How Many Times Do I Have to Pwn You, Lady?

[Dips]

This happened on Friday morning on my way to work.

I was driving south on a 4 lane undivided highway, speed limit 40, and came to a stop light where I had to turn right onto a 2 lane road. I take inventory of traffic around me periodically. Just to keep track of where everyone is if I have to make a sudden avoidance maneuver.

So I was aware of a black Mercedes SUV behind me but there was nothing remarkable about it (yet). She had caught up with me gradually and had room to pass if she wanted but didn't.

The light was green (yay) so I slowed to make my right turn. She was also turning right. The speed limit on the side street was 30. Since I had someone behind me I accelerated smartly up to 30 just because I try not to be a passive-agressive dick (without reason).

She was kind of close but that happens sometimes after two cars make a turn. Once she realized my cruising speed was 30 I figured she'd adjust her following distance like most people do.

She didn't.

She crept close. I couldn't see her headlights, which considering I drive a sedan and she was driving an SUV gives you an idea that she was doing it on purpose. This road has a lot of houses on it and kids waiting for the bus, so speeding was not an option.

I waited a bit more for her to realize I wasn't going any faster and make the right choice. She got closer.

I did the brake tap just enough to make the lights light up. In the TINY chance she didn't realize what she was doing.

She did not back off.

So I took my foot off the gas. Nobody was behind her so nobody else was going to be inconvienced.

By the time we were approaching the Stop sign to turn onto the 2 lane highway I was going about 25. Not ridiculously slow but enought to let her know that if she's in a hurry tailgating is getting her to her goal slower.

She apparently wasn't in a hurry. She was more interested in proving something on principle. I'm not sure what principle it was but she sure was willing to go slower to prove it.

That was was pwn #1.

As we approached the stop sigh she made the decision to drive off the road though a dirt patch to the right to get around me and onto the 2 lane highway.

Unfortunately for her she had to slow down because it was, well, bumpy. I made my turn onto the 2 lane highway and passed her front bumber just as she was reaching the end of the dirt path.

Pwn #2.

A truck travelling on the 2 lane highway was coming up behind me so she had no choice but to wait for him to pass her before she could pull out as well.

Pwn #3.

It turned out the truck was a rather slow-moving one. (#4) And had to make a right turn at the gravel pit in which another truck pulled out (#5 and #6).

That truck also made a right turn later.

Where was I? I had accelerated to my normal cruising speed and was continuing on my way. I figured it was behind me and that was that.

After the 2nd truck turned she was quite a way behind me but didn't catch up very quickly. I certainly wasn't interested in continuing any stupid games so I just drove my normal speed and continued to do so when she finally caught up with me again.

I was very surprised but happy that she didn't tailgate this time. Perhaps she'd calmed down and gotten it out of her system. Didn't matter. I just drove like normal and pretended like none of the ugliness had ever happened.

We approached a traffic light just before the ramp onto the interstate. The road widens a bit there, then narrows again. The speed limit goes up. The light was green.

I sped up as I was going through the light when she suddenly came right up behind me again. No warning. Just normal to road rage in .5 seconds. It seriously looked like she was going to ram me. I have no idea what made her snap like that.

Cripes. I just kept my speed steady and the dumb bitch tried to pass me on the shoulder as the road was beginning to narrow after the light. She failed because there wasn't any room.

So she whipped back onto my back bumper and attempted to pass me on the left. Only the road was one lane at that point, had a double yellow line and a truck was coming at her.

Jesus. I was getting ready to slow down and move over to just let her go by so none of us would have to witness her death. At the last second she chickend out and glued herself to my back bumper. I looked in the reaview and she was GLARING.

I guess you could call those Pwns #7 and #8, but I wasn't really trying to do anything but keep out her way. She pwn'd herself on those two.

She was close enought that I thought she was going to bump me as we approached the interstate. I needed to turn left onto the on ramp. Needless to say with this irrational person on my ass I was quite careful to make sure to use my turn signal and decelerate carefully to avoid being rear ended.

Pwn #9: She was so focused on staying glued to me that she didn't realize she had pulled up behind someone going left and did not leave herself ANY room to go around me on the right. Even if she did have room, numerous cars were passing us.

So she was stuck until I made my turn. I was pretty flustered at that point, so I certainly wasn't quick about it.

Last I saw of her she was barelling away from me after I'd made my turn. If she had turned to look at me I would have been laughing. I tend do that when I've come through a scare. I really hope she saw.

Now that some time has passed I can laugh a little about it. As Mr. Dips said when I told him about this, "If she was road-raging to get to work faster she was doing it wrong."

Well, obviously.

You know what was really weird about it? Besides going though an entire montly cycle of mood swings in the span of 2 minutes?

She never once beeped at me or flipped me off (that I could see anyway). If someone is going to lose it like that I'd rather really rather they channel their agression into making noise and rude gestures than attempting the dangerous shit she was trying. Nobody's going to get killed by a horn or a bird flip, you know?

[Swordsman422]

Oh, I do LOVE it when they do one on themselves. Good story. I'd have called the State patrol and handed out a tag number, but that's just me.

[chainedbarista]

maybe her doctor didn't renew her valium prescription? maybe it was the whole 'i'm in a luxury suv, the world bows to me' ew complex? maybe she's just stupid?

pick one, i'm sure it will work.

[Dips]

Oh, I do LOVE it when they do one on themselves. Good story. I'd have called the State patrol and handed out a tag number, but that's just me.

I know! I couldn't exactly see the front plate when she was tailgating me. After I made my turn she took off and I didn't get it.

Our local police can't do anything but I know they will call up the owner of the plates and let them know someone reported them. My neighbor did that on a kid who was bombing around our neighborhood flipping off pedestrians who motioned him to slow down. Turned out he was driving Mommy's car and she took away his keys after the police called.

[LillFilly]

Ahhh. This made my day!

[blas]

Wow.

Ya know, I was amazed the first time on the freeway that some motard decided to use the empty merge lane as a way to pass me, I was beyond amazed when I saw people daring to go onto the shoulder, almost into the ditch to pass me....but Lord, this woman takes the cake.

[Dips]

but Lord, this woman takes the cake.

Yup. I see her coming down the four lane highway, I'm not pulling out until she is past me. No way I'd willingly have *that* behind me again. Being behind her also makes it easier to get her plate number if I catch up to her tailgating someone else.

But chances are I won't see her again and that's perfectly fine with me.

[roothorick]

maybe it was the whole 'i'm in a luxury suv, the world bows to me' ew complex? maybe she's just stupid?

I don't know about you, but when I see stupid or aggressive drivers they're ALWAYS in either:

1) A half-destroyed junker with a Japanese or Korean marque
2) A very new, if not brand new, car with a luxury european marque

NEVER an American marque, NEVER an old BMW, ALWAYS some variation of either of the above. There must be something that attracts these personalities to those kinds of cars.

[Chromatix]

Quite simple correlation: the ones in beaten-up junkers simply don't care about anyone else on the road, which is why their cars look beaten up. The ones in new luxury cars believe the laws only apply to the "little" people, ie. not them.

[mharbourgirl]

I don't know about you, but when I see stupid or aggressive drivers they're ALWAYS in either:

1) A half-destroyed junker with a Japanese or Korean marque
2) A very new, if not brand new, car with a luxury european marque

NEVER an American marque, NEVER an old BMW, ALWAYS some variation of either of the above. There must be something that attracts these personalities to those kinds of cars.

Slight variation that I've noticed around here: the idiots who play Russian Roulette with traffic (MOST of them male, under 25 and still convinced they're immortal) are driving either stupidly tuned up Civics and Lancers or higher-end American models like Vipers.

The tailgaters are pretty much exclusively women driving pickups or oversized SUVs and boy do they get psychotic if they can't find a way to pass you that doesn't involve a multi-car pileup on the highway during rush hour.

I like cars, especially exotic models not common around here, so I have a lovely memory of getting to spend 20 minutes on the highway at exactly 5km below the 100km/hr speed limit admiring the paint job on a gorgeous silver Saleen. THAT driver was extremely careful and correct in every respect.

BMW drivers, on the other hand, tend to be the people who have somehow managed to raise their credit limit enough to buy a 'fancy' car but have neither the manners nor driving ability someone driving an expensive car should have. I've been cut off by more BMW's than any other type of car.

And now my four day weekend from driving anywhere isn't seeming like NEARLY long enough. *whimper*

[Andara Bledin]

NEVER an American marque, NEVER an old BMW, ALWAYS some variation of either of the above. There must be something that attracts these personalities to those kinds of cars.

Not sure where you are, but out here near Los Angeles, you get a lot of people who think they own the freaking road in BMWs and Mercedes Benzes. Which one is the douchebag vehicle of choice seems to go back and forth like changing fashion.

After that it's either the ricerboys that think they're trying out for the next Need for Speed movie or the soccer moms in their oversized SUVs of doom.

^-.-^

[Ben_Who]

I've never quite understood the mentality of someone who has plenty of room to pass but decides to try to harass you into speeding up instead. The highways around here are quite wide and nice and if someone wants to pass there's rarely longer than a thirty-second wait, but I still see more than my share of SUV's that are nothing but a grill and a pissed-off middle-aged woman on a cell phone in my rear-view mirror. Some of them start flashing their lights, as if they've forgotten what horns do.

Sometimes you can test them. The conclusion to my experiments seems to be that they get so focused on you that they forget why they focused on you in the first place; i.e. you're in their way. They may be able to pass, but they want you punished, first.

My personal favorite was the guy who decided to ride my tailpipe in his 1980s F-250 for some twenty-five miles, all the while I was slowly creeping the accelerator up. I actually got a glimpse of the look on his face in the rear view mirror when he realized that he was half a car length behind someone who was going ninety miles an hour. The punchline was that he had his left blinker on the whole time.

[Andara Bledin]

Some of them start flashing their lights, as if they've forgotten what horns do.

Fun fact: In many states (California included), it's actually illegal to flash your lights at other drivers on a multi-lane highway. It appears that the only time it's actually legal is on a 2-lane highway (1 lane in each direction) to let the person ahead know you wish to pass.

Yeah, like that's any impediment to these jerks.

^-.-^

[roothorick]

Not sure where you are, but out here near Los Angeles, you get a lot of people who think they own the freaking road in BMWs and Mercedes Benzes. Which one is the douchebag vehicle of choice seems to go back and forth like changing fashion.

BMW and Mercedes == european

[Andara Bledin]

BMW and Mercedes == european

Yup. Quite aware of that. *nod*

^-.-^