Truck vs Lamppost, lamppost wins

[Talon]

Here's a very old tale, some of the details may be fuzzy.

One day I had cause to drive to my local bank. The parking lot was virtually deserted.

As I got out to do my business, someone driving a big noisy truck of +5 Penis Enhancement roared into the lot. Like a reject from Nascar he pulled into the spot right next to me at high speed, before slamming on the brakes.

Did he really have to park next to me when the entire lot was available? It's not like I picked the best spot closest to the doors. Groaning inwardly, I made a note to check my car for damage when I was done. In retrospect I should have taken the guy's plate and/or changed parking spots.

Turned out Nascar boy was only there to drop someone off. He put the gear in reverse and roared back out again at high speed - and SLAMMED right into a lamppost. Irresistible Farce, meet Immovable Object!

I was still in the parking lot on foot at the time, to witness all this. I knew better than to do something like point and laugh, as tempting as it was. Another guy from a neighboring 3rd story apartment let out a hollering belly-laugh. I wholeheartedly agree. Nascar reject's truck was left with an enormous crack through the middle of the flatbed. Congratulations, you just ripped your own truck a new asshole!

[LillFilly]

Soooo....

do you know if he sued the bank for their poor placement of the lamp post; because obviously it was not his fault and the lamp post was defective for not being break-away. (yes, had someone try that at my mall)

[mikoyan29]

I'm always amazed at the number of trucks I see with damaged tailgates or rear bumpers. I guess they aren't good at estimating the size of their truck either.

[Kogarashi]

Saw one today trying to parallel park in a space sized for a compact. The pickup had an extended bed, and had some company's label on the door and ladder/etc. in the back. Yeah, that's going to work.

I agree that so many seem unable to properly gauge their vehicle's size. Like the ones who cut you off in traffic because they didn't think they needed more merging room than they took.

[Shalom]

do you know if he sued the bank for their poor placement of the lamp post;

My dad told me a story from when he was in high school.

One of the teachers there had a reputation for being somewhat arrogant. The arrogance was probably justified, as he was generally agreed to be a genius, but even so...

This teacher somehow wangled the Ohio state legislature to pass a bill granting him a driver's license, despite his never having driven a car in his life. First time behind the wheel, he starts the thing up, puts it in what he figures is the appropriate gear, and promptly backs into a tree.

He gets out, surveys the damage, and demands, "Voos far a messigener hut geflantzed a boym?!" (Yiddish: What kind of lunatic planted a tree here?)

[BeeMused]

What is it with penis enhancements and lamp posts? Just like the idiot who drove his hummer into a lamp post infront of our office building. The post lost, though, but it took revenge and dented the Hummer considerably.

@Shalom That must have been a really fast growing tree!

[mharbourgirl]

I'm always amazed at the number of trucks I see with damaged tailgates or rear bumpers. I guess they aren't good at estimating the size of their truck either.

Some people are in deep denial about the actual size of their butts.

Oh god, now I'm picturing a bunch of trucks sitting in a restaurant parking lot going 'Does this bedliner make my tailgate look fat?'

[Kristev]

Not quite. The cars would actually be gossiping to each other:

"My wife had to go to the Doctor last week. Her dummy driver decided to go hot-rodding on the snow and ice . . . again."

"Man, don't they ever learn?"



"Listen up, kids, I'm an old Chevy truck. Don't laugh 'cause I don't have your features. My breaks can handle this kind of weather, without the gadgets you kids are all deaf from."



"Say, did you hear what happened to Subaru Red yesterday? His driver didn't change the oil."

"Oh no."

"Did he break down?"

"Yes, girls, he did. He's at the hospital now."

"Oh, he's so brave. I should go to him."

"Not now, Honda, you know he doesn't want to see you."

"Girl, you can do so much better."



"Are you okay, Mustang?"

"No, I'm not, Mercedes. I got into a head-on."

"Oh no. How did it happen?"

"My driver let his teenage daughter take me. With her girlfriends. And her cell phone."

"My word, what's the world coming to?"



"Hey there, hot stuff, how 'bout another round of oil for my boys and me?"

"You've had too much already, Ultima. Why don't I just serve you all up some strong transmission fluid instead, clear your heads out."

[mharbourgirl]

Not quite. The cars would actually be gossiping to each other:

[Frantic Freddie]

As a former (& future) Penis Enhancement owner,the only time I ever got dents was when somebody hit me,twice(2 seperate occasions),while parked in an uncrowded parking lot,far from the theater we were at.I've hauled firewood,trash,musical equipment,camping gear,building materials.I've cleared roads & pulled people out of ditches & snowbanks.

Never got stuck or slid off the road.

Me & my last PE:


And when I can afford it I'll buy another Ram 2500 4x4 with a Cummins.I actually use such vehicles,not everybody that owns a big truck does so for ego reasons.

Though I have to say I don't understand the mindset of the people that buy duallie trucks & never haul or tow anything.Unless there's weight in the rear they have worse traction than a standard truck,harder to park & manuver & get worse mileage,not to mention the added expense of 2 more $$$$ truck tires.

[BeeMused]

Ummmm so sorry Freddie, once you start using a big truck for real work it doesn't work as a penis enhancement anymore.
Perhaps if you paint it red and add some flame decals...

[Frantic Freddie]

Ummmm so sorry Freddie, once you start using a big truck for real work it doesn't work as a penis enhancement anymore.
Perhaps if you paint it red and add some flame decals...

Wouldn't matter if I did since my vehicles rarely get washed,that's what happens when you live 1.5 miles down a bad dirt road & 15 miles from the nearest carwash

[Andara Bledin]

Me & my last PE:

And when I can afford it I'll buy another Ram 2500 4x4 with a Cummins.I actually use such vehicles,not everybody that owns a big truck does so for ego reasons.

Ummmm so sorry Freddie, once you start using a big truck for real work it doesn't work as a penis enhancement anymore.
Perhaps if you paint it red and add some flame decals...

Yup. That's a workin' truck, not a PE.

Now, those idiots with the daullies who never haul anything? Pure PE.

^-.-^

[Shalom]

Yup. That's a workin' truck, not a PE.

In Donald Hamilton's The Retaliators, Matt Helm is buying a Chevy Suburban from dealer stock, and is perplexed by the tweed cloth seats in what is clearly a work vehicle, when vinyl would have been both cheaper and more durable. I haven't got the text in front of me, but he says something like "Putting cloth seats in that truck would be like tying a ribbon on the tail of a hard-working mule."

(I think Hamilton, or Helm, may have been a bit confused about his marques, though; if I remember correctly, he calls it a Travelall, which was an International Harvester model, not a Chevrolet.)

[PepperElf]

on my first ship, one of my coworkers got to drive the white van to haul some test equipment to the lab.

he backed the van into the ship's brow. couldn't open the back door on that thing for a while.