure out something to do that works for you and the cat.

[Seshat]

Honestly, kitty will be better off with you than with Old Lady.

You also have the right to refuse to allow someone to foster the cat, if you feel they won't get on properly with her. Old Lady was clearly the wrong home for this cat.

[Moirae]

I understand that having the kitty is stressful.

I got my baby girl kitty 11 years ago. I went back three times before I finally took her home because I was just in love with her. And in the first couple weeks, I almost took her back. She just required so much attention. It was so much effort that I almost regretted the decision. I always had a pet growing up and didn't think it would be this hard.

But, I also pushed through it. If you've never had a pet of your own before, it's a rather frightening and stressful experience to have one for the first time.

But its also incredibly rewarding. She is my baby girl and I love her very much. She is as much my family as my human family members. And over the years I've started to see how intelligent she really is. She is a source of constant delight even above anything a human can be because she asks for nothing. The only thing a pet wants is to be loved, food, hugs, water, and shelter. Pets don't hold grudges.

It's really sad that the most I'll probably have her for is another ten years. I love her dearly.

So you may feel right now that the pet is too much for you. That doesn't mean that the pet actually is. Its just that you need to accept the responsibility and push through the doubts and fears. They will give you more love than even any human being will so long as you treat them kindly and make sure their needs are met.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Pets don't hold grudges.

Ohhh, yes they do. Cats do, at least.

I've long maintained that all cats are evil. Some are just mischievous scamps, but others... others are actively planning the downfall of mankind (you can tell because you'll wake up in the middle of the night and find them staring at you) and are only stymied by the fact that we can open their cans of cat food and they can't.

[EvilEmpryss]

Ohhh, yes they do. Cats do, at least.

Agreed.

Even at 24 years old, every time I left my Snowball to go on a deployment I would return and the next morning find crap in my boots. Literally.

He would be all loving and meow angrily at me for having left him, then at some point during the night hunt down my boots and poop in them. He never did this unless I was gone longer than overnight.

[Little Retail Rabbit]

I wish people would be more thoughtful in choosing a pet (and HotelMinion, even though you have struggled, I have to say, I really admire you for trying to do a good thing by fostering. Its not something I'm sure I could do).

I find the idea of cats being unwanted so heartbreaking at the moment. My own cat, Puffin, died last week. She was 18 years old, and she'd always been there. I so badly want Puffin back right now (although I also accept that it was her time, that she was very elderly, died very peacefully, and had a good life), so the idea of a cat just being..."returned" like that...makes me very very sad.

And its so true that all cats are different. People at work have been suggesting I get a new one, or foster, but I don't want a new cat, I want my Puffin. And there'll never be another Puffin. Puffin preferred head strokes to anything else, although she was very sweet and never acted badly if you tried to do something else, she'd just insistently push your hand onto her head, or get a bit frisky if you tried her tummy. (Actually, she used to give me a filthy look like "Um, excuse me, thats my tummy, not my head, bring that hand over here!" :P ). My fiance's cats are very different. All of them love belly rubs, one is a "face cat", and 2 of them are "anything cats". One of them is a senior and a bit desperate for attention, and loves to be carried around. The other one is even more desperate, to the point you can do things to him that would seriously annoy other cats because he just enjoys the attention (like, pushing him over- gently, of course- or holding him in funny positions, or putting small objects on his body XD ). Cats are just like people in that regard.

[Sapphire Silk]

Agreed.

Even at 24 years old, every time I left my Snowball to go on a deployment I would return and the next morning find crap in my boots. Literally.

He would be all loving and meow angrily at me for having left him, then at some point during the night hunt down my boots and poop in them. He never did this unless I was gone longer than overnight.

To clarify things, it was Snowball who was 24 at the time, not EE. He was a cantankerous old fart.

[Seshat]

Hotel Minion,

Just to clarify: I realise that I might have put pressure on you by pointing out that the cat is better off with you than with the idiot who thinks all cats are the same.

I don't mean to. I wasn't thinking in those terms at the time.

You have to do what's right for both you and the cat. And if having a cat is wrong for you - or having this cat is wrong for you - it just is.

We truly, really lucked out when we got our dog. We described what we needed to the lovely man at the shelter, and he brought us straight to our Vi. Oh, she started out with problems - ate a pair of slippers, and several of Anna's pants! And some makeup (we still have stains on the carpet from that).
She's still bark-ier than we'd like, but hey, she's a dog!
Otherwise, she has a good combination of traits to fit into our family well.

White Cat, who you may have seen some of my complaints about before, isn't nearly as good a fit. Several times, we've mentally flipped through our contacts and friends lists, trying to think of someone who he'd fit in better with.
We keep him because (a) we accepted responsibility for him, and (b) when he's being a darling, he's SUCH a darling. He's just too rambunctious and destructive for us, and we haven't managed to find a method of getting it into his head that he's supposed to scratch THERE not HERE.
(Yes, we've tried catnip and catnip sprays and laser pointers and a variety of different scratching surfaces and angles and .....)

Ah well. Can't always get a perfect fit.

[EvilEmpryss]

He's just too rambunctious and destructive for us, and we haven't managed to find a method of getting it into his head that he's supposed to scratch THERE not HERE.
(Yes, we've tried catnip and catnip sprays and laser pointers and a variety of different scratching surfaces and angles and .....)

You need to be active, no, proactive in changing the behavior. You need to shape it, a little at a time.

1- Identify something WC likes as a treat. It doesn't have to be food, but it does have to be something the cat values and even seeks out.

2- Put the item you want the cat to scratch someplace that you can see so you'll see when the cat goes near it.

3- Sit with the cat and encourage WC to put his paws on the scratchy item.

4- Praise and give treats when the cat even sniffs at the item.

5- Do this repeatedly, every day. You then start shaping the behavior little by little, using the treats more sparingly until the cat performs a behavior that's closer to what you want (sniffing -> bumping -> touch with paw -> bat with paws -> and then actually clawing the scratchy board). Eventually the cat will associate the scratchy place you want him to go with with the behavior you want him to perform and good things and start using it.

6- In conjunction with the praising for the good behavior, you must consistently punish bad behavior, which means you need to be on top of the cat when he might be causing problems and catch him in the act as often as possible.

I've seen clicker training work with cat's too, though I've never done it myself. My husband trained my 18 year old cat to sit up and beg with a can of Pounce, and Snowball was a crotchety old fart, so even stubborn old cats can learn using the right incentive. Catnip doesn't do it for all cats. You might need to try something else.

[PepperElf]

Sad situation all around. First, get it away from OL. Second, post pictures on any site you frequent (FB, CS, etc.) and ask for help. Third, see if there are any other foster parents available. What kind of carrier does the kitty have? Maybe get one that opens from the top (if you have the usual purse type)--something completely opposite to what kitty's currently using.

Hope this helps, and good luck to you and kitty, Pictures, please! :-)

also don't use craiglist. heard a lot of stories about dog-fighters posing as families etc in order to get "practice" animals for their fighting dogs.

might wanna try petfinder, or see if there's a nokill shelter around that can help too. a

[Moirae]

lol. My kitty doesn't stare at me in the middle of the night. She meows in my ear and walks on my head because she wants to play, or she crawls into my arms to sleep with me.

But she is incredibly intelligent and you can actually see her working out puzzles (like how to get something that she wants from a high spot).

[Kittish]

You need to be active, no, proactive in changing the behavior. You need to shape it, a little at a time.

This is pretty close to what I did with Kitteh Van Gogh when I got him, to teach him that the cat tree is the place to sharpen his claws, not the furniture. Pet him and praise him and give him treats for being on and clawing on the cat tree. Scold him and (if I had it handy), spritz him with the no bottle for clawing at anything else. And Evil Empryss is right, I've had cats that had no interest in catnip. I've only ever seen one, however, that the no bottle didn't work on. Kriss Cat loved water and had no issue with being wet, so the no bottle never really got his attention.

Just make sure that your clawing surface is stable and the cat clawing on it isn't going to move it or flip it over.

Hotel Minion- First of all, good on you for trying to foster a cat. Even if it's not working out well right now, don't give up on the idea entirely. I do hope that you choose to take the cat back from the old lady, they're clearly not the right fit for each other.

If you decide to keep fostering, or to try it again at some point in the future, I hope that you'll keep this experience in mind when you're interviewing potential adopters. Pets are people too, and deserve homes where they'll be happy and properly cared for.\

As for the carry cage- leave it sitting, open, near someplace she likes to sleep. Put a towel, or small blanket, or tshirt in it so it's more like a little nest. If you give the cat treats, be sure to put one inside the carry cage and just leave it for her to go get, or not. Cats really DO like small, enclosed little dens, so in a few days she'll probably start going into the carrier on her own, if only for a couple of minutes at a time. Pet her a little and praise her whenever you find her in the carrier or sniffing around it.