Bartending Woes

[friendofjimmyk]

Long time no post! Mostly, I’ve been out of the customer service industry since obtaining my bachelor’s degree. I now work with individuals with mental retardation and/or developmental disabilities. At times, these individuals can be very difficult to deal with but they cannot help themselves so there is no way I would ever post anything disparaging about this population and the times they are difficult.

On occasion, I have tended bar part-time for a few extra bucks and because I always found bartending fun. It’s especially fun if you step away from it for a while and not need the money or the job. My attitude is much different when I know that I have a “real” job out there. Suddenly, the general public has less of an ability to slip under my skin and annoy me. Don’t get me wrong, they still do – but I handle it much differently. If they are being sucky customers – I straight up tell them because I don’t fear losing the job.

I have composed a list of rules for bar customers that mostly applies to the times where the bar is slammed and I am making a metric fuck ton (a measurement I learned from this very forum years ago!) of drinks. So, please, if you see yourself committing any of the atrocities on this list, do yourself a favor – stay out of any bar I am working.

1. Do not snap your fingers, wave your money, yell obscenities, throw things, or pound on the bar top to get my attention. The only thing you will get is straight up ignored. I have a system when I am busy. I work from one end of the bar to the other and then back. When the bar is slammed it is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE for me to tell who was really next to be served, so my system is the best I can do to reach everyone. If you are standing behind the current person at the bar and get pissed when they get served and you’re not next, be patient, you will be served on my next pass. However, if you commit any of the atrocities mentioned at the beginning of this first rule, you will be lucky to get served at all.

2. Do not tell me you will tip me well if I wait on you next. 99.9% of the time…you will not. So, you will wait as I run through my system.

3. After standing at the bar, waiting for service, especially when you’ve been waiting for longer than five minutes do not let the first question that comes out of your mouth when I finally reach you be, “What do y’all got?” Are you freakin’ kidding me? You’ve been standing there for over five minutes, with all our liquor and beer on display and you don’t know what we have? So, yes, excuse my shitty response of “are you kidding me?” and just order what you know you always order anyway!

4. Do not ask, “How much is y’all drinks?” I am NOT going to say, “They’re ALL 50 cents!” We have a plethora of alcohol, no drink is the same, and no price is the same. It’s easiest for you to tell me what you what to spend and I will give you a drink from that range. If you tell me “I have $2” you will get the bottle of water that we sell at that price.

5. Following that line of ruling – do not tell me how much you are going to pay for the drink I just made. It will be pulled from in front of you and you will get no drink and I will not care! Furthermore, do not try to haggle with me on the drink prices. This is not a flea market or a bidding contest.

6. Do not tell me that I did not put any alcohol in your drink when you quite clearly seen me pour alcohol in your drink. Do not bring me a drink I did not make you and tell me that there is no alcohol in it. I will tell you to take it back to the bartender who did make it.

7. If you know you need more than one drink when you come up – give me the order for all the drinks. Do not give me the drink order piece by piece after I make each drink.

8. Do not tell me “make it strong” or “hook it up” or “give me a little extra” . You want extra, you will pay for it. (A little bar tending trick I learned some time ago for those insisting drinks are "not strong enough" - floating a tiny bit of alcohol on top of the drink or pouring just a tiny bit down the straw - viola - instant stronger drink for just a drop more of alcohol).

9. Do not try to convince me you are old enough to drink. If you have not been branded by the bar door people as someone who is old enough to drink, do not be offended if I ask for your ID and do not be offended if I refuse to serve you when you cannot produce said ID. There is no way I believe that you got a wrist band at the door and lost both the wrist band and your ID between the door and the bar.

10. Yes, my boyfriend knows I tend bar. No, he does not mind that I tend bar. Please don’t tell me “If you were my girlfriend, there’s no way you’d let me tend bar.” Along these lines, don’t not tip me but give me your phone number.

11. No, you cannot touch my breasts or see my breasts or any other part of my anatomy. No means no and I’m not going to change your mind if you tip me a dollar or offer me a drink.

12. No, I don’t want to see your penis. For Christ’s sake, your girlfriend is standing next to you.

13. I’m sorry, the older I get, the harder it is for me to hear especially if the music is loud, the people are loud, and you are mumbling your drink order. Please do not get pissed if I ask you to repeat yourself however many times it takes me to understand you.

I’m sure there are more. Club bartending is crazy! One of the last shifts I worked, one of our bartenders got smacked across the face and had a mixing tin thrown at her all because she refused service to a total bitch. I have news for anyone going to a bar – not only does the establishment have the right to refuse service to anybody, so does the bartender. Even if the establishment says serve you…the bartender can still tell you to get bent. As I said earlier, I really enjoy filling in as a bartender part-time when I don’t need the job but the extra money is nice. I am much looser in my customer service skills and put up with a lot less shit than I did when all I had were bartending jobs.

Thanks for letting me share!

[infinitemonkies]

It's incredibly liberating when you don't care if you get fired.

#8 Is a cool trick that never would have occurred to me. I've never bartended professionally, but I'll keep it in mind next time I'm hosting a get together

[sms001]

(Oddly enough, I was recently wondering about you - saw one of your posts in a very old thread I was perusing. Serendipity!)

First of all, thanks for the work you you do. It's a great service to your community, heck, to the world.

I have to wonder - do you have more or less patience w/ the clubbers because of your primary occupation?

2. Do not tell me you will tip me well if I wait on you next. 99.99999999999% of the time…you will not.

Fixed that for you.

3. “What do y’all got?”

5.Furthermore, do not try to haggle with me on the drink prices.

7.give me the order for all the drinks.

#3 - "Alcohol. Lots of alcohol." Turn to next custy...

#5 - Seriously? I've had grumbling or comparisons to other bars, but I can't recall a single real haggle in the decades I put in. Wow.

#7 - In their defense, there's lots of staff who can't do multiple orders.
But logic says that if the person waiting on you forgets one, uh, you're still STANDING RIGHT THERE to remind them of the rest of the order, so might as well give it a try.
Plus, it's often a LOT more efficient (grabbing multiple longnecks from same cooler, etc.)

[friendofjimmyk]

#8 Is a cool trick that never would have occurred to me. I've never bartended professionally, but I'll keep it in mind next time I'm hosting a get together

I learned it in my first bartending job. I have also applied it to my personal life when I was married over 10 years ago. He drank A LOT...on occasion, he'd get too drunk to make his own drinks. I'd just float a little whiskey on top and the rest was coke. Viola! Instant strong drink!

(Oddly enough, I was recently wondering about you - saw one of your posts in a very old thread I was perusing. Serendipity!)


First of all, thanks for the work you you do. It's a great service to your community, heck, to the world.

I have to wonder - do you have more or less patience w/ the clubbers because of your primary occupation?

Here I am! And, thank you for your kind words!

I believe I have less patience with the clubbers merely because I'm gainfully employed elsewhere and I'm not afraid of losing any part-time bar gig I may land. My favorite moments are when I can completely ignore people who are being TOTAL ASSHOLES and they can rant and rave and foam at the mouth...and I can still refuse service and walk away smiling. Bonus - when I get to tell them that they're not getting served because they're an asshole!





[/QUOTE] #7 - In their defense, there's lots of staff who can't do multiple orders.
But logic says that if the person waiting on you forgets one, uh, you're still STANDING RIGHT THERE to remind them of the rest of the order, so might as well give it a try.
Plus, it's often a LOT more efficient (grabbing multiple longnecks from same cooler, etc.)[/QUOTE]


I can ask three separate people for their orders at one time. Do I always remember...heck no! I do it in order to acknowledge they're at the bar so they feel as though they wait less...it actually works. The customers know I have their order and for a brief moment, I have a gaggle of customers on my side if a douche bag comes up to the bar (another fave is when other customers tell shitty customers that they're shitty!) Most of the time, I can remember the orders if they're all small. However, I still always double check when I'm serving them.

And always smile!

[Jester]

Wile I have never bartender in a club, just a bar or restaurant/bar, I have dealt with all of these, other than the ones that involve sexual harassment of a female bartender, obviously. Commented in here on many of them, too. A few things brought up here I'd like to comment on further...

“What do y’all got?”

I get this, to which I invariably offer a beer and/or drink menu. Or I say, "Well, we have a full bar, with X drafts and almost 200 different rums."

Which often leads to this tragic response: "What's a good rum?"

We have almost 200 rums. Which means a whole shitload of them are good. Pick a letter of the alphabet, genius. We got tons of good rum, from Atlantico to Zaya. Perhaps if you told me what you were looking for, gave me some qualifiers, other than "something good."

A variation of this is one I haven't dealt with in a while, but has happened often enough to comment on. A guy will march into the bar--it's always a guy--and, oozing bravado and machismo, march up to the bar, slam his hand down on the bar, and say loudly, "Give me a shot of your BEST rum!!!" And his friends will look on, nodding in admiration as Mr. Assertive grins his best shit-eating grin, clearly pleased with himself.

Okay, this is easy. "We'll, sir, in my personal opinion, our best rum is Pyrat Cask 1623, a lovely 40 year blend from Anguilla in the British West Indies, and it's $50 a shot."

The grin drops like a rock, but trying to hold on to his rapidly-vanishing bravado, Mr. Assertive says, "Well, shit, I don't want to pay that much for a shot of rum."

Nodding knowingly, I say, "Understandable, sir. That is a lot of money to pay for a single shot of rum. What would you say is your budget?"

Having been put on the spot, his bravado has now completely fled the building, and was last seen down the street, in the darkest corner of a darkened dive bar, drowning its sorrows in cheap whiskey, joined occasionally by his machismo, when it timidly pokes its head out from under the bar stool and asks, "Is it safe to come out yet?"

In much quieter, more subdued tones, he says, "I dunno...six, seven bucks?"

VOICE: "Bacardi it is!"

BRAIN: "Bacardi it is, motherfucker!"

And sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, my voice will echo my brain exactly.

Seriously, to walk into a bar known for rum, loudly demand the BEST rum they have, and honestly expect that it's gonna cost you less than a Hamilton? How stupid are you?

Never mind, I can pretty much see the answer to that one.

“How much is y’all drinks?”

I get this frequently, especially with beers. As if there's one price. My answer is always the same. "It depends on the beer. They run anywhere from $4 to $8."

do not try to haggle with me on the drink prices.

My experiences and defense against haggling is well known on this forum.

8. Do not tell me “make it strong” or “hook it up” or “give me a little extra” . You want extra, you will pay for it. (A little bar tending trick I learned some time ago for those insisting drinks are "not strong enough" - floating a tiny bit of alcohol on top of the drink or pouring just a tiny bit down the straw - viola - instant stronger drink for just a drop more of alcohol).

One of my favorites!

"And make if strong!"

[steely-eyed gaze] "Do I LOOK like someone who makes weak drinks?"

And yes, for complete assholes, a drop of straight booze right into the straw works wonders to shut them up.

Do not try to convince me you are old enough to drink.

If I ask you for ID, you have two options: 1. Show me a valid ID. 2. Don't get your drink. These are the ONLY options, and no amount of whining, wheedling, threatening, storytelling, excuse-making, bitching, moaning, or arguing will change that. Why? Because I work under very stringent laws regarding such things, and I am not about to violate those laws and risk a fine, a jail term, a court date, and/or my continued employment at this establishment for a complete stranger who either forgot their ID, is full of shit, or is unfortunately unfamiliar with the laws of this country.

In short, suck it.

#3 - "Alcohol. Lots of alcohol."

I often say something very similar.

"What would you suggest?"

"Booze! And lots of it!"

#5 - Seriously? I've had grumbling or comparisons to other bars, but I can't recall a single real haggle in the decades I put in.

I don't get it as much as I used to, or as much as I got it at my previous establishment, but yeah, people do this.

[Headset Hellion]

#8 reminds me of the time I heard a guy complaining that his Bloody Mary wasn't spicy enough. Apparently he was known for complaining, and the bartender had enough right then. For his next drink, she poured straight hot sauce down his straw. From what I've heard, he never complained about a drink in that bar again.

[friendofjimmyk]

A variation of this is one I haven't dealt with in a while, but has happened often enough to comment on. A guy will march into the bar--it's always a guy--and, oozing bravado and machismo, march up to the bar, slam his hand down on the bar, and say loudly, "Give me a shot of your BEST rum!!!" And his friends will look on, nodding in admiration as Mr. Assertive grins his best shit-eating grin, clearly pleased with himself.

The club I most recently worked at catered to a certain demographic. Our most expensive drinks were Hennesy, Remy Martin, high end God awful tasting vodkas such as Ciroc, and Patron. You're right, it's always guys that belly up to the bar and order anywhere between 3 - 15 shots of one of the aforementioned shots. Depending on my mood, I would either tell them ahead of time that it was going to be $8 (or more) per shot or they were going to go from being big man in club, thinking he was going to buy them all himself to scrambling between his friends to come up with the money.

We also did bottle service. For $250 or more you could purchase a bottle of one of these liquors. Every. Single. Time. I sold a bottle, I received NO tip. They often had wads of cash in their hand, but would pay for the bottle with their card, and walk away leaving nothing for the bartenders.

I get this frequently, especially with beers. As if there's one price. My answer is always the same. "It depends on the beer. They run anywhere from $4 to $8."

Our beer prices were pretty easy - $2.75 domestic, $3.50 imports. What would often take place...of course when I'm slammed...would be the customer, after hearing that answer, asking, 'What about Bud Light?"

Me: 2.75

Customer: Miller Lite?

Me: all domestics, 2.75

Customer: Bud Platinum?

Me:

My experiences and defense against haggling is well known on this forum.

Ah yes, I recall reading many of your posts!

[Mytical]

#8 I think the best way to haggle was suggested by Jester (not sure, please remember my brain is swiss cheese).

C - Customer
B - Bartender

C- How much is a Bud.
B - $3.25
C - I'll give you $2.50
B - No, it's $4.
C - What you just said $3.25
B - $4.50
C - Ok I will pay $3.25!
B - That's right..you will.

[gerund]

My experiences and defense against haggling is well known on this forum.

I find this the best way:

Me: Ten dollars please.
SC: What! That's only worth $5
Me: OK 11.
SC: What!?
Me: Well 12 then.
SC: What about $6?
Me: 15
SC: But you said $10
Me: OK $10 then
SC: But I offered $6
Me: 15
SC: What about $7?
Me: 16

Sometimes they get the idea really quickly and settle for $10 after the first try.

[Dentarthurdent]

I get this frequently, especially with beers. As if there's one price. My answer is always the same. "It depends on the beer. They run anywhere from $4 to $8."

I'm always answering "How much are your rooms?" with "They start out at $75 for a basic room with one full-size bed and shared showers and bathrooms" and wait for them to wrinkle up their nose, then deliver the kicker "...and go up to $380 for our suites*." I love watching their faces. Every time.

*Not our actual prices, but you get the idea.

[friendofjimmyk]

From what I've heard, he never complained about a drink in that bar again.

Before tending bar at the club I most recently worked at, I tended bar at a bowling alley. Not just your average bowling alley though - a rather large "entertainment complex" type place. We had league bowlers and there was one in particular who ALWAYS complained about his drink (CC and water) never being strong enough. The server who was there said he has been complaining about it every single year their league plays. Since he's a regular, he had gotten accustom to bartenders before me topping his drink off a bit. I got tired of him complaining and one day filled a 12 oz cup more than 3/4 of the way with CC and put a splash of water in it. He never complained about his drink being to weak again.

[Jester]

#8 I think the best way to haggle was suggested by Jester

I have never suggested a way to haggle, per se, merely a way to defeat people attempting to haggle. But you had the right premise....keep raising the price until they come around to paying the original price, happily.

We had league bowlers and there was one in particular who ALWAYS complained about his drink (CC and water) never being strong enough.

The easiest way to fix that is to simply make his drink short: use a smaller glass, and less water. In his case, I'd say just a splash of water. If that's still too weak for the fucker, he clearly just wants CC on the rocks.

And this reminds me of the rainy day where my friend Popcorn and I decided the best way to spend the day would be at Local Legendary Dive Bar, drinking. As I always tell it, I ordered a 7 and 7...and they served me a 7 and 2.5! (Not much 7-Up I that drink! Wow!)