Size does matter.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

So I'm coming home about an hour ago, and going through what is a hard core speedtrap (the speed limit is thirty five and you damn straight had better observe it )and I get the obligatory ass head tailgater behind me. Guy is practically smeared across the rear windshield of my van. (I drive a van, this is important.)

Had I stopped suddenly, he would have been smeared across the rear windshield of my van. Fucker was driving....

wait for it....

a moped.

I am not shitting you. Some poor bastard thought he was going to intimidate someone driving a van with a moped. I wonder if I followed him home would he then sic his pet hamster on me?

It gets funnier. I just glide to a stop (it's a dark, empty road with no one else on it. ) He's got tail lights in his face and I've got slightly tinted windows. He can't see who's in there. I could be a van load full of chainsaw wielding cannibals for all he knows. I can see him, though, and he's wearing the face of a man who has realized he has made a grievious tactical error.

He evidently sobered up enough to realized he'd just pissed off someone driving a van on a back road, and now his only option was to get in front of me. And I could tell he really did not want to do that. And I could also tell he really didn't want to stick around.

So after he thought about it a bit, he passed me on the shoulder and took off. Well, he took off as well as a guy on a moped can take off.

Now, I'm not going to fuck with him. I stopped because I didn't want to play games with someone this dangerously stupid. I don't want to be in a situation where I am filling out a police report about why there is a moped and an asshole- shaped grease spot on the back of my van. I just let him go on.

I don't give a damn, I'm never really in a hurry. Go on where I can see you, dumbass. He was unnerved and I could tell. I resisted the urge (and I am sorry now that I did ) to yell "Good thing you're driving a fucking moped, dumbass" at him as he slunk by.

I told the husband this when I got home and said "Good thing dumbass was driving a fucking moped."

Really.

See, now he's lucky. He was messing with me, and I'm not going to hurt him or retaliate. Next time, he's going to do it to someone who is going to turn him into a road pizza.

[roothorick]

I would've laughed. A moped is so small that if it hit my car it would take me a second to realize I had been hit. If he wants to tailgate me, that's perfectly fine; the state can always auction off his possessions to pay for my bodywork. (Or, as is far more likely considering the value of my vehicle, a new car.)

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I WAS laughing. Incredulously. I looked in the rear view and saw one headlight, dead center, and was thinking "Is that idiot driving a bike?" I couldn't hear anything, and the headlight didn't look like a motorcycle headlight. When I stopped and my tail lights lit him up, I was like, "He's doing this on a MOPED???"

Seriously?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I am not shitting you. Some poor bastard thought he was going to intimidate someone driving a van with a moped. I wonder if I followed him home would he then sic his pet hamster on me?

Even better. His Kung Zhu toy hamster in full armor.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

[Mikkel]

If you have a rear window washer/wiper, it can be very effective to use in that kind of situation. Usually they don't enjoy the taste of cleaner fluid and will pull a bit back.

But poor man, I can see his dilemma. Will someone come out and shoot me or will they run me down when I go around?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Oh, DAMN! The wiper solution! Frack!

Why oh why oh WHY can I not be a little quicker on my feet!

He was so close to me when I started stopping that seriously, I could see his inbred face in my tail lights. That is the God's Honest Truth. He would have been DRINKING it had I turned the wipers on.

[blas]

This morning I was trying to find the dentist office, and I was unfortunately nearby campus and there were of course tons of college kids on their bikes. One guy in particular decided to pedal right in front of me in the middle of the road, so I got feisty and whizzed around him, and when I slowed for the next stop, he came freaking barrelling at me!

Yeah, you and what army? Your bicycle? Sure, you could put a nice big old body sized dent in my car, but you won't win against me. Next time, stay on the side of the road, and if you get passed (because you are bound to be passed since you can't pedal at 30 mph) don't try going after the motorist.

[Bright_Star]

I used to have a moped a long time ago. It wouldn't go faster than about 40. It's nothing more than a bicycle with an attitude...lol.

[telecom_goddess]

I am not shitting you. Some poor bastard thought he was going to intimidate someone driving a van with a moped. I wonder if I followed him home would he then sic his pet hamster on me?

I dunno I used to have hamsters that would bite anything that came near them

[ThanosIsKing]

I dunno I used to have hamsters that would bite anything that came near them

I can't believe that hamsters have been brought up without pointing out the obvious:

How can we know that he doesn't keep a Miniature Giant Space Hamster with him?

"GO FOR THE EYES BOO! GO FOR THE EYES!"

[greek_jester]

You know, moped riders must be on a suicide kick.

Driving to work yesterday, I saw a moped rider tailgating... wait for it... an articulated Asda lorry!

http://www.freefoto.com/preview/41-30-8?ffid=41-30-8

[protege]

I hate moped riders with a passion. Especially the tools that take them out on Route 28...which has a 55mph speed limit, which is routinely ignored. There's at least one moped (or scooter) rider that can't understand that he really shouldn't be there. Seriously, that heap can *barely* do 40...and he's in the damn passing lane Every damn morning I had to take that road, he'd literally cause a traffic jam. And yes, nearly every other road user either flipped him off, or told him to get out of the way. Can't understand why