Unless you can see a child exiting the body...

[PastryGal]

...Don't wish me a Happy Mother's Day!

Seriously! First customer of the day comes in and wishes me a Happy Mother's Day. I don't know him at all, and it's a bit presumptuous to assume I am a mother. Unless you know I have kids or see me currently giving birth, keep your trap clapped shut.
I'm not that old, well, in range that most people my age have kids. I actually looked at him with crazy eyes and said No! Hello no! I thought I was actually going to cry really because for health/medication reasons I cannot get pregnant at this time so the greeting just came off as rude. I'm just glad he was the only person to say that to me today.

[Aethian]

I don't think he was trying to be rude and I don't think he tried to single you out. A lot of people, I've found, give the well wishes. Heck I got it from my neighbor cause she knows that the dogs are like my kids. I wouldn't take it so personally, just ignore it.

[celticgrl]

Same here went to the store and the cashier knows I don't have kids but wished me Happy Mothers Day anyways since she know my little Chiweenie is the only child I will ever have.

[Halo_miles]

I can't have kids, but people have wished me a Happy Mother's day. My dogs and cats are my children (my husband can be sometimes as well). I used to get offended, but these people don't know anything about the person on the other side of the counter, so they give well wishes. I say Merry Christmas to everyone who comes through, whether they celebrate it or not.

[Cookie]

I had a friend of mine ranting about this very thing recently. People had the nerve to tell her she looked like a mother. She was quite insulted.

[Seshat]

For some people, infertility can cause intense grief. In such cases, no matter the intent of the well-wisher, something like 'Happy Mother's Day' or 'Happy Father's Day' achieves only a reminder of the infertility.

I completely agree that it's not intended; but the grieving person's reaction is also unintentional. It's similar to wishing the same for someone who's recently had a miscarriage or had a child die.

Basically, IMO, both points of view stated in this thread are right. Paradoxical as this may seem.

[Aethian]

Hey I'm one of those who hurts over not being a mother for today but I can't fault someone for wanting to wish well wishes in what is thought to be a gesture of good will.

[raudf]

I am a mother and this whole thing of telling a stranger "Happy Mother's Day," feels really, really strange. I guess I feel that only my children, and by extension, my husband, should say "Happy Mother's Day," to me.

I do see the other side of this, because they want to give the well wishes of the "holiday," in some fashion, but... it makes it feel a little more like, "Not So Mother's Day." Plus, unless the kids are with a woman or can't shut up about them, then it's kinda hard to tell they're a mother. Which leads to them telling it to every female over a certain age... and causing hurt like the OP's.

[Moirae]

Yeah, I got wished Happy Mothers Day yesterday. Since I didn't have a kid with me (and frankly don't have any children), it was really weird.

[pltkcelestial18]

it seemed like most people today would at least ask if i was a mother before wishing me a happy mother's day.

I just said no and left it at that. I don't want kids, but I know most people just assume you have kids if you look old enough.

[Pixilated]

*snip*

Basically, IMO, both points of view stated in this thread are right. Paradoxical as this may seem.

Paradoxical but I see your point ... er, points. I went to the nursing home today to have a Mother's Day Tea with my Mom and I can't remember how many people wished me a Happy Mother's Day. I have no children (other than the kitties) but just mentally shrugged and wished it right back. However, I never wanted children so it isn't a painful issue with me ... I can see why it could be very different for others.

Interestingly, at the actual tea, the activities coordinator wished us all a Happy Mother's and Ladies' Day, which I thought was a nice way of handling it.

[bainsidhe]

I think it's good to have this thread, if only to remind others how even well-intentioned words my have an unintended reaction.

When I worked at *big box retail*, managers were handing out roses to those employees that were mothers. The first year they did it, a manager asked if I was a mom and since I'm not, it was basically "No rose for you". Up until then I thought it was a sweet gesture, but after that reaction, I just felt insulted. Way to single out the ladies who weren't mothers and make them feel like crap. Didn't help that people kept asking me all day where my rose was.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

Anyone remotely female gets wished a HMD.

Because, apparently, all chicks are or wish to be mothers.

Nevermind those who CAN"T be due to medical reasons, or those who WON"T be because of choice.

[tilly101]

Its different for everyone. I think its much a case of, unless youre in that person's shoes, its almost impossible to try and garner what they felt when someone said something to them

As we speak, I'm pregnant with what were twins, we lost one twin about a f/nite ago, and we are fighting to keep the remaining twin alive

We were at a lunch for my partner's mum over the weekend, so, celebrating Mother's Day for her, and my partners BROTHER - who is well aware of our situation - made a joke infront of everyone about how it was Happy mothers Day to me too, since I'm 'now a mum'

I know he meant it as a joke...and my partner and I have been dealing with everything as best we can....but if Im being honest, I was annoyed at what he said
1. I havent given birth to any kids yet, so not technically 'a mum'
2. We *just* lost one baby and may lose the other....not really appropriate to be saying happy mothers day, IMO. What happens if we lose the other twin, do you have to then stop and recant your mothers day well wishes lol??

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

This is why I stick to "have a nice day" all day, every day, even holidays. Who's going to get offended by that?

The people who say happy mother's day mean well, but I can't agree with telling a person to get over it if saying that to them makes them feel bad. Even though the person offering the greeting means well.