Teach me how to walk!

[tilly101]

Me - "*opening spiel, welcome to Health Insurance Inc...*
SC - *SIGH*....then silence
Me - "Hello? You've come through to Health Insurance Inc?"
SC - *another big SIGH followed by silence*
Me - "Hi, hello? This is Health Insurance Inc, can I help you?"
SC - *SIGH*...mutters something inaudible to someone in their background, then *SIGH* again
Me - "Okay, seems you can't quite hear me, thankyou for calling and please do call back again if you can!"
SC, now yelling - "SEE! SEE THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOUR COMPANY IS SH*T! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR CUSTOMERS AT ALL!"
Me - "I'm sorry sir, I did address you numerous times and received no response. How can I help you?"
SC - "Well clearly you CANT help me at all, can you?!"
Me - "I'm not sure sir, you haven't advised the reason for your call. How can I help"
SC - "You are USELESS!"
Me - "Okay. Well, thanks for calling in today then sir"
*silence*
SC - "So....aren't you going to help me?!"
Me - "I'm afraid I can't help you if you don't advise the reason for your call, sir"
*silence*
SC, back to yelling - "OMG F*CK THIS!"

*hangs up*

Yup. Always a pleasure doing business with the crazies.

_______________________________

Me - "Opening spiel, welcome to Health Insurance Inc*
SC - "Hi, I was just calling to make a payment on my policy please"
Me - "Sure, not a problem ma'am. If you'll just bear with me for one moment, I'll pop you straight through to our automated payment line, where you'll be able to...."
*cuts me off*
SC, suddenly psycho - "NO, I SAID I wanted to make a PAYMENT!!"
Me - "...yes ma'am. And to do that, I need to transfer you to our automated payment line. We here have no facility at present to accept payments over the phone as we're in the midst of updating our payment options. There should have been a voice recorded message that advised you of this when you first dialed through?"
SC - "Yes. I heard that. The stupid woman saying you can only take our payments through your auto-line or some rubbish"
Me - "Yes ma'am. So as mentioned, I'll just transfer you through now and you'll be able to make that payment..."
*again cuts me off*
SC - "NO! I already TOLD you, I'm not going to no auto-pay line!"
*she starts reading out her credit card number. Keep in mind that at this point, she hasnt even given me her policy number, let alone her name and personal details for security yet*
Me - "Ma'am...MA'AM. I'm sorry but I'll need to stop you there. As I've advised, we are unable to accept payment ourselves at present as that facility is in the process of being upgraded. I will need to transfer you to our automated payment line, you will be prompted to enter your policy and credit card details there. I can put you through now if you like?"
SC - "I DONT DO BUSINESS WITH ROBOTS! AS SOON AS I TYPE IN MY CARD NUMBER, SOMEONE WILL BE HERE TO TAKE MY HOUSE! AND MY CAR! AND ALL MY MONEY! I WONT HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT TO FEED MY KIDS! WHY DO YOU WANT MY KIDS TO STARVE?!"
Me - "...I can assure you ma'am, our credit card payment line is secure, and..."
*talks over me*
SC - "NO! I wont deal with a company that lets kids starve!"

*Hangs up on me*

I...hmmm. Yes. Now, dont get me wrong. I absolutely so understand and appreciate that many people still have concerns regarding automated payment lines, and with punching in their credit card details. Fair enough.
What I don't understand is how that woman managed to find the time to break out from her robot-hiding-bunker to go and make that phone call to me. Bravo, crazy lady, bravo....

________________________________

Me - *opening spiel, welcome to Health Insurance Inc...*
SC - "Hi, um, I'm wondering if you can help with directions, I'm trying to get to your [Main Branch] and I'm a bit lost?"
Me - "Sure no worries ma'am, lets see if I can help you there. Can you tell me where abouts you are at the moment?"
SC - "Ummmm yup, I'm on Brown Street, right outside the Felix Coffee Shop? Do you know that one?"
Me - "Yup I sure do, you're actually right near our branch . If you just turn to your right, you'll see a building with a big green logo out the front, it's really big, you can't miss it. That's actually the branch! If you just walk down there you'll find out no worries"
SC - "Oh ok. Um....so, like....what do I do?"
Me - "Uh, well....you just need to go to the building with the big green logo, that's actually our branch ma'am"
SC - "Yeah I see the branch and all that but I don't know how to get there, like I don't get what you mean"
Me - "...I'm...well...if you can see the branch ma'am, that's where you need to go, so you just need to walk over there, we're open at the moment, so you can just walk over there and go in and any staff member will be able to help you"
SC , now getting impatient - "No, but like, how do I GET there!"
Me - "Ma'am the building is about 25 metres away from you, you just need to walk over there. I'm sorry, I don't know what else you mean..."
SC - "I mean, like, how do I walk there?!"
Me - "...Um....okay. So. If you turn to your right and follow the footpath straight ahead, you'll get to a pedestrian crossing directly opposite the branch front door. You can then walk over that crossing and then you are at the front door, and that's where you go in. I'm sorry ma'am, I'm not sure I understand what it is you're asking"
SC, now cheery - "No, that was it! Thank you! I needed to know how to get there! Thanks for your help!"

*click*

I'm surprised the conversation didn't reach the point where I was having to tell her to put one foot in front of the other...move slowly...keep an eye out for cracks in the footpath and stray snails...
____________________________

[TheSHAD0W]

Whoo boy.

<pops the top off a beer and sets it on the bar in front of Tilly>

I suspect you need this.

[Sunshine]

Omg. That last one....

[bhskittykatt]

Those ones are definitely an extra special sort of stupid.

[Teskeria]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OORsz2d1H7s

anyone else's mind go here instantly upon reading the title?

[Sonoma]

Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor.
Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking out the door....

Yup, song going through my head as I type.

[XCashier]

Some days you really want to reach through the phone wires and strangle / bitchslap the person on the other end.

You totally deserve a good long

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Whoo boy.

<pops the top off a beer and sets it on the bar in front of Tilly>

I suspect you need this.

Fuck beer...that calls for a bottle of "Ye Olde Mind Eraser" AKA a fifth of good scotch.

[PepperElf]

SC - "I DONT DO BUSINESS WITH ROBOTS! AS SOON AS I TYPE IN MY CARD NUMBER, SOMEONE WILL BE HERE TO TAKE MY HOUSE! AND MY CAR! AND ALL MY MONEY! I WONT HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT TO FEED MY KIDS! WHY DO YOU WANT MY KIDS TO STARVE?!"

Yet she openly gave her credit card number to someone who said "I can't take it".

[BowserKoopa1]

First customer.... If I get no response on the phone, I'm hanging up, plain and simple, I don't have time for stupid games. And if shithead on the other end started yelling at me, I would've responded, "I'm not a mind reader, idiot, therefore I don't know what the problem is you are having. If I could read minds, I'd become a fortune teller or have some crazy gig in Vegas and making the big bucks, rather than having this crappy job and dealing with assholes like you."
Second customer.... Paranoid freak, that's all there is to it. I don't see how a thief can get your info through a secure automated service like that, unless you call a fake number that has been set up through that thief in order to steal your info. But really, this lady needs to get a life.
Third customer.... I personally don't have time for this, and I'm not here to hold their hands. If they don't know how to walk, then I honestly do feel very sorry for them, you made the directions as plain and simple as you could. Next thing you'll be instructing her on how to open the door, pull out her wallet, and how to write or sign something.

[AyreBiskits]

I think the first SC was wanting you to say "How MAY I help you?" Instead of "How CAN I help you?" without having to actually say that's what he wanted. I've had to answer phones like that and had SCs do this to me too. I usually catch the silent hint and rephrase it and they become all smug as hell and after the 2-minute superiority speech, they go on to finish the call. And I mark down another reason to find another job.

[gremcint]

2nd customer, they don't trust the automated system but they trust the perfect stranger on the other end of the phone.

[MoonCat]

I swear I was expecting the last one to say she could "see the branch right over my head, I mean it's sticking out of the tree right over the sidewalk, but where's your office??"

Yeah. That dumb.

[wolfie]

Me - "Opening spiel, welcome to Health Insurance Inc*
SC - "Hi, I was just calling to make a payment on my policy please"
Me - "Sure, not a problem ma'am. If you'll just bear with me for one moment, I'll pop you straight through to our automated payment line, where you'll be able to...."
visit from Mr. Snippy
SC - "Yes. I heard that. The stupid woman saying you can only take our payments through your auto-line or some rubbish"
Me - "Yes ma'am. So as mentioned, I'll just transfer you through now and you'll be able to make that payment..."
*again cuts me off*
SC - "NO! I already TOLD you, I'm not going to no auto-pay line!"

On being told I was going to be transferred to the auto-payment line:

Me: I've tried that already, and when I entered my policy number, my cellphone interpreted it as trying to start a second call on the other line. I won't have access to a phone without eavesdroppers near it until after the payment is due. The ONLY way I can make a payment before the due date is to deal with a live human.

If I could read minds, I'd become a fortune teller or have some crazy gig in Vegas and making the big bucks, rather than having this crappy job and dealing with assholes like you."

If I could read minds, I'd be playing poker for a living.

[smileyeagle1021]

2nd customer, they don't trust the automated system but they trust the perfect stranger on the other end of the phone.

yeah, last I checked there wasn't some robot conspiracy to steal credit card information... that is what people do...