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...but something somewhere just exploded in a road rage event horizon.
Making my way back home from the city over, I hit a little patch of traffic in the highway. It was about 2pm on a Sunday, so I guess it was time for everyone to head home after stuffing face. In front of me was a car going about five miles under the speed limit, so I shift to the left lane to overtake. It was in this moment that a moderate speed highway “caravan” in front of us and a high speed “caravan” in back of us decided to collide.
Now in front of this ~65MPH road hazard was a silver car going a hair under the speed limit. I honestly didn’t consider her much; once I’d noticed the group of speeders behind me, my only concern was getting in front of her so they can go on their merry way. I love highway speeders. They drastically reduce the chances that I get a second glance from highway patrol, so I don't play nanny and force them to slow down.
I’m getting close to overtaking silver. Speeders are on my ass and I’m trying to fix that. Silver decides that that’s the perfect time to start swerving on the road: speeding and slowing, pulling halfway into my lane before jerking back into hers. No
way I’m passing her now...oh look, there’s a cell in her hand. Lovely.
There’s a white truck behind me now, literally on my bumper. I couldn’t see the grill of her car. I can’t speed up without trading paint with Texty McTexterGirl, and I can’t slow down because it would be an immediate high speed wreck. Hoping beyond hope that my cruise control is steady, and watching other speeders passing me on the right only to squeeze within inches of my front bumper to get between me and Texty, I’m pretty well stuck exactly where I am.
Texty almost swerves into two of those in that speeding stream through this all.
Finally, White Truck gets an opening and shifts lanes to pass me up. I slow down for a little breathing room. Oh, but White Truck crammed herself right in front of someone else trying to do the same, so that person had to brake pretty hard. This caused...another White Truck to yank into my left lane and get right up on my ass. Again. White Truck the Second.
There’s still a trickle of high speed cars in the right lane, and I really can’t see what’s there because WT2 is blocking my vision. Once again, I can’t even see his grill. I can’t speed up because Texty is texting, and I can’t slow down and maneuver if she decides to take her act to my physical location. I’m not proud of it, I know it was a stupid and risky thing to do, but I was pissed off and scared: I tapped my breaks twice.
Now, I didn’t slam on my breaks. I did slow down a little bit, but my foot was back on the gas and gunning it afterwards. I didn’t want to have WT2 slam into me, I just wanted him to back off. His reaction instead: the opposite. He stayed behind me, swerving as if to “avoid” me but didn’t back off even an inch. He yanked into the right lane and gunned it, the bed of his truck coming so close to hitting me that I honestly though I was going to get batted off the road and end up head first into one of the trees. I thought that he was going to slam on his brakes in front of me, but I was lucky; he decided to just flip me off and yell at the rear view mirror.
As quickly as the storm came, it ended about then. The rest of the speeders overtook me. Texty (and several others) pulled off at an exit. The speeder caravan was jerkily weaving through the moderate speeders in front of us. The road in back of me was empty. Everything was as it should. I’d ran into every single one of those kinds of drivers at some time or another, but this was the first time I ran into all of them all at once.
Fun times.
Making my way back home from the city over, I hit a little patch of traffic in the highway. It was about 2pm on a Sunday, so I guess it was time for everyone to head home after stuffing face. In front of me was a car going about five miles under the speed limit, so I shift to the left lane to overtake. It was in this moment that a moderate speed highway “caravan” in front of us and a high speed “caravan” in back of us decided to collide.
Now in front of this ~65MPH road hazard was a silver car going a hair under the speed limit. I honestly didn’t consider her much; once I’d noticed the group of speeders behind me, my only concern was getting in front of her so they can go on their merry way. I love highway speeders. They drastically reduce the chances that I get a second glance from highway patrol, so I don't play nanny and force them to slow down.
I’m getting close to overtaking silver. Speeders are on my ass and I’m trying to fix that. Silver decides that that’s the perfect time to start swerving on the road: speeding and slowing, pulling halfway into my lane before jerking back into hers. No
way I’m passing her now...oh look, there’s a cell in her hand. Lovely.There’s a white truck behind me now, literally on my bumper. I couldn’t see the grill of her car. I can’t speed up without trading paint with Texty McTexterGirl, and I can’t slow down because it would be an immediate high speed wreck. Hoping beyond hope that my cruise control is steady, and watching other speeders passing me on the right only to squeeze within inches of my front bumper to get between me and Texty, I’m pretty well stuck exactly where I am.
Texty almost swerves into two of those in that speeding stream through this all.
Finally, White Truck gets an opening and shifts lanes to pass me up. I slow down for a little breathing room. Oh, but White Truck crammed herself right in front of someone else trying to do the same, so that person had to brake pretty hard. This caused...another White Truck to yank into my left lane and get right up on my ass. Again. White Truck the Second.
There’s still a trickle of high speed cars in the right lane, and I really can’t see what’s there because WT2 is blocking my vision. Once again, I can’t even see his grill. I can’t speed up because Texty is texting, and I can’t slow down and maneuver if she decides to take her act to my physical location. I’m not proud of it, I know it was a stupid and risky thing to do, but I was pissed off and scared: I tapped my breaks twice.
Now, I didn’t slam on my breaks. I did slow down a little bit, but my foot was back on the gas and gunning it afterwards. I didn’t want to have WT2 slam into me, I just wanted him to back off. His reaction instead: the opposite. He stayed behind me, swerving as if to “avoid” me but didn’t back off even an inch. He yanked into the right lane and gunned it, the bed of his truck coming so close to hitting me that I honestly though I was going to get batted off the road and end up head first into one of the trees. I thought that he was going to slam on his brakes in front of me, but I was lucky; he decided to just flip me off and yell at the rear view mirror.
As quickly as the storm came, it ended about then. The rest of the speeders overtook me. Texty (and several others) pulled off at an exit. The speeder caravan was jerkily weaving through the moderate speeders in front of us. The road in back of me was empty. Everything was as it should. I’d ran into every single one of those kinds of drivers at some time or another, but this was the first time I ran into all of them all at once.
Fun times.
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