Mis-pimp My Ride

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I drive a 2002 Saturn SL1. It's about as sexy as pajama pants and a Tweety Bird T-shirt that's two sizes too big. It's a dependable car, and that's all I care about, but there is no turning it into a badass muscle machine.

Doesn't mean some people don't try anyway. Today, coming home from work, I pulled up to the stoplight besides another Saturn SL1, same color as mine except for the bumpers, with an aftermarket wing mounted on the trunk lid.

[csquared]

Did he add a fart-can muffler? Those are bad-@$$.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Did he add a fart-can muffler? Those are bad-@$$.

Sure, if you want to lose control of your vehicle b/c your LYFAO at some idiot who's taken a jellybean on wheels and tried to turn it into a beanstalk.

Frankly, my DOG farts louder than those mufflers.

[mikoyan29]

For added horsepower...kanji stickers and yellow spark plug wires.

[protege]

Frankly, my DOG farts louder than those mufflers.

*Ants* fart louder than those mufflers

Those things don't do squat...other than annoy other motorists. There's a difference between fast and powerful...and loud and annoying! I was always told that you can liberate a few horsepower by replacing the exhaust from the headers on back, but swapping the tip...won't do shit.

Same with those stupid park bench wings that are popular. They offer *no* benefit on a FWD car. On a RWD vehicle, they'd add a bit of drag...which would help 'plant' the rear end. But, on an FWD car, all they're doing, is adding extra weight. Also, gutting the interior to "save weight" doesn't do shit...especially when you're slapping on 400 pounds of body kit!

What can I say, other than I do a fair bit of reading and attending car shows

[Polenicus]

My favorite was the rusted out 84 Honda Prelude... with big alloy rims and low profile tires that... EACH... cost multiples of what the car was worth.

[blas]

The other Saturday coming home from Subway, I came across another tard who thinks a Neon is a racecar. Late 90s model, white, complete with body kit in front and around the sides to make it closer to the ground, after market spoiler, larger tires than what Neons really need (my old one had 14 inches, my G6 has 17, these had to be at least 17), complete with boom boom stereo system and fart can muffler.

And I'll bet it's probably an automatic and about 10 miles from blowing a head gasket like all the rest of them.

[wolfie]

For added horsepower...kanji stickers and yellow spark plug wires.

One thing on my "if I win the lottery" list is to attend one of the "rice rocket" shows - after making certain preparations. I'd bring along (bagged, with a fake receipt) strips of Kanji character decals, with the packaging having a checklist for size and colour, and "accidentally" lose them one at a time. How many of the "no-go showboat" people would think "Score!" and take the "lost" purchases for their own use?

Of course, anyone who could read Japanese would see that the decals said something along the lines of "My dick is so small my 5 year old sister asks if I'm in yet".

[Aria]

lol! That's hilarious... I recently got my first car, a Nissan Pathfinder. I was so excited when I first got it and thought about pimping it out a little. Then sanity grabbed me and said, "This is a soccer mom car. That skull license plate holder would look a bit... odd... to be charitable." My poor car still has no bling.

[protege]

I got stuck behind a similar vehicle on the way to work this morning. Someone had taken a mid-90s Honda Civic hatchback...and attempted to turn it into a racer. They had most of the tricks--the hood painted flat black (crude "carbon fiber"), huge aftermarket rims...and lots of 'graphics' made from vinyl tape. Could have been duct tape for all I know. Anyway, that was the only thing this piece of shit had going for it.

I say that, because Stevie Wonder could have done a better job on the mechanicals. Even at idle, that thing sounded like a beast--the timing was seriously off, causing the heap to misfire. Plus, when the driver attempted to leave the light...it sounded like someone was using a crowbar to stir rocks in an oil drum!

[Chromatix]

A riced up Neon is not a cool car, even visually - never mind performance.

THIS is a cool car.

[blas]

I'm still waiting to pimp out my car with a decal that spells out my car's name across the back windshield, and somewhere else on the back, a decal for number 52 of the Packers, Clay Matthews, and it'll also say "Long hair, don't care!"

[PepperElf]

that's like those beat up long sedans that guys buy the pimped tires for. the ones where the most valuable thing on the car... are the tires.

[Shalom]

THIS is a cool car.

That's the one with the air-cooled V8 in the trunk, right?

Tatras were always interesting. There was one back in the '30s with a 5-cylinder radial, upon which Ferdinand Porsche allegedly based the KdF-wagen that later became the VW Bug.

[Chromatix]

Air-cooled V8 and proper streamlining (including underneath), so it gets better mileage on the highway than some similar sized cars made 40 years later. Best of al, it is still possible to obtain genuine spare parts from the original manufacturer.

The T97 had a flat-four just like the VW, just another of the many design similarities. A patent dispute between Tatra and VW was forestalled by the invasion of Czechoslovakia... not a coincidence, I think.