Shutdown's over! That means CUSTOMERS! DUMB ones. Customers so dumb that they hurt my brain-bits. *sobs in a corner*
Not only do I need the catharsis of writing this nonsense down, but also I'm putting off writing something more important, so this is a welcome distraction.
BSOD the First
Customer: *frowning in genuine bafflement* Hey, I can't get my dollars to go in the newspaper machine. It says they take dollars on there.
Me: *stares at his dollar bills, thinks "you are fucking with me"* Oh, here, let me get you some quarters. *makes change*
Customer: (while I am making change) They just wouldn't go in there...you know, you guys should get some bill readers and they should take credit cards too.
Me: *thinking* Yeah, because national parks are the wave of the future...and it's really easy and cheap to retrofit a 100% MECHANICAL DEVICE with electronic ones... *I hand him his change*
(not two minutes later, he returns)
Customer: I can't figure out how to put them in there.
Me: (at this point I just can't any longer) Okay, I'll show you. (I come out from behind the desk, at which point he magically figures out how to put a coin in a slot) (and btw, the part where it said it took dollars? It was specifically labeled "Dimes/Nickels/Quarters/Dollar Coins") *in my head* THE STUPID IT HURTS.
BSOD the Second
Customer: Where is [landmark everybody wants directions to, but nobody ever researches where in the fuck it actually is, and everyone is constantly surprised, amazed, and/or disgusted to find out how much it costs for admission, and by how far away it is, not that I'm bitter]?
Me: 250 miles that way by road. (points direction)
Customer: Oh, really?
Me: Yeah.
Customer: *bitchily* Well, what is there to see HERE?
Me: (BSOD...reboot...error brain not found...sarcastic streak found...initiating rude reply) *sarcastic tone* WELLLLL, THERE'S THE [THING NATIONAL PARK IS NAMED AFTER], 20 FEET THAT WAY??? (points)
Customer: *Walks off in a huff*
We do not *like* bottled water, Sam I am.
BG: No bottled water is sold in the national park where I work.
Customer: Hey, where can I get a bottled water?
Me: Oh, we don't sell it anywhere inside the park-
Customer: WHAT. *catbutt face*
Me: Yeah, but you can get a refillable bottle in our gift shop for like $4, and there's a filling station right over there.
Customer: *glare*
Me: Um...if you have your own bottle, you can use that too.
Customer: *glare*
Me: Or there's also a soda machine, you can buy one and drink the soda and then -
Customer: *storms off, SLAMMING through the ornate historic doors*
Me: *thinking* I was about to suggest you go in the restaurant or snack bar and get a free CUP of water, but whatever dude...apparently it has to come in a plastic bottle...you are what is wrong with America...
I may have just come off a 10.75-hour shift, so I may be seeing things from a skewed perspective in which every customer is some kind of jackass (instead of the more usual 7-10%) right now, and I absolutely need a drink, but it will have to wait for my next day off.
Not only do I need the catharsis of writing this nonsense down, but also I'm putting off writing something more important, so this is a welcome distraction.
BSOD the First
Customer: *frowning in genuine bafflement* Hey, I can't get my dollars to go in the newspaper machine. It says they take dollars on there.
Me: *stares at his dollar bills, thinks "you are fucking with me"* Oh, here, let me get you some quarters. *makes change*
Customer: (while I am making change) They just wouldn't go in there...you know, you guys should get some bill readers and they should take credit cards too.
Me: *thinking* Yeah, because national parks are the wave of the future...and it's really easy and cheap to retrofit a 100% MECHANICAL DEVICE with electronic ones... *I hand him his change*
(not two minutes later, he returns)
Customer: I can't figure out how to put them in there.
Me: (at this point I just can't any longer) Okay, I'll show you. (I come out from behind the desk, at which point he magically figures out how to put a coin in a slot) (and btw, the part where it said it took dollars? It was specifically labeled "Dimes/Nickels/Quarters/Dollar Coins") *in my head* THE STUPID IT HURTS.
BSOD the Second
Customer: Where is [landmark everybody wants directions to, but nobody ever researches where in the fuck it actually is, and everyone is constantly surprised, amazed, and/or disgusted to find out how much it costs for admission, and by how far away it is, not that I'm bitter]?
Me: 250 miles that way by road. (points direction)
Customer: Oh, really?
Me: Yeah.
Customer: *bitchily* Well, what is there to see HERE?
Me: (BSOD...reboot...error brain not found...sarcastic streak found...initiating rude reply) *sarcastic tone* WELLLLL, THERE'S THE [THING NATIONAL PARK IS NAMED AFTER], 20 FEET THAT WAY??? (points)
Customer: *Walks off in a huff*
We do not *like* bottled water, Sam I am.
BG: No bottled water is sold in the national park where I work.
Customer: Hey, where can I get a bottled water?
Me: Oh, we don't sell it anywhere inside the park-
Customer: WHAT. *catbutt face*
Me: Yeah, but you can get a refillable bottle in our gift shop for like $4, and there's a filling station right over there.
Customer: *glare*
Me: Um...if you have your own bottle, you can use that too.
Customer: *glare*
Me: Or there's also a soda machine, you can buy one and drink the soda and then -
Customer: *storms off, SLAMMING through the ornate historic doors*
Me: *thinking* I was about to suggest you go in the restaurant or snack bar and get a free CUP of water, but whatever dude...apparently it has to come in a plastic bottle...you are what is wrong with America...
I may have just come off a 10.75-hour shift, so I may be seeing things from a skewed perspective in which every customer is some kind of jackass (instead of the more usual 7-10%) right now, and I absolutely need a drink, but it will have to wait for my next day off.
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