List of things that annoyed the crap out of me as a cashier

[DGoddessChardonnay]

DO NOT ask/demand that I override the WIC guidelines. I know you got Juicy Juice here before (I think due to the shutdown, guidelines were reissued to cover the cheapest/store brands only), but it's not covered now. Kraft Singles are definitely not covered and never were. Another store 'does it all the time'? Which store? Please, do tell.

That was a huge peeve of mine, especially way back when I ran register at the WD.

Lost count of how many folks would say "Well, the Litter Box lets me get this"

My answer was pretty much "Which store so I can call them and verify that with them?"

Cue plenty of CBF's and not one person took me up on that challenge.

[XCashier]

It's considered rude to back into the pregnant teenager (who is gathering carts instead of cashiering for the day) with your car, knocking her to the ground, and driving away.

Not nearly as bad as being hit by a car, but I did have a man in a motorized cart drive straight into me when I was eight months pregnant with Connor.

Laughing at me when I accidently drop something heavy with a pained look on my face (because it's causing me pain), and then complaining I didn't laugh along with you, is callous.

To sum up, causing physical harm to a fellow human being (yes, an employee is a fellow human being; that doesn't change when he/she puts on a name tag) or laughing over same, makes you a complete and total asshole. Please go away and lock yourself up until you can play nicely with the rest of society.

[Grendus]

A few more that have come back to me:

- When I have a plastic bag over the credit card machine and two signs that say "cash only", please don't try to pull the plastic bag off an run your card through.

- I don't find it suspicious that you have the pin number written on the pouch your EBT card came in. Nope, not one bit.

- Despite the appearance of the word, a Self "Check" machine does not actually accept checks.

- On the subject of checks, if you're under 40 and write me a check I've already mentally filed the next five minutes to explaining to you a BS story about how the computers must not be communicating right, or how we always have trouble with the machines. Truth is, there's a 99% chance that you're passing a rubber check, but god forbid you just accept that. Older people have about a 75% chance of the check being good, but the younger a check writer is the less likely it's legit.

- I don't care if you "have money in the account", the computer says no. I can run it again, but you'll get the same answer.

- Being the genius that you are, you just bought $3 worth of artery clogging snacks for multiple cash back purchases to save a $2 ATM fee. Each one will likely take about an hour off of your life expectancy. Way to stick it to the man.

- I have six "lane closed" signs on my register. I literally walked the front end and collected all of them from the other registers (which is disturbing on another front - did we only start with 6, or has someone been randomly stealing pointless shit from the store). I admire your optimism for asking if I could ring you out, but your observational skills need work.

- I actually like WIC because when someone tries to buy something that isn't on WIC it a) doesn't make the beeping noise so I know it was rejected and b) can't be overridden. That means no arguing, computer says no, end of discussion.

- Yes, I understand that the front registers are backed up. No I can't ring you out on the electronics register. I'll lie and say that I can't log into it, but the truth is that they've already swapped out the cash, if I logged in the day shift would come up short. Not that I give a shit, mind you, it's just that I care about them sliiiiiightly more than I care about you. Priorities and all that.

- I was hired as a cashier. I wasn't trained for 95% of my job. The training spent more time on what to do in case of a chemical spill than how to run a cash register. When I tell you I don't know if I'm allowed to do something, or even how to do it, I mean it literally. Odds are the thing you just asked me for is LITERALLY the first time I've ever heard the request.

- If you think you're a really funny guy, there's a 99% chance that you aren't. Items that don't scan are not free. I didn't grow up dreaming of being a cashier, and in fact two years after quitting I STILL have nightmares that I had to go back to that shithole of job. There is no combination of items that you can buy that will shock me, I've seen the pregnancy test/hangars and vegetables/lube more times than I really care to remember. Your homoerotic public display of affection doesn't gross me out, it pisses me off because you're holding up the line. No, I can't find you any more money; I'm working retail, I don't have any money.

- To the panhandlers in the parking lot: a) what you're doing is illegal here, b) I have no money for you, c) even if I did, I don't trust you, and d) even if I trusted you, I'm a heartless bastard. Stop bugging me, I have two minutes to clock in.

- Ever notice that the one time you need the security guard, he's holed up in his office? My hero.

- To whoever taught the early morning shoppers to ask the self scan attendant to ring them out on the self check, I hate you. I had three of them in a row, with full carts.

- You think you're being scary by threatening to have me fired. Honestly, I don't give a rats ass.

- Please don't ask if I'm about to open up a lane. First off, I have to be signed into a register, so there's a fair chance that I'm actually going to go do something else for an hour or two until the last of the second shift people leave. Secondly, even if I am about to open a register, "about to open" is a relative thing. I need to ensure the register actually works, that I have a produce chart, that I have dividers, that the managers don't need me to take over for someone else. Third, it's kind of rude to the people who have been waiting in line already, shouldn't they get first crack at an opening lane? Just be patient and wait your turn. If you don't like waiting in line, don't shop during the shift change.

[sms001]

bought $3 worth of artery clogging snacks... to save a $2 ATM fee.... Way to stick it to the man.

I care about them sliiiiiightly more than I care about you. Priorities and all that.

These made me chortle.

[downforit2008]

One time I caught a couple of teenagers fucking around with the electric carts, riding them around the aisles, and I told them sternly to put them back where they found them. Another time, one teenager was pushing one of the kiddie carts we used to have (shaped like a car with a pair of steering wheels inside for the kids to occupy themselves) with another teenager crammed inside, like a clown car.

As a WM cart pusher for a few years, I had no shortage of stupid teenagers doing that crap, behaving like 3 year old hoodlums and thinking the electric carts were there for their own amusement, even playing bumper cars with them!

And meanwhile, the handicapped people who actually NEED those carts would ask me if I had any more. "Nope, sorry. A bunch of teenagers decided that they needed them more so they can play around with them." was my reply.

They would then go on a huge angry rant about those who disregard the ones who need those electric carts just so they can be used as a toy. Luckily in all my time, the rants were never directed at ME. They seemed to understand that I wasn't able to do anything about it except wait until these kids tire of their game and I can then retrieve them.

I began pissing off the teenagers by denying them use of the carts, and I mean the ones who are PERFECTLY healthy. 95 percent of these stupid kids had NO intention of even buying any shit from the store. School is out, these kids are bored, and they simply want to kill time by flocking to the nearby WM and playing "Extreme Racing" with the electric carts while forcing 85 year old people who can barely walk to wait on the benches by the entrance during their little game. I began sitting on the carts and staring these kids down with a "Try and get it now, you stupid ass punk" look on my face. Being the top supervisor of the other cart pushers, I began having THEM do it too, and the numbers of kids coming by for their afternoon fun began dropping dramatically. The numbers of elderly customers needing these carts and actually getting one increased.

Thank God my managers knew what I was doing and supported me on this. In the end, I even had a couple of assistant managers denying use of those carts to the teens and saw the store manager driving one out to give to a handicapped man after yelling at one teenager to "get the hell off that cart and get out of my store if you aren't going to buy something." My example really inspired them!

[Monterey Jack]

As a WM cart pusher for a few years, I had no shortage of stupid teenagers doing that crap, behaving like 3 year old hoodlums and thinking the electric carts were there for their own amusement, even playing bumper cars with them!

I actually caught a teen a week or so ago who had just unplugged one of the mart carts and was pulling out of the space for them in the foyer. When I asked him if he was getting it for a handicapped/elderly customer (this I can understand...drive them out to the car in the lot so said father/mother/friend doesn't have to walk in to get one), he replied, "No, I'm just going to drive it". Thankfully it wasn't too sucky, as I caught him before he could drive it into the store, and when I explained that the carts were expressly for the use of customers with mobility problems, he drove it back into the space and even plugged it back in without a single word of complaint. Still, unless you're under ten years old, I can't see the appeal of driving one of those things around instead of just walking. Seriously, you look like you're fifteen or sixteen years old...what were you thinking?

[fireheart]

- When I have a plastic bag over the credit card machine and two signs that say "cash only", please don't try to pull the plastic bag off an run your card through.

We had a sign taped over the coin slot of our drinks machine at my old store that prevented people from putting coins in it until we could get someone to look at it.

ONe day this random guys comes over, LIFTS up the sign and puts coins in. Surprisingly, it works. Cue the expression on my face and the expression on my supervisors.

- Despite the appearance of the word, a Self "Check" machine does not actually accept checks.

We were all taught how to process a cheque, but were required to send them to the front desk anyway. In the two stores I worked at, we had 2 types of people who used cheques:

-People who actually legitimately used them and had regular accounts with us for this purpose. (that is, their details were stored on file)
-People who had a government agreement or similar and the government would send through a cheque with the information on it for us to fill in. (usually these were to a set amount and they would inform us well in advance)

- Being the genius that you are, you just bought $3 worth of artery clogging snacks for multiple cash back purchases to save a $2 ATM fee. Each one will likely take about an hour off of your life expectancy. Way to stick it to the man.

I found this one funny. Down here, banks are often in "alliance" with one another, so that if you use your own ATM or an "alliance" ATM, you don't get slugged with a fee. If you use another bank's ATM, you'll get slugged with a fee.
Although if I do get stores where you are required to purchase something for cashback, I'll get a bottle of water or a milky way bar

- To the panhandlers in the parking lot: a) what you're doing is illegal here, b) I have no money for you, c) even if I did, I don't trust you, and d) even if I trusted you, I'm a heartless bastard. Stop bugging me, I have two minutes to clock in.

I used to love working at my first store for the simple fact that any panhandlers were promptly chased off by security. There was also a government building nearby (DMV) so any panhandlers who went there were politely told to fuck off.

- Please don't ask if I'm about to open up a lane. First off, I have to be signed into a register, so there's a fair chance that I'm actually going to go do something else for an hour or two until the last of the second shift people leave. Secondly, even if I am about to open a register, "about to open" is a relative thing. I need to ensure the register actually works, that I have a produce chart, that I have dividers, that the managers don't need me to take over for someone else. Third, it's kind of rude to the people who have been waiting in line already, shouldn't they get first crack at an opening lane? Just be patient and wait your turn. If you don't like waiting in line, don't shop during the shift change.

I had some guy believe that we were about to open up another lane simply because I was looking around for the guy I'd called to my register to do a price check!
Someone else believed that we were about to open another register because the sign had been knocked down by mistake.
My supervisors would frequently get this when they were doing drawer counts. And I mean FREQUENTLY get this.

Our produce was in the computer, so all we had to do was tap "fruit" or "vegetables" or "heavy items" and then find the fruit. Of course, we were still subject to weekly produce checks so we knew our stuff. (and I remember on the last test of my probationary period, I mixed up swede and turnip)

I used to impress customers by typing in the code for their heavy item if I knew it off by heart

[Jay 2K Winger]

I found this one funny. Down here, banks are often in "alliance" with one another, so that if you use your own ATM or an "alliance" ATM, you don't get slugged with a fee. If you use another bank's ATM, you'll get slugged with a fee.
Although if I do get stores where you are required to purchase something for cashback, I'll get a bottle of water or a milky way bar

We have that here in Murica, too. Your bank's ATMs won't charge you a fee, but other ATMs will.

[EricKei]

We have bank "alliances" as well (more accurately, ATM network alliances), tho it's not always clear which is which unless you take the time to learn which bank uses what ATM network. For some reason, C-stores seem to often use unpopular networks ANd charge their own fees for ATM use, resulting in a total of as much as $8 for any transaction whatsoever (immediate charges for network and the store fee, plus an "out of network" fee on your actual bank statement, from your bank).

[Grendus]

Our produce was in the computer, so all we had to do was tap "fruit" or "vegetables" or "heavy items" and then find the fruit. Of course, we were still subject to weekly produce checks so we knew our stuff. (and I remember on the last test of my probationary period, I mixed up swede and turnip)

I used to impress customers by typing in the code for their heavy item if I knew it off by heart

For some reason, we had most of the common produce (apples, oranges, etc) in the computer but the more exotic produce (dried peppers, for example) were only on the paper charts. As a computer science major, it drove me insane - why the don't we have every item for sale registered somewhere in the system .

[fireheart]

For some reason, we had most of the common produce (apples, oranges, etc) in the computer but the more exotic produce (dried peppers, for example) were only on the paper charts. As a computer science major, it drove me insane - why the don't we have every item for sale registered somewhere in the system .

WE had about all of the non-barcoded produce in the system, although for some weird reason, it would sometimes NOT come up with the image needed.

We had one case where everyone kept failing to find starfruit...turns out they'd put it under its actual name.

[Dreamstalker]

I found out that the scales in produce sometimes use different PLUs than the registers. Our chart badly needs to be redone, although ASM claims that with the new registers we won't need them (I wonder about that, given that 10 of the 12 kinds of apples we sell look alike to most people and if it doesn't have a sticker you need the code). The produce list on the selfscans is a nightmare; within a given section (A-C, D-F, etc), each individual screen is alphabetical (so the next screen starts over at the first letter again). And you'll get one item--cantaloupe for example--listed three times ('Melon, cantaloupe', 'Cantaloupe', and 'Cantaloupe, large/small').

We switched the pricing for red/orange/yellow bell peppers; they are now per piece. Doesn't stop people from still doing it by weight ($2 for 5 red peppers? Er, no) A lot of stuff just isn't there; we sell poblano peppers which are more expensive than the 'mix chili peppers', yet keep getting entered as such Other items that are sold per piece don't let you enter the actual quantity and assumes it's 1.

[EricKei]

As a computer science major, it drove me insane - why the don't we have every item for sale registered somewhere in the system .

If it's something that they only get in during a very brief time every year and do not stock at all otherwise, yeah, I can see them using a MISC PRODUCE code or something...Tho that brings up the issue of not knowing how may you actually sold, or knowing exactly how many got run up under the right price, so that you can decide whether it's worth it to order them again next year.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Another peeve... If you are unable or unwilling to control your kids, then don't bring them in with you, leave them in the damn car. I can assure you that no kidnapper is going to take those brats of yours.

By the way, I'm not saying this about toddlers and babies, I understand that they shouldn't be left alone. I'm referring to the primary school age kids that get brought in by chavettes and who proceed to grab things off the shelves and throw stuff on the floor when Mommy Dearest says they can't have it. Jeez. Oh yeah and I will NOT watch your kids while you run across the road to use the toilet. Take them with you, cuz this is not a creche and I'm not a babysitter.

[starsinthesky]

I worked at a party supply store and on average had one person a month who would give their teething infant a shrinkwrap stack of paperplates to chew on. That wasn't the problem, because they did buy them. The problem was when they would had me the plates to scan and would hold the dry part and not tell me that their sweet little cherub had sucked on it and hand me that side of the plate.