Denial is a river....

[MoonCat]

Holy shit, that there is a sociopath in the making. Yeah that sounds harsh, but at 7-8 yrs old, making those kinds of comments, put together with the other selfish behavior. Yep.

I hope that kid does not have pets or younger siblings.

[fireheart]

Holy shit, that there is a sociopath in the making. Yeah that sounds harsh, but at 7-8 yrs old, making those kinds of comments, put together with the other selfish behavior. Yep.

I hope that kid does not have pets or younger siblings.

Thankfully I don't believe he does (on both counts).

I've been keeping away from him as much as possible as I've felt like he (for lack of a better term) "drains" me emotionally. Unfortunately my role doesn't allow too much of that, but I only have to put up with him for another 12 weeks. Then he's gone.

[fireheart]

Small update from today:

-He was fine this morning, barring a soccer game with another child. We've noticed that soccer seems to set him off a bit more than most, but he refuses to do anything else outdoors unless it's gymnastics or the playground and even then, it's only when he perceives that he's "won."

-This afternoon, him and another child were fighting over a table issue. I stopped it and told them that I didn't care who started it (because this kid is a known liar), but that I would finish it. The response? "like a gun, boom boom to your head." Whether it was directed at me or the other kid I do not know for sure. (this was also with a half-upset tone)

That kid definitely isn't hypersensitive. I, on the other hand, seem to BE hypersensitive because I seem to be set off by every single instance of this kid acting up.

I told my boss today. She's going to talk to upper management about the comments before we go through our own actions (mum is also going to be informed if they keep up). I'm also going to document the inappropriate comments from now on and the frequency with which they occur.

He's also tried the guilt trip with me before, claiming that he wants to die and is going to kill himself as a nonchalant response. (He hasn't acted on these)

Part of me keeps wondering what I'm doing wrong. He's clearly seen me as a target, and I can't help if it's because I'm not giving in (or I have on occasion). But he refuses to listen to me and only listens to the other two educators.

There's been a LOT of finger-pointing directed at him too from other children. I doubt that those children hate him since they're all from different classes and across several year levels (they also will own up when called out on their actions).

The only improvement I HAVE seen from this kid actually, is that when this other kid starts upsetting him (Child B), he'll move away. It's a message I'm reinforcing with the other children as well to address the tattling.

[BeeMused]

That kid definitely isn't hypersensitive. I, on the other hand, seem to BE hypersensitive because I seem to be set off by every single instance of this kid acting up.
...
Part of me keeps wondering what I'm doing wrong. He's clearly seen me as a target, and I can't help if it's because I'm not giving in (or I have on occasion). But he refuses to listen to me and only listens to the other two educators.

He seems to feed on having power over someone, he perceives setting you off as having such power. Kids are really good at reading adults and at pushing buttons.

[Ironclad Alibi]

The response? "like a gun, boom boom to your head."

A good thing (maybe) that he's not in a school in the US. That comment would get him a major suspension, and a nasty school record.

[fireheart]

A good thing (maybe) that he's not in a school in the US. That comment would get him a major suspension, and a nasty school record.

Agreed. I actually don't know where he's picked the comments up from, since some of them imply a learned behaviour-ESPECIALLY the suicidal comments.

I've been trying to make sense of him through child profiles-unfortunately he has one of the many parents who didn't fill out one! >.< (Seriously-you would think that something like his HYPERSENSITIVITY would be mentioned on file. Nope: it only has his food allergies.)

In contrast, one of the parents of a child who doesn't attend the service anymore except on a casual basis, has it listed on his profile that he can get emotionally attached to certain things or behaviours and can be slightly upset by these. You wouldn't actually know it, as he's one of the calmest kindergarten kids I've seen period.

We also have another child who IS hypersensitive, as in when she's told off for something, she'll go and cry and she's also a perfectionist. She's actually come a long way with the perfectionist department, but the crying still occurs from time to time. (The two times when I've seen her really get upset are when she encouraged another child (our autistic child*) to say that sultanas were poo and when she grabbed a piece of damper dough with her fingers, licked it and was going to put it back in.)

*-the child with autism I HAVEN'T mentioned before. He has a tendency to repeat things that get a laugh from others, but it's more a general giggle ie "he said poop" rather than "we made him say poop". The problem is when he repeats inappropriate comments or repeats things over and over to get a response from someone. I'm currently working with him on his patience.

[rose_metal_nz]

The lack of emotion attached to his gun, knife, etc comments makes me think not so much that he's a sociopath, but that he actually doesn't have a negative association with these objects.
The suicide comment, however, does raise a bit of a red flag for me. It might just be something he's overheard, and might not even "get" the context of, or it might be something he's used to seeing/hearing from someone close to him. While not "abuse" per se, it's still worth reporting to someone; especially if it's a parent/sibling who actually has been crying out for help.
As for the hypersensitivity thing? You're not hypersensitive; you said yourself you set boundaries for him that others don't. He's testing them. He's being a PITA it happens But I'm super pleased to hear that he's learning from you in a behavioural way (the moving away tactic) - that means you're getting through to him. *hugs* keep it up!

[fireheart]

As for the hypersensitivity thing? You're not hypersensitive; you said yourself you set boundaries for him that others don't. He's testing them. He's being a PITA it happens But I'm super pleased to hear that he's learning from you in a behavioural way (the moving away tactic) - that means you're getting through to him. *hugs* keep it up!

Part of the boundaries thing IS because he's displaying bullying behaviour to the other kids. I seem to be a natural target for bullies (have stopped working at sites because of said bullying behaviour before) and it's also about keeping him at arm's length as much as it is keeping me from losing my job over some crazy-ass mother (so to speak).

Today he wound up getting downright disturbing and it is prompting me to make a report. By this I mean he slapped another child on the butt, then proceeded to make some disturbing sexual comments that I doubt he would've heard anywhere else.
We have another week of school, then we'll be going off to various sites for school holidays. My 2-day Bosslady is going to another school, while I'll be going off to another school. As far as I'm aware, Devil child here is not going to either school (thankfully!).

I plan on making the report during the school holidays for two reasons:

1) I'm going to start a paper trail of his behaviour during the final week of term. By this, I'm going to count the number of complaints made against him by other children, complaints made by HIM against other children, comments he's made and go from there. There IS actually a provision in the mandatory reporting guidelines for this, in what's known as cumulative harm. (Basically, one incident on its own may not suggest abuse, but constant behaviours may do so.)
2) 2-day bosslady is at one school and I'm at another, 3-day bosslady is going to be working at head office (she's the owners daughter and unlike most instances of nepotism, the school she's at is not exactly a "cushy" job nor does she get favours from the owner) and therefore, we all have solid alibis. If the complaint escalates to the point of intervention by social services (I doubt it'll escalate to removal, I think at the most it'll be closed), they can't reveal the time that the complaint was made, nor will they reveal who did it (They do allow anonymous reports)*. Therefore, it couldn't POSSIBLY be us because we were all somewhere else at the time (the kid attends karate class outside of school. )

*-By default, your details are confidential, but they can be revealed only with your consent. You can also make an anonymous report completely, which is my plan.

[BeeMused]

This is smart! That way the kid has a chance to get the help he most likely needs. Even if nothing happens now, it leaves an official papertrail that might be useful later.

[taxguykarl]

A good thing (maybe) that he's not in a school in the US. That comment would get him a major suspension, and a nasty school record.

Not to mentioned arrested and/or thrown into a mental institution.

[fireheart]

This is smart! That way the kid has a chance to get the help he most likely needs. Even if nothing happens now, it leaves an official papertrail that might be useful later.

That's the plan.

If there was actual evidence of abuse going on (ie child was bleeding from the anus, child was getting bruises everywhere), I wouldn't delay on making the report. Same deal for if the kid did follow up on the threats to others. So I'm not slacking on my duties

Because most of it has been verbal and the occasional physical fight (with the usual "he was provoked" line), it isn't quite grounds for abuse by a parent/carer, but it is grounds for "child is a danger to self/others" and for that, the more cumulative evidence, the better. (And we do monitor and intervene when necessary)

[fireheart]

I spoke to "2-day" bosslady today (I have 2 bosses, one who works 2 days and one who works 3 days, the 2-day boss floats between 2 other schools) about what had happened on Friday (long story short, the comments that prompted me to make a report).

She is now going to inform his mother about anything that happens. I've told her right out that from here on out, her or 3-day bosslady are to let her know as I don't think I can handle telling her anymore. As it stands, I can't even LOOK at her. >.<

[fireheart]

And now we more-or-less have a theory combined with careful observations.

Our theory has moved from total sociopath, through to "the kid is a victim of excessive mollycoddling and babying" to the point where the kid has no knowledge of conflict solving. He actually admitted to us that he doesn't know how to solve a particular conflict using his words, which puts a lot of it in perspective.

We suspect that his mother (and possibly father) will basically do everything for him to "protect" him. So now we're slowly starting to work on providing him with SOME conflict resolution skills. By this, we'll ask him what he's done to solve the problem and go from there. He does still get grabby at times, particularly with rugby, so now we're looking at a way to safely play rugby.

[EricKei]

Is there a security camera (with sound) system in place there? Or some other way you can record his words (legally and non-obviously)? It seems unlikely that Mummy Dearest will believe how he speaks with anything short of that -- an, even then...

[fireheart]

Guess what guys!

I found another parent who seems to baby their kid! -_-

this one is partially justified in that the kid IS on the autistic spectrum, but this morning we got an extremely angry call from a parent. Why?

-We didn't respond to her email yesterday right away (she sent this AFTER we had all left in the morning)
-We didn't respond to the phone immediately at 7am which is when we open. (From the sounds of it, she was waiting for the clock to strike 7 and THEN rang :eyeroll

The issue at hand? She wanted to swap the day her son came in to this afternoon. Given he actually copes fairly well with changes (seriously, we've thrown ALL of the kids curveballs before and he copes well), her screaming down the phone at us was a bit odd.

Then it got better: apparently there were a whole host of issues that were thrown up at the holiday program he attended and I also got dragged into it (90% of the complaints were program-related, the other 10% were things like how he got sunburnt-and yes, I made sure that he put sunscreen on). Needless to say, the mother is not particularly happy with any of us. (to my credit, I wasn't there the entire time for the days he was there)

As it turns out that the parents are divorced, we suspect that mum babies him quite a bit because dad appears to encourage independent behaviour in him (for example, this morning he reminded the child of his morning jobs, while the mother has been known to do them for him). He's actually coping REALLY well with the change of staff at the moment too.

I also discovered another fun thing this morning from a couple of days ago: two of our older girls thought it would be fun to steal a chocolate bar from another teacher while they were upstairs in the bathroom. Needless to say, when the parents were informed, one mother took it somewhat nonchalantly, the other noted some concerns about it. We are beginning to suspect that the daughter of Nonchalant Parent is bullying the others a bit.