List of things that annoyed the crap out of me as a cashier

[Amusement Gal]

Do not give your little brat a stuffed animal to appease it while you shop and then hand it back to me covered in slime and say, "We're not buying this."

Try having someone hand you a wrapped diaper! I don't want to know where they changed the baby if that's the case.

[XCashier]

Do not give your little brat a stuffed animal to appease it while you shop and then hand it back to me covered in slime and say, "We're not buying this."

"Yes, you are. You willfully rendered it unsellable, and we're not going to eat the loss because you're too stupid to bring your kid's own teething toys with you. Pay for it or get arrested for vandalism."

[fireheart]

Try having someone hand you a wrapped diaper! I don't want to know where they changed the baby if that's the case.

Ew SO glad I never had that (also neither of the twos tores I worked at were required to provide customer bathrooms. One was in a mall, the other had toilets nearby).

"Yes, you are. You willfully rendered it unsellable, and we're not going to eat the loss because you're too stupid to bring your kid's own teething toys with you. Pay for it or get arrested for vandalism."

Some parents would bring up a non-drooled copy for scanning while the kid finished eating it.

[Amusement Gal]

Ew SO glad I never had that (also neither of the twos tores I worked at were required to provide customer bathrooms. One was in a mall, the other had toilets nearby).

At the original Eye of The Bull I used to work at, the restrooms were right behind me, which is why it's really squeamish to think of where she changed her kid.

[thatcrazyredhead]

Try having someone hand you a wrapped diaper! I don't want to know where they changed the baby if that's the case.

I don't think I ever had anybody try to hand me a diaper, but when they tried to hand me their used tissues, I'd just pick up the trash can and let them toss it in themselves.

[Tama]

I had a woman with a bleeding tattoo come through my line once. She was wiping it up and wanted to throw away the paper towels she was doing it with -- but at least she didn't make a fuss when I held the trashcan up for it...

[ThanosIsKing]

I got another one from last night. I was on express and this "lady" comes through with 15 items. But the even worse part was that she insisted on getting rung up and paying for each item individually. With one receipt for EACH of the 15 items. Oh, and she used the same card for all 15 also. Pissed me off.

[Sunshine]

I work in the tobacco area...therefore, dont get pissy when i ask if you want some!! I have to ring it up first!

[Grendus]

All of these are based on true events. I'm torn between wishing I drank and being so glad I don't drink. I would have shown up for work blitzed every night.

- We close the self checks at 11:00 to refill the cash and don't reopen them until midnight. I go by the system clocks, because those are the official Mal-Wart time. When I tell you that they will open at midnight, don't tell me "hurr durr, it's midnight by my watch". When I give a pair of feted dingo kidneys about you, your watch, or your opinions I'll ask. I'll also go get a coat, because this store (which I affectionately refer to as hell) has just frozen over.

- At midnight, we have to bag up the cash in the register, hand it off to a manager, and put a fresh load of cash in. Don't gripe because it took all of five minutes, if you want faster service shop at a more reasonable time.

- When are we going to open more registers? Management is already breathing down our necks to pull people off the criminally understaffed front end to go work in the completely unstaffed back. There is literally nobody else in the store we can put on the registers. So... next shift starts at 7:00 AM. They'll start staggering in around 7:30.

- No, I can't open the jewelry department. I don't have the keys. No, the manager can't open the jewelry department, they don't have the keys either. Because the day shift hides them from us, that's why.

- Same thing goes for the sports department, only in this case it's because the employee working that department has disappeared. No I don't know where he is. I don't even know who he is.

- Oh, you want me to leave my heavily backed up register, head to the back of the store, in a department I don't know and have never worked in, and get something off the top shelf? Yea, I'll get right on that.

- Question: You wanted to get milk. A specific brand of milk. The shelf was out. You could see more in the back. Why the did you walk across the entire store to come to the front end about it? Grocery is the only department, in the entire store, that always has staff.
(side note: he zeroed on in the new hire we were training that night, and like clockwork every other employee on the front end swarmed him as he approached her. It was... uncanny)
(side note 2: That includes the front end. At several points, management actually demanded that we send the only person on the front end to go work in the back. I kid you not. I affectionately referred to them as trained squirrels).

- I'm not sure what's more disturbing: that you want to return an opened printer ink cartridge, that you brought it back at 1:00 AM to try to get the right one, that you brought back just the ink cartridge, or that you tried to hand me the still leaking ink cartridge as... I don't know, proof? Anyways, Customer Service is closed, you'll have to come back in the morning.

- Please don't lie to me. You did not get rung out at a register at 3:00 AM last month. We haven't had registers open after 1:00 since the remodel, and we only had them open then because they up the machines and we couldn't make them work.

[XRogue]

One time I had a guy try to hand me his daughter's used tissue, I reached down and grabbed my trashcan and held it up for him to put the tissue in. His wife saw it and told him, " She doesn't want that used tissue! For heaven's sake, there's a trashcan RIGHT over there!" *pointed at trash can that was literally 3 feet away from him* "The people here get exposed to all kinds of germs, she doesn't need ours too! Apologize!!!"

I smiled and said it was fine, don't worry about it. Thank God I kept a straight face, the poor dad was mortified.

[JustShootMe]

Express Lane?

Yo!! Nimrod!! Yeah, YOU!! This is the Express Lane. You have to pay for your stuff. It's not enough that you're in a Mart Cart & what's wrong with you is that your ass is as wide as an axe handle. It's not enough that you dumped an entire basket of crap on my belt, when the sign says TEN ITEMS OR LESS! You have to sit with your mouth open, daydreaming and act surprised when I tell you what your bill is. Then start digging through your Mega-Purse for money. Yeah...you have to pay me. DUH...
That is all.

[OfficeSlug]

Doesn't matter if it's directly on the belt or on top of your groceries . . . it can still fall off onto the belt and get sucked into oblivion before I can catch it.

Oh, I HATE when they put their $20 bill on top of their items!!!

Let's add COUPONS to the mix. Hand me the coupons, for criminy's sake!!

[Dreamstalker]

Coupons, store card, money...don't put these things on the belt, and DON'T throw them at me. I'm not picking them up.

You pay in change, you wait for ME to count it. Don't want to wait? Should have gone to the Coinstar like a normal person. Or selfscan.

This is a cashier, not self-scan. Do not reach into my space (is this some cultural thing I'm not aware of? Seems to be one or two ethnicities around here that love to get into a cashier's space). When I'm ready to scan your card/item I will ask you.

I know I don't have a bagger. Sniping at me about it while saying "I don't have time for this!" in the same breath will make me go slower. You have arms, there are bags on the rack, you'd get out of here that much faster (typically faster than it would take for a co-irker to notice I need a bagger) if you bagged your own stuff.

If you decide to put a huge pumpkin/30 pound jug of litter on the belt after I tell you to leave it in the cart, don't get snippy when I don't lift it across the scanner. It has to go back in the cart somehow, and I'm not hurting myself because you didn't listen the first time. Nor should I have to go into the details of why I'm not lifting it (usually because I know I'll strain something if I try).

You still need to pay when you use the "S-it" guns. Or the mobile app. (I think a lot of people think it magically takes the money out of their account when they scan it at checkout)

[thatcrazyredhead]

You still need to pay when you use the "S-it" guns.

Shit guns?? The frell?

[XCashier]

1. Watch where the hell you're steering your cart! I swear, customers become blind and oblivious to everything around them and lose all motor control the minute they step over the store's threshhold. We have freaking paint scuffs and gouges where sucktomers grazed the walls with their carts. They're always blocking the plenty-wide-enough-for-two-carts aisles by parking their carts diagonally in the middle. And every freaking day some oblivious idiot knocks the charity boxes in front of the registers to the ground. They're right there in front of you, plain as day. If you were paying attention, you would see them! (And these people drove here. How scary is that?!)

2. If I ask you if you have coupons, the correct answer is "yes" or "no". Incorrect answers include: "Why, do you have any for me?", "Am I supposed to?" or any long spiel about how you live X miles away and never remember to bring them or your spouse throws them away. I really don't care, just answer yes or no.

3. The same applies when I ask if you want a paper bag for 5¢. "Yes" or "No" are the correct answers. I really don't give a damn if you have eighty million bags in your car; they won't do you a bit of good if you don't bring them in. Nor do I want to hear your political rant against the tree-hugging hippies in the city government who banned the free plastic bags. You live in Hippie City, you've known this for years, and the plastic bag ban has been in effect since May. Why haven't you figured out that you need to bring in your own bags yet?

4. If you're paying by card, swipe the card the way the picture indicates, read the instructions and follow them. You do not need to wrest the card reader around. They're all loose on their stands because stupid SCs have yanked them around like they're on the WWF, and more than once, they've fallen to the floor! So yeah, be gentle with our equipment; you wouldn't want us to slam your expensive computer around, would you?

5. Is it really that difficult to hand an item you no longer want to the cashier? I promise we won't point and laugh at you. Please hand me your unwanted items rather than ditching them at random areas of the store, or hiding them in the dollar bins in the register line. Then I won't have to explain to the next SC that she can't have that packet of Swarovski crystals for $1.00 just because she found it in the dollar bin!