I'm fat am I!!

[wheresmysanity]

i am *so* sorry that this happened to you! even when we have good self-images, all it takes is one negative comment (one you never expected) to fill us with self-doubt! this moronic SC obviously has serious problems of her own. i've found that in dealing with several acquaintances in my life who are *obsessed* with weight and looks and other matters of vanity, that they project their own body image/self-esteem problems into knife-like judgements upon others. it really disgusts me, but all you have to remember is that the problem is theirs, certainly not yours.

i know that it's hard to forget hurtful comments but in this case, i think it's safe to say that they were coming from someone who is too messed up in the head to assess anything accurately!

ugh, i could smack that woman myself...

[Binky]

you know you guys are the best. I know I'm not fat, but getting comments like that always makes me question myself. I know I do need to start looking after myself a little better but just reading all these lovely comments stopped me from going on some stupid crash diet.

Thank you!

[Best Made Tacos]

What an idiot (customer, not yourself). Then again, if she doesn't understand what is so wrong about lecturing strangers about their appearance, how good is her perception on other things, anyway?

In my experience, I have encountered both men and women who get a nasty rush from insulting women (usually women) with reference to their appearance. It's not accidental or misplaced concern - it is out and out deliberate cruelty. It comes from people who are so insecure about themselves that they need to insult someone else to make themselves feel better about the crushing emptiness inside. I have a remarkably slim friend whose grandmother, whenever she feels slighted or suspects she's losing an argument (usually provoked by the old lady herself) snaps "You are disgustingly fat! Lose some weight!" at my reed-like friend. I think it worked when she was younger and more vulnerable, but now she ignores pretty much anything her nasty relative comes out with. And it is most assuredly her Grandmother's loss, in the long run.
I think a great response to these emotional vampires who pick on womens vulnerabilities (and try to make them worse) is to summon up a big, shit eating grin and say "I love my body and my life! I wouldn't change them for anything!"

Deny those vultures their emotional fix.

[Best Made Tacos]

you know you guys are the best. I know I'm not fat, but getting comments like that always makes me question myself. I know I do need to start looking after myself a little better but just reading all these lovely comments stopped me from going on some stupid crash diet.

Thank you!

Great! Thats the best outcome - that YOU feel happy with life and yourself.
And I know it can feel really satisfying to snap back with a similar insult when someone bags your appearance, but personally, I wouldn't. I feel it buys into that whole cycle women are subjected to, that we can never look good enough, and that it is valid somehow for all and sundry to comment on that. I'm not saying that about any of the posters here, of course, just in a broader sense in our society.
Age and appearance should not be important - what is foul about that customer is her personality, not her age or weight. And that's much more damning!

[BusyBee]

Glad to hear you're feeling better about it all

I just thought of something else. There were two things that really helped me get over my insecurities about my hips. Checking my BMI and finding that I was in the right range helped a lot. And also, just consider why exactly that weight/shape is where it is. For example: I have biiig hips, but that's just my bone structure. If I wanted smaller hips, I'd have to shave my hip-bones My thighs sometimes worry me still, but when I think about it I know that it's partly because of the size of my hips, and partly because I have a lot of muscle there. Anyway, it just seemed to really help me, to think logically about why I have big bits in places. Maybe it will help you if you are ever feeling down about it again?
I know if anyone gave me crap about my weight now that I would be able to make some comment about having to slice some bone off my hips to be thinner, anyway

[Der Cute]

I'll just pipe in and say, Everyone here is right.

My parents love to mention in passing I'm a bit heavy.

Guess what...I own this body, I live it every day....ya think I havent noticed? DUH. Then I sat down and asked myself...do I really want to do all that? Diet, exercise...hmm?

No, not really, said gut.

Why?

Cuz you kinda like being curvy.

I do. Really, I'm about #45 over...but with the job I've got I'm toning up and firming up, that's helping a lot. I can almost shuck my pants still buttoned...but I like the curve I have!

And since I own /live/have this body, it's nobody else's farkin bizness what I do with it.

Cutenoob

[Becks]

There's nothing wrong with having some extra padding. Plenty of people out there prefer nice rounded curves to sticks.

I'm proof of that*!!!! A lot of my guys think I'm fantastic and wouldn't trade me in for any number of really skinny girls. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!

*5' 1 1/2" tall, and last time I stepped on my scale it said 190+ lbs. No one believes me, though. They all guess I weigh in the 140-155 lb. range. I love my guys (and my girls)!!!!!!!!

[MystyGlyttyr]

I weigh 220 and most people guess my weight at around 150 or 160, but that's because I've learned how to dress to minimize my body size (in theory, heh).

Not to mention, regardless of how big most of me is, the guys still like me, know why? Because I have 40D's that I didn't have to buy!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

"I do. Really, I'm about #45 over...but with the job I've got I'm toning up and firming up, that's helping a lot. I can almost shuck my pants still buttoned...but I like the curve I have!"

That is so awesome. Good for you! It's a rare woman who has a realistic, healthy view of her body.

All you ladies (and guys!) who are concerned about the BS ideals of what WE should look like, imposed on us by shallow, stupid people, should check out this site: http://www.about-face.org/.

I may have mentioned in another post somewhere that I'was fed up with anorexic models being used to sell me stuff. I realized it was my own fault because I was BUYING from companies that hire dying women to appear in ads. I was in part inspired by this site to start my own personal boycotts/letter writing campaigns to offending companies.

I am reminded of a guy who used to come into Kinkos, usually when we were very busy, and just want to talk. He was okay, just oblivious that we were really too busy to be standing around chatting with him. Older gent. We usually just humored him as best we could. One day, he came in and while he was waiting for his order said:

Verbose Dude: Maybe you can give me a woman's perspective on this problem I have. My daughters are mad at me.
Me: Why is that?
VD: Well, I was concerned that they were too fat, and said they should lose weight becuase they are such otherwise pretty girls.
Me: Well, I can see why they'd be mad at you.
VD: How do I let them know what I mean so that they aren't offended?
Me: You go to them and sincerely apologize to them for being insensitive and tell them that they are your daughters and that you love them and are proud of them.
VD: Really? You think I should apologize?
Me: Absolutely.
VD: What about their weight?
Me: Sir, they know what they weigh and what their size is. THey don't need you to tell them that. If you want out of the doghouse, you will apologize for your lapse in judgement and never mention it again.
VD: Hm...well, I guess you are right. Thanks.

Man! He's lucky they didn't bury his ass in the back yard.

[wagegoth]

The body issues I had!

My mom and my sisters all have very small bone structures and are under 5' 5". I'm 5' 8", and have the bones of a cow. Huge bones. Also, I muscle big, and when I was growing up I had to buck hay bales, among other things. I'm one of those white girls with a black girl's butt (thanks, Chris Rock), and it doesn't matter how much weight I lose, there's a ton of muscle back there. I had the muscle hollows in my hips that you see on dancers. So, short version, I'm a big girl, but solid.

I was a size 8 in high school, which meant I had minimal fat and a lot of muscle. What did I hear all the time from my oh-so-helpful parents? How I needed to watch my weight. I was too big. I was so freaked all the time. I felt ugly and undesirable. Frankly, that low self-esteem is the kind of thing that ends up with girls getting pregnant and used by a guy who is smart enough to tell her that she's attractive. I'm lucky I didn't end up there.

Then, a few years ago, I was given some photo albums that contained pictures of me a few years out of high school (when I had gone up a size or two). I almost cried when I looked at those pictures. I was slim, bordering on thin. There wasn't a bulge anywhere that wasn't muscle. And all this time I had been thinking I was grossly fat and disgusting.

Binky, you are fine, you are beautiful, and f**k that old witch. She's probably envious of your youth and looks, and weighed down by the loss of her glory days. My mantra when dealing with people like that, is to think, "She's going to die alone. She's going to die alone, and no one will miss her." Try it.

[MadMike]

I miss being able to eat nonstop.

You and me both.

I was one of those people who could eat constantly, and never put on weight. I actually wouldn't have minded some weight, because I was like a toothpick at one time.

I'm about 5'9", and weighed about 135 when I graduated high school. I got up to about 145 in my college days, and finally hit 150 when I was about 22. I stayed around there until I was about 28, when my weight suddenly started creeping up and up. Now, at 38, I'm hovering right around 200.

My old college roommate once told me, "Enjoy that while you can, because someday you're going to blow up like a balloon."

I really have to find him and kick has ass.

[Pezzle]

One nice side effect of being overweight -- you could leg press someone into oblivion. All of those years of heaving around high poundage equals having strong or large leg muscles and then some. I have like 40 cm calves that are all muscle. All my boots have to be custom tailored...which actually sucks.

But anyway.. my BMI is huge and when applying for drug tests and stuff I get denied because of it even though it is merely because I am stocky with muscle. My doctor says according to the book my ideal weight is 130 but my true ideal weight should be 180 because my skeletal structure is just...large and heavy.

Most people don't comment...


...because I -can- kick their ass. People fear girls with huge traps -flex-

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I just went to the doctor this morning for a scheduled appointment . . .

I put on 3 pounds since I was there last September. I am now at 160.

Funny thing is: I don't feel depressed over it a bit. It is what it is.

[wagegoth]

Although this season Penn & Teller seem to be phoning it in, their recent show on obesity was very interesting.

It pointed out that the BMI is bulls**t. It was a measurement developed in the 19th century, and NOT a guideline; a measurement based on the underfed lower classes.

Also, I have had several doctors tell me that for a five-foot-tall woman, her weight should be about 107 - 114. Then add seven pounds for each additional inch. Then add at least ten pounds for a large bone structure, subtracting ten pounds for fine bone structure.

To really find out if your weight is a problem, you have to have a fat percentage measurement done. That separates out the large-boned, muscley types.

[wheresmysanity]

you know you guys are the best. I know I'm not fat, but getting comments like that always makes me question myself. I know I do need to start looking after myself a little better but just reading all these lovely comments stopped me from going on some stupid crash diet.

Thank you!

So glad to hear this. I often forget this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt myself when I'm in a huff over an insult, but whenever I do remember it, it always rings true: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

And that's the truth!