Tweet
Haven't been around much because I've had a case of the seasonal-induced solitutdes, barricading myself in my room lest I commit violent homicide on Mother Nature for winter. Now that that's over (or at least I think it is, everything seems green outside, is that right? Is that possible should I call the help desk?) enjoy the first batch of people I'd rather have seen bolted in THEIR rooms as well.
Thieves! Lowlifes! Scum! So, Discount?
This all started when Junior got hisself' towed. Or, more like, he got his Ford Explorer towed. Because he parked it in a lot he didn't have a permit for, go figure.
Well, it didn't take long for the angry phone call to come in. There's apparently been some kind of "mistake" on our part, because he was towed from a place where he's ALLOWED to park.
We inform him that he's mistaken, the lot he got towed from belongs to Global Domination Reality, and you need a GDR permit to park there, which his vehicle doesn't have now, and didn't have 15 minutes ago.
He objects, he can park there, because, he's parked there before and never got towed, and besides, his lot, which he admits is across the street, was full.
We inform him that he cannot park on another person's property without permits, and if his lot is full, that's the breaks, and by the way, according to our records, his SUV has been in GDR's lot at least 3 times, because they've called it in to us to tow it, but it's always gone when we get there.
He whines and whinges a bit about how "unfair" this all is.
We inform Junior that he owes us $130
THis isn't the answer he wanted to hear because he hangs up, and 5 minutes later, now his DAD is on the line. Way to go, Junior, nothing says responsible mature citizen like encountering problems and deciding the correct course of action is to call in chopper support from helicopter Dad. And even worse, HE heeded the call to action, at , 11PM on a Friday.......
And Heli-Dad is even MORE upset! He calls in with guns-a-blazing and a full volley of rockets direct onto our position all to the tune of Ride of the Valkyries. How dare we tow HIS son from HIS parking space that HE pays money for?
We inform Dad that Junior missed his home space, was in fact in someone else's space, and that's why he was towed.
"And just HOW do I know that?" Dad asks
Ex-squeeze us? Huh?
"You SAY that's why he was towed, but how do I know you're telling the truth?!"
Well, you don't, really. Just like you don't know if there's a crazed hockey mask-wearing killer with a machete sneaking up behind you right now but OH GOD DON'T TURN AROUND HE HATES THAT AND IT JUSTMAKESITWORSE!!!! See? Nothing there.... didn't know until you looked, because NOW HE'S COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE!!!! Ha ha
I kid....
It's one of those things you've just got to have faith in, if you're going to go through life not permanently spraying machinegun fire around blindly at every shadow and bush and murdering everyone you meet, just to be safe and insure they weren't plotting against you..... by the way, the textbook definition of that is paranoia, and it ain't pretty.
Well, Dad is STILL sure we're in the wrong, and tells us he's coming in to pay. While we wait, we pull up Google Maps, get an aerial view of the neighborhood and stick two virtual pins on it, the lot where he SHOULD have parked, and the lot where he DID park and are ready to show him that the lots are, in fact, separate and on opposite sides of the street.
Alas, by the time he came in, he had expended his ordinance and was in grumbling trapped-animal, begrudging discipline mode. He'd gone over to the scene of the crime and asked his son to show him EXACTLY where he parked, and, lo and behold, it WAS on the other side of the street, just like we told him it was, funny that, so, how about we cut his kid a break?
Ex-squeeze us again? huh?
Yeah, he's a poor college kid, just made a mistake, and, well, what was he supposed to do? His lot was full, he had to park somewhere, can't we, ya know, just let him go?
Hmmm, compelling story.
But
How do we KNOW IT'S TRUE? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Payback's a not-so-nice-lady, ain't it? $130! Per Borough Law Cha-Ching
More Crookery!
Slim is sent out to remove an illegal from the Fire Lane at Nichols Place. People have a hard time understanding that when delivering their friend's groceries, they cannot park in this apartment's lot w/o a permit, and they CERTAINLY cannot park IN THE MARKED FIRE LANE for the building, which is a paved area RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR that for obvious reasons, cannot be blocked.
Well, Slim gets about halfway through loading when the owner comes out and strenuously objects to her being towed for parking in a marked fire lane in a lot that's marked as off limits to start with, because, like, well, how was SHE supposed to know?
Slim tells her it's $75
Lady explodes, in her opinion, Slim having lifted up the rear of her car is NOT $75 worth of work, so she won't be paying.
Slim informs her that the Borough considers it such, and if he keeps going, he will have done $130 worth of work, again, according to the law, so she better pay now if she has a firm grasp of basic economics.
Then, like a mating ritual amongst funny colored birds, they get to the dancing about who makes the first move.
-Put it down and I'll pay
-No, pay, and I put it down
-No! put it down and THEN I'll pay!
-No! PAY! And then I'll put it down...
et cetera, ad nauseum, ad infinitum, Road Runner: Accelleratis Incredibilis
Finally, she gets it through her head that she's going to have to pay first, and grumbles a bit as she pulls some $20s out of her purse. Slim goes to accept them, but, at the last moment, she pulls them back.
"No, I don't trust you, you might steal those. I'm paying with credit card"
So, let me get this straight.... you refuse to pay our driver cash, tangible property that can only be possessed and used by us once...the instant you give it to us, on the grounds we might be crooks. But, you'll gladly give us your credit card, the numbers on which can, if we were to hypothetically do so, be used to buy virtually unlimited goods and services until your built-in limit is exceeded or someone at your bank notices while you may be states away blissfully unaware.... apparently THAT is perfectly fine and preferable as opposed to handing physical cash to, hypothetical crooks?
I don't follow that logic...
I'm not sure I COULD follow THAT logic.
I couldn't follow that logic if it were GPS equipped and stuck only to major roadways
And, to make it even better, the fact they were standing under an entranceway meant the tablet had a lousy connection and had to try three times before the card went through the internet tubes and was approved....
Have Fun Counting Your Money!!!
One of our drivers forgot, upon processing a car out of impound, to include the parking ticket that was attached to it. The error wasn't caught until the person had already left the premises.
I HATE when this happens, because now we have to play phone/mail tag with said person to get that extra $15 fine off the books.
Due to some legal minutiae that would bore everyone here to tears if I were to explain it all away, we can't charge that ticket to their CC even if they paid for the tow with one, and we can't compel them to pay it with threat of criminal charges like how you can charge the dope who drives off the back of your truck with theft of services, since they did pay for the tow, and, legally, the ticket doesn't count as PART of the tow if you don't inform the customer of it at the time... kinda... it's complicated and I'm starting to get a migraine, so suffice it to say, if you miss it, the only way to get payment on it is to either drag the person back into civil court (not worth $15) or just pester them via collections until they pay. (worth at least a couple tries, but ultimately not worth it for, again $15).
That's what we did here.
We sent the gentleman a letter admitting that due to an error on our part, we forgot about that ticket, and we are certainly not going to add any late charges or anything, but, we would like the $15 he owed and otherwise, we COULD sic collections on him. (That won't happen for $15, but he doesn't know that) Figured for the cost of a stamp, it might be worth it. If he doesn't respond, it's worth another try, if he still doesn't, well, we gave it the ol' college try.
Well, a couple days later, we got a letter, well, more like a package, had to go down to the post office and pick it up because it wouldn't fit through the mail slot and the mailman instead left an "oversized load" warning.
It was a manila envelope,
Inside of which was a large mailing envelope....
Inside of which was a medium mailing envelope....
Inside of which was a small mailing envelope...
Inside of which was a wad of packing tape....
Inside of which was $15.... in pennies it took us 10 minutes to cut free and sort out...
And a note to "enjoy our f*CKING payment!"
Oh we will Sir, we will. Nothing warms our hearts like getting PAID what we're OWED.
The fact you did all that meant the final package had roughly the same diameter as a billiard ball (hence not fitting in our mail slot) AND also cost you $3 in postage to send, when $15 in a flat envelope costs a single first-class stamp, less than fifty cents. Well, I can only conclude winning against Da Man (tm) is a privilege worth PAYING for.
How Do You Know??? Part 2
Guy is nabbed by yours truly, for being in a lot he needs a permit for. Which he thought was optional. The usual excuses are wasted, he was only there for 4 microseconds (too bad I work at light speed huh?) and he was going to move (unless you're abandoning the car, that's a foregone conclusion) and this is sooooooo unfair because there's OTHER cars in the lot that DON'T have permits. (sigh, not THAT again)
Usually, I'm not in the mood to argue with people like this. But, it was a slow day, the weather was nice, and there were only 5 other cars in the lot, so, heck, why not add a little humiliation for once? What was the code for that again? Up, up, left, left, back, high-kick.... ah, got it!
"Okay" I tell him "Show me where they are"
We go over to car number one, hanging from it's mirror is a large green/white tag that says "Global Domination Reality" and under it in sharpie, is the license plate of the car.
We go over to car number two, hanging from it's mirror is a large green/white tag that says "Global Domination Reality" and under it in sharpie, is the license plate of the car
We go over to car number three, hanging from it's mirror is a large green/white tag that says "Global Domination Reality" and under it in sharpie, is the license plate of the car
We go over to car number four, bublitz chorb naxhal slish (just seeing if you're paying attention, and why spellcheck didn't flag "bublitz"? That's odd..) Ahem, anyway... hanging from it's mirror is a large green/white tag that says "Global Domination Reality" and under it in sharpie, is the license plate of the car
"Sorry", I tell him, "but everyone here has a permit except you".
He looks me right in the eye and asks, "How do you know?!"
Because the PERMITS are HANGING from the MIRRORS in plain SIGHT. I can SEE them. I still don't think he understood, but he at least accepted he wasn't leaving without financial penalty.
What I really want to know is the Thermos bottle, it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold, how does IT know?!
Mind Blown
About an hour later, I find myself back in the same lot.
Another person has decided to test that "no permit" rule
ANd they put on their 4-way flashers, meaning they want me to grade their work RIGHT AWAY!
Naturally, they don't think the "F" I gave them was fair, as they come running, waving their hands and telling me they can't possibly be towed.
"You don't have a permit for here" I tell them
"Yeah, I have my 4 ways on, can't you see?!"
"Those don't mean anything"
"Yes they do! You can't tow me if they're on, that's the law!"
"No such law exists"
"WHAT?!"
"There is no such law, illegal parking is illegal, on or off, flasher don't matter, as soon as you step out of the car, it's towable"
"..."
"..."
"..."
Uh oh, I think I broke him..... collapsed his entire worldview and soul into a hypothetical, infinitely-small, singularity, in fact, I think I just heard his very life's essence being crushed..... sounded like a Freightliner backing over a tin can..... sounded pretty nice, actually.
MIND BLOWN, AGAIN
While I'm dealing with Mr mind-blower above, another person notices the fracas and wanders over, with a question.
"Hey, I got towed here last week"
"Uh hmmm...."
"And, well, I was just wondering, is there anything you can do about that?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, like, what do I do about that?"
"Don't park here"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"............. oh"
Sometimes, the arguments I get foisted upon me aren't worth the compressed nitrogen and oxygen particles they're riding on.
Oh, did I say "sometimes" I meant to say "ALL THE FRACKING TIME"
An Offer we Apparently, Couldn't Refuse
The season has finally finished turning around here, and the last of the snow piles have melted away. For those not aquainted with PA weather, this means we've officialy gone from "Still Winter" to "Construction"
The combination of all the snowmelt, AND the spring thunderstorms means that it wasn't until just this last Friday that your average lawn got dry enough to walk across blindfolded and not assume you were trodding on a very large kitchen sponge.
In other words, any road that wasn't paved was a mess.
So it shouldn't be a surprise that when a call came in for a winch out at the 2500 block of Big Bear Road, we politely declined. This is an unpaved, unincorporated, unmaintained 1.23 lane gravel/dirt road that twists up into the mountains where a couple people have hunting cabins. This has "disaster" written all over it.
It will be 1 hour (30 out 30 back) in drive time alone, plus God-knows-how-long once we start the pulling and tugging. And at our winch rates, we will maybe, MAYBE see $20 profit when it's all said and done. Assuming we don't end up pulling our truck off the road and require ANOTHER truck to come out and rescue the both of us, at which point any meager profit becomes red-ink loss very quick.
Hence, We politely decline the call as out-of-area.
The caller, goes totally apes*it.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT???? You CAN'T refuse this call! I KNOW MR. OLD OWNER! AND HE SAID THEY COULD GET A TOW FROM HIM ANYTIME THEY NEEDED IT! WE CANNOT REFUSE!
Probably true, Mr. Old Owner was a big time hunter, so it probably IS one of the hunting-cabin people, and it's not out of the realm of possible that Mr. Old Owner does know them and did tell them that once upon a time. But, things are not so cut and dry. (Especially not dry) even if he was still in charge, which he isn't.
We inform them that we don't have the manpower or, frankly, the desire to perform that service as we consider such a call out-of-area when we have more pressing (and profitable) tows locally, and, Mr New Owner has decided, after one-too-many of these forays back into the woods resulted in lost man hours and truck damages, that we just aren't going to do them anymore.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??? Are we DEAF or something? The caller is OUR CUSTOMER! THEY KNOW MR. OLD OWNER!!! And if we DON'T come out they're going to CALL MR. OWNER and get us ALL FIRED for INSUBORDINATION!!!!!
We politely inform them that "Mr. Owner" sold his, ahem, ownership of Friendly Neighborhood Towing to "Mr. New Owner" going on 3 years ago. And, that Mr. New Owner does not consider Big Bear Road part of our service area. Note they never asked about pricing either, which leads me to believe that they thought not only would we come out there and get them unstuck, but they were probably expecting it to be a courtesy call, 100% free...
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??? They're going to TALK TO MR. OLD OWNER and we are GOING TO BE SORRY for treating a customer so POORLY!!!!!! We will all be LOOKING FOR NEW JOBS!!!!! YESTERDAY!!!!ELVENTY!!!!!!
Yeah, we're quaking in our boots over here about that threat....
Oh wait, no we aren't, that's quaking because we're trying hard not to laugh until we've hung up the phone and spared your precious ego the additional scars of trying to call in favors from the Old Generalissimo when his regime has CLEARLY been overthrown and they've removed his face from the currency, the archival photos and even taken down his statues from all the traffic roundabouts.
Adios! *click*
Might as well complain to the Carter, Bush and Reagan administrations while you're at it pal, and the Czechoslovakian Consulate, and the Commissioner of the USFL, and the CEO of Hudson Automobile. Better do it quick, or you'll miss that 3am autogyro flight to the Dutch Congo.
No Mr. Bond, I Expect you to PARK!
Got a call from the secretary down at Fuzzy Logic Reality. She'd like me to come down and pick up a "hot sheet" of three cars she'd like me to be on the lookout for at their rental properties, and if I see them, I am to tow the everloving snot out of them.
The first one is a person who is way behind on their rent, but has told FL reality that they simply can't afford to pay them for their parking, so they'll just have to live with it.
The second person is not allowed because they've twice used fake permits (and been towed twice) in their lots. After the second tow, they realized they were going to need a REAL permit to scare off the tow truck, but, after being made a mockery of twice, FL reality decided they simply weren't going to sell this person a real permit, they used up their chance when they started committing FRAUD upon them. The gentleman in question swore, ranted, raved (oh yeah, THAT'LL make her change her mind) and then declared that he was going to just up and park there anyway since "You can't watch that lot ALL THE TIME!"
The third person bought a real permit for a real space at a real FL reality property, but then refused to use it. Instead, they started parking on the lawn. They were warned 3 times to knock that s*it off, but kept doing it. When they DID move, it was from there, to the marked FIRE LANE. The office called them in and told them that there seems to be a problem with said tenant finding his leased space, so they gave him a map of the lot with his space hi-lighted in yellow and told him that's where he's to park since he PAID for it. Oh no, the tenant says, he can't park there, there's cars on BOTH side of him, and his precious car might get DENTED so he's going to KEEP using the lawn/fire lane, and it shouldn't be a problem since he pays for a space.....
Yep, all three were told to stop, all three detailed their plans on defeating the hero, in detail, right in front of them, and then walked out to put the evil pan in motion.
Have you learned NOTHING from literally decades of James Bond movies, pulp comics and bad merchandise-driven superhero cartoons?
MONOLOGUING NEVER WORKS!
(and 2 of 3 were towed in, the 3rd guy hasn't been seen and I think he wised up and left town, or is currently being held for questioning by MI-5)
Do Not Poke Happy-Fun-Repo-Man
Johnny Ruckus goes down to a office tower's lot where they've noticed a car parking that is not one of their employees. Pretty bog-standard stuff. Of course, as soon as it's half-loaded, he hears the fearsome click-click of an approaching well-heeled woman who certainly doesn't like what's happening to her car. Ruckus informs her that it's $75
She objects (don't they all?)
"But I was just across the street at my doctor!"
Ruckus tells her it doesn't matter, she has no permit to be here or permission from the owners of the lot.
"But I'm IN THERAPY!"
Oh greaaaaaaaaaatttt........... that changes nothing. Ruckus tells her so.
"But I don't have any money!!!! All I have is $15" I hate, hate, HATE this irrelevant, guilt-tripping, special-pleading excuse, Ruckus, being ex-repo, hates it all the more.
Ruckus tells her that's not enough, obviously, and that he will have to tow the car if she can't pay for the drop. She whips out a cellphone and dials someone.
"Here! My HUSBAND wants to talk to you"
Ruckus refuses, "I have nothing to say to him I haven't already told you"
She takes back the phone "Sorry, he's being an asshole"
Like saying "Niagra Falls" to the wrong person, this causes Jekyll Ruckus to go full on Hyde-Ruckus and become an ass for REAL to show you how good you had it, and, like oxygen, you don't appreciate it fully until it's gone.
"No, I'm not being an ass, I'm doing my job, as I'm required to tow cars from this lot that don't have permits, since you have none, and have refused to pay, you can pick this one up at our garage, where it will be $130 per the Borough regulations, have a nice day, and get out of the way as I leave or you'll be arrested for disorderly conduct, or run over, your choice."
And with that he pulls out, Therapy-woman half-heartedly chasing after him waving her phone: "My husband says' he'll beat you up! He's going to come by your work and beat you ALL up! Including your boss!!!!'' (really? Can he go first? We'd like to be conscious to see that happen!)
Anyway, a couple hours later, a guy who looks like he'd weigh about 100 pounds soaking wet, if carrying a boat anchor, comes into the lot to pick up a car. What car? why the one Rucks towed. Oh joy, and Ruckus is the one who drew the short straw and ended up closest to the paperwork stack. So he's the one who hands who he (correctly) assumes is rock-em-sock-em-hubby the papers and tells him it will be $130.
Hubs stares at the papers, "Which one of you is driver 104?!"
Naturally, we don't sign our papers with our names, no sense in inviting doom, unless you're Ruckus, who revels in it.
"That's me" he says before any of us can jump in
"So" Hubby says straightening up, "You're the one who was giving my wife a hard time?"
"Actually I was doing my job, she was the one who gave me a hard time by calling me names for no reason. I assume you're the one who wants to beat us all up? By the way, that's Terroristic Threats, a D Felony, you're looking at 30 days jail time if you follow through on that, but hey, I won't press charges if you won't" Rucks reaches over to the time clock and inserts his punch card "I'm off the clock, so if you want to go, lets go right now"
Hubby kinda retreats a bit and says he'll just pay.
Ah, Ruckus being Ruckus, solves so many problems. I wouldn't recommend testing him myself, but when some does it, it's a sight to behold. (and you expected less from a guy who has a cellphone with an "incoming call" ringtone that's set to a semi truck "jake" brake?)
I H8 the SK8 and Won't Negoti8
Why do you have to leave?
Well, lets take it from the top, shall we?
One: None of those 4 cars, which I assume belong to you and your buddies, have permits. And you didn't listen to the signs that say so. That's vehicular trespass.
Two: None of you live in this building, as it's a student rental property, and you all look to have a median age of about 17, that's regular trespassing.
Three: Skateboarding is prohibited on this property, to EVERYONE, but you didn't listen to those signs either, probably because "prohibited" is too big and confusing a word for you. That's lease violation.
Four: Those various skateboard obstacles you put up, the ramps, the sofa, the grind pipe, etc. Those are blocking in various vehicles from leaving their spaces, or coming to use open ones. Now you're just annoying me.
So you can pack up and leave now, or I call the cops and they make you do the same under threat of things much worse than I can do to you. You do realize you're pulling these stunts (literally and figuratively) right across the street from the police department, right? I mean, I can see the parking lot full of black and whites from here.
How about you get going? Huh?
Stop asking why and start packing up, you guys fall on your heads too much? Shocker that you aren't wearing pads or helmets. Wouldn't rule it out. Yes, I"m still here, stare all you want, won't make me change my mind. What's wrong here? Can't speak english? C'mon, Amscray!
Why? I already told you why, but at least you're packing up your mobile SK8 park as you continue whining. And just as I suspected, it all broke down and went in those 4 vehicles..... and left.
To ANOTHER lot three blocks away, where I found them later, and had the EXACT same conversation, exact same whining and exact same reasons for evicting them from there too.
Either they didn't remember me, or they're just that bad at cause and effect or they really HAVE fallen on their heads that much.
Well, final score for today Argabarga: 2 Radical Skaters: 0
Thieves! Lowlifes! Scum! So, Discount?
This all started when Junior got hisself' towed. Or, more like, he got his Ford Explorer towed. Because he parked it in a lot he didn't have a permit for, go figure.
Well, it didn't take long for the angry phone call to come in. There's apparently been some kind of "mistake" on our part, because he was towed from a place where he's ALLOWED to park.
We inform him that he's mistaken, the lot he got towed from belongs to Global Domination Reality, and you need a GDR permit to park there, which his vehicle doesn't have now, and didn't have 15 minutes ago.
He objects, he can park there, because, he's parked there before and never got towed, and besides, his lot, which he admits is across the street, was full.
We inform him that he cannot park on another person's property without permits, and if his lot is full, that's the breaks, and by the way, according to our records, his SUV has been in GDR's lot at least 3 times, because they've called it in to us to tow it, but it's always gone when we get there.
He whines and whinges a bit about how "unfair" this all is.
We inform Junior that he owes us $130
THis isn't the answer he wanted to hear because he hangs up, and 5 minutes later, now his DAD is on the line. Way to go, Junior, nothing says responsible mature citizen like encountering problems and deciding the correct course of action is to call in chopper support from helicopter Dad. And even worse, HE heeded the call to action, at , 11PM on a Friday.......
And Heli-Dad is even MORE upset! He calls in with guns-a-blazing and a full volley of rockets direct onto our position all to the tune of Ride of the Valkyries. How dare we tow HIS son from HIS parking space that HE pays money for?
We inform Dad that Junior missed his home space, was in fact in someone else's space, and that's why he was towed.
"And just HOW do I know that?" Dad asks
Ex-squeeze us? Huh?
"You SAY that's why he was towed, but how do I know you're telling the truth?!"
Well, you don't, really. Just like you don't know if there's a crazed hockey mask-wearing killer with a machete sneaking up behind you right now but OH GOD DON'T TURN AROUND HE HATES THAT AND IT JUSTMAKESITWORSE!!!! See? Nothing there.... didn't know until you looked, because NOW HE'S COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE!!!! Ha ha
I kid....It's one of those things you've just got to have faith in, if you're going to go through life not permanently spraying machinegun fire around blindly at every shadow and bush and murdering everyone you meet, just to be safe and insure they weren't plotting against you..... by the way, the textbook definition of that is paranoia, and it ain't pretty.
Well, Dad is STILL sure we're in the wrong, and tells us he's coming in to pay. While we wait, we pull up Google Maps, get an aerial view of the neighborhood and stick two virtual pins on it, the lot where he SHOULD have parked, and the lot where he DID park and are ready to show him that the lots are, in fact, separate and on opposite sides of the street.
Alas, by the time he came in, he had expended his ordinance and was in grumbling trapped-animal, begrudging discipline mode. He'd gone over to the scene of the crime and asked his son to show him EXACTLY where he parked, and, lo and behold, it WAS on the other side of the street, just like we told him it was, funny that, so, how about we cut his kid a break?
Ex-squeeze us again? huh?
Yeah, he's a poor college kid, just made a mistake, and, well, what was he supposed to do? His lot was full, he had to park somewhere, can't we, ya know, just let him go?
Hmmm, compelling story.
But
How do we KNOW IT'S TRUE? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Payback's a not-so-nice-lady, ain't it? $130! Per Borough Law Cha-Ching
More Crookery!
Slim is sent out to remove an illegal from the Fire Lane at Nichols Place. People have a hard time understanding that when delivering their friend's groceries, they cannot park in this apartment's lot w/o a permit, and they CERTAINLY cannot park IN THE MARKED FIRE LANE for the building, which is a paved area RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR that for obvious reasons, cannot be blocked.
Well, Slim gets about halfway through loading when the owner comes out and strenuously objects to her being towed for parking in a marked fire lane in a lot that's marked as off limits to start with, because, like, well, how was SHE supposed to know?
Slim tells her it's $75
Lady explodes, in her opinion, Slim having lifted up the rear of her car is NOT $75 worth of work, so she won't be paying.
Slim informs her that the Borough considers it such, and if he keeps going, he will have done $130 worth of work, again, according to the law, so she better pay now if she has a firm grasp of basic economics.
Then, like a mating ritual amongst funny colored birds, they get to the dancing about who makes the first move.
-Put it down and I'll pay
-No, pay, and I put it down
-No! put it down and THEN I'll pay!
-No! PAY! And then I'll put it down...
et cetera, ad nauseum, ad infinitum, Road Runner: Accelleratis Incredibilis
Finally, she gets it through her head that she's going to have to pay first, and grumbles a bit as she pulls some $20s out of her purse. Slim goes to accept them, but, at the last moment, she pulls them back.
"No, I don't trust you, you might steal those. I'm paying with credit card"
So, let me get this straight.... you refuse to pay our driver cash, tangible property that can only be possessed and used by us once...the instant you give it to us, on the grounds we might be crooks. But, you'll gladly give us your credit card, the numbers on which can, if we were to hypothetically do so, be used to buy virtually unlimited goods and services until your built-in limit is exceeded or someone at your bank notices while you may be states away blissfully unaware.... apparently THAT is perfectly fine and preferable as opposed to handing physical cash to, hypothetical crooks?
I don't follow that logic...
I'm not sure I COULD follow THAT logic.
I couldn't follow that logic if it were GPS equipped and stuck only to major roadways
And, to make it even better, the fact they were standing under an entranceway meant the tablet had a lousy connection and had to try three times before the card went through the internet tubes and was approved....
Have Fun Counting Your Money!!!
One of our drivers forgot, upon processing a car out of impound, to include the parking ticket that was attached to it. The error wasn't caught until the person had already left the premises.
I HATE when this happens, because now we have to play phone/mail tag with said person to get that extra $15 fine off the books.
Due to some legal minutiae that would bore everyone here to tears if I were to explain it all away, we can't charge that ticket to their CC even if they paid for the tow with one, and we can't compel them to pay it with threat of criminal charges like how you can charge the dope who drives off the back of your truck with theft of services, since they did pay for the tow, and, legally, the ticket doesn't count as PART of the tow if you don't inform the customer of it at the time... kinda... it's complicated and I'm starting to get a migraine, so suffice it to say, if you miss it, the only way to get payment on it is to either drag the person back into civil court (not worth $15) or just pester them via collections until they pay. (worth at least a couple tries, but ultimately not worth it for, again $15).
That's what we did here.
We sent the gentleman a letter admitting that due to an error on our part, we forgot about that ticket, and we are certainly not going to add any late charges or anything, but, we would like the $15 he owed and otherwise, we COULD sic collections on him. (That won't happen for $15, but he doesn't know that) Figured for the cost of a stamp, it might be worth it. If he doesn't respond, it's worth another try, if he still doesn't, well, we gave it the ol' college try.
Well, a couple days later, we got a letter, well, more like a package, had to go down to the post office and pick it up because it wouldn't fit through the mail slot and the mailman instead left an "oversized load" warning.
It was a manila envelope,
Inside of which was a large mailing envelope....
Inside of which was a medium mailing envelope....
Inside of which was a small mailing envelope...
Inside of which was a wad of packing tape....
Inside of which was $15.... in pennies it took us 10 minutes to cut free and sort out...
And a note to "enjoy our f*CKING payment!"
Oh we will Sir, we will. Nothing warms our hearts like getting PAID what we're OWED.
The fact you did all that meant the final package had roughly the same diameter as a billiard ball (hence not fitting in our mail slot) AND also cost you $3 in postage to send, when $15 in a flat envelope costs a single first-class stamp, less than fifty cents. Well, I can only conclude winning against Da Man (tm) is a privilege worth PAYING for.
How Do You Know??? Part 2
Guy is nabbed by yours truly, for being in a lot he needs a permit for. Which he thought was optional. The usual excuses are wasted, he was only there for 4 microseconds (too bad I work at light speed huh?) and he was going to move (unless you're abandoning the car, that's a foregone conclusion) and this is sooooooo unfair because there's OTHER cars in the lot that DON'T have permits. (sigh, not THAT again)
Usually, I'm not in the mood to argue with people like this. But, it was a slow day, the weather was nice, and there were only 5 other cars in the lot, so, heck, why not add a little humiliation for once? What was the code for that again? Up, up, left, left, back, high-kick.... ah, got it!
"Okay" I tell him "Show me where they are"
We go over to car number one, hanging from it's mirror is a large green/white tag that says "Global Domination Reality" and under it in sharpie, is the license plate of the car.
We go over to car number two, hanging from it's mirror is a large green/white tag that says "Global Domination Reality" and under it in sharpie, is the license plate of the car
We go over to car number three, hanging from it's mirror is a large green/white tag that says "Global Domination Reality" and under it in sharpie, is the license plate of the car
We go over to car number four, bublitz chorb naxhal slish (just seeing if you're paying attention, and why spellcheck didn't flag "bublitz"? That's odd..) Ahem, anyway... hanging from it's mirror is a large green/white tag that says "Global Domination Reality" and under it in sharpie, is the license plate of the car
"Sorry", I tell him, "but everyone here has a permit except you".
He looks me right in the eye and asks, "How do you know?!"
Because the PERMITS are HANGING from the MIRRORS in plain SIGHT. I can SEE them. I still don't think he understood, but he at least accepted he wasn't leaving without financial penalty.
What I really want to know is the Thermos bottle, it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold, how does IT know?!
Mind Blown
About an hour later, I find myself back in the same lot.
Another person has decided to test that "no permit" rule
ANd they put on their 4-way flashers, meaning they want me to grade their work RIGHT AWAY!
Naturally, they don't think the "F" I gave them was fair, as they come running, waving their hands and telling me they can't possibly be towed.
"You don't have a permit for here" I tell them
"Yeah, I have my 4 ways on, can't you see?!"
"Those don't mean anything"
"Yes they do! You can't tow me if they're on, that's the law!"
"No such law exists"
"WHAT?!"
"There is no such law, illegal parking is illegal, on or off, flasher don't matter, as soon as you step out of the car, it's towable"
"..."
"..."
"..."
Uh oh, I think I broke him..... collapsed his entire worldview and soul into a hypothetical, infinitely-small, singularity, in fact, I think I just heard his very life's essence being crushed..... sounded like a Freightliner backing over a tin can..... sounded pretty nice, actually.
MIND BLOWN, AGAIN
While I'm dealing with Mr mind-blower above, another person notices the fracas and wanders over, with a question.
"Hey, I got towed here last week"
"Uh hmmm...."
"And, well, I was just wondering, is there anything you can do about that?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, like, what do I do about that?"
"Don't park here"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"............. oh"
Sometimes, the arguments I get foisted upon me aren't worth the compressed nitrogen and oxygen particles they're riding on.
Oh, did I say "sometimes" I meant to say "ALL THE FRACKING TIME"
An Offer we Apparently, Couldn't Refuse
The season has finally finished turning around here, and the last of the snow piles have melted away. For those not aquainted with PA weather, this means we've officialy gone from "Still Winter" to "Construction"
The combination of all the snowmelt, AND the spring thunderstorms means that it wasn't until just this last Friday that your average lawn got dry enough to walk across blindfolded and not assume you were trodding on a very large kitchen sponge.
In other words, any road that wasn't paved was a mess.
So it shouldn't be a surprise that when a call came in for a winch out at the 2500 block of Big Bear Road, we politely declined. This is an unpaved, unincorporated, unmaintained 1.23 lane gravel/dirt road that twists up into the mountains where a couple people have hunting cabins. This has "disaster" written all over it.
It will be 1 hour (30 out 30 back) in drive time alone, plus God-knows-how-long once we start the pulling and tugging. And at our winch rates, we will maybe, MAYBE see $20 profit when it's all said and done. Assuming we don't end up pulling our truck off the road and require ANOTHER truck to come out and rescue the both of us, at which point any meager profit becomes red-ink loss very quick.
Hence, We politely decline the call as out-of-area.
The caller, goes totally apes*it.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT???? You CAN'T refuse this call! I KNOW MR. OLD OWNER! AND HE SAID THEY COULD GET A TOW FROM HIM ANYTIME THEY NEEDED IT! WE CANNOT REFUSE!
Probably true, Mr. Old Owner was a big time hunter, so it probably IS one of the hunting-cabin people, and it's not out of the realm of possible that Mr. Old Owner does know them and did tell them that once upon a time. But, things are not so cut and dry. (Especially not dry) even if he was still in charge, which he isn't.
We inform them that we don't have the manpower or, frankly, the desire to perform that service as we consider such a call out-of-area when we have more pressing (and profitable) tows locally, and, Mr New Owner has decided, after one-too-many of these forays back into the woods resulted in lost man hours and truck damages, that we just aren't going to do them anymore.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??? Are we DEAF or something? The caller is OUR CUSTOMER! THEY KNOW MR. OLD OWNER!!! And if we DON'T come out they're going to CALL MR. OWNER and get us ALL FIRED for INSUBORDINATION!!!!!
We politely inform them that "Mr. Owner" sold his, ahem, ownership of Friendly Neighborhood Towing to "Mr. New Owner" going on 3 years ago. And, that Mr. New Owner does not consider Big Bear Road part of our service area. Note they never asked about pricing either, which leads me to believe that they thought not only would we come out there and get them unstuck, but they were probably expecting it to be a courtesy call, 100% free...
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??? They're going to TALK TO MR. OLD OWNER and we are GOING TO BE SORRY for treating a customer so POORLY!!!!!! We will all be LOOKING FOR NEW JOBS!!!!! YESTERDAY!!!!ELVENTY!!!!!!
Yeah, we're quaking in our boots over here about that threat....
Oh wait, no we aren't, that's quaking because we're trying hard not to laugh until we've hung up the phone and spared your precious ego the additional scars of trying to call in favors from the Old Generalissimo when his regime has CLEARLY been overthrown and they've removed his face from the currency, the archival photos and even taken down his statues from all the traffic roundabouts.
Adios! *click*
Might as well complain to the Carter, Bush and Reagan administrations while you're at it pal, and the Czechoslovakian Consulate, and the Commissioner of the USFL, and the CEO of Hudson Automobile. Better do it quick, or you'll miss that 3am autogyro flight to the Dutch Congo.
No Mr. Bond, I Expect you to PARK!
Got a call from the secretary down at Fuzzy Logic Reality. She'd like me to come down and pick up a "hot sheet" of three cars she'd like me to be on the lookout for at their rental properties, and if I see them, I am to tow the everloving snot out of them.
The first one is a person who is way behind on their rent, but has told FL reality that they simply can't afford to pay them for their parking, so they'll just have to live with it.
The second person is not allowed because they've twice used fake permits (and been towed twice) in their lots. After the second tow, they realized they were going to need a REAL permit to scare off the tow truck, but, after being made a mockery of twice, FL reality decided they simply weren't going to sell this person a real permit, they used up their chance when they started committing FRAUD upon them. The gentleman in question swore, ranted, raved (oh yeah, THAT'LL make her change her mind) and then declared that he was going to just up and park there anyway since "You can't watch that lot ALL THE TIME!"
The third person bought a real permit for a real space at a real FL reality property, but then refused to use it. Instead, they started parking on the lawn. They were warned 3 times to knock that s*it off, but kept doing it. When they DID move, it was from there, to the marked FIRE LANE. The office called them in and told them that there seems to be a problem with said tenant finding his leased space, so they gave him a map of the lot with his space hi-lighted in yellow and told him that's where he's to park since he PAID for it. Oh no, the tenant says, he can't park there, there's cars on BOTH side of him, and his precious car might get DENTED
so he's going to KEEP using the lawn/fire lane, and it shouldn't be a problem since he pays for a space.....Yep, all three were told to stop, all three detailed their plans on defeating the hero, in detail, right in front of them, and then walked out to put the evil pan in motion.
Have you learned NOTHING from literally decades of James Bond movies, pulp comics and bad merchandise-driven superhero cartoons?
MONOLOGUING NEVER WORKS!
(and 2 of 3 were towed in, the 3rd guy hasn't been seen and I think he wised up and left town, or is currently being held for questioning by MI-5)
Do Not Poke Happy-Fun-Repo-Man
Johnny Ruckus goes down to a office tower's lot where they've noticed a car parking that is not one of their employees. Pretty bog-standard stuff. Of course, as soon as it's half-loaded, he hears the fearsome click-click of an approaching well-heeled woman who certainly doesn't like what's happening to her car. Ruckus informs her that it's $75
She objects (don't they all?)
"But I was just across the street at my doctor!"
Ruckus tells her it doesn't matter, she has no permit to be here or permission from the owners of the lot.
"But I'm IN THERAPY!"
Oh greaaaaaaaaaatttt........... that changes nothing. Ruckus tells her so.
"But I don't have any money!!!! All I have is $15" I hate, hate, HATE this irrelevant, guilt-tripping, special-pleading excuse, Ruckus, being ex-repo, hates it all the more.
Ruckus tells her that's not enough, obviously, and that he will have to tow the car if she can't pay for the drop. She whips out a cellphone and dials someone.
"Here! My HUSBAND wants to talk to you"
Ruckus refuses, "I have nothing to say to him I haven't already told you"
She takes back the phone "Sorry, he's being an asshole"
Like saying "Niagra Falls" to the wrong person, this causes Jekyll Ruckus to go full on Hyde-Ruckus and become an ass for REAL to show you how good you had it, and, like oxygen, you don't appreciate it fully until it's gone.
"No, I'm not being an ass, I'm doing my job, as I'm required to tow cars from this lot that don't have permits, since you have none, and have refused to pay, you can pick this one up at our garage, where it will be $130 per the Borough regulations, have a nice day, and get out of the way as I leave or you'll be arrested for disorderly conduct, or run over, your choice."
And with that he pulls out, Therapy-woman half-heartedly chasing after him waving her phone: "My husband says' he'll beat you up! He's going to come by your work and beat you ALL up! Including your boss!!!!'' (really? Can he go first? We'd like to be conscious to see that happen!)
Anyway, a couple hours later, a guy who looks like he'd weigh about 100 pounds soaking wet, if carrying a boat anchor, comes into the lot to pick up a car. What car? why the one Rucks towed. Oh joy, and Ruckus is the one who drew the short straw and ended up closest to the paperwork stack. So he's the one who hands who he (correctly) assumes is rock-em-sock-em-hubby the papers and tells him it will be $130.
Hubs stares at the papers, "Which one of you is driver 104?!"
Naturally, we don't sign our papers with our names, no sense in inviting doom, unless you're Ruckus, who revels in it.
"That's me" he says before any of us can jump in
"So" Hubby says straightening up, "You're the one who was giving my wife a hard time?"
"Actually I was doing my job, she was the one who gave me a hard time by calling me names for no reason. I assume you're the one who wants to beat us all up? By the way, that's Terroristic Threats, a D Felony, you're looking at 30 days jail time if you follow through on that, but hey, I won't press charges if you won't" Rucks reaches over to the time clock and inserts his punch card "I'm off the clock, so if you want to go, lets go right now"
Hubby kinda retreats a bit and says he'll just pay.
Ah, Ruckus being Ruckus, solves so many problems. I wouldn't recommend testing him myself, but when some does it, it's a sight to behold. (and you expected less from a guy who has a cellphone with an "incoming call" ringtone that's set to a semi truck "jake" brake?
)I H8 the SK8 and Won't Negoti8
Why do you have to leave?
Well, lets take it from the top, shall we?
One: None of those 4 cars, which I assume belong to you and your buddies, have permits. And you didn't listen to the signs that say so. That's vehicular trespass.
Two: None of you live in this building, as it's a student rental property, and you all look to have a median age of about 17, that's regular trespassing.
Three: Skateboarding is prohibited on this property, to EVERYONE, but you didn't listen to those signs either, probably because "prohibited" is too big and confusing a word for you. That's lease violation.
Four: Those various skateboard obstacles you put up, the ramps, the sofa, the grind pipe, etc. Those are blocking in various vehicles from leaving their spaces, or coming to use open ones. Now you're just annoying me.
So you can pack up and leave now, or I call the cops and they make you do the same under threat of things much worse than I can do to you. You do realize you're pulling these stunts (literally and figuratively) right across the street from the police department, right? I mean, I can see the parking lot full of black and whites from here.
How about you get going? Huh?
Stop asking why and start packing up, you guys fall on your heads too much? Shocker that you aren't wearing pads or helmets. Wouldn't rule it out. Yes, I"m still here, stare all you want, won't make me change my mind. What's wrong here? Can't speak english? C'mon, Amscray!
Why? I already told you why, but at least you're packing up your mobile SK8 park as you continue whining. And just as I suspected, it all broke down and went in those 4 vehicles..... and left.
To ANOTHER lot three blocks away, where I found them later, and had the EXACT same conversation, exact same whining and exact same reasons for evicting them from there too.
Either they didn't remember me, or they're just that bad at cause and effect or they really HAVE fallen on their heads that much.
Well, final score for today Argabarga: 2 Radical Skaters: 0
Comment