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And all around' here, it ain't lookin' pretty, people walkin' round half-dumb with no excuse for where they just parked illegally.... and when summer finally ends, it will be replaced only by FOOT-FREAKING-BALL! where people get even WORSE at keeping their cars between the lines. So I won't complain TOO hard about this season's crop-o-suck.
Lost in Translation
You know that game you used to play as a kid? Probably in school or summer camp? Where you'd get a bunch of people around in a circle, one person would whisper a simple message into the ear of the person next to them, and around the circle it would go, each person whispering it on?
And inevitably, by the time it got back to the original sender, the cumulative effect of all those tiny mistakes would result in something that bore no resemblance to the original message?
That was a fun game, to a kid.
It's NOT as fun when you have to play it as an adult, and the "Circle" goes something like this...
Owner of illegally parked car who doesn't speak English -----> His kid, who does, but can't stop SOBBING while trying to translate -----> A cop*, trying hard not to laugh at the whole situation, and failing -----> Eugene, our driver.
And then it goes back the other way......
That incident took 35, THIRTY-FIVE minutes to resolve.
And the permit to park where he got towed from?, the very thing that could have averted the WHOLE linguistic nightmare in the first place?
It was inside the apartment on the kitchen table.
They got one, and then never put it in the car
So close, and yet, so far.
* This was kinda suck in and of itself. Customer's kid called them over. This tow happened after the "office" went home for the day, so there was no "manager" on duty, just the towers. Kid demanded a manager, Eugene said there wasn't one and wouldn't be one until the morning. Kid threatened to call the business phone and get one. Eugene said go ahead, it will just forward through our answering service to the cellphone right in his own pocket. Kid didn't believe him, did it anyway, when the cell in Eugene's pocket rang, kid angrily hung up and then dialed 911, because, well, everyone knows that if you don't like what's happening, IT'S ILLEGAL! ergo COPS!....
And, that was only the FIRST car our driver was sent to tow in that lot. Once free from that drop, he proceeded to ANOTHER car with no permit.
And got the SAME reaction.
Owner was a recent new renter, who had a permit.... in the folder with all his rental paperwork..... STUFFED INTO A KITCHEN DRAWER inside his new digs.
Eugene pointed out it isn't doing him any good in there instead of IN THE CAR, now is it?!
Owner says he's not paying.
Eugene points out he has to, and if he doesn't believe him, to go inside and READ that rental paperwork, as it includes the line that all cars MUST have VISIBLE permits or they get towed, regardless of who owns them or why they might be parked there.
Owner isn't convinced, and threatens to call the cops. Obviously by now, Eugene is just one-neuron's width away from giving the police a REAL DARN GOOD reason to come back to the lot again, like HOMICIDE perhaps, or even MULTIPLE homicides?
He snapped....
"Go ahead, CALL THEM! They can tell you EXACTLY what I just told you! And then they'll tell you where to pick up your car, because it won't be HERE when THEY get here! I'm LEAVING WITH IT NOW!"
Owner has a change of heart and decides he'll pay for a drop too, Eugene must get pretty scary when he gets pushed too far, maybe he gets "angry horse" nostrils or something?
I dunno, I've never baited him to the brink to find out like this guy did....
Past Performance is no Guarantee of Future Gain
That warning disclaimer works for just more than stocks, bonds and tradeable commodities. Also works for tampered permits.
You bumped your expired 6/23/14 - 6/30/14 permit up to August by putting an extra loop at the top until the "6"s kinda looked like "8"s , and did a good enough job that it took about a week before someone (and to my eternal shame, it wasn't me) noted that it didn't make a lot of sense for you to start parking in a lot a full month and a half before the dates on the permit said you should be there.
So, your car got the hook, a la' a bad vaudeville act.
Of course, this upset the owner greatly, as she could just NOT believe we'd do such a thing!
See, since she'd been parking there for "days" with the tampered permit, it wasn't fair to suddenly tow her on day 6 when she'd gotten away with it for days 1 through 5.
Yep.
That was pretty much it.
We shouldn't have towed her because she'd gotten used to getting away with forgery.....
She admitted (well, after being backed into a corner) that it wasn't a real permit, only that she intended to get a real one.... eventually..... but, see, that's not the issue! What's REALLY important here is that it worked for a little while! So we have to keep honoring it! Otherwise it's unfair and inconsistent application of the law!!!!
My, what an interesting view of the world you have, might it be possible to subscribe to your newsletter?
And, she also complained about the protection fee, the $30 Borough-set charge when you leave your WINDOWS FULLY DOWN and we have to wrap the gaping holes up in crash wrap.
She demanded to know what gave us the authority to do that, since she didn't tell us it was okay.
We pointed out that, in the last week alone, we've had two torrential downpours that have resulted in some of the streets filling with standing water to the curb-tops, and several streets being shut down COMPLETELY for being, well, UNDERWATER. Maybe that's why? Oh, and we really didn't feel like having her try to sue us if she happened to come get her car, and 10 gallons of water poured out upon opening the door... that's an even BIGGER reason.
All that bitching was moot anyway. When it was all said and done, and she ran out of breath, her FRIENDS who had driven her to our garage ended up using their credit cards to pay for her tow, which I think goes a long way towards explaining why she is the way she is. Just a hunch.
And the delicious cherry on top of this whole mess? This isn't the first nor will it likely be the last time this wonderful free spirit darkens out doorsteps with her twisted self-centered logic.
See, I know her car very well. It's got an out-of-state plate with "vanity" lettering, so it stands out a bit, but nothing will burn a car into my memory quite like the owner getting nailed by us 11 times in the last 3 years.
Yep, according to the database, she's earned herself 11 entries into the system, for such varied things as:
- Parking in private lots without permits
- Parking at meters and not paying them
- Refusing to pay accumulated parking fees until your car is physically towed in (twice! meaning with a clean slate after the first time, you went out and racked up enough for you do have to be towed again!)
- Abusing the free-parking-in-front-of-gym-for-gym-customers rule that the local fitness center has by taking the dashboard permit you get when you give them your license, and running out and photocopying it, so you don't have to follow those pesky rules every time you go there. Being able to use their lot when they weren't actually OPEN was a nice side benefit, till they noticed and revoked you.
And now, we can add forging apartment temp passes to that list!
Such mastery of multiple mediums!
Such indomitable spirit, refusing to take "no" for an answer even when society says you aren't too special for the rules!
That's quite a list, sweetheart. I'm almost amazed. Almost. But then again, I'm not sure what else could be expected.
Just as it's hard to find a tinfoil-hat-wearing guy who only believes in ONE outlandish conspiracy theory while dismissing all others, it shouldn't be a surprise that your average parking scofflaw would choose not to limit themselves to just one kind of parking infraction, now is it?
I'm not Done NOT Talking to you!
Seems this gentleman was a believer that there was simply no darn good reason NOT for him to just park directly below a "PERMIT ONLY" sign and expect anything bad to happen.
His reasons?
1. "It's a f*ckin beautiful day" (and it was)
2. "There's NOBODY in this lot!" (Untrue, about 4 other cars were there besides his)
3. "It's the middle of SUMMER, and you don't have anything BETTER to do?!" (Well, this may shock you, Sir, but STUDENTS may get the summer off, but WORKING STIFFS like me most emphatically do not, and if I want to keep eating, then yes, I'm going to come after people like you.)
Well, after those little logic samplings got him nowhere, well, nowhere he wanted to be, he declared "I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU!"
Okay, fine I tell him.
I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU! he says. Okay, again, I tell him that's fine.
At this point a pair of other people with him, who I am going to safely assume were his wife and 1.5 kids, try to ask me if there's anything they can do about getting a refund. Worth noting, they weren't HAPPY but were at least polite.
I try to explain that the person to talk to is either my towing manager or Global Domination Reality, and contact info for both those people are on the back of their ticket/tow paperwork, but don't get more than one syllable out before Mount Angry Dad erupts again.
I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU!!!
Yes, and as you can see, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to these people here who've asked me a question and...
NO! GET OUT OF HERE! I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU!!!
Okay, but, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking t....
NO! JUST LEAVE ALREADY!!! I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU!!!
Sir? I heard you just fine, both times, and if you don't want to talk to me, that's more than acceptable, in fact, that's PREFERABLE at this juncture.... So why are you continuing to initiate conversation with me, just to tell me that you're NOT going to talk to me?
His other family members are now getting between him and me, trying to talk Dad down out of the douchebagosphere and into the politeosphere, where conditions are more favorable today, but he's having none of it. I can't see what's being said, but Dad is now up in junior's face, and by the way Dad's head is bobbing away like a woodpecker, I get the feeling he's letting his kid know EXACTLY why it's important he be allowed to continue to make an ass of himself. Very reminiscent of the way a pissed of manager gets in an umpire's face and tries to chew the brim off his ballcap, for all the good it will do him....
Anyway, I take this as the perfect opportunity to slink off, as I don't want to get into what may rapidly become a domestic squabble, and besides...
He was done talking to me.
So, anyone for tennis?
Lost in Translation
You know that game you used to play as a kid? Probably in school or summer camp? Where you'd get a bunch of people around in a circle, one person would whisper a simple message into the ear of the person next to them, and around the circle it would go, each person whispering it on?
And inevitably, by the time it got back to the original sender, the cumulative effect of all those tiny mistakes would result in something that bore no resemblance to the original message?
That was a fun game, to a kid.
It's NOT as fun when you have to play it as an adult, and the "Circle" goes something like this...
Owner of illegally parked car who doesn't speak English -----> His kid, who does, but can't stop SOBBING while trying to translate -----> A cop*, trying hard not to laugh at the whole situation, and failing -----> Eugene, our driver.
And then it goes back the other way......
That incident took 35, THIRTY-FIVE minutes to resolve.
And the permit to park where he got towed from?, the very thing that could have averted the WHOLE linguistic nightmare in the first place?
It was inside the apartment on the kitchen table.
They got one, and then never put it in the car
So close, and yet, so far.
* This was kinda suck in and of itself. Customer's kid called them over. This tow happened after the "office" went home for the day, so there was no "manager" on duty, just the towers. Kid demanded a manager, Eugene said there wasn't one and wouldn't be one until the morning. Kid threatened to call the business phone and get one. Eugene said go ahead, it will just forward through our answering service to the cellphone right in his own pocket. Kid didn't believe him, did it anyway, when the cell in Eugene's pocket rang, kid angrily hung up and then dialed 911, because, well, everyone knows that if you don't like what's happening, IT'S ILLEGAL! ergo COPS!....
And, that was only the FIRST car our driver was sent to tow in that lot. Once free from that drop, he proceeded to ANOTHER car with no permit.
And got the SAME reaction.
Owner was a recent new renter, who had a permit.... in the folder with all his rental paperwork..... STUFFED INTO A KITCHEN DRAWER inside his new digs.
Eugene pointed out it isn't doing him any good in there instead of IN THE CAR, now is it?!
Owner says he's not paying.
Eugene points out he has to, and if he doesn't believe him, to go inside and READ that rental paperwork, as it includes the line that all cars MUST have VISIBLE permits or they get towed, regardless of who owns them or why they might be parked there.
Owner isn't convinced, and threatens to call the cops. Obviously by now, Eugene is just one-neuron's width away from giving the police a REAL DARN GOOD reason to come back to the lot again, like HOMICIDE perhaps, or even MULTIPLE homicides?
He snapped....
"Go ahead, CALL THEM! They can tell you EXACTLY what I just told you! And then they'll tell you where to pick up your car, because it won't be HERE when THEY get here! I'm LEAVING WITH IT NOW!"
Owner has a change of heart and decides he'll pay for a drop too, Eugene must get pretty scary when he gets pushed too far, maybe he gets "angry horse" nostrils or something?
I dunno, I've never baited him to the brink to find out like this guy did....Past Performance is no Guarantee of Future Gain
That warning disclaimer works for just more than stocks, bonds and tradeable commodities. Also works for tampered permits.
You bumped your expired 6/23/14 - 6/30/14 permit up to August by putting an extra loop at the top until the "6"s kinda looked like "8"s , and did a good enough job that it took about a week before someone (and to my eternal shame, it wasn't me) noted that it didn't make a lot of sense for you to start parking in a lot a full month and a half before the dates on the permit said you should be there.
So, your car got the hook, a la' a bad vaudeville act.
Of course, this upset the owner greatly, as she could just NOT believe we'd do such a thing!
See, since she'd been parking there for "days" with the tampered permit, it wasn't fair to suddenly tow her on day 6 when she'd gotten away with it for days 1 through 5.
Yep.
That was pretty much it.
We shouldn't have towed her because she'd gotten used to getting away with forgery.....
She admitted (well, after being backed into a corner) that it wasn't a real permit, only that she intended to get a real one.... eventually..... but, see, that's not the issue! What's REALLY important here is that it worked for a little while! So we have to keep honoring it! Otherwise it's unfair and inconsistent application of the law!!!!
My, what an interesting view of the world you have, might it be possible to subscribe to your newsletter?
And, she also complained about the protection fee, the $30 Borough-set charge when you leave your WINDOWS FULLY DOWN and we have to wrap the gaping holes up in crash wrap.
She demanded to know what gave us the authority to do that, since she didn't tell us it was okay.
We pointed out that, in the last week alone, we've had two torrential downpours that have resulted in some of the streets filling with standing water to the curb-tops, and several streets being shut down COMPLETELY for being, well, UNDERWATER. Maybe that's why? Oh, and we really didn't feel like having her try to sue us if she happened to come get her car, and 10 gallons of water poured out upon opening the door... that's an even BIGGER reason.
All that bitching was moot anyway. When it was all said and done, and she ran out of breath, her FRIENDS who had driven her to our garage ended up using their credit cards to pay for her tow, which I think goes a long way towards explaining why she is the way she is. Just a hunch.
And the delicious cherry on top of this whole mess? This isn't the first nor will it likely be the last time this wonderful free spirit darkens out doorsteps with her twisted self-centered logic.
See, I know her car very well. It's got an out-of-state plate with "vanity" lettering, so it stands out a bit, but nothing will burn a car into my memory quite like the owner getting nailed by us 11 times in the last 3 years.
Yep, according to the database, she's earned herself 11 entries into the system, for such varied things as:
- Parking in private lots without permits
- Parking at meters and not paying them
- Refusing to pay accumulated parking fees until your car is physically towed in (twice! meaning with a clean slate after the first time, you went out and racked up enough for you do have to be towed again!)
- Abusing the free-parking-in-front-of-gym-for-gym-customers rule that the local fitness center has by taking the dashboard permit you get when you give them your license, and running out and photocopying it, so you don't have to follow those pesky rules every time you go there. Being able to use their lot when they weren't actually OPEN was a nice side benefit, till they noticed and revoked you.
And now, we can add forging apartment temp passes to that list!
Such mastery of multiple mediums!
Such indomitable spirit, refusing to take "no" for an answer even when society says you aren't too special for the rules!
That's quite a list, sweetheart. I'm almost amazed. Almost. But then again, I'm not sure what else could be expected.
Just as it's hard to find a tinfoil-hat-wearing guy who only believes in ONE outlandish conspiracy theory while dismissing all others, it shouldn't be a surprise that your average parking scofflaw would choose not to limit themselves to just one kind of parking infraction, now is it?
I'm not Done NOT Talking to you!
Seems this gentleman was a believer that there was simply no darn good reason NOT for him to just park directly below a "PERMIT ONLY" sign and expect anything bad to happen.
His reasons?
1. "It's a f*ckin beautiful day" (and it was)
2. "There's NOBODY in this lot!" (Untrue, about 4 other cars were there besides his)
3. "It's the middle of SUMMER, and you don't have anything BETTER to do?!" (Well, this may shock you, Sir, but STUDENTS may get the summer off, but WORKING STIFFS like me most emphatically do not, and if I want to keep eating, then yes, I'm going to come after people like you.)
Well, after those little logic samplings got him nowhere, well, nowhere he wanted to be, he declared "I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU!"
Okay, fine I tell him.
I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU! he says. Okay, again, I tell him that's fine.
At this point a pair of other people with him, who I am going to safely assume were his wife and 1.5 kids, try to ask me if there's anything they can do about getting a refund. Worth noting, they weren't HAPPY but were at least polite.
I try to explain that the person to talk to is either my towing manager or Global Domination Reality, and contact info for both those people are on the back of their ticket/tow paperwork, but don't get more than one syllable out before Mount Angry Dad erupts again.
I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU!!!
Yes, and as you can see, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to these people here who've asked me a question and...
NO! GET OUT OF HERE! I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU!!!
Okay, but, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking t....
NO! JUST LEAVE ALREADY!!! I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU!!!
Sir? I heard you just fine, both times, and if you don't want to talk to me, that's more than acceptable, in fact, that's PREFERABLE at this juncture.... So why are you continuing to initiate conversation with me, just to tell me that you're NOT going to talk to me?
His other family members are now getting between him and me, trying to talk Dad down out of the douchebagosphere and into the politeosphere, where conditions are more favorable today, but he's having none of it. I can't see what's being said, but Dad is now up in junior's face, and by the way Dad's head is bobbing away like a woodpecker, I get the feeling he's letting his kid know EXACTLY why it's important he be allowed to continue to make an ass of himself. Very reminiscent of the way a pissed of manager gets in an umpire's face and tries to chew the brim off his ballcap, for all the good it will do him....
Anyway, I take this as the perfect opportunity to slink off, as I don't want to get into what may rapidly become a domestic squabble, and besides...
He was done talking to me.
So, anyone for tennis?
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