The New Thing is Punching Stuff Until It Works

[Gaki]

What is wrong with you????

SC1: I can't get the pump to work.
Me: *walks out and pushes the grade button and walks back inside without a word*
SC1: I was DOING THAT.


SC2: I can't get the pump to work.
Me: Push the grade button. Push it until the green lights stop flashing.
SC2: I'm doing that.
Me: Just push it. Push the bottom of the button... *muttering* fuck it. *walks out and pushes the button*
SC2: I did that! I did this! *punches it hard*
Me: You don't PUNCH it, you PRESS it. Punching things is what breaks them. *goes back inside*

CLOSED

There is a closed sign in front of the mens room because I'm cleaning it and when I clean the mens room, I clean it HARD CORE with the pressure washer. So everything gets covered in slippery soap, the walls, the floor, everything.

SC1: Hey can I use the bathroom?
Me: No.
SC1: ...uh...why?
Me: Well mostly because if you slip and fall in here and you break your face, that's my fault for letting you in.
SC1: ....oh.

*SC2 opens the door*
Me: There is a closed sign in front of the door. Did you move it?
SC2: Uh...I didn't see anyone so...
Me: Here I am. You can't use the bathroom right now, nothing is set up, nothing is wiped down, and I haven't mopped.
SC2: Do I care?
Me: I do. If you keep standing here talking to me, I'm never going to finish.

What happened?

We had a "police incident" that we're not supposed to talk about to any of the customers or the media. PM me if you're curious but really, it was an ordeal, nobody could get to the store, and the whole road in front of the store was closed down for about 2 and a half hours.

The next day everyone was curious.

Awesome Customer: Hey, what was up last night? I couldn't even go home my normal way and there were tons of cops.
Me: We're not authorized to discuss it, all questions must be directed to the corporate office.
AC: Ah, I get you. I'll see if I can find it on the news. Thanks!

SC: What happened last night?
Me: We're not authorized to discuss it, all questions must be directed to the corporate office.
SC: Well can you discuss it with a cop? *flashes a badge at me but when I try to read it he snaps it shut*
Me: No.
SC: ...oh ah hahaha...uh, I wouldn't make you do that anyway.
Me: ...

[Crossbow]

SC: Well can you discuss it with a cop?

Um, if you're a cop, you already probably know what was going on, if it was that big. Sorry, no.

[BrenDAnn]

*twitches* People and gas pumps.. .just... *twitches some more* I don't mind it if it's some elderly person, or someone obviously new to driving or something. I also get that, you know, every gas pump is different. What I don't get is (and I say this with full awareness of what site I'm on) why the FUCK don't they read the instructions on the pump itself? Better yet...why do they choose to be dicks when us, the lowly C-Store clerks, go out and lend them a hand? "I was DOING that!"... no, no you weren't. Also, Gaki, my sympathies for actually having to explain to someone that punching things is bad. Wow.

[Dreamstalker]

What is wrong with you????

SC1: I can't get the pump to work.
Me: *walks out and pushes the grade button and walks back inside without a word*
SC1: I was DOING THAT.

I get a version of this All. The. Time. on self-checkout. People don't seem to realize that after you slide your card in the pinpad, you have to let the register know how you want to pay. I've tried to show them what to do, but now I just ask "Is it debit or credit?" (answers) "Hit the debit or credit button on the screen in front of you." *walks away before they can engage me further*

[Kagato]

SC: What happened last night?
Me: We're not authorized to discuss it, all questions must be directed to the corporate office.
SC: Well can you discuss it with a cop? *flashes a badge at me but when I try to read it he snaps it shut*
Me: No.
SC: ...oh ah hahaha...uh, I wouldn't make you do that anyway.
Me: ...

If someone had tried that with me, I would have said "I hope that is a genuine police badge, because impersonating a police officer is a federal offence."

[mysticgirl5]

What is wrong with you????

SC: What happened last night?
Me: We're not authorized to discuss it, all questions must be directed to the corporate office.
SC: Well can you discuss it with a cop? *flashes a badge at me but when I try to read it he snaps it shut*
Me: No.
SC: ...oh ah hahaha...uh, I wouldn't make you do that anyway.
Me: ...

Creeeeeepy. That's the kind of 'cop' who flashes his lights to get women to pull over and then they're never heard from again. j/k...kindasortanotreally. That's just...weird. You'd think if he were a real cop he could get the inside info himself.


Bahahahah to the customers and their 'I was doing that already!' If we had a dime for every customer who gave us that bullshit after they screwed something up, we'd all, well...we'd have a lot of fucking dimes.

[XCashier]

What I don't get is (and I say this with full awareness of what site I'm on) why the FUCK don't they read the instructions on the pump itself?

I ask myself this every time a SC doesn't read a sale sign or tries to use a coupon for something it won't work on. How many problems in this world could be avoided if people would RTFD?

Better yet...why do they choose to be dicks when us, the lowly C-Store clerks, go out and lend them a hand? "I was DOING that!"... no, no you weren't. Also, Gaki, my sympathies for actually having to explain to someone that punching things is bad. Wow.

Yep, Percussive Maintenance© only works for The Doctor. The rest of us have to follow the directions.

As to why they chose to be dicks, well, they feel we "made them look bad". Never mind that they made themselves look bad by not reading and following the directions, then pitching a conniption fit and taking it out on the machine.

[Monterey Jack]

Yep, Percussive Maintenance© only works for The Doctor.

And Fonzie (Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!).

[Jay 2K Winger]

And Fonzie (Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!).

And Han Solo.

[Captain Trips]

Don't forget Lonestar!

[Monterey Jack]

And Han Solo.

[insert Millennium Falcon "PHEW-PHEW-PHEW" breakdown noise here]

[Jay 2K Winger]

[insert Millennium Falcon "PHEW-PHEW-PHEW" breakdown noise here]

[insert Han Solo thumping the console] [insert Millennium Falcon startup noise here]

[Monterey Jack]

[insert Han Solo thumping the console] [insert Millennium Falcon startup noise here]

"I have a bad feeling about this..."

[dalesys]

And Krazy Kat...

[DGoddessChardonnay]

And then you have Lynda and Brenda doing the "Texas Two-Kick" on the vintage room-sized mainframe to get it going again (before they finally overrode their bosses and replaced the thing themselves and got in boogles of trouble over that, but that's another story altogether.)

Works better if both are wearing heels . . .